Swirls of Black and Blue
by Azyth
Summary: Bruised on her heart and soul, Saph knew how to fight dirty to survive. She only lived to find her brother, but priorities changed upon the arrival of Levi. Saph learned and lost until she was willing to sacrifice anything to protect humanity's strongest soldier. People may now call her monster, but her hands had never been clean to begin with.
1. Chapter 1

**Here is the revised version of Ch. 1! I hope old readers like the changes, and all new readers enjoy the story. Please leave a comment or criticism!**

Saph's PoV

"We're different," my younger brother commented. Suzu pushed some of his dirty brown hair back from his eyes as he peered at the people walking below us. Straining to see what differences there were between us, I could only squint in the darkness of the Underground city. In all honesty, I couldn't make out any anything else.

I would never tell him that. "Of course we are." Trying to think of examples, I leaned forward to get a better look at them. It was a moment to prove that his big sister knew what she was talking about.

He sighed as if I had somehow disappointed him. "I don't just mean different, Saph, I mean better."

Filthy. Disgusting. Rat infested tunnels. Corpses, spread unevenly in the darkest corners of the streets. Maybe we were different with how we weren't dead. Saying we were better though, was a stretch. Both of our stomachs were carved in with hunger like the rest of the residents of this place. The only people who were better were the wealthy merchants who only came down here to deal in the black market.

I may have been the older sibling by roughly three years, but I still wasn't capable of feeding either of us regularly. It was only luck that got us by. Scraps fallen off of wagons, a fight in the market leading to me taking something that would go by unnoticed. It wasn't just adults that we had to worry about, there were other kids in the Underground too. With me being around ten years old and Suzu only seven, I had taken it upon myself to find anything that would give us an extra boost in surviving. Crawl spaces just big enough for a child to fit into, the few and far between people who took pity on children. Those were our advantages, and we had to make use of them.

"If we were better we would have food in our tummies," I sniffed. My complaint wasn't directed towards Suzu. It was a reminder to myself that I could do better. That instead of sitting here, I could be out hunting. Waiting until Suzu was asleep was just so I could excuse my cowardice. He would object to me acting like a criminal because of his dream to go to the surface one day. You couldn't leave the Underground if you had starved to death though.

"We weren't born to live in a place like this," Suzu growled ignoring me, "we should have a better life than this. It's only because the Titans ate our parents on that expedition that we ended up here. I'm going to join the Military Police and get the luxuries that I deserve."

While I didn't say anything, I wondered if I would be allowed to live with him. We had always been together since his birth and it was a scary to think of him not being there. I would be all alone in this terrible world if I didn't have Suzu. Not only had we lost our parents to Titans years ago, unable to pay for our house and with no relatives to take us in, we got kicked out onto the streets. Like everyone who had no home to go to, we found ourselves in the Underground.

"Why don't you join the Scouting Legion like mom and dad?" I asked, softly. Trying not to anger him, I tried to appear uninterested in his answer. Fingers digging into the deep grooves of the brick, I lazily traced a flower. One petal. Two petals. Three petals.

Suzu's usually gentle brown eyes hardened at the mention of our parents. "They abandoned us, Saph, why would I want to be like them? If they had cared about us at all, they wouldn't have fought a losing battle. Besides only the top ten can get into the Military Police, those guys are the best of the best."

And the best of the best are the good guys, Suzu liked to remind me whenever I mentioned doing something illegal. If Suzu became a criminal then the Military Police wouldn't accept him. Even if we did get enough money to get out of here, a criminal record would make it almost impossible to enlist into the military. Not wanting to destroy his dream, I readily accepted the dirty work like the big sister I should be. As long as my little brother could get out of here and live a happy life, I would accept the burden of surviving down here. That was my job, and as long as Suzu was with me, I would endure it without complaint.

"Suzu, I'm tired," I yawned, rubbing my eyes exaggeratedly. Night time was almost upon us and I needed to get to work soon. While you couldn't tell the difference since it was always dark in here, people still preferred to sleep as if they lived above. This was the perfect time to get some coin or food, being small and fast became an even bigger advantage when you are almost impossible to spot in the dark. However, Suzu didn't need to know about my nightly activities.

Unaware of my intentions, Suzu leaped off of the building. "Since you're tired, I guess we should get going then," he teased. All toughness gone from his exterior as he held out his two hands. "Jump and I will catch you."

Our heights were almost the same, so I was worried about colliding into him and having him fall.

"That's okay."

Wiggling his fingers at me, Suzu laughed. "Are you too scared?"

Of course I had to prove that I wasn't scared! Bracing myself, I leapt off the building and into his arms. "Nope. I was just worried that you were too weak to catch me!"

Suzu held up some of my sweaty strands. "Did you cut it last night? You look like a boy now."

"Does it look bad?" I asked feeling self conscious.

Suzu stared at the crown of my head with his nose wrinkled in thought. "No. It just looks weird." It must look bad, I thought to myself. I guess I should grow it out again. Some girls relied on there looks to make do, but no guy had ever made advances towards me. It didn't bother me to much since that wasn't an easy way to live even if you were in one of the whore houses. Enough women died because there was no guarantee that the man was going to pay them after the deed.

My big toe ached as I kicked rock after rock. Suzu's always seemed to roll right past mine until the stones almost touched. As I sent another flying, I felt a sting. Guess I had broken my nail. Even though I stopped participating, Suzu continued to dig them up from underneath the dirt. If his feet couldn't do the job, he would bend down and use his tiny fingers. We always seemed to do this as we headed home after wandering around for the day.

Home had become a small alcove hidden behind some discarded boxes. We had to crawl to get into it, but the alcove was big enough for a few to sleep in without worrying about kicking the other. Suzu and I could stand on each other shoulders and not have to be scared about touching the ceiling. Both of us were pretty tall for our age and it seemed that even with the scarcity of food, we just kept on growing. Our skin seemed to stretch over our bones making it easy to count how many ribs we had. One rib. Two ribs. Three ribs.

"Did you find a job today?" I asked when we got into our sleeping spot. Crafty nobles bent by lack of morals and driven by greed were the poors main resource for living. One could sometimes find a job to help them out with the black market and the exchanging of goods. Few work was honest, didn't mean Suzu gave up easily.

Suzu pulled a coin out of his torn up pants pocket. "See," he said, "I got this for loading and unloading a merchant's cart."

"That's good." Those had probably been stolen goods, but I didn't need to tell him that. I pulled some blankets over myself. They weren't soft like the ones we had back home. Bloody stains were everywhere on them, but it was okay. Suzu and I would freeze to death in the winter if we didn't have them. It was hard finding anything since nobody shared. Everybody was worried about the disease the dead guy might have carried, so I didn't have to fight for them. It's not stealing since corpses don't need to be warm.

Growling in unison, our stomachs made it clear to us that we were going to bed hungry tonight.

"Hopefully, we will find something to eat tomorrow" I yawned, trying to be optimistic.

Beside me, Suzu patted my head gently. "Of course we will."

Only a few minutes passed by until Suzu became dead to the world. Didn't matter if he was hungry, Suzu wouldn't wake up unless you tickled or kicked him. Snores echoing behind me, the blankets rustled as I slipped out of them. I gave one last look at his relaxed, sleeping face before getting on my knees and crawling through the opening.

My limbs comfortably twisted and maneuvered the rooftops of the buildings. There was no hesitation as I flew. Each step was taken with confidence that there would be solid ground underneath it. Maneuvering up onto the rooftops of the run down buildings had become a simple task. Years of training my muscles to do exactly what I want wasn't only benefitting for me, but necessary. Boards creaked underneath my weight, the sound groaning like the dying below me.

Suzu and I had been like that in the beginning. All of our clothes had been stolen the moment we had been forced down here. Men with bats and knives had yanked at the last reminder of our old home. The sweet smell of flowers imbedded in the fabric soon disappeared as desperation burrowed into our bones. An old lady with overgrown nails had scratched at my eye as she took my hat. The edge of it had scraped my cheek, mixing blood with snot and tears. Only after we had nothing else to offer were we left near the stairs that led upwards. Nothing had been broken, but I still had dragged my almost naked body to where Suzu lay. During the scuffle, someone had thrown him into a puddle of piss making him reek. He had only whimpered softly as I approached. Too scared to move, he only lied there, soaking in the waste.

I never want him to experience that again. Now I was the predator preying on obese nobles wandering the streets in their fancy clothes and jewels. Quick fingers and a quicker mind was what a pick pocketer needed to have. Settling in comfortably into one of my favorite look out spots, I awaited for someone who was overflowing with wealth.

Hours went by. Everyone who had passed underneath me had either been either too skinny or too paranoid. Arrogant fools were what I needed. Rich, overconfident, and foolish pigs dressed as if they weren't walking in a breathing graveyard. My body was beginning to get weary from the tension and anxiety, pulling it taunt. Maybe tonight was just not my night. The thought of giving up traveled through my mind for a second before I saw a richly dressed, plump man sweating fiercely. Dark blotches of sweat were forming underneath his arms. Wherever the man was going, he had been at it for awhile.

He weaved his way through the street. Too decadent. Too focused on his task at hand. Probably wouldn't mind me sneaking a few spare coins from his coat pocket. Easing in with the shadows, I began to tail my prey. Although the man was clearly out of shape, he was going fast enough that I had to concentrate on not being spotted while I followed.

"You must be running out of breath soon," I hissed. He couldn't keep this pace up for much longer, his step were becoming unsteady and the pig seemed on the verge of collapsing. As if answering my demand, the man ducked into an alley. With only the few scattered lights from lamps inside houses permeating the underground, I saw him sitting down on a box taking a breather.

I could easily outmatch this man in terms of physical strength, but he was still the one who was living a good life. The bastard probably never had to worry about food or shelter. Never had to think of how he was going to get his sibling and him to survive the next day.

Weariness reflected in his features as he panted, making me confident that I had time to get down from my vantage point. Concentrating, I scaled the walls to get on top of the building across from the one I had been on originally. Tip toeing across the roof, I focused on a wooden crate that would easily conceal me as I plucked money from his overstuffed purse. Whinnies and commands filled my ears as a horse drawn carriage passed near by. Too late did I realize that while I was focused on sliding down the wall unseen, did my prey get up and started running again, but I was in luck. Another man had taken his place.

This one was dressed in rich black coat that matched the hat on his head. The rim of it was dipped low enough that I couldn't see his face nor where he was looking. Maybe I could just quickly steal from him. Maybe we wouldn't have to go hungry tomorrow night. Maybe Suzu won't look so sad if he has a full belly. I reached into the pocket of his black trench coat.

Desperation had been my downfall. I hadn't realized his slitted eyes had already spotted me even before I had gotten into position. He moved so fast that I only realized I had been caught was when an unbearable amount of pressure was applied to my wrist. Instinct took over, and I tried to wrench my hand away and flee. His vice-like grip only tightened as I futilely resisted.

"What do we have here? A lowly pickpocketer?" My feet lifelessly dangled in the air as he held me up to inspect me as if I weighed nothing. "A piece of scum none the less." Swinging me up high, he let go at the last moment so my back smacked into the wall.

Get up. Get up. I cried to my body which was immobile with fear and pain. You are dead if you stay on the ground. You have to run away! The man casually walked over as if this was an everyday occurrence for him. Who knows, it could be since the Underground was filled with people who took enjoyment in torturing a child. I hoped that pain was all I would receive instead of death. Nobody would be there to care for Suzu if I didn't survive.

Over and over, I kicked out. Each leg stretching to it's full length to send my bare foot into his legs. All I needed was a second to catch my breath so I could run away. Easily, he stepped over my efforts and sent a black boot flying into my stomach making me double over in agonizing pain. Curling up into a ball, I tried protect my head and neck as I begged him to stop. More blows were rained onto me. Each intended to hurt not to kill. No one would come even if I shouted for help, so instead I offered anything I could think of to spare my life. .Another kick sent my head snapping up as my chin throbbed.

"This is boring. I thought you would put up a bigger fight," he noted in a monotone voice.

Another figure appeared a little hazily into the corner of my vision. Terrified that he would join in with the other and punish me, I braced for a new onslaught from this stranger. Instead of joining the trench coat man, he simply gave me a scathing look before turning to his partner. "Kenny. I can see you are having a ton of fun out here beating up a child, but we need to get going."

Kenny glared at the man. I wondered if the man had spoken out of some compassion for my situation or they really had to go somewhere. I didn't care as long as Kenny left. Wrinkling up his nose, he spit on me. "Fine. Let's get going." They left my crumpled body in the dirt. Clouds of dust filled my nostrils as I took in a labored breath. A sneeze left me trembling as I prepared myself for more agony. Lifting my foot off the ground was impossible much less walking back to where Suzu laid. Dragging myself into a corner and away from any prying eyes, I let my consciousness fade. My body and mind needed just a moment to recover.

A few hours had passed since I was thoroughly beaten. The only thing I wanted to do was to go back to my brother's side and whisk away to a place without the pain bearing down on me. I wanted to pretend this whole experience had just been one long nightmare. I staggered and fell a few times, but eventually, I was able to stumble towards the general direction of home. Any person who was rushing by could have easily knocked me over. A smack of colliding shoulders would be all that was needed to send me reeling.

The confidence in my ability had been shattered by that one man. A newfound conviction burned within me. I was going to train longer and harder from now on. Never again would I be that helpless.

Oddly, Suzu wasn't inside when I collapsed onto the makeshift bed composing of rags. Exhausted, I didn't have the energy to contemplate where he might have run off to. The boy probably just went out to pee or something. Who knows, he might have woken up early to find an honest job. The day merged into night without me noticing, and only my ragged breathing continued to penetrate the cold stone walls. Drifting in and out, I hadn't come upon the realization that Suzu have still not arrived home.

"Suzu?" I groaned once again as I roughly rubbed at my eyes. Sighing heavily as I realized that my brother wasn't in the bed next to mine. He must have gone out to get food or seek revenge. There really wasn't any other option. It was difficult to stand up since my legs were so wobbly. Aching all over, I had to resist the urge to just collapse into my makeshift bed again. No. My little brother might need him, I had to go out and look for him.

Peeling off my blemished clothing, I scrounged up a shirt that was looser than the one I was wearing. It wasn't clean, but nothing down here was. The thin fabric brushed against my side, unlike the constant pressure from the other one. Raking my fingers through my messed up curls, I headed out.

I headed to the marketplace of course. The majority of the jobs could be found there since anyone who wanted to hire someone usually hung around there looking for cheap labor. Not seeing him darting around, I left. My heart began to pound as I sprinted towards the underside of the Underground. While the Underground was a terrible place no matter what corner you lived in, this was where crime ran rampant and alcohol flowed aplenty. It was also the one place where someone could get almost always get a job, as long as you were willing to do the dirty work. Suzu would never have gone down here if it was under normal circumstances, but waking up to find your sister bloody and beaten might have led him to do something extreme. Like revenge.

There wasn't a trace of his presence and no one would tell me where he went no matter how much I paid. Gold coins that had taken me forever to get where now shakingly being exchanged for information that turned how to be no help. When there was nothing left in my pockets, I began to scream his name. He had to be somewhere. Suzu wouldn't allow himself to be kidnapped! He knew that I need him. If he wasn't by my side, I would have no one.

I would be all alone, I can't be. I cried out in pain as my heart constricted and my thoughts blurred together. I wouldn't allow myself to be alone. Fear handcuffed me to an adrenaline rush that pushed back the pain throbbing in my body. My wounds hadn't fully healed and they never would if I was by myself. Left alone. Abandoned. This was a nightmare.

Running on top of the buildings, I flung myself from each roof to the next in a desperation to catch sight of the brown head I adored so much. Why had I gotten caught? If I just hadn't left that night, he would still be by my side. This was my fault. All my fault. I couldn't protect him.

It was when I unlocked my jaws to let out a scream once more only to have nothing come out, did I collapse. Nothing came out as I tilted my head back and closed my eyes letting my heartbreak scream out it's unadulterated agony. But it wasn't heard in the crowded streets where passersbys only glanced at me to see if I had anything worth taking. Pebbles dug into the soft flesh of my knee caps, as my nails dug into the dirt with the remaining strength left in my body.

I stayed that way, immobile in my despair as nothingness stretched out in front of me. What reason did I have to live now? To spend years with the dirt as my bed only to die in a ditch later on? A lifetime alone was one I wasn't willing to live in. The horror of having no one had sunk in coupled with an exhaustion that made my will bend in the direction of death.

Dragging my hand over to my boots, I pulled my knife out. The blade seemed to glisten though there was no light for it to reflect off of. It had been a present from Suzu. Something found in the depths of a dead man's ribcage. Would taking my life reunite me with my little brother? Was he not only taken away by me but life itself? Or would I only be damning Suzu to live a terrible life that could last for years? Was he being tortured?

The blade didn't seem as bright anymore as I stared at the point resting beneath my collarbone. Suzu was my everything, and the one person who had kept me sane for years. Abandoning him would not be my payment for his kindness. After slipping the knife back to its original place, I began to limp back to the place I would sleep. Rest. Gather my strength until I could properly search for my missing family member. If I found him, I wouldn't be alone anymore.

Little did I know, for the next three years of my life, I would spend it on a constant, lonely search. Since the Underground held no promise of,I decided that I would go above to continue my search.

Near the age of puberty, my limbs were becoming weaponized from the demanding use I had put them through. Kenny had become the sole enemy I thought of as I trained. My hands began to welcome the warmth of blood, and my nose began to find comfort in its copper smell. It meant that I was living. That I would get to eat that night. Survival was a necessity if I was going to find my brother. My criminal record got longer and darker as I strived to get money. No job was to dirty as long as I got paid. I needed to get above ground, and nothing was going to stop me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you to everyone who favorited, followed, or reviewed. This chapter would have been much more difficult if i didn't have my great beta reader, xDollfie. If anyone is curious as to when I will update the next chapter, it's on my profile page.**

Saph's PoV

Without my righteous brother to keep me in line, I became a bigger troublemaker than I ever was. Stealing in broad daylight, picking fights, and threatening the rich to give me valuables - that was what my life had become. I fought to live, lived to find my brother. Before I knew it, my savings began to pile up, but I was still a long way off from having the funds necessary to leave.

Kicking a rock as I walked down the dusty trail, I was content to have puffs of dust tickle my legs. It was a day where I didn't need to worry about anything except someone stabbing me in the back, which was a constant threat here in the underground city. My hand twitched nervously at my side at the thought of a blade being used against me. Maybe I should buy my own knife,keep it hidden in my boot in case of an emergency. That sounded like a good idea.

Emancipated corpses lie in far dark corners, a reminder that while I was lucky this time, the life I live doesn't allow much leisure. It had never been a question on if I would get out of the Underground, it was when. Turning a corner into a narrow stone alleyway, I saw a scuffle beginning.

A guy that was way shorter than me was striding along when he had accidentally bumped shoulders with a man much larger than him. Giving an exaggerated yell of pain, the giant wheeled upon the shorty and his two companions. The three of them didn't seemed perturbed by the looming, angered man and his two equally large lackeys. They looking excited at the prospect of a pounding a few faces into the ground.

It was a familiar scene to everyone. The strong taking from the weak. Sure that nothing interesting was going to happen, I went around the fringe of the bristling circle. What happened next surprised everyone, including me. With the big man threateningly waving his arms around, the little guy sent out a hook with a line attached from underneath his cloak. We all watched as he sent himself whirling towards the guy, only to jab his foot into the stunned guy's stomach. The girl and boy next to the tiny guy also appeared to have what could only be three dimensional maneuver gear. Scoffing, the red-headed girl and the blonde-haired boy each took out one of the man's buddies with ease using the gear. Having bested the three men completely, they flew off.

"Wow," I couldn't help but murmur in astonishment. What wouldn't I give to have working three dimensional maneuver gear. No, what I wouldn't do to have 3DMG. Pulling my hood over my head, I kicked up small dust clouds as I set out to see where that interesting group of people lived.

As it turned out, they didn't live in a much fancier place than the rest of us. While the house did look clean (a rarity down here), it didn't seem to be the place that housed people living in luxury with the ability to flash 3DMG anytime they wanted. Hopping on top of the building across from theirs, I waited. Might as well check this place out a bit before I steal anything. There wasn't any unusual flurry of actions happening within. All three of them seemed to be out at the moment. They probably had the gear with them. It would be far too risky for to sneak in the house to steal the maneuvering gear for it not to be there and have them come as that thought entered my mind, I see three figures landing from the sky. Within the shadows of the building, I ducked deeper into the darkness. Yep, that was them.

"Don't worry, Brother, I'll get the Military Police myself next time!" The rambunctious girl shouted pumping a fist into the air.

The blonde hair guy, shook his head in exasperation at the young female. While the two males seemed to be slightly older than me, the girl was undoubtedly younger and it showed in her childish antics. Standing on her tip toes, she swung her arms about as if she was dancing. While her coordination wasn't too bad, it seemed as though her ability to fight would mostly be careless punches and furious kicking.

"Don't worry, Farlan, no matter who they are, they won't stand a chance against Big Brother."

If the girl was a rambunctious kid, Farlan was a cautious smooth talker. His movements were deliberate and confident. That didn't mean he could be quick on his feet though. Farlan lacked power. It seemed as if he was constantly guessing and questioning everything around him. Discipline wasn't in short supply, but I was sure that his capability wasn't nearly enough to beat me in a fight. Winning against the girl and Farlan in a hand to hand fight wouldn't be difficult. It was the other guy I had to be nervous about, the incredibly short one.

The fight I had witnessed between him and the big guy just showed how much strength he had in that tiny body of his. I doubted that I was capable of handling him on my own. Holding one of his friends hostage might work, but then I ran the risk of getting into a sticky situation by myself. Unable to defeat the midget, three on one would be a disaster with little chance of escaping, never mind the fact they had 3DMG.

"Isabel, would you be quiet? They might still be looking for us," Farlan scolded her. He then turned to shortstack. "Levi, what do you want to do?"

"Clean."

What a weird guy. Apparently, the leader of this little band of misfits, Levi began to lead his two friends inside the house. Just before entering though, he turned and scanned the area where I was hiding. Lowering my body, I kept myself trained on his every movement. This guy was going to become a problem for me, I just knew it. Seeming to find nothing wrong, Levi shut the door behind him.

Dusting myself off, I jumped from roof to roof and head towards my own home. There was nothing to be done today. I'd come back early in the morning and see if they leave with or without the gear on them. Hopefully, they'll stay away for just enough time so I can steal it. Once I had the gear, all that left was teaching myself how to use it. Couldn't be that hard.

Each limb creaked as I stretched from my place on the stone covered ground. Easing my way to my feet, I double checked that my stock pile of cash was still hidden before moving to my destination.

Few living people were milling about. Those too hungry to sleep and those finishing up their shady business. Others laid dead, clogging up the streets with the smell of rotting, diseased flesh. Favoring the travel of running across rooftops had surplus of advantages. My legs were used to leaping long distance and landing on unstable ground. No one else actively used them as a means of transportation, so I didn't run into any unsavory characters. Knowledge of the whole area came from my consistent viewing on top of the structures. The only reason I walked anymore was to pickpocket, talk, or fight people.

When I reached their house, I scaled the same building I used yesterday. Settling in comfortably. I waited to see if they were going to leave without having the gear with them. It had only been a few minutes until I saw a group of people actually entering the vicinity. They consisted of boys who were either older than me or roughly my age. All were dressed in ragged clothes that emphasized their skinny bodies. What was unusual was how they seemed almost content with themselves. Unlike most people who accepted their circumstances with hopelessness, they were trying to make the best out of a terrible situation.

Right before I decided to try again later, I saw Levi, Isabel, and Farlan follow the group of boys outside. They weren't wearing cloaks and were dressed in the same clothing as their acquaintances. Except Levi. The white shirt covering his upper half was almost blinding in how bright and pristine it was. This guy seemed obsessed with tidiness. I snickered to myself as I thought about making a dirty mess inside the house after I got the 3DMG. Imagining just how pissed he would be, it was difficult to keep a smirk from forming.

Their small little party headed onwards, and I began to painstakingly observe the area before sprinting across the road. My feet scrambled to find enough friction to keep my body going upwards. Hooking my fingers on the window ledge, I opened the window and slid in. There was enough light from the window for me to see many things plainly, but if anyone noticed that the window was open, someone might get suspicious. Just as I was closed the opening, I saw Levi, Isabel, and Farlan hurrying inside from below me. Stilling, I rested my ear on the floor and listened on to the conversation. Maybe they just forgot to grab something.

"Are you sure there is a guy following us, Farlan?" Isabel's inquired, whispering.

A creak echoed throughout the room, as I heard someone pull up a chair and sit down. "Yeah, I'm sure. I just hope they didn't see the other guys with us. Wouldn't want them to get in trouble with the Military Police for being associated with us. Hopefully, they still haven't discovered our hideout."

"But I thought you said it was only one guy!"

"Doesn't mean there aren't more around," Farlan warned.

All of us waited with bated breath. No one wanted to get discovered by the enemy. A slow knock reverberated in my quiet small space. Swallowing, I peeked through the cracks of the wood. A glint of the knife caught my eye as Levi wiped it with a white handkerchief. Farlan was approaching the door while Isabel was crouched in a corner. Nobody breathed as Farlan cautiously opened the door.

I couldn't see the figure standing in the doorway, but I could hear a gruff voice that I assumed to be male. "I am a messenger sent by a certain man. Let me get straight to the point. A man named Erwin Smith plans to capture you guys and make you join the Survey Corps. Once you join, I want you to steal some documents for me, and if you can, 'take care of him.'"

"There is no way we would believe such a ridiculous sto-"

"The reward is money and a place to live in the capital," he interrupted Levi's protest.

Everyone perked up at the prospect of that. This information could be used for my own benefit. I wouldn't need to fight these people, I could easily blackmail them into giving me what I wanted. Nevermind the gear, let gets a citizenship for the top. These guys need to accept the bargain.

Apparently, Levi didn't share my sentiment. "This is getting shadier and shadier. I would leave if I were you."

Farlan, at least, seemed to have his head screwed on straight. "Wait, Levi." Had I read the situation wrong and this guy was actually in charge? No. This was a surprise to Levi too. Maybe Farlan had a plan? Smart man. "This has come as a huge surprise to us, so can you wait until we give you an answer?"

"I will give you until tomorrow to give me an answer. No one else can know of our conversation or your friends will be the one to suffer." The door banged closed as he hurried off. That was quick.

"Hey," Levi started, confused on what his friend was doing.

"Okay!" Farlan shouted grinning like a madman, "we are going to spy on this guy and find out who he actually is."

Isabel jumped out of her spot in the secluded corner. "You are thinking of accepting this job?"

"Even if we do get the documents, his next target will most likely become us," Levi huffed.

"Probably," Farlan agreed nodding his head, "if we do obtain those documents though, we can use it to threaten him, guaranteeing our safety. You guys… Don't you want to get out of the Underground?"

Neither Levi or Isabel responded to him. It was a clear answer. Taking their silence as confirmation, Farlan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Now we are just going to have to get the information on him before tomorrow."

"I could help with that." From my spot in the attic, I responded. Without missing a beat, all three of them grabbed weapons.

"Who's there?" Farlan shouted, brandishing a knife.

"Just a nobody," I started as I climbed down the ladder. Carefully making sure none of them were inching towards me. "I mean, I really could just threaten you by saying that if you don't let me on to this little deal, I'll make sure you never get this deal. Spread it around town, tell everyone of your guys offer. There are plenty of people that would be willing to steal and murder to get to leave this place. What makes you three so special? I'm nicer than that though. Might as well help you guys out while I'm at it."

"Who the fuck are you?" Levi growled. The sharp blade glinted in his closed fist. "You better start talking right now before I slit your throat."

I snorted at his aggressive display. Can't give any hints on how tense I was. "Levi, Isabel, Farlan, I actually came here to steal your 3DMG gear. Plan has changed though. Lets put it this way. You let me in on this job or I'll rat your asses out. None of you will get the chance to live outside of this filthy place and that man will probably kill or severely injure your friends and try to hunt you down. The other option is to let me get the information on that piece of shit, bring it here, so we know what we are dealing with. Then when Erwin gets you to join his stupid little Survey Corps, I come as a packaged deal. We steal the documents, get the money and house, and live happily ever after. All I want is the citizenship to live up there and enough money to get started."

Before I even had finished my speech, I could tell Levi was going to lunge at me. Right as I paused to take a breath, the bastard tried to attack. Giving him a roundhouse kick to the chest, I expected him to go flying into the wall. As he flew away from me, the jerk was able to rip off my shoe. Fine,.I'll just run barefoot then. Farlan and Isabel hadn't reacted yet, so I was able to escape from the house. Running with all my strength, I could only pray that they weren't going to get the three dimensional maneuver gear to try and silence me. Outrunning people was one thing, but outrunning that was another. Wincing as rocks began to embed themselves painfully into the sole of my feet, I risked a glance backwards. Wow. He was fast. Hot on my trail, Levi was keeping up with my speedy pace. It had been awhile since I needed to go all out. Stretching my legs to their full potential, they began to eat the ground underneath them. Weaving between the buildings, it took an astonishing amount of time before I lost him. For someone who was so short, he could really pump those little legs.

Deciding not to head to my alcove in fear of Levi tracking me, I decided to go to the information hotbed. Might as well try convincing them to let me join by gathering the intel. By proving that I could be vital for this operation, they might be a bit more welcoming. At least more welcoming than my plan to blackmail had been.


	3. Chapter 3

**The third chapter is here! Thanks to all my wonderful readers who continue to read my story. Hopefully, you're enjoying it and look forward to the updates as much as I look forward to updating. I would also like to thank my great and very helpful beta reader, xDollfie for being wonderful to me. Any comments or criticisms are welcomed. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!**

Saph's PoV

"This is your last chance," I warned, waving a finger at the three bristling people in front of me. "I was nice enough to tell you who was paying you guys to steal those documents and why. Free of charge."

"You wouldn't really tell Erwin Smith would you?" Farlan leaned against the wall. "I mean, Saph, we are all criminals here, aren't we?"

I guessed they had done some digging of their own to find out who I was. I couldn't help but giggle at Levi's expression. This guy certainly did not like Farlan putting me in the same category as them. "Maybe I would get Erwin to reward me for warning him. Either way, I'll get something out of it." I offhandedly gestured towards them. "But since we are all criminals, I would prefer to work with you guys instead of against."

"Why don't you find your own damn way to the surface?" Isabel shouted.

Because every day that goes by it might be harder to find my brother, I had wanted to retort, but I decided against trail has been getting colder and colder with every passing moment for three whole years. "I just want to get out as soon as I can. Lets not try to understand each other's motives. I haven't asked if you're willing to kill an innocent man just to get a house and some money."

"That's true," Farlan admitted. "But I'm guessing we are going to have to teach you how to use the gear before Erwin gets here. Levi?"

"I'm not teaching a brat like her."

Isabel stood up and punched in my direction. "Big Bro is right. She doesn't deserve it, and if he won't teach, I won't either."

"Then, I'll just take it and learn by myself," I quipped before reaching for the maneuver gear tied on her.

My speed stunned Farlan and Isabel, but Levi sent a quick jab of his own into the soft flesh of my stomach,sending me flying into the nearby body cracked against the wood. Head whirling, I staggered to my feet from the pile of crates I had flown into. Coming in for another attack, Levi had a fist prepared to crush my skull. Sensing the oncoming danger, my knees bent instinctively. Air rushed by me when I threw my body over him. Sent rolling, I bounced away from my attacker. Before anything else could happen, I picked up the knife by Isabel and pointed it at her.

"And here I was, trying to be civil. If you only had agreed to teaching me how to use the gear, we wouldn't be in the position we are in now." Lightly dancing in the spaces of my fingers, I taunted Levi by pretending to throw the knife in her direction.

"Wait! Levi, do you think you can run faster than she can throw the knife? Are you willing to put Isabel in danger?" Farlan held a hand out to me, cautiously. "I'll teach you, Saph. Let's shake on it."

Spitting out the blood coating my tongue, I shook my head. "No. I want only the best to teach me, and that clearly appears to be Levi. I will only say yes if he agrees to be the one to show me how to do it."

Farlan turned to glare in Levi's direction. "We don't have that much time, Levi. Who knows when the Survey Corps are going to show up?"

My eyes closed as a fake smile rose up. "You wouldn't want your little escapade failing before it even starts, do you?"

"How about I just kill you now and none of us have to deal with the likes of you?" Levi snarked.

I didn't know if Levi had ever murdered someone before. Slaughtering a 13 year old girl wasn't something unheard of in the Underground. While I didn't think Levi would be able to do it because of his fondness for Isabel, I wasn't about to rely on that. "Don't you think I already have the preparations ready for a case like that?" Lying through my teeth, I blinked. It's not like they would know otherwise. Hopefully, Levi wouldn't risk his little group's future by calling my bluff. We all stood waiting for Levi's answer with bated breaths.

"Fine. Follow me." Levi began to unclip the harness from Isabel. "If you try to run away with this gear, I will hunt you down and beat you until you're a bloody mess on the floor."

"We're going to start now?" My body still hurt from him chucking me into the wall. and bruises were already beginning to form on my shoulder blades. Strapping into the 3DMG and flying around in the Underground didn't seem to be that appealing at that moment. Apparent in his disinterest, Levi ignored my scowl of distaste. I gritted my teeth and decided to bear the pain. No need to appear weak in front of him. "I'll be following you then."

After tossing the gear to me, he purposefully began to walk off. Never checking to see if I was keeping up behind him. Gathering the straps in my arms, I determined that it would be easier to put it on once we reached our destination.

"Goodbye brother!" Isabel shouted while she swung one arm wildly. Watching the young girl, she stuck her tongue out at me. "Brother is definitely going to teach you a lesson."

Responding with the same tone, I glared at her while poking my own tongue out. "We'll see."

"If you don't hurry, you're going to lose him," Farlan calmly commented as he ignored our childish behavior.

Swiftly spinning around, I began to sprint to catch up to Levi's receding figure. I couldn't lose him. This was my chance. All I had to do was help them out and then I could get to the surface and start on my search for my missing brother.r. But first thing first, I was going to have to learn how to use the 3DMG.

"You are not wearing it correctly," Levi sighed. He was leaning against the side of the cave we were in. It had a small opening in the top that was covered by bars, preventing escape but at least letting in some sunlight - a rarity for the Underground. Rocks made an uneven surface underneath my feet, and I couldn't help but judge how much time I would need to run from my spot to the exit that was being guarded by Levi. He may have been casually resting but even the untrained eye could see how tense he was.

It would almost impossible to get out quickly if the need ever arose. While slipping on the smooth surface did present a problem, the possible consequences of my actions also kept me where I was. If the plan failed, I might never see my brother again.

However, it seemed that tangling myself in the straps were presenting themselves to be the biggest problem at that moment. "Then show me how to do it!" I huffed, tugging on the metal box that was glued to the inside of my leg. "How am i supposed to know how to do it, if you don't show me?"

"No one showed us when we first started out. Stop being a little shit and just get your shit together."

Ripping the material off, I stomped my foot. "Don't call me that. You may be older, but I'm bigger than you!"

"So you're not arguing that you're a shit?" Levi retorted with a deadpanned face which made everything much worse. He was mocking me and twisting everything I said for his own amusement. He didn't need to be friendly, but I was at least expecting him to be helpful.

Indignant, I began to clip the 3DMG back on my body. This guy was maybe eight years older than me and he acted like a cocky know it all. I didn't survive out here by myself on just pure luck! He could at least give me some credit for that. Yanking at a stubborn strap, it caused the buckle to fly up and hit my head. "Ouch," I whined rubbing my forehead. A small bump began to form underneath the fingertips pressed to my head.

Continuing to clean his knife with a white handkerchief, Levi said nothing and made no acknowledgement at the fact that I had hurt myself. Plopping on my butt, I decided that this sucks - I wasn't doing any of the fun stuff yet. Flopping to my back, I let my body soak in the sun. "Have you ever been out?" I asked. If I could keep him talking, I might learn something and get to take a break while I'm at it.

"No."

Okay. Not the most talkative person in the world. This would have been easier if it was Farlan or even Isabel. I wanted to be good at using the gear. If Levi could just teach me how he was so good at it, I could use the training after I left the Survey Corps. Might even keep the gear with me as a weapon and a memento.

"I used to live up there. That is until my brother and I had to move down here." It had been forever since I had contemplated my time up there. A delusional dream was all my past had become. Might as well focus on getting that life back when my brother was by my side again. Hope of meeting up with him again was what kept me going, but I hadn't meant to mention my brother to Levi, I just wanted to ease into a conversation with him. My brother had been on my mind lately too. Having Isabel shout Brother all the time was becoming a stark reminder that I was missing my own.

"Are you giving up?"

Instead of answering him, I blundered around with the gear once again. This time, I had somehow gotten the harness wrapped around my wrist until they were squished so tightly together that I couldn't remove them. No way was I going to ask Levi to help me out. Balancing on one foot, I used my other foot to hook itself through a loop and stretch the material downwards. Wrestling with the tether, the only thing I manage to accomplish was stinging burn on the underside of my arms for because of my struggling , not to mention that I got my foot stuck as , I began to veer towards the wall before I steadied myself.

After casually watching my failed endeavor to free myself, Levi got up from his spot on the floor. Expecting some help from him, I patiently waited for him to approach me. "Stupid," he muttered as he flicked my forehead.

Taken aback at the force of his flick, I was sent careening backwards. Dust rose up as my body slammed into the ground. As I spat dirt out, I glared at him. "Are you going to help me or not?" I demanded.

"It would only take a flick of my knife to end your life," he blantaly stated. The blade he had been cleaning now gleamed in the sunlight. "You may be able to run faster and longer than me, but with you trapped like that, you're helpless." A nostalgic feeling of astringent fear swelled deep within my being. It had been years since this helplessness had rendered me immobile. Not since the man with the black coat and hat.

Gritting my teeth, I snarled a warning as he approached while holding the knife in one hand. I refused to die here! Squirming in desperation, I was firm in my resolution in getting free and making him pay.

Seeing me shifting away, his foot stomped on a dangling strap. The straps tightened itself around me and I wheezed as air escaped my lungs. One knee hovered above the ground and became an armrest for his elbow. Taking a fistfull of my dirty curls, he jerked my head up to press the sharp metal to the throat of my skin. My body stilled at the coldness of a taunting death.

"I should kill you right here and now, that's what my gut is telling me." His warm breath filled my ear as exhaled. "It's only because of Farlan that I won't."

Swallowing, the movement made the knife nick my throat. The wound seeped and blood began to trickle down the column of my throat. Leaning away from him, Levi responded by tightening his hold on my hair.

"If you do try to betray us, however, I won't hesitate in slitting your throat. Being a child won't save you." I winced at his harsh tone. "We aren't friends, and as soon as we get the reward for this job, you will get out of my sight." Glaring at each other, Levi finally let me go.

Disentangling myself from the gear appeared to be easy with the added burst of adrenaline. Coolness touched the cut on my neck as I pressed the back of my hand against it. With the sense of danger thrumming inside my veins, I stumbled to my feet. My aim was slightly off as I threw a rock at him but I felt like my point had gotten across.

"Agreed. I just hope you know that if you or any of your friends are in danger, I'm not going to do anything about it."

Instead of acknowledging my statement, Levi picked up the discarded 3DMG that I had moved away from. "Filthy," he muttered, "but I guess someone like you doesn't deserve to have clean gear." Taking the white handkerchief out of his back pocket, Levi scrubbed a the dirt stains on it. "This isn't yours, and while I realize you are a pig, at least keep my things tidy." Still mumbling under his breath, Levi approached me with the gear in hand. Black hair tickled my nose and his small hands meticulously tightened the bands in various places. I could hear him gritting his teeth. "Put your hair up or cut it shorter."

Reflexively, I wrapped a curl around my finger. It had gotten to be the length where it rested between my shoulder blades. Bouncing, the curl seemed to stick out more as I let it go. "I won't let it get in the way."

Huffing under his breath, no critical words were said aloud. His steps echoed along the walls of the cavern as he took a few steps back to admire his work. Everything was fitted nicely, and while it was snug, nothing compromised my mobility. It was time for me to start using it!

"When you can put it on and take it off, I'll show you the next step," his emotionless voice was steady as he left me.

Curbed of all desire to steal the gear after that precarious incident with him, I was puzzled on how I was going to get it off. Levi had fastened the tethers securely. Squeezing my eyes shut, I focused on imagining what he had done to put it on. Once I had the first few untied, the rest came easy. Thankfully, unbuckling myself out of it was at least easier than getting it on.

Now all I had to do was imitate what Levi had done to get this stupid thing on. Spending hours down in the cave by myself, I anxiously tried to learn how to do it properly. Even my fingers started to get rubbed raw from the pressure I was applying to my grip. It had always been like this - each time I thought I had accomplished the task set before me, I managed to fail at it. I figured that it was because I wasn't fast enough or because I tend to be forgetful. But this time, I simply couldn't afford to have my own lack of learning get me left behind.

I was going to get so good at it, so good that all three of them were going to be impressed. Muscles in my arm rang with pain and sweat began to coat my forehead and underarms. Keep going, I told myself. I needed to master this if I didn't want to be left behind again. The hooded man hadn't told us when the Survey Corps would come. With the motive to find my brother, I was bent on succeeding. Repeatedly, I worked my hands through the motions. I only needed to do this enough for it to become second nature to me. My stomach growled to remind me that I had skipped lunch. Again. Again. Again!

Exhaustion began to set in and my legs that were stiff with concentration were beginning to tremble. My tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth as the turbulent thoughts of getting a drink oh so temptingly trickled into my mind. Exhausted, I couldn't remember the next step for getting the harness off. Maybe a little break would help me remember? Maybe I'll just lie down here for a little bit. The stone was unusually comfortable as I rested my head against a slab. Just a small nap will do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry this one was a bit later then I had planned. I hope everyone enjoys the chapter! Comments and criticisms are always appreciated.**

Saph's PoV

The shuddering sounds of coughing woke me up. Realizing that it was me making those sounds, I quickly sat up. Judging from the way my tongue was thick with dehydration, that hadn't been a short nap. Fiercely rubbing my eyes, I was able to remove some of the blurriness from them. I tried to stand up but I was instantly pulled down by the heavy gear still attached to my body.

"I can smell you from here," a gruff voice hacked out. Hiding behind the sleeve of his shirt, Levi was glaring at me from the entrance. His narrowed eyes, barely peeking over his arm, was reflected in hate. A canteen was sitting beside him.

Breathing heavily, I picked myself up off of the ground. The front of my shirt was stained with the blood from cut on my neck. Mixed with sweat, the smell reeked of copper and filth. My voice was as dry and cracked as the dirt caking my legs, "If I can put on and take off the 3DMG correctly, you're going to let me have the canteen next to you."

My legs complained as I forced myself to stand to my full height. Spots decorated my vision. As if they were useless pieces of flesh, my fingers only snagged on the straps - boasting none of the confident, nimble exercise from before. Gnashing my teeth, I began to growl in frustration, intensively focused on getting this off.

Finally, the stupid thing finally slid off of my shoulders and fell to the ground. Rolling my shoulders, I inspected the gear to make sure that my time spent sleeping in it hadn't damaged anything. Seemed good.

"I'm going to start," I warned Levi. A deep exhale sent a puff of breath into the air. Flexing my fingers, I picked up the 3DMG and began to place it in the correct position. It took longer than yesterday, but I got it on off after a few attempts of tugging and pulling. Finally done, I waited for Levi as he made his inspection. Now if only I could take it off fast enough. With my balance almost nonexistent, I leaned against a rock.

His eyes aggressively sought out any flaws. I could only guess that it was passable because he kept quiet as he went back to his original spot. Head dipping to my chest, I scanned the belts surrounding my body. Scratches lined my fingertips, rubbed raw, and pain latched itself to them as I began to unbuckle myself. It felt like forever until my knees could give out in relief. My body hadn't worked out exactly as I wanted, but he should be satisfied enough to give me the canteen.

"Here," Levi stated flatly After tossing the canteen in my direction he left.

"Tomorrow we'll focus on balancing," he shouted as an afterthought over his shoulder.

Not caring what was going to happen tomorrow, I tilted the canteen back. Only to get nothing from it. No water. At all.

Angered, I chucked the empty container at Levi's now receding figure. Did he enjoy my misery? It wasn't as if I could fault him for it, I had threatened all of his friends. The plan wasn't going to work if they all hated me. Maybe I could fix that. I could... adjust myself. If I was going to get what I wanted, I was going to have to try and learn how to get along with other people.

Grumbling to myself, I laid down on my back as an effort to calm myself down. But focusing on what was going around me and not the burning in my throat was no easy task - if I had been at least somewhat hydrated, I probably would have noticed the footsteps approaching me.

"You can have some of my water."

At first, I thought I was hallucinating. The soft voice of a girl offering me water could only be from my dreams. Even when I peered through closed eyelids and saw Isabel standing above me, it didn't click. Afterall, I had only threatened to kill her with a knife just yesterday.

"Unless you don't want any," Isabel hesitantly added.

She had to strain her ears to hear my hoarse voice. "I'll take it."

Sadly, it wasn't enough. I began to guzzle every drop, not letting any waste by dripping down my chin. When I began to feel my stomach swell, I let the container drop to the ground after capping it. No need for me to puke it all up. My head cleared and my tongue loosened. Might as well be polite to her.

"Thanks." This seemed to be a good moment to try and get along with the group. Isabel would be the easiest to trick.

Isabel sat down by my side. Tucking her knees to her chest, she wrapped both arms around them. Her eyes watched me curiously as I smacked my lips together. "Brother isn't mean you know."

Wanting to bark in laughter, I held back with the knowledge that pissing her off wouldn't help me with anything. "He probably doesn't like me though."

I eased on my side to get a better view of her. While we were roughly the same age, her face had retained some innocence of youth I had a hard time finding in my own. Suzu once told me that my brown eyes were puppy eyes. That they were big and childish. Offended, I had punched him when he added the childish part. No way did I look like a kid. But now that I thought about it, maybe that wasn't such a terrible thing after all. People were less likely to suspect me if I looked innocent. Isabel's eyes and piggy tail combo screamed naive. It didn't seem to be a mask like mine. While I didn't know her life story, she seemed as if she never had the need to grow up faster. I wondered if I seemed that way when Suzu had been guiding me.

"Farlan said that we seemed to be the same age," Isabel whispered. "Maybe we could be friends?"

My ribs hurt. Since the aching in my throat had died down, I could now feel the hunger pains making themselves known. "That would be nice!" My eyes closed automatically as I beamed. "Do you have anything on you that I could eat? I'm really hungry."

Fishing something out of her pocket, Isabel gave me a secretive grin. "I was able to grab some fruit from a merchant." She handed me a orange. Ignoring the disgusting peel covering the juicy inside, I took a bite out of the whole thing. I didn't have the patience to painstakingly peel the fruit.

"It tastes good," I mumbled.

"Are you going to sleep at our place?" Isabel asked chewing on an orange of her own. She swiped her sleeve over her mouth before continuing. "I can tell you about when I learned how to use the 3DMG."

Even a whole orange hadn't been enough to satisfy my stomach. Stealing food seemed to be a necessary thing tonight. Though… I could also just purchase it, I mused, remembering the bag of money sat in a hole right next to my bed. Saving up to get out of the Underground wasn't required anymore. If this plan worked out, there would be nothing for me to worry about.

Noticing that Isabel was staring at me, I blinked. "Did you say something?"

"I asked you if you are going to live with Farlan, Brother, and I."

"No. I'll just stay in my own hideout." Levi probably wouldn't appreciate me snooping throughout the house. As for Farlan, I hadn't spent enough time with to know what he thought of me. It was most likely not pleasant thoughts. That guy was unlike Levi in the way he kept his opinions to himself, but that didn't mean he would try to trip me up if I gave him the opportunity. "I have my things in there and everything."

And a lesser chance of having my throat slit in the middle of the night too, I had wanted to add, but I refrained from it.

With my senses back to normal, I was keenly aware of the stickiness covering my skin. Taking a bath wouldn't hurt either. All I wanted was to eat, wash up, and sleep. Training would have to resume tomorrow and I knew that Levi was going to put me through hell again. He might act nicer if Isabel was there, maybe. Having her Big Brother hurt her newfound friend wouldn't sit well with her. Perhaps she could make the whole ordeal at least a little less painful.

"Did Levi say when I was supposed to come here, tomorrow?"

"He just said in the morning. Bro is a really great teacher, so I'm sure you are going to learn fast. You might become better than me someday!" Isabel flexed her arm muscles.

"Are you going to come and watch?"

A frown appeared on her face, making her usual cheerful demeanor dampen. "Big Bro already said no."

That little crap bucket. My hope of having an easier time be crushed by that small sentence.

"I was surprised that he told me I could come today with food and water."

Oh. I didn't have time to wonder if he had known that I was going to ask for the canteen. Groaning uncomfortably, I stood up. "I'm going to head out. Tell Levi that I will be here in the morning. Ready for whatever he is going to throw at me."

"Bye Bye!" Isabel shouted waving one arm wildly. "I'll tell him you said that!"

Aching muscles didn't hold me back as I set out with a jog towards my small alcove. I had made sure to avoid their shared house, so I wouldn't have to deal with any of them. Before heading near it, I stopped. Checking all around me for people who may have followed, it was then did I spot a boy with blonde hair watching me - Farlan. He seemed to be a cautious enough person to tag along and see where I lived. Guess I wasn't going to pay for my meal after all.

Slinking into an alleyway, I kept my head down as I weaved through the rubble. Grabbing something and sprinting away wasn't going to be an option is the shape I was in. Playing it smart was my only choice. As long as I didn't get caught, I would be fine. That was at the very least what I was telling myself as I casually strolled near a stall in the marketplace. No, I wasn't going to steal from a stall. Those men and women's livelihoods depended on making sure nobody stole anything from them. They had sharp eyes that could spot someone trying to pocket food a mile away. What would really help me get food is when someone had already purchased it from a vendor. Exchanging money for grub made some the rich fall into a sense of ease. They would pocket the food, secure with the knowledge that it was now theirs.

A round lady glared at me when I peered at the variety of food lining her stall. The uncomfortable, mechanical sound of a gun hurriedly sent me away. If you were going to make a living by being store owner in the Underground, it was necessary to have the manpower and firepower to protect your goods. While the next owner made a show of sharpening his knife, he made no move to use it. Settling into the position of someone who had the money to spend, I rummaged through the products. Keeping an eye on Farlan's form that behind a wagon, he didn't know I could see his feet sticking out, I casually sniffed the air.

Aromas of food only clung to the rich. Even if their luxurious clothing didn't give them away, the scent of wealth would. My nose twitched as my mouth began to water. Bread, fresh out of the oven, was nearby.

"Buy something or leave," the man methodically stopped cleaning his knife and instead set it on the box in front of him.

Knowing I had overstayed my welcome, I switched into stalking mode,dipped my head as an apology and began to track that delicious smell wafting in the air. It soon led me to a giant of a man. He was dressed in jeans and a shirt that revealed his bulging muscles, so I assumed that he was a hired man to help with the moving of black market items. Must be nice to have a job that had a steady pay. From his tough exterior and arrogant walk, anyone could guess that he wasn't someone used to having things stolen from. I glanced behind to try and catch a glimpse of Farlan and found that this time, he was on the roof.

Might as well forget about him as I concentrate on not getting caught, I mused to mentally prep myself. The man looked like he could kill me with one blow of his fist. A few minutes had passed as I continued to lazily trail him within the shadows. My nerves tensed up, when the man finally darted in a forsaken alley. Beggars who were too wrapped up in the emptiness in their bellies to notice what was happening around them watched him with a hungry gleam in their eyes.

Pressing my back against the wall right before the corner leading to the alley, I strained to hear if his footsteps were receding. He might not have noticed me yet. It could all be a coincidence that he had entered somewhere that seemingly led nowhere. I probably would have given up on not going to bed hungry that night, if I hadn't remembered what was going to happen to me the next morning. Fainting in front of Levi because of hunger wasn't appealing in the slightest. The soft crunch of shifting weight on the dry ground made me comfortable enough to peek around the corner. His back was turned to me, and I could see his shoulders going up and down with each labored breath.

"I know you are there!" The deep growl of his voice sent a shiver all the way to my fingertips.

Did he see me? Slowly, he turned his head until a beady eye could be seen. Gripping the edge of the building, I waited with a bated breath to see if he was going to go after me.

"It might have worked if you hadn't gone after someone as tall as me." A thud could be heard on the roof of the structure beside us. Guess he thought Farlan was following him, when he was actually sneaking after me. I quelled a giggle at that thought.

A cough sounded above my head. "I wasn't actually going after you, sir. I was-"

"Don't lie to me!" The man boomed. He suddenly bent down low, only to leap at the roof. "You think you can try to mug me? A little bug like you?" His aggressive behavior only showcased how much he actually wanted to start a fight. Not waiting for an answer or an excuse, the man jumped as high as he could to grip the roof.

Fearing the beating that was surely coming his way, Farlan began to retrace his steps by leaping onto the next roof, and fled back to the direction he came from.

Without the ability to get enough footing on the smooth surface of the wall, the man jumped down on the road. After careening into me, the man began to chase Farlan down the street. My shoulder did hurt from the sheer force of him smacking into me, but I had a fistfull of the bread. Things hadn't gone as planned, but at least I got what I wanted. Munching on the bread, I began my trek back to my place, satisfied that no one was following me, and no one would know where I slept at night.


	5. Chapter 5

Saph's PoV

I grinned at Farlan. "Thanks for the help back there."

Levi watched the two of us with disinterest. Apparently, he had known of Farlan's plan to follow me. Gruffly telling me to put the gear on, Levi seemed to bear me no ill will because of the incident. At least no more than he had the first time he trained me.

"My pleasure," Farlan huffed, glaring at me through slitted eyes. He was obviously trying to look casual and relaxed as he watched me put on the equipment. "I hope you enjoyed that piece of bread."

Isabel was too wrapped up in studying my movements to recognize the barbed words Farlan and I were tossing each other's way. "What are you going to teach her today, Brother?"

Levi clicked his tongue as if he was annoyed with Isabel's constant inquiries. It was the way he inclined his head towards her direction that gave any indication he was listening.

"Balancing," was all he stated. "And I thought I said that you could only watch if you kept your mouth shut?" His abruptness might have made some people wary after knowing he was annoyed with them, but Isabel only nodded her head excitedly before joining Farlan on the sidelines.

After I clipped on the last strap, I went up to where Levi stood in the center of the cave. "I'm actually surprised that the guy didn't capture you, Farlan. I was sure that he was going to beat the shit out of you for following him."

Snorting in derision, Farlan answered my pointed question with his own deriding comment. "I may not be as strong as Levi, or as fast as you, but I have something no one here has." He tapped his head to emphasize his point.

"Big Bro isn't stupid!" Isabel shouted in protest.

Not wanting to point out that she hadn't said anything in her own defense, I shrugged my shoulders in a careless manner. Even though I tried to appear comfortable, having all three of them around me was making me shift uneasily from foot to foot. "What do you want me to do?" I questioned Levi.

Not saying a word, such a rarity with him! Levi demonstrated how he wanted me to hang between the two wires. Dangling there, he crossed his arms and with a frown on his face said, "It's easy to learn how to put this shit on, but actually using it is a different matter. Don't expect to be good."

It wasn't easy for me. No matter how much I wobbled or stuck my arms out, I always ended up swinging upside down with my fingertips dragging on the ground. "What am I doing wrong?" Levi only unbuckled the straps so I could collapse on the ground. Farlan gestured that he had no clue on the reason I was failing so hard, and Isabel continued to shout out unhelpful suggestions as I once again began to flipped upside down.

"Clear your mind! Pretend you are on your tippy toes! Stick your right foot farther than the left. Nevermind, try doing sticking your left farther than your right."

"You aren't helping!" I finally shouted at her. I was frustrated with my lack of progress. and mad that they already knew how to do it. Embarrassed with the fact that I kept failing in front of them, they who I wasn't supposed to show any weakness too, I sighed in irritation. We didn't know when the Scouting Legion is going to come. Leaving me behind in the Underground would be easier for them to do if I still wasn't able to use the 3DMG. Caught up in my thoughts, I hadn't realized that Isabel had ran out of the room until someone gave me a sharp kick in the face.

It was then did I realized how helpless I was hanging upside down. I needed their help to unbuckle the straps, but Levi was showing no signs of wanting to let me go. Putting my hands in front of my face, I prepared for another kick when he lifted his foot up. "Why did you do that?" I screamed. My whole face hurt, and I could feel blood running out of my nose.

"Apologize to her," he commanded, glaring at me.

Who? I glanced questioningly in Farlan's direction. Seeing the empty spot beside him, I tilted my body back towards Levi. "Do you mean Isabel?"

"Of course he means Isabel. Who else?"

"Don't yell at me. I don't know why you want me to say sorry to her!" I wanted to get down. I needed to get down. I didn't understand what they wanted from me, and they could easily kill me in this position. My confusion just heightened their irritation with me.

While Levi continued to huff at my stubbornness, Farlan cocked his head at me. "You hurt her. Don't you want her not to be mad at you?"

I let my fingers drag across the dirt ground. Trying to find a weapon or at least a stone that I could use to defend myself. "Why should I care? Actually, why should she care? It's not like she actually cares about my opinion or anything." I just needed them to work with me. Them hating me wouldn't be a problem if they didn't let their feelings get in the way.

"She is trying to be friends with you," Farlan started. "I mean you don't have to be best buddies with her, but you should at least be nice."

A nail hooked on the edge of a sharp stone. Beginning to work on digging the stone out, I blew some hair out of my face. "Why should I do that?" What does it matter if I was nice or not? Being nice is what gets people killed down here."

Levi stepped on the hand that wasn't working on getting the stone. My bones began to bend as his boot dug down into my skin. Afraid that he was going to break my hand, I threw the stone at Levi's head. Quickly, he leaned to the left to avoid the blow. While Levi had avoided getting hit in the face where I was aiming - with the stone, it clipped the side of his head.

Enraged, Levi ripped off the material that was holding me up. When I collapsed to the ground, I tried to instantly run away. Being upside down for so long though, made my head begin to swim as I righted myself.

"Levi she-"

His cold voice stopped Farlan from continuing. "She's going to get us killed. We at least know what the Survey Corp's goal is. This girl is just dragging us down. I'm not even sure if she can get prepared enough to not get eaten. Who knows. She might even run off after we get out of here to let us deal with the consequences. We owe her nothing. She owes us nothing." It was the most he had spoken since I met the trio.

"That's true," I admitted. I knew Levi didn't trust or like me, but I had inferred Farlan was the leader of the group. That wasn't the case. If Isabel liked me, I thought the two of them would be more accepting of my presence. That assumption might cost me everything. It was odd, Levi seemed willing to do terrible things to survive, yet he had friends. Since Levi had people he cared about, his emotions could get in the way if unexpected trouble happened. Out of all three of them, Levi was the one who could beat me in a fight. I wouldn't be able to barter with him if his friends lives were at stake. I couldn't claim that just the two of us could escape with the money, he would never abandon the people he cared about. Knowing this, I couldn't predict Levi's actions because of his emotional involvement with Farlan and Isabel. Farlan was smart enough to know the logical advantages to having me on the team so I had thought I was in the clear. My outburst at Isabel was easily fixable if I just pretended to like her for a little bit. Being genuine wasn't part of the deal.

"I will say sorry to Isabel," I spat with my nose wrinkled. "My motive for doing this means I'm working with you. Shouldn't that be good enough?"

"Lets just try to get along now," Farlan said cautiously. "After we get through this one job, we can go our separate ways. Don't ruin our one and maybe only chance, Levi."

Too caught up in our anger towards each other, neither Levi or I noticed that Isabel had returned to the cave. "What's going on, Brother? Farlan?"

"It's nothing, Isabel, you should begin to head back to the house." Levi's eyes flirted in her direction before returning back to me, and he slowly inclined his head towards Isabel.

Standing her ground defiantly, Isabel began to stomp up to me. "Did you hurt my brother?" Levi's hand flitted up to his cut ear, returning the arm to its original position, I could see some splotches of blood covering his fingertips.

I gingerly touched my nose. "He actually kicked my face first, but yeah I did throw a rock at him." The exit wasn't close, but if I was able to surprise them, I might be able to get away. "He wanted me to apologize to you, Isabel. It was my own fault that I had gotten so angry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." Maybe this was my chance.

Approaching me, Isabel crossed her arms against her chest. "I'm fine. Who you should be saying sorry is Brother."

Startled out of my concentration of escaping, my eyes widened. "Will you forgive me then?" She was being difficult but it would be worse if Isabel hated me. This might ease my relationship with Levi too.

"Only if you mean it."

I could fake that. Pretending was easily becoming a specialty of mine because I hadn't known that being with other people could be so tiring. Three years was a long time to go without any close human contact. "Levi? I'm sorry that I threw a stone at your face." And missed.

"Now, Levi, do you accept her apology?" Farlan goaded enjoying his view of the situation from the sidelines.

Not amused, Levi brushed it off. "Just actually do your one job of learning how to use this equipment."

"You make it sound like I'm trying to fail," I growled.

Ignoring me, Levi sighed and walked out of the cave.

Isabel began to totter after him. "Wait for me Big Bro!"

In the distance, I could see Levi trying to shoo Isabel back to where Farlan and I were at. Guess he wanted to be alone. Didn't mean he couldn't have told me what he wanted me to do while he was gone.

As if noticing my befuddled expression, Farlan piqued up, "He's expecting you to be able to do it by the time he gets back." The lack of communication from Levi must make Farlan an interpreter a lot.

While I wanted to complain, I didn't and once again set up the gear to try and balance again, I was stuck trying to complete this task. This time, however, I was able to maintain some semblance of steadiness. How Levi would love saying that the kick was helpful. "Why did he head back?"

"Levi doesn't want to get blood on anything, so he is going back to clean himself up."

"He's really weird about cleaning things."

"Don't let him hear you say that."

All tension began to leave my body as I realized I had finally gotten the hang of it. I couldn't help but feel a little excited to show Levi my accomplishment. "Guess I showed him."

Isabel came back. I was expecting her to be dragging her feet all huffy, but she looked smug as she stared me down. "Bro knew all along that you could do it, so he's not going to be surprised or anything. I was way faster at learning how to do it too, so don't be too proud of yourself."

Snorting, I lost my concentration for a second. Swinging my arms wildly, I hissed as I felt myself began to tip forward.

Not acknowledging my fierce battle with the 3DMG, Farlan raised an eyebrow at Isabel. "I thought you were going to help Levi clean up?"

"I was, but he said I need to watch her to make sure she didn't run away." Isabel got a sour look on her face and spoke gruffly, "I'm not a babysitter though, so don't expect me to watch over the brat."

Rolling his eyes, Farlan clicked his tongue at Isabel's attempt to mimic Levi. "You need any help getting down?"

"No." While I slightly struggled with unbuckling myself, getting help would have been more embarrassing. "Since it seems that Levi is done and I can now balance-"

"Without falling on your face," Isabel added. She must still be miffed from me yelling at her.

"I'm going to head home."

A grin appeared on Isabel's face as she got an idea stuck in her head. "Why don't you stay the night with us?"

Farlan and I both stiffened. "That's not a good idea, Isabel." Levi might slit my throat in my sleep. He has threatened to do it enough times.

Relieved at my refusal, Farlan joined in. "We don't even have enough beds, Isabel, you two could have a sleepover some other time."

"Okay!"

Satisfied that she wasn't going to mope, Farlan waved at me. "See you tomorrow, Saph."

"Bye."

* * *

When I first saw the three of them flying through the air, it seemed like a easy adrenaline filled ride. I hadn't considered what it would actually be like to have two wires pulling you forward. You didn't float easily from building to building, you got flung harshly forward. My eyes began to water as I sniffed furiously to keep my nose from running. Even though I had been doing this constantly for days, the fear of hitting the building flat on had made me cautious enough that I preferred to run along the ground and only use it when it was completely necessary. Legs and arms pumping, I sprinted to keep up with Levi and Isabel. Farlan had decided to check around to see if the Survey Corps were going to make their move soon or not.

"You've gotten better," Isabel shouted gleefully as she did a front flip. "Soon we will have to race to see who is faster."

I jumped off of the building I was running on top of and propelled myself above her. "I still prefer using my own legs to get around."

"You would be Titan food if you just did that to fight them," Isabel shouted fighting to soar higher than me. "Don't worry though, Big Bro and I will protect you from them."

While I was confident that Isabel had grown fond enough of my presence that she would try to make sure I didn't die, Levi gave no inclination that what she said was true. If he had to choose between anyone or me, he might just go with anyone other than me. Other than Erwin of course, but that's not much of a consolation.

My body instinctively rolled as I hit the ground. Pointing myself in Levi's area, I pushed the handle. It only took a few seconds before I was near enough to him that we could converse without worrying about Isabel hearing us. "I'm not staying in the Survey Corps long enough to actually have to see a Titan."

"Neither are we," Levi responded. Uncharacteristically, a small smirk appeared. "We are just going to steal the paper and then get our reward, it'll be easy." I could feel his stare boring down on me. "Then we will never have to see each other ever again."

Yep. He still hated me. Even Farlan had warmed up to me slightly. I had been forcing myself to be nice and helpful. All Isabel had needed was a smile and a few snatches of conversation before she thought we were great friends. It was fine if they distrusted me, as Farlan and Levi continued to do so, but Farlan had enough sense to put up a front of me being in this together. Levi would only wrinkle his nose in disgust whenever he saw me, like I smelled bad. I had been forced to clean up my appearance more than ever because of his obsessiveness with tidy things. Soap had to become an object I was familiar with if I wanted Levi continue to teach me.

Pulling out of my thoughts, Isabel was quickly catching up to us with a panicked look on her face. "The Survey Corps are coming."

Stunned, I was almost sent crashing into a wagon as we began to dip lower and lower to the ground. "Well then lets get this over with."


	6. Chapter 6

**Yay! The sixth chapter is done. I hope everyone enjoys reading it. I post on my profile when I'm most likely going to update, so you can always check that out if you are curious. Please leave a comment or criticism. I want to know what you guys think I'm doing right or vice versa.**

Saph's PoV

The three of us split up in hopes to make it seem like we were trying to escape. The whole plan depended on the Survey Corps not suspecting us of doing anything suspicious. If they had any doubts, they weren't going to let us join them.

That was when I got a true sight of Levi's abilities as he pushed himself at a speed that made it hard for the eye to follow. I'd never be able to become that good at the 3DMG. Instead of swooping through the structures sporadically that were spread out in the vicinity, I landed lightly on my feet and began to run along the road. When one of the Survey Corp's personal got close to me, I latched my hook in the side of a corner and let it propel me in an arching motion. Running across the side of the building in front of it, I let it release just to jump through the window of the building I had been sprinting on. Hearing the person land on top of the house, I slipped out of the door and started to go where Levi, Farlan, and Isabel's homebase was at. Someone was going to have to get them close to Farlan so we could include him in this made-up fight for freedom.

I had been going to their house almost everyday since I tried to steal the gear, I knew the environment around it well enough that I thought I could get there without getting caught. They were strangers and this was where I grew up. It was just common sense, but I had underestimated the person's stubbornness to capture me. Whoever was behind me wasn't making anything easy with them trying to get a hold of me. Dodging people and carriages, I weaved through the marketplace hoping it was chaotic enough to lose this person who had never been here before. Whoever it was, hadn't survived Titan hunting for nothing, their movements were deft enough that if I tripped up, I was going to be in trouble.

Miscalculating Isabel's own abilities, I hadn't expected her to be in the same area as me. It was when I tried to do a back flip over my follower, did I notice that Isabel was headed my way with two people on her trail as well. Unable to reshoot the wires, one the people who had been trailing Isabel targeted me. Their body slammed into mine. Desperate to readjust myself, I was caught by surprise when my legs were captured in a grip by the man who had hit me.

"Let of me," I screamed as I felt the air whooshing by my ear. At the speed I was going towards the wall, I was going to crack my head hard enough that I could fall unconcious. Thankfully, he let his wires soften the blow by making sure they slowed us down. While I was happy my wits were still with me, they didn't exactly help me escape. One largre hand of his could easily hold both my wrist above my head as he used his weight to his advantage to pin me against the wall. My attempt to sink my teeth into his shoulder failed when he wrapped a hand around my throat to keep me from biting him.

He grimaced when he saw me bare my teeth at him, "What are you? An animal?" Lazily, as if I wasn't putting up a fight at all, he sweeped my feet from underneath me. Before I could reagain my footing, he whipped me around and slammed me against the hard surface. A whine of pain escaped as he wrenched my arms behind me. I was effectively restrained. Even when I tired to put a foot up to kick off the wall in hopes of getting enough leverage to knock him down, the man ripped me away before I could get the friction necessary for my stunt. "I sure hope you're worth all the trouble," he growled under his breath as he began to drag me along with him.

Panting hard, I pretended to be complacent as we went to where ever he wanted to take me. It was only slightly surprising to already seen Levi, Farlan, and Isabel kneeling on the dirt in a row. As if I was horrified to see my supposed friends restrained like I was, I let out a ferocious cry and leaned forward slightly. The action was to make him think that I was trying to lunge towards my companions. The man's hold on me loosened enough that I could lean forward. Lurching backwards, I was planning to break his nose with the back of my head. My idea was thwarted when he turned his head and having me only smack into his cheekbone instead. Finally, I had angered him to such an extent that he threw to me the ground besides Isabel and shoved my face into a dirty puddle. Mouth and nose filled with the leftover rain water, and I struggled to breath. Gasping and choking, my body bucked as it begged for air. Taking a fistful of my soaked curls, my hair was pulled back so my neck bent at an unnatural angle, and I was left facing a blonde haired man with icy blue eyes. They looked at me with no hint of pity or mercy. It was as if he had no qualms watching a child get beaten by an adult. Not that I expected anything better than from someone was in the Corps that let my parents die. I could only guess that this man was Erwin Smith.

Filth and water began to dribble down my chin as I hacked up everything I had accidentally swallowed when my face had been pressed underwater. I was so occupied trying to get that disgusting taste out of my mouth, I almost didn't hear Erwin's question.

"Where did you get the 3DMG?" His voice commanded our attention, but it's not like I could answer him. I never asked where they had got the equipment. I didn't ask any questions at all actually. While I was silent because of lack of knowledge, Levi, Farlan, and Isabel all held their tongues in defiance. At least one of them knew where the gear had come from. My guess was Levi, but taking notice of their own leader's defiance, neither Isabel or Farlan spoke up.

Shrugging of the question with a nonchalance that made me wonder if he even cared for the answer in the first place. Erwin approached Levi. "You all displayed exceptional skills using it. Who taught you?" For his part, Erwin didn't seem to get annoyed with our lack of response, it was as if he expected it all along. His chilling gaze focused on Levi. Relief filled my veins, this man made me nervous. Far more than Levi ever did. You could almost say I feared him, so I was glad he wasn't paying any attention at all to me. "You are the leader, correct? Do you have any military training?"

Levi hated the military. His face darkened at the prospect of having learned from people he declared as pigs, he shot a death glare in Erwin's direction. The intent to kill was written all over his face.

"I was hoping to avoid violence," Erwin exhaled- say that to my stinging throat- "but if it's what works…"

A tall man with a mustache grabbed Levi by his hair and shoved him down into the puddle I had just been in. Somehow, Levi had turned his head so he wasn't drowning. Lucky, the taste of mud still coated my mouth. Not that Levi found his situation any better. I shuddered at the new level of anger Levi had reached. They were going to pay for shoving the clean freak into this watery filth.

"Let me ask you one more time," Erwin's voice had some resemblance of politeness before, but now it held a clear threat of danger, "where did you learn to use the 3DMG?"

Everyone held their breath as Levi continued to keep his mouth shut. The tension was becoming unbearable, and I began to wish I was anywhere but here. Just tell the man already, Levi!

"No one taught us, all right," Isabel finally shouted. Not capable of seeing her big brother being threatened any longer.

Farlan chimed in, always the one to try and diffuse the situation. "We learned in order to survive here."

Exhaling, I tried to appear as helpless as possible when Erwin glanced at me. They were the ones who taught me not to long ago. Even if they had learned from someone, I hadn't been told nor would I be able to reveal it. This was a time for me to keep myself silent.

"My name is Erwin Smith. Your name is?" The mustached man was apparently expecting some resistance again. Before Levi could try and answer, his head was shoved into the water deep enough that he couldn't breathe. They didn't hold him down long, and soon Levi's head was yanked back up. Everyone could see the clear hatred reflecting in his eyes. "If you don't answer soon, you're friends are the ones who are going to pay." Suddenly, long blades were held up against all of our throats. I'm not going to die just because Levi doesn't want to say his name. I refuse too.

Levi seemed to find his voice to utter out a single insult, "Bastard."

"Your name?" Erwin repeated, indifferent.

"It's Levi."

Kneeling down on the muddy ground, Erwin asked the simple question we had all bet our lives on. "Why don't we make a deal?" The man slowly took in all four of our shocked expressions before speaking again. "We won't charge you with anything if all of you enlist into the Survey Corps."

Grounding his teeth, Levi spat, "What if we refuse?"

"Then we'll hand all of you over to the Military Police," Erwin stiffly responded without batting an eyelash. "The choice is yours."

Beside me, Farlan was giving Levi a pointed look. This is what we were after. Take the deal! Hopefully, none of the Survey Corp's members could read the message like me. Not that I expected them too. This was something all four of us had planned and thought about for weeks. Now wasn't the time to be second guessing our decision.

"Fine," Levi lifted his head and grimaced at the unrelenting man in front of him, "we'll join your damn Survey Corps."

* * *

"Stay here," we were commanded before the person left the carriage. The ride here had been short, and it hadn't taken long for us to get our few belongings before leaving. The only things I wanted to take with me was the money I had saved up and my knife. Erwin had wanted to refuse my request to have my knife in my boot, but he had begrudgingly allowed it after Farlan mentioned that we still didn't know if we could trust them.

"Be nice," Farlan pointed at me. "If anyone knew what you're like, no one would want to get close to us. Stop acting selfish for once."

This was the first time Farlan mentioned anything about my behavior. Shouldn't he be more worried about Levi? "I wasn't planning on it. It's in my best interest to act like a good person, so I'll be nice. Besides, Levi is the one who keeps acting as if he's going to kill Erwin any second now."

"That's because I am going to kill him. First chance I get and that bastard is dead."

Farlan and Isabel both went speechless at his declaration of violence.

"I knew you were stupid, but I didn't think you were that dumb. What do you think will happen if Erwin gets killed? They'll send us back to the Underground? No. The Survey Corps will be after our heads, and most likely kill us," I snapped.

Isabel huffed and shook a finger at me. "Don't talk to Big Brother like that!"

I growled in frustration. "I'm only speaking the truth. Just because you got a little dirty back there doesn't me you should throw out the plan just to get revenge." Almost all my teeth showed as I grinned. "Suck it up." How I have wanted to say those words Levi had told me so many times while he was training me.

Levi was about to smack me but Farlan reached out and grabbed his arm. "This is our opportunity to get a better life. One out of the Underground. Everything will work out if you just trust me!" Farlan pleaded.

"You three! Get over here!" The man who had left us had came back leaving Farlan's plea unanswered. "Just for tonight the four of you will sleep in here." He motioned towards four beds that had been set up in a cabin. "Tomorrow, you'll be assigned your bunks and your squad. I expect everyone to be up and ready early." With that the man left us.

What about dinner? I collapsed on the mattress and let out a sigh of contentment. "These are so soft."

"They aren't any better than the ones we had before," Levi snarked.

Ignoring him, I picked up a fluffy white square covered in the same fabric as the mattress beneath me. "What is this?"

Isabel raised an eyebrow at me. "That's a pillow. Do you not even know what a pillow is?" I could tell that she was enjoying knowing something I didn't. I'd guess it was a rare experience for her to not be the clueless one. "These are blankets!" She began to point out other various objects to give me their names, teasing me. Just because I didn't know what pillows were didn't mean she needed to act like that. I wasn't even sure that I had a pillow when I lived with my parents.

Masking my pout, I sneered at her. "I know what blankets are, and I'm not stupid. Just because I have never had a pillow before doesn't mean I'm dumber than you."

"That's weird," Isabel commented, settling down after wrapping a few blankets around herself.

"Maybe before," I whispered to myself, copying Isabel and how she was using the pillow. I didn't close my eyes, however. Farlan and Levi were both only sitting on their makeshift beds. Neither of them seemed ready to rest. "Did all three of you have pillows?" I asked, curious as to how their lives were different than mine. It's not like I as allowed into their base that often. Levi made sure that I knew I was unwelcome there, but I had still expected everyone to live a similar lifestyle like me as a criminal. But then again, they also had a house, that itself was luxary way beyond my reach.

"You think these mattresses are soft and you've never seen a pillow before," Farlan started with his brow furrowed, "where did you live in the Underground? Since you kept it such a secret from the rest of us, I had expected it to have comforts you didn't want us to take."

"I didn't want you to know where I lived because I didn't want you guys to sneak in and kill me." Avoiding Isabel's hurt expression, I kept my eyes trained on the wood wall. These pillows were making it hard for me to fall asleep.

"Why would we-"

"Because she would've done just that if she was in our position," Levi interrupted Isabel's question with his own answer.

While I couldn't argue with him because he was correct, I didn't like hearing the truth coming from him. Maybe because it made me sound like a bad person. That's probably because I was bad. Didn't matter to me. I didn't care if they regarded me as an evil human being. All human beings were evil. They just didn't like to show it, or believe they were. I had my brother. Brother loved me and didn't care that I wasn't a good person. Resolute in my view, I stayed silent. Me speaking wasn't going to change the matter, anyways.

Farlan spoke up as if to defend me, "Levi-"

Before he could finish his reprimand, Isabel sat up, startling all of us. "Just because Big Bro and Saph don't get along doesn't mean she isn't nice," Isabel announced not removing her eyes from her lap, "so don't say that about her. She is my friend, and I love Big Bro, but Bro shouldn't say those things about her." Flopping back down on her back, Isabel once again tried to go to sleep after her declaration.

It had been the first time that Isabel had even remotely disagreed with Levi. She usually took his word as law. Isabel shouldn't have defended me. Innocence and naivety made it so she had the notation that I regarded her as a friend. That wasn't what our situation was or was allowed to be. I had my brother and no friends. Anyone else could become an obstacle in reaching my goal. If I cared for others, how could I leave them to be with my brother? If I fought for someone else's well-being, I could die. Being dead meant I couldn't protect my brother anymore. That was just the fact of the matter.

Facing away from Levi so I wouldn't have to see his hardened stare directed towards me, I closed my eyelids. It was Isabel's own lack of knowledge that led her to think that. Her own damn fault, not mine.


	7. Chapter 7

**And the seventh chapter is done. Thank you for all those who are reading and left reviews. You don't know how appreciated they are. I hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter, and don't be afraid to comment or criticize!**

Saph's PoV

It was a constant shaking of my shoulders that woke me up from my deep slumber. I hadn't expected to sleep so well in this new environment, but the adrenaline pumping through my veins since the chase had worn off during the night, leaving me exhausted.

Blinking any weariness out of my eyes, I saw Isabel was peering down at me with a smile tugging at her lips.

"You must not have liked the pillow and mattress that much," Isabel giggled pointing at my awkward position.

Wiggling a bit, I found that I had somehow ended up on the wood floor with the blanket wrapped around my torso. "Did you wake me up just for that? I was happy sleeping on the floor."

Farlan held up two bottles that contained some sort of alcohol. "Isabel was wondering if you would like to join us. Levi is outside watching the night sky, we were going to celebrate getting out of the Underground."

That sure did sound nice, but having alcohol was a terrible idea. Alcohol was something I had no idea what affect it would have on me. Unaware how I would react to it, I thought it would be better to avoid it all together. If I got drunk, Levi might try something. Claim that it was an accident that I had somehow fallen off the roof to my death or somethin. "I wanna see the stars, but I'm not up for drinking."

"Then let's go find him and get this party started!" Isabel shouted under her breath.

All three of us snuck up to the roof, careful to not get caught by any awake Survery Corps. It was easier than I had anticipated. My assumption had been they would have fortified the place with multiple guards. Easy to see they didn't trust us, they should have made it at least a challenge to escape. Survery Corps most likely just under estimated the Underground scum's abilities.

Easing the door open, my breath caught as I saw all the pretty lights in the sky. Levi was seated on the edge with his feet hanging off. Sending a quick glance behind his shoulder, he snorted when he realized that it was just us.

"I can't believe you were trying to hog this view to yourself," Farlan scolded him lightly.

Isabel held the bottles in the air. "Let's drink up!"

Unlike Farlan and Isabel who greedily kept the a bottle to themselves, Levi just took a few sips. I hung back, aware that this wasn't a place for me to intrude. Content to just lean against the building and search for shooting stars, I was barely listening to their conversation. Something about how the stars go around and around? Weren't they just glued there? Like I knew anything about them, this was the first time that when I look up, I don't just see dirt. Six years, these twinkling, lights had been hidden from me.

My eyes flitted to Levi's broad back when Isabel asked, "Is it even prettier here than where Levi came from?"

'I don't know," Levi muttered.

I couldn't help but be a bit curious about their pasts. Where did they each come from? How long have they been together? Quizzing them about their life stories could lead to them wondering about my own, so I kept my tongue in check.

"Hey Farlan," Levi started, startling everyone, "I'm going to trust you."

Isabel clapped her hands excitedly before throwing them in the air. "I trust you too!"

Satisfied that the plan was going to work, I slipped inside the building. Giving up on the mattress and pillow, I just tucked myself into the blanket, waiting for sleep to come and find me.

* * *

"Attention all troops!" The commander, who stood in front of us, shouted.

Everyone stood still with their hands behind their backs. Unfriendly faces surrounded us. I could have guess they wouldn't like four strangers marching into their base. Personally, I would have tried to get rid of those strangers from my home turf as fast as possible too, but it's not like I wanted to be here. A detour to finding my brother was what I considered this experience to be. Anyone of these people could die on their next expedition, there was no reason to get close to any of them. Making them like me, however, was necessary if I wanted my life to be a bit easier. Getting information from them about any possible leads towards my missing brother could only be a plus.

His next words were much quieter, but no less stern nor heavy. "The four new recruits you see standing up here are your new comrades. They will be fighting along us starting today." Only a tilt of his head indicated that he was now speaking to our small group. "Alright you four, introduce yourselves to everyone."

Giving a pointed look at Erwin, Levi made sure to take his sweet time responding. A glower settled on his features, as he gruffly said, "The name's Levi."

Isabel was closest to her Big Bro, so she decided to go next. Throwing up a thumb and pointing to herself, she grinned. "Isabel Magnolia. Pleased to meet you," she greeted with no hint of seriousness. Not even a hint of warmth was shone in their expressions while they looked at the youngest and friendliest of us. If Isabel had a hard time warming their deadpan expressions, the rest of us were screwed.

One hand was closed into a fist as Farlan placed it over his heart, the signature salute of the military. "I'm Farlan Church."

It was either his form or his introduction but almost everyone grimaced as they watched him. Maybe he did their hand thingy gesture wrong and that made them mad? No one had even taught us it yet! Whatever it was, it didn't bode well for me.

This was the moment I decided how to portray myself. Levi and Isabel both went with their usual personalities. Sure that mine wasn't going to do anything but make people hate me, I let my gaze fall to the floor. Pretending to be nice to Isabel was one thing, but altering myself to fit into the Survey Corps was another. Farlan had somewhat accepted me for what I am, he took people at face value. Levi knew what I was and hated me. He had never tried to change me. This place was filled with dreamers who believed in something beyond the walls. They all had thrown their lives away in an attempt for a better future, that was their decision, not mine.

My better life lay in being with my sibling, not getting out of the walls. We would be together, with no chance of someone seperating us. I wouldn't have to be alone anymore. No one could take him away from me. I was stronger, faster, and smarter than I was in the past. Now I just had to use my smarts to get what I wanted.

Angling my chin downwards, my hands wrestled with each other behind my back. A foot, slid back and forth across the stage. Taking a deep breath, I peeked beneath my brown curls to view the people beneath me. "Hi," I whispered, loud enough they could hear me if they listened closely, "my name is Saph… Monstrum." My last name, the last thing connecting me to my parents. It's syllables had been solely tasted in my mind for years, never to be heard by anybody else. I shared it with my brother, the bond formed because of it, was not to be unappreciated. Out of the four of us, only Levi didn't mention a last name. An innocent smile appeared on my lips.

With our introductions over, the commander went on with his little speech. "All four of them will be assigned to Flagon's squad-"

"What?" The man, who I could only assume was Flagon exclaimed. Displeasure was written all over his features as he moved his head back and forth from the four of us to the commander. "I thought they would be put in Erwin's squad?"

That was what I had been thinking too. Erwin was the one who captured us, and it was clearly his idea to enlist us into the Survey Corps. No complaints were heard from me. That man gave me goosebumps, and I would never want to be on the other of end of his blade if we ended up having to kill him. At least we had some distance from him, might be a bit harder to get the documents, but less chance of Levi murdering him before we got what we came for in the first place.

I was too busy mulling over things in my head to hear the commander's reason, before I knew it, Isabel was nudging me in the direction of Flagon. The man was silent as we followed him to a building. Inside, there were bunk beds lined against the walls. Levi took his fingers and ran them over the surface of the wood. A look of pure horror crossed his face before it settled into disgust. Guess it didn't meet his standards.

Still mad that he was stuck with us, Flagon used this opportunity to jab at our past living conditions. "You guys are probably used to rolling around in the dirt, since you lived in the Underground and all, but here we expect you to keep it tidy."

My eyes widened, not because I was hurt by the insult, but because I suddenly feared that Levi was going to ruin everything. You could insult his shortness with a few repercussions. You could insult his attitude only to have him ignore you. You could bad mouth his friends to receive some threats, but no is allowed to talk bad about his ability to clean. Jaw dropping, I stared at Levi as he whipped his head around to face Farlan.

"What the fuck?" he snarled, fist shaking in anger. "I dare you to say that again you shitting son of a bitch."

Flagon gaped for a minute before recovering. He had to bend down a little to get eye to eye with Levi. "What the hell is wrong with you? I am your superior!"

It had been one of the first times to not be on the other side of Levi's fury. I would have enjoyed the scene if it wasn't for my worry that all had been for naught. Thankfully, Farlan had always been good at defusing situations involving the shortie.

"Don't worry, Squad Leader! We promise to keep it clean. Won't we, guys?"

Isabel and I nodded like we were supposed to. It didn't seem to relieve any of Flagon's fears, but at least he wanted nothing to do with us. Leaving us be, he walked out of the building after informing us that we had to go to the training grounds after we got ourselves situated.

Silence descended on us with Flagon's absence. As if the containment of his anger was undone all at one moment, Farlan began to shout at Levi. "I thought I told you not to make a scene!"

"I dunno, sounded like a shit-stained pot calling the kettle black. Did it sound that way to you?"

Farlan, still aggravated, began to rub his hands over his face while taking deep breaths. "Listen to me. That guy will get in trouble if people find out how he's treating us, so-"

"If he keeps this up, he's going to be getting a royal salute from me," Levi growled out while picking up various objects off of the floor.

Isabel hopped on the top bunk, her pigtails swinging wildly. I joined her on the bed, crossing my legs as I listened to the two talk. I liked this spot. Always sleeping on the floor, it was a nice change to not be on the ground and actually higher up. Sliding off of the mattress onto the floor would hurt a bit more though. Didn't matter, I would just have to not roll off anymore. Hopefully, I could sleep up here as long as Levi doesn't mess this up.

If Farlan couldn't convince Levi. No one could, but Farlan wasn't going to give up. "You can't be serious. Did you really forget why we are here?"

"No. I remember just fine."

"Then do me a favor," Farlan finally lowered his voice, "until we get those documents, make sure not to arouse any suspicion.

"You're such a pain in the ass," Levi muttered, continuing with his cleaning.

Tired of their fighting, Isabel leaned down to get between them. "Just leave Big Bro alone! Just beat them up like you did in the Underground, Farlan."

Farlan sighed, there were dark outlines underneath his eye. "Shut up, Isabel. dumbasses shouldn't talk."

"Who are you callin a dumbass?" Isabel growled.

Levi ignored there bickering as he pulled the sheets off of the top bunk. Shifting over, he didn't meet my eyes as he pulled the cloth away. It seemed as if he was going to order us to clean soon. While Flagon had told us to be at the training grounds when we were done, he didn't know Levi and his cleaning style. We could be here all day!

"Hey, Saph?" Isabel shouted making me flinch. "What's eighteen plus twenty-two? Farlan asked me, but I'm not good with that math stuff."

Biting my bottom lip, I held my fingers to my face. It was a vague memory, my parents teaching me how to count with my little brother. I've never had to count in the Underground. It was easy for me to look at a number of objects, and say how many there were. Adding was a different story. "Is it thirty?" Eight plus two equals ten, and ten above twenty is thirty.

"That would be correct if Farlan said eight plus twenty-two, not eighteen," Levi sighed.

Isabel pointed at Farlan, "See? I'm not the only one who can't do addition. It's not like you need to know how to add to survive," she pouted as Levi ruffled her hair. It was an unusual kind gesture from the shorty, and something he just showed to Isabel. Not that I wanted my head to be petted or anything.

"Since you said you didn't want to make a scene," Levi huffed, moving past the beds to a broom, "then I guess we should get to cleaning."

2 hours of excruciating, painful, cleaning later…

At least Isabel is having fun riding the horse. Mine on the other hand, was refusing to let me even try and get on it. The girl that was helping Isabel and I ran up to my side. "He just isn't used to you, just move slowly and let him sniff you."

I approached the horse from the side, holding out a hand like I was instructed to. It was a new experience for me to have to deal with animals. Nearing the nose of the beast, I let it inhale my scent. Without any warning at all, the thing let out a gigantic snort, making me leap backwards in fright.

Her body began to shake as the girl covered her mouth with one hand, desperately trying to contain the giggles escaping from her. Irritation came swiftly, and I refused to direct any of my attention towards her. A growl began to swell within my throat. This wasn't the place for me to be sharp. Make nice. How would Isabel want me to react?

"He won't bite you or anything," the piggy-tailed girl smiled as she stroked the horse's face. "There is no reason for you to be so scared."

Tilting my head slightly, I let my long hair hide some of my face. "I've never touched a horse before," I murmured shifting my feet slightly. "While people used them in the Underground, I never pet any of them."

The ground trembled as Isabel led her horse galloping up to us. "You can ride with me if you want to Saph!"

My cheeks puffed out as I acted as if I was sulking. "I could just my own two feet."

"You may be a super fast runner, but I don't think you would be able to outrun a horse," Isabel teased.

"Are you really that fast?" the girl's voice was small, as if she was intimidated by us, yet it was brimming with curiosity. We must be like foreign creatures to her. This is the first time I've ever heard of people from the Underground being allowed into the military. Not only was this new to us, it was new to them too.

I licked my lips as I considered my answer. "I'm pretty fast, but I don't think could outrun one the horses."

"What are you being all modest for," Isabel asked gruffly, mimicking Levi as she crossed her arms. "Big Bro said the only reason you are fast is because you're constantly running away from your problems."

My innocent demeanor was almost thrown off completely when I heard that. "He's… a big bully."

"Big Bro isn't a bully!" Isabel shouted, indignant on Levi's behalf. "Take that back."

I smirked at her. "If I beat you at a race, you on the horse, and me on foot, then you're going to have to admit that Levi's a bully."

"You already said you couldn't beat one of the horses."

"I haven't tried yet, have I? Just give me a head start of about five seconds. You can count to five?" I taunted, reminding Isabel of her lack of knowledge regarding numbers. The girl stared at the two of us, aware that she should reprimand of us for our childish behaviour, but to afraid to do so. She seemed surprised to see me so fired up after how shy I had been acting before. Isabel was gripping the reins with a fearsome strength. We may have been both younger than her, but we were also from the Underground. This was a battle she wouldn't win, and knew it. The girl startled as Isabel whipped around to face her.

"You tell us when to go, and when five seconds have passed. You also tell us where we are supposed to go." Isabel steadied the horse underneath her as she waited for an answer. Guess she wasn't confident in her ability to count to five.

Pointing with a quaking finger, we all found a small shed in the distance. "That's where you will race to." She took a deep breath, "I'll get there first so I know who crosses it." Isabel and I waited as she jogged away each one readying themselves.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry about the super late update guys. My beta reader got really sick and wasn't able to edit it, so I edited it myself. My bad if there are any mistakes, but I hope it doesn't take away from the story. You guys are super awesome, and I really wish everyone enjoys the latest chapter. Comments and criticisms are always welcome and appreciated!**

Saph's PoV

"Why are you taking your shoes off?" Isabel asked me as she steadied the horse she was on top of.

Wiggling the boots off of my feet, I let out a sigh of contentment when I felt the soft grass beneath my skin. Owning shoes while I lived in Underground was a luxury that I had never been able to obtain. It still felt weird to walk around with something covering my feet as I walked around. I threw the boots and socks in a small pile beside me before I turned to address Isabel. "I'll run faster with them off."

"Still doesn't mean you'll be able to beat me!" Isabel yelled. The horse snorted as if in agreement with her statement.

Resolving to beat her and the scary horse, I dug my feet into the ground, waiting for the girl's signal with a bated breath. One of her arms raised high in the air, and she began to count down from three. Each number echoing into the silent field we were in. "3...2...1...Go!"

Pumping my arms by my side, I went straight for a sprint. Remembering to inhale through my nose and out of my mouth, my mind focused on the finish line up ahead. I wasn't going to waste the precious head start I had. My toes automatically curled as my feet hit the ground to find purchase within the muddy ground. I could deal with some dirt on them.

"Go, Isabel!" Guess five seconds had passed. The pounding of hooves was a sound that seemed to be right behind me, but I knew that I was still ahead by a margin that was growing smaller and smaller with every passing second. My legs sped up on their own accord, and I knew by how my sight was beginning to blur, that I was running at a pace few would be able to achieve.

Almost there, just a few more strides left to go. I stretched each individual limb to get maximum coverage of the ground, but it wasn't enough. All my effort to win became nothing as I watched a horse thunder past me reaching the piggy tailed girl right before me. I had failed.

Gasping for breath, it felt like ever lung was simultaneously crying out for air. My legs were trembling slightly, and I rested the palm of my hands on my knees to help steady myself. The piggy tailed girl stared at me with wonder as Isabel whooped and cheered.

"I told you that you wouldn't be able to beat me!" Isabel jeered as she got off the horse. "Now you have to admit that Big Bro isn't a bully."

Panting still, I swiped at my forehead to remove the sweat trickling down into my eyes. "We didn't agree on that. All I said is that you would have to admit that he is one, not that I would say he isn't a bully if I lost." Like I was going to admit that Levi wasn't rude to me.

Isabel gaped at me before her brow furrowed in concentration. Trying to remember back to our original conversation regarding what would happen if someone won. It was fair of me, but I was to angry to care. I shouldn't have lost that race.

While I was miffed at my loss, the girl who had helped us do it seemed to not really care. She seemed ecstatic in fact. "You're really fast. I don't think I would have believed it, if I hadn't seen-"

"What's going on here?" Flagon shouted. Narrowing my eyes, I could see that he was holding up my boots. "Is this how you treat the things the military oh so graciously gave you? I knew you grew up in the Underground, but still, I thought you would at least know how to treat your own objects right."

The piggy tailed girl seemed a bit frightened, but she did the traditional greeting and spoke without hesitation as Flagon approached the three of us across the field. "Sir! Isabel and Saph wanted to have a race to see if Saph was faster than one of the Survey Corp's horses. She almost beat the horse, Sir," she added on respectfully, awe plastered on her features.

Flagon sighed, but turned to face me. "Well did you win?"

Gritting my teeth, I shook my head no. My head bowed low so he wouldn't see my seething rage. If only I had won. Then I would have been able to shove it into his face that just because we came from the Underground, it didn't mean we were useless. Realizing that Flagon wanted a verbal answer from me, I let the tension seep out. Pouting slightly, I glanced up at him with red cheeks. "No. The horse passed me right before the finish line."

"Then you can't outrun a Titan, can you? So this has all been a gigantic waste of time? Nevermind. Get your gear on, we're going to show you four how to use the blades."

Farlan and Levi both came up behind me and Isabel. As Flagon was leading us towards the direction of the woods, Farlan boxed both of our ears. "What did I say about making a scene? Blend in."

"Wouldn't it be stranger if we acted normal? They expect us to be weird and abnormal," I snapped at him, massaging my poor ear. "Besides, Isabel and I are younger than most of these people, they want us to act like kids. It makes it seem as if we're less dangerous that way."

Farlan stared at me. "I always forget you two are of similar age. You always act so much older," he muttered under his breath.

The four of us got into the gear and began to look at the blades in our hands. Everyone eyes us, warily, as if we would start swinging it at them any moment. Looking at the length of the blade, I remembered them showing us how deep we would have to cut into the nape of the Titan's neck. I wanted to take a few experimental swings, but I doubt anyone would appreciate my efforts to learn how I should grip this long blade. Knives were my only past experience with sharp objects.

"You Bastard. What the hell do you think you're doing, holding it like that?" Flagon snorted.

My attention snapped up to Flagon reprimanding Levi for how he was holding the blade. Levi was holding the blade behind him. No one else had theirs like that.

"They weren't made to be held that way," Flagon continued, "do you want to be the first to die outside the walls?"

Levi only gave him a deriding, blank stare. "And how are you so sure that the first to die won't be you? Seems to me that the whole point is to cut the neck, so let me do it how I want to do it."

Farlan was so close to face palming himself. Apparently, none of us were good at not making a scene. Isabel was far enough away that she hadn't noticed her brother's reverse grip. If she did, I'm pretty sure she would try to copy him. Maybe I should try it? Readjusting my grip, I realized that it was uncomfortable and I just felt silly. Could it have something to do with Levi's height? Did being short mean that it was easier to hold it a different way than normal? If so I should just copy the Survey Corps, I was to tall to try and be copying Levi's way of doing things.

Lining up with the other members of the Survey Corps, I peered into the forest to see if I could find any of the wooden structures they had throughout the dense trees. Nothing. As I was concentrating on seeing if I could spot anything, I didn't notice a blonde kid with freckles stand beside me.

"You should just stand by and watch how actual Survey Corps members fight," the boy taunted jostling me in the rib with his elbow.

"I'm sure not one of you will get a single one," his buddy remarked.

Another one grabbed my shoulder with his hand, his grip was painful. "We've spent years training for this, and you guys think you can just come in? Let's show them what our hard work has done versus them lying around in the dirt while being criminals."

I shrugged off his touch just as Flagon told us to go. Instead of using my 3DMG right off the bat, I ran forward. I was aiming to be in the back of them, and I needed to see where Levi was going to head off to. My head tilted back to catch sight of him flying forward ahead of the pack. Then I sent out a line to a tree to pull myself behind him. I needed to see how his reverse grip worked out. Two wood Titans popped up that were separated with a bit of distance. Just as Levi veered to the right to get the closest one, I propelled myself towards the smaller one on the left. As I made my way over there, I watched how Levi cut the neck.

Having a good idea on what to do, I swung in an arc, and I aimed for the nape. It was a bit easier then I had imagined that it was going to be. Then again, these weren't real Titans, only dummies. Trailing behind Levi, I cut through all the ones that popped up after he had left the vicinity, and they said I wasn't even going to get one.

My skills were impressive since I had no formal training, but they were average compared to everyone else. Levi was by far, the best one out here. Even if I was able to analyze his movements, there would be no way for me to be able to copy them. His speed and flexibility were unmatched. Didn't mean I couldn't learn something by watching him.

The blonde, freckled, guy and Levi aimed for the same Titan. Curious as to how this was going to turn out, I paused on a branch to watch. For all his smack talk in the beginning, Freckles didn't even make a deep enough cut. Levi made the perfect cut and continued onwards. Isabel would have bragged right then and there. Farlan would have tried, and failed, to hide his smug grin.

I could sense Freckles anger as he sped up to race Levi to the next fake Titan. With the goal to put Levi in his place, Freckles recklessly sent out a line in Levi's direction. If Levi hadn't noticed him, they would have collided and seriously gotten hurt. "Way ahead of you," the boy screeched as he sent another hook a couple trees ahead of Levi. With him distracted by trying to beat Levi, Freckles hadn't noticed someone had accidentally gotten there blade stuck into the neck of a fake Titan.

"Watch out!" the person cried.

But it was too late, Freckles was still hurtling towards the neck, directly on the path to hitting the blade. He would either die or get injured bad. Muscles tensed accordingly, I gauged if I would be able to get to him in time. No. I wasn't close enough. The probability of getting myself hurt in the process was too high. Gripping the bark of the limb, I watched.

A blur shot forward and hit the blade, successfully cutting it out of the material. I only got a glance at Levi before I observed Freckles smacking down where the blade had been. Such incredible speed. A flame of envy rose within me. How could I be so fast on my own two feet, yet so slow on the 3DMG?

"You were just going to watch him die?" Flagon asked as he landed on the same branch I was on.

I drew in a deep breath. I didn't want to have to deal with this guy. He already made it clear that he hated our guts, but he could punish me for insubordination. "Truthfully, I didn't think there was anything I could do." I shrugged my shoulders. "Not all of us are as good as Levi is."

Flagon scrutinized me. It was the first time I felt as if he actually saw as people instead of invaders of his little group. "I can see why that bastard was the leader of your small gang."

"Well it wasn't for his friendly personality," I snipped with a blank expression. When was he going to leave? I never thought he would want to discuss us or our time in the Underground. Gotta be nice. Can't leave just because I want too.

"Just because you're skilled doesn't mean we'll trust you so easily."

I sighed, as if the thought pained me. "Guess we're going to just have to earn it," I whispered, just loud enough for his ears to catch.

Flagon didn't say anything in response, so I figured that I was allowed to leave without repercussions. I headed back to where our beds were, figuring that training was done for the day. I was glad that I hadn't gone all out. Tonight, everyone should be too tired to notice me slip out. Not knowing how long we were going to stay in the Survey Corps, I was going to use the advantages I had access to at the moment to see if I could find any leads on my brother. With my new affiliation, I could go back and forth from the Underground as much as I wanted.

* * *

"I went into his bedroom while everyone was out, but I couldn't find the documents," Farlan said as we all sat around him in our beds. Levi and Farlan both had bottom bunks, while Isabel and I each took the bunk on top of theirs. Of course Isabel had to have the bed above her Big Bro. At least I didn't have to worry about Levi trying to stab me in the back threw the mattress in the middle of the night.

Isabel was already snoring away, with her body curled up as drool began to dribble out of her mouth. Swinging my feet back and fort, I enjoyed my vantage point. Not a single Survey Corp's member was trying to interact with us. They had clearly created a distance between us that each side showed no signs of trying to remove. No one approached us, and they all avoided making eye contact with any of us. It did help make sure that nobody would hear what we were discussing.

"Did you have time to look everywhere in his room? I guess his office is the next place to look," I muttered.

"This might be harder than I thought," Farlan exhaled, "I wasn't aware of how crafty Erwin was to be."

Levi lifted his feet up and placed them on the mattress. "Doesn't matter how sneaky he is," Levi grumbled, "after we find these damn documents, I'm going to kill him." After his declaration was done, Levi turned onto his side to face away from us.

Done with the conversation, I wrapped a blanket around me. Might as well get comfortable, but not too comfortable, before I headed out. Need to pretend but couldn't actually fall asleep. I closed my eyes and focused on each presence in the building. Soon, I could hear the Survey Corp's members turning in for the night. Blankets rustled and mattresses creaked as each person began to slumber.

Having to make sure that nobody was awake, I tuned in to what was happening below me. Soft snores could be heard, and I leaned over to peek at Farlan. His mouth was wide open, and it seemed he was lost in dream world. When I checked to see if Levi was asleep, I found that he was watching me.

"Having trouble falling asleep?" I murmured, not wanting to disturb any of the other residents.

His eyes bore into me as he kept his mouth shut. Maybe Levi was sleeping with his eyes wide open. Seemed to be a creepy thing he would be capable of doing. Staring at nothing when it seemed as if he was looking at me. Not that his face had changed, it still looked was as if he was bored and mad at the same time. When Levi did open his mouth to speak, I had to remind myself to not start scrambling backwards in fright.

"You're going to hurt her," Levi darkly stated.

Blinking, I scrunched my nose at him. "Don't act like you know me. I have no reason to hurt Isabel."

"She thinks you and her are friends. You were willing to watch a boy die today instead of get yourself involved. It's not that you need a reason, you just do whatever you want no matter who it hurts," Levi snapped at me, his voice low yet just as harsh as ever.

My fingers clenched around the bedsheets. I do care who I hurt. I just don't care about the people he cares about. Levi couldn't fault me for that, he wasn't allowed to fault me for that. It's not like Levi would protect any of these people over his own friends. Instead of responding, I pulled the blanket over my head, so I couldn't see his accusing stare. The guy has to sleep at some time, and I will just wait until then to sneak out.


	9. Chapter 9

**I'm so sorry about the wait guys. This chapter is the longest yet though, and I'm close to finishing the next one too. I will post it really soon to make it up to everyone. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy the latest chapter. Comments and criticisms are appreciated!**

Saph's PoV

It was easy to slink away from the headquarters back into the Underground. I had originally thought there were going to be guards or at least a system to keep track of who was at the base and who was out. I was happy to find such a thing didn't exist. All I had to do was show that I was wearing a Survey Corps outfit before I was able to descend down the stairs. The place that had been my home for the past few years, where I didn't mean I had any fond memories of.

This wasn't a place where being recognized nor affiliated with the military would be a good choice. Taking off my cape, I rolled it up and set it into the backpack I had brough. Then I threw on a different cloak so it would be hard to distinguish my garb from the average criminal in this place. My hood was up so it would cover my face. Rushing along, I hurried inside the crowd where I needed to blend in before I reached my destination. Snatches of conversation could be heard around me as people flowed through the narrow alleys.

"How much do you think we'll get for it?"

"Less than we should, but it's not like there are enough buyers to begin with."

I shuffled aside so the burly men could pass without actually stomping on my foot. Running across the rooftops was beginning to seem like a good idea, but I didn't want to draw any attention to myself if other military members were in here.

"There haven't been any more people in the Military police killed."

"You think the Ripper is dead?"

"Not if the rumors about him are true. I don't think anything could kill him."

I kept trying to pass the group of people talking about the Ripper, but they were clogging up the entire spot. Hopping up and down, I realized that I was on the outskirts of a crowd watching a fist fight. This could take awhile if I wanted to pass without any trouble. Any minute someone could wake up and realize that I wasn't in the bed. Of course I had stuffed some pillows underneath the covers, but that wouldn't work for a close inspection.

Deciding that them discovering I had snuck out was more likely than someone from discovering me down here, I scrambled up on to the nearest roof. Sprinting, I made my way to the old woman's house. The smell of cheap perfume and booze were the strongest there. That was where the prostitutes were. Almost every building here offered food, booze, and pretty woman for sale. While I had never been one to pass up food, I wasn't here for that reason. This was also where the best information could also be found. Tongues tended to be looser in places like these. A heavy price was attached to every word though.

Three men were in front of the desk. An old, wrinkled, woman sat on the other side as she handed out pieces of paper. I kept my hood up as I peeked to see what topic of business they were discussing. Three names and an address were on the slip. My reading skills weren't top notch, but I could make out one, Mikasa. Curiosity satisfied, I moved back before anyone would think I was peeking.

"The mother is the one we really want, but you'll still take the daughter for the money we agreed on, right?"

Kidnapping. What a delightful way to make a living. Dealing in the human black market was a great way to make cash, a dangerous one too. That had never been an option open to me, not enough strentgh nor connections.

The woman hacked a little before nodding her head. "Just kill the father, he is of no worth to me."

It was probably the leader who leaned over and shook her hand. Then they all left, not casting a glance my way. What a group of guys anyone would be lucky to be friends with.

"Agni," I greeted as I approached her. "I'm in a rush, so just give me whatever you have."

"Everyone's in a rush, Saph. Here is all the information I was able to scrounge up about where your missing brother might be. You do realize that you didn't give me that many days so if you're willing to pay more…"

I shook my head as I took the notebook that was being held out for me. "I need to check all these places before I even consider paying more. You're prices aren't the cheapest."

"Do you want cheap information or good? You can't have both, sweetie. My girl's clients can't get to suspicious or else they won't be coming back. Gotta find a balance between getting good details, and pleasing them." Her sunken eyes held no warmth as she appraised me. "It's too bad that you aren't attractive, then you could get the information yourself. Just because some boys like them young doesn't mean they like them ugly."

"I wouldn't want to work for you anyways, Agni," I snarled at her dismissing tone directed towards me.

"I'm a busy woman. That's all the info I have since you came in here. Screaming something about you getting out of here, and having the cash to pay for info." Agni waved a hand carelessly.

I stared at the old woman. No affections were held towards her, but I had known Agni for years. This might be the last time I ever see her. "Goodbye. It was never a pleasure doing business with you, but at least you got me what I wanted." Feeling uncharacteristically generous, I gave her an extra coin. "If you ever happen upon any more information, I'll be on the surface happy to accept it."

"Will do sweetheart. It'll be extra for the delivery service, but I'm sure you will able to afford it now that you live outside," Agni grumbled.

Content that she won't forget the opportunity to make money any time soon, I headed out. Now I just needed to make a hasty return before Flagon came in to wake us up. Without a second thought, I hopped on the roof and made my way to the staircase to the surface. I almost tried to go up before I realized that I had taken my hood off. Hurriedly, I put the Corp's hood on before I rushed up.

The streets were empty, and my ability to disappear within the darkness came in handy as I slinked into the build, avoiding any wandering people. Hopefully, I would be able to get a few hours of sleep before we had to be rudely woken up at the crack of dawn. It seemed as if no one was awake, so I tucked myself in the sheets, weariness dragging me into slumber without a second thought.

It was still too early for me to get up. At least in my opinion. Training coupled with my outing last night had killed my muscles, and they made sure to let me know that fact.

"Saph! Wake up!" Isabel called tapping my face with her finger.

I scrunched my nose up at her while blinking consistently. Not coherent in the slightest, I dragged my body forward, forgetting that I was on the top bunk. Imagine my surprise when I put a hand out to touch the floor for me to only touch air. "Ack!" I cried as I hit the ground.

"Get off the floor and clean up your appearance. It's completely disgusting," Levi said while stepping on my back with his foot.

Getting on my elbows, I glared at Levi. Without hesitation, I quickly flipped over to grab his foot. A harsh tug was all it took to send the midget toppling forward. "Don't touch me!" I growled once he had landed in front of me.

Sensing the fight that was beginning to brew between us, Farlan hurriedly helped Levi up while Isabel did the same for me. "Someone didn't get enough sleep last night," Isabel said. "Come on Saph," the girl cheered while hooking an arm around me, "I'm sure breakfast will help you not be so grouchy!"

Together, the two of us headed towards the dining room. The movement and the smell of food helped me wake up; I could feel my mouth began to salivate. Nodding respectfully towards every member we passed, I was just met with cold stares in return. 'Useless thugs' seemed to be the term spat under their breaths most of the time. That didn't mean I would ruin my gentle demeanor.

Tables were lined up in neat rows spanning across the whole room. Farlan had commented that while they had prepared the area to be used for hundreds of people, it was barely filled up half-way most of the time. At the moment, my mind was to focused on the food by the plates to realize what he had been implying by saying that.

"Let's get a spot where Levi and Farlan can eat with us too," Isabel mentioned before scanning the area for the perfect spot. I was content to just shovel my food in while standing up, waiting for her to make up her mind.

I had just been done swallowing my bread down when I felt someone staring at me. Glancing to the side, I realized that Flagon was looking at me with an aghast expression on his face.

Giving my mouth a wipe with me sleeve, I tilted my head to the side. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Flagon just shook his head in exasperation. "I should have guess you guys wouldn't have had any manners."

I was getting tired of this. So what? We weren't raised in circumstances that allowed us to learn manners. When you are fighting to survive everyday, you don't care if how you eat is impolite. Plastering on the fakest smile I could, with a sugary sweet voice, I said, "My apologies. My parents had served in the Survey Corps like you guys, but they were both eaten on a expedition when I was young. It was a tragedy to be forced to live Underground without parents to teach me manners. I was more focused on not getting raped and killed when I lived there instead of how I should daintily eat my food." With that, I grabbed Isabel and tugged her to a table that had plenty of space between Flagon and I.

"Did that really happen?" Isabel inquired as soon as we sat down. "I thought you had been born in the Underground."

My palms rested flat on the hard wood of the table, and I considered pushing myself up to walk away. It hadn't been exactly my plan to convey my past in any way, shape, or form to Isabel. Instead of running away, I gave a gruff nod. "Yeah. That's most of it." I'm glad I hadn't mentioned my brother at all. Talking about him would be a painful, bad idea. At least now I had information on him from Agni. I had been excited to look through the folder today, but the chance to has yet to arrive.

"What were they like? I can't remember my parents at all, so I don't know how most parents act." Her eyes were filled with sadness, but she gave me a weak grin as when she asked.

I could see how her attachment to Levi had been more like one of a leading figure than of siblings. I should have guessed by how she called him Big Brother. Does Suzu view me the same way? Maybe he had, before I disappeared.

A small tap on my hand drew my attention back to the question she had posed. "I can't remember them that well. My mother liked flowers I think," I started beginning to stare at my nails caked in dirt, "my father would press the petals into journals for her. It seemed that during every expedition, the two of the would find new flowers to record." There was a tightness in my chest that wasn't going away. What would my life look like if they were still alive? "My father had a beard I would tug on sometimes. I got my ringlets from my mother, and I remember hearing that I got my height from my father."

"They sound like good parents," Farlan said as he came over.

I found myself looking up to see Levi and Farlan getting into the table with us. "I didn't see them often, not with all their training and expeditions. I do remember that they always told us stories of the outside world, so they couldn't be to bad."

"How did you end up down there then?" Levi muttered.

I heaved a sigh. "No one would take us in when they died, so they made us go Underground."

"Us?" Farlan asked, his curiosity piqued.

Damn him and his observation skills. I still wasn't going to bring up my brother. General details about my parents won't harm me, but the knowledge that I was searching for my brother might. "I mean me and the other kids who didn't have anywhere else to go."

Before anyone else could speak, Flagon stood up and pointed at us. "You four! Once your done eating breakfast, the commander wants you to go to the strategy room to learn the formation from Erwin."

Isabel, Farlan, and I all nodded our heads in consent, while Levi just crossed his arms grumpily. As soon as Flagon sat back down, we all put our heads together to whisper.

"This would be a good chance for someone to go through his belongings," I said.

Farlan shook his head, "I already checked everywhere inside his room, it has to be somewhere else."

"Maybe he has it hidden off of the grounds?" Isabel added.

"Not that important of a document," Farlan rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "it might be in a bag he carries around, that or on him."

My nails dug into the table as I brought myself closer. "Let's hope the documents are in his bag. I don't want to have to go searching inside his pant and coat pockets for it."

"If it is, we'll just have to wait for a chance to dig through those. He can't be wearing them all the time," Isabel sniffed as she pouted.

Farlan nodded at her words. "Today we will check his bag, but if it's not in there, we are going to have to wait for a opportunity to present itself otherwise."

With everyone in agreement, we ate our breakfast in silence. Afterwards, we headed towards the classroom with faces filled with determination. Our steps resounded heavily on the stone flooring as we made our way to the room that contained our enemy. Levi lead the way inside, no noise besides the sounds of our breathing could be heard. Erwin Smith sat up front, he almost seemed to be a statue with how little of movement he made.

A shiver of fear tingled at the base of my neck when our eyes met. His calculating gaze made me think that all was not well in this situation. He might have been clearly outnumbered, but I was the one who felt like I was in danger. There wasn't a desk far enough away from this man. Farlan had to yank Levi and I up closer because of our complete reluctance to be near him. Mine was because I was afraid, Levi's because of hatred.

Just as we settled into the chairs, did Erwin gift us with a brisk smile. "I'm going to show you four what the formation looks like, and where you're going to be in it."

The man then continued to go on about his creation. Why that was there. How this was supposed to help the Survey Corps. Who was placed in where. My eyelids began to droop because of the constant flow of information and my lack of sleep last night. Farlan gave me a harsh pinch. The pain startled me into action and I jerked away.

All it took was that little of movement before Erwin fixated his gaze onto me. "Is there something wrong, Saph?"

I wet my lips, rushing to find an excuse. "I heard not all Titans are the same. Would there be a certain kind that this thing wouldn't work on?"

"Deviants," Erwin said, giving a sharp nod. We then had to hear about how Deviants are more dangerous because they were unpredictable.

Frantically, I tried to think of a way to get to his desk without being suspicious. Just as I was about to give up on ever peering into the bag, Farlan leaned close to Isabel to murmur something. Isabel's eyes instantly shone with excitement.

"Sir!" Isabel shouted, leaping out of the desk with a hand raised, "can I draw a picture of what I think a Titan looks like?" Erwin couldn't get a response out before Isabel began to step over the furniture in her haste to reach the board.

"I want to draw one too!" I said with a mask of glee. Grabbing Farlan's arm, I tugged him up to where Isabel was at. "Don't you want to draw one too?"

Snatching a piece of chalk, I carefully outlined my Titan. Making sure Erwin was keeping his attention on Isabel and I, sometimes I would turn around just to ask a question or point something out.

"Do they have super long legs?" Isabel asked with her tongue sticking out in concentration.

Erwin had been quiet most of this time, but he responded, "some of them do."

Farlan was peeking into the bag, carefully making sure not to move any of the items it contained. He made a hurried gesture when Isabel had put the chalk down. I'm guessing he needs more time.

"Erwin, maybe Levi wants to try?" I said still staring at my drawing. It looked terrible, but I also hadn't put my entire focus into making it pretty nor an actual acurate rendition of what I imagine them to look like.

"No," Levi retorted. Farlan had pulled his hands out of the satchel and was trying to look as innocent as possible.

Isabel began to pout with her lips pursed. "Please?" she pleaded. Tilting my head to the side, I gestured that it would be for Farlan's sake.

After giving one last glare in Farlan's direction, Levi got up to make his way down to us. Right when he was about to draw, Levi shook his head no. "I can't draw on such a dirty chalkboard."

"Let's clean it then," Isabel cheered forcefully. Out of all of us, she was the one who hated cleaning the most. "Can you go get us some supplies, Erwin?"

It surprised me that he wasn't showing any signs of anger yet. Our antics were a bit on the extreme for their to be no punishment headed our way. Instead, Erwin seemed to agree with Isabel's proposition as he left the room after telling us the supply closet was close by. Just when he was about to leave completely, Erwin turned around and grabbed the bag.

"All that for nothing," Isabel sighed when the man was gone.

Farlan shook his head. "No. I had barely enough time to check if it was in there. Nothing suggests that the documents are in that bag."

Levi patted Isabel's head gruffly, "Good job."

That was all it took before Isabel was spinning around in circles, deliriously happy that her Big Bro had given her a compliment.

"Does that mean they are probably on him?" I asked, keeping an eye on the door the entire time.

"Unless we think of another spot, Erwin has been either keeping them on him this entire time or moving them from place to place."

"So we are going to have to kill him," Levi said without a hint of hesitation.

Resigned, Farlan wearily accepted the verdict, "If it comes to that then yes."

The burden fell heavily at that moment. Stealing off of the person himself was the worst option we could have been give. My pickpocketing skills could come in handy, but these were slips of paper we were talking about. Not a slice of bread. Not an apple. But paper. Chances of succeeding had dropped significantly, but if any of us wanted a life outside of the Underground, we were going to have to find a way to get those documents.


	10. Chapter 10

**Here is the quickly updated, new, and improved chapter to make up for the delay in the last one. I haven't been able to get ahold of my beta reader, so I apologize ahead for any mistakes. I would like to thank those who have left their beautiful reviews for always helping me get the motivation to write. I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and all comments are appreciated!**

Saph's PoV

My horse was acting exactly the way I wanted to, calm and patient. Instead, I was practically bouncing up and down in the saddle with my fingers clenched onto the reins. This was the first expedition I wa going to be on. Hopefully, my last one too. Though there were a ton of horses and their riders surrounding me, I could clearly see Isabel, Farlan, and Levi all nearby.

Isabel was the picture of excitement with her pigtails swinging restlessly just like the rest of her body. Farlan seemed close to puking what we had for breakfast on the ground next to him. It was only Levi that seemed unaffected by going outside the safety of the walls. These past few months of training were supposed to prepare us for this very moment, but my nerves were shaking so badly that I was having a hard time concentrating on what the commander was saying ahead of me. Probably some words of encouragement.

All I hear is, "Open the gates!" before all hell breaks loose. That is in my mind. Dying hadn't been a part of my plan but supposedly the survival rate out there was lower than the one in the Underground. My chances were incredibly low with me being a rookie. I also didn't have the strongest warrior on my side like Isabel and Farlan. Those two didn't have anything to worry about as long as Levi watched over them. I also figured that nobody on the Survey Corps was going to be risking their life for me any time soon. This fight was one I was going to have to do alone.

The gate creaked open as it was lifted higher and higher off of the ground. Even when I peered into the space it created, I couldn't make out anything. Never before had a person from the Underground, got to go outside the walls.

Farlan seemed to share that thought as he remarked, "Now would be a good time for someone to tell me this isn't really happening."

"All units advance," the commander screamed.

Ours horses all broke into a trot, making their way to the exit at a steady pace that was the complete opposite of my frantic heart. As we entered under the gate, my horse sped up to a sprint. I was thankful that my horse seemed to know what was expected of him because I wasn't really paying attention. This will be the only time I can see outside of the walls though.

"Wow!" Isabel exclaimed as the endless stretch of hills came into view. My eyes widened as I scanned the area around us, searching for a hint of the walls. Nothing signalling civilization could be found. It was as if we were just now tasting true freedom. I had thought leaving the Underground would be all I wanted, but now I never wanted to have to cage myself within the walls again.

Peace was soon shattered as Isabel began to squabble with one of the members. Their argument was piercing my ears no matter how hard I tried to ignore it. I was trying to enjoy what may be the last few moments of me being alive! Thankfully, the tift soon ended once Flagon intervened. Tension filled the space between the running horses.

"Titan!" Someone shouted nearby.

Chaos was close to erupting as the commander shouted orders. My station wasn't called into battle, so I was finally able to observe an actual battle with a Titan. Sweat began to moisten my hands, making the reins slippery in my grip. Isabel and I hadn't drawn anything close to how frightening that monster looked. Its large limbs swung as it walked towards us with a chilling smile plastered on its face.

Just as the group headed into the forest to deal with it, another emerged nearby. Another group that didn't include us newbies took off to distract it. Relief found its way coursing through my veins when I thought about how close I was to having to deal with it. Any tension that had left soon built up again as I noticed that it hadn't followed the group trying to lead it away.

"It's a deviant!" I hear somebody shout.

This is bad. This is bad. Somebody is going to die. We are all going to die.

"Flagon's squad! Close the distance and defend the cart with your life!"

My gaze instantly locks onto the wagon being pulled by horses. With my life? Whatever was worth in there certainly didn't measure up to my life. Thankfully, I was on the other side of the cart, so I wasn't one of the three to circle around the Titan. All of their hooks shot out to sink into the Titan's flesh.

A man was being hurtled towards its neck when a gigantic hand shot out and caught him. Screams were heard as the man was brought closer and closer to the gaping mouth ready to swallow him. The Titan's feet were planted on the dirt as it ground up the man's bones and blood.

Every limb shook as I felt fear grind it's way to my very core. I could really die out here. I had neither Levi on my side, or the Survey Corps. Nobody would care if I got killed in this war. No. My brother would care. He would want me to live, to fight. Death wasn't taking me anywhere soon. Not until I found my brother. If anything, I was going to make sure I at least found my little brother one more time before I let myself die out here.

The remaining two were killed as the Titan whipped it's body around. Snapping a flying body out of mid-air with its teeth. All of the fighters dead, it began its sprint towards the cart again.

Flagon and a girl called Sayram began to approach it before Levi sped past them with Isabel and Farlan it tow.

"Come on, Saph," Isabel shouted, "We're gonna kill that thing!"

"Fine," I grumbled as I joined them.

Levi turned towards all of us. A resolved look on his face as he spoke. "I'll distract that thing by grappling onto it. Isabel, Farlan, you two break its knees to kill its mobility. Saph, get in front of it and make sure this Titan doesn't grab any of us. Now go"

I give a shaky nod before going around the Titan. It's pounding feet on the floor adding an extra bounce in my saddle. My eyes are fixated on Levi as flies towards its back. Both of his swords bury into the Titan's lower back, and it's feet finally stop coming towards me. Slowing my horse down, I see Isabel and Farlan cutting at the legs.

A warning is on the tip of my tongue as I see the gigantic hands fly out, only to see that the Titan is trying to stabilize itself. It's to late. Levi is already in the air with his swords ripping at the critical area of the neck. Blood shoots out and the Titan crumbles into a pile of steam.

"That was awesome, Big Bro!" Isabel shouts as Levi lands nearby us.

His eyes show nothing as he states in a deadpan voice, "You guys did good too."

"Not that Saph did much," Isabel joked as our horses began to catch up with the rest of the group.

I glared at her, but my mouth was curving up into a smile before I could stop it. "I had the hardest job. I wanna see you running in front of a speeding Titan without peeing your pants."

Isabel laughed at that and even Farlan chuckled. Three guys had died trying to take that monster down, we were the ones who actually accomplished the job. Shivers still crawled up and down my spine, but any fear the sight of the thing had instilled, slowly dissipated as the sun shone brightly over our heads.

* * *

It looked like a castle. One that had been ruined by the test of time, and I couldn't help but think of princesses and princes. Knights in shining armor and dragons that breathed fire. Books hadn't been a very keen interest of mine, but everyone had at least heard about the fairy tales from the old world. Created to help relieve some of the pain brought down upon us by reality.

"Titans can't move in the dark, remember?" Isabel said as I tapped a wall with my boot nearby.

A sigh escaped my lungs. "I'm still probably not going to get much sleep tonight." Heading towards the cart, I picked up a few sacks to take into the penetrable fortress.

My shoulders ached with the combined exhaustion of steering a horse all day and carrying weights inside. Farlan collapsed beside me and Levi.

"Man. I didn't think it would be that easy to kill a Titan."

Levi had finished sorting inside the sacks, so he turned to Farlan, sitting on the blanket rolled out. "The move fast, but if it's just one, I think I can handle it."

Lying down on a blanket not to far away from them, I grumbled to myself. Three people died trying to take down one Titan. Now Levi says that as long as it's one, he can handle it? He never brags about his abilities but still, I didn't want to hear how he didn't have to worry for his life like the rest of us. If I had been alone with that thing, I might not have been able to make it out okay. I was fast, but you it's hard to outrun something that never tires.

"Saph," Farlan said shaking my shoulder, "Isabel and I are going to search Erwin's belongings while you and Levi stand on guard in case he comes back."

I wrinkle my nose at the thought. Does it really have to be Levi? Is go to distraction is going to be trying to fight the blonde guy.

"Don't kill anyone," Farlan shouts as he waves. Isabel and him head on towards Erwin's space while Levi and I take up our positions by an entrance.

A wave of very awkward silence followed their departure. Each of our eyes were trained on the ground. At least mine was. It wasn't like I was checking to see what Levi was looking at. It had been the first time since Levi and I had been alone. None of Isabel's cheers and rambling in the air nor any of Farlan's snarky comments could be heard. I might have attempted at small talk if I didn't know how badly Levi sucked at it.

"Shit," I heard Levi mutter. My ears piqued and I could hear footsteps coming our way. This was bad. Erwin was coming our way and Levi and I hadn't discussed a plan of distraction at all.

"What are you two doing here all by yourselves?" the man with icy blue eyes asked. I tried to give him a believable answer but all I could do was let out a strangled cough.

Levi refused to look at Erwin, but at least he responded for the two of us. "It's not like we have to be all together at all times."

Unperturbed by the harsh tone of Levi's words, Erwin almost appeared to be affable. His understanding and patience from the school room incident leaking into today as well. "What do you think so far? Have you gotten used to the Survey Corps."

"Well it is better than the Underground," I say taking my turn to speak. "How long have you been here, Erwin?"

"I've been here as soon as I got done with training. My whole goal in signing up for the military was to join the Survey Corps. Just because I've been here for a few years doesn't mean I would be able to take down an abnormal like you did today, Levi." While his tone was as warm as ever, some of us passion was beginning to seep into the sentences. "I'm sure your teammates can rest easy knowing they have you around."

I held my tongue. The bitter reminder that Levi didn't consider me one of his teammates was on the edge of my mind. It wasn't as if I wanted Levi to care for my well-being, it would have just been comforting to know that some of his protection extended to me as well.

The two of them continued to discuss about the sacrifice the man had made for Levi to see the pattern of the Titan. Then it spiraled into a lecture of how this was good for all of humanity. As if humanity deserved to be saved from the hell it had succumbed to. Any species that threw innocents into an almost certain death didn't deserve to breathe. I wasn't doing this for the whole, this was for my brother. My baby brother who got taken away from me.

"I'm done changing," Isabel shouted waving a hand in the air obnoxiously.

Levi and I both headed her way. "It took you long enough," Levi grumbled.

"The documents weren't there," Isabel whispered.

That just meant they had to be on him. I had hoped that Erwin would put them in his supplies since Titans could gobble him up at any time. No such luck.

"Remember that we are headed back tomorrow, this is our chance," Levi said still in a low voice. "We might have to kill him, but we are going to get those papers either way."

That night was quite peaceful except for a rowdy interruption from a member named Hanji. She seemed quite excited about our presence and welcomed us with almost to wide of arms. The silent treatment instantly became more preferable than whatever she dosed out. Stone floors had been my mattress for years so I was right at home. Even if I had been sleeping with no one else around. I drifted off into an anxious sleep, nervous about what was going to happen on our way back from this crumbling castle.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hope you guys enjoy the latest chapter!**

Saph's PoV

It had been a long time since I felt the rain pelting my face. Living Underground meant that I was spared from all types of weather, also the sun had been shining everyday since we had joined the Survey Corps. This wasn't how I wanted to experience the nostalgic moment. The first time we were trying Erwin's new formation with flares, and it just had to storm. As if the rain assailing us wasn't enough, fog had rolled in cutting the four of us from the rest of the military members. Our group had squeezed closer together, desperate not to lose sight of one another.

"What are we going to do? We lose sight of everyone," Isabel shouted, sounding more frightened than I've ever heard her before.

With one hand on the reins and the other on the latch of my cloak, I resisted shutting my eyes. "Its not like we can stop," I yelled back.

"Saphs right, we need to just keeping moving," Farlan confirmed. "The only thing we can hope for is that the fog will clear soon."

The sky growled above us and I shuddered. My fingers fisted themselves into the horse's mane as I leaned down. "Its as if you can hear Titan's breathing heavily all around you," I whimpered into its neck. I didn't know what was scaring me more, the thought of Titans or the frightening sounds right above us.

I could hear somebody grumbling near me, I turned slightly in my saddle to see Farlan grinning.

"Well it would certainly suck to have Erwin get eaten by a Titan. Then there is no way we could get those documents." Farlan turned to look at Levi. "The only way to get them will be to go for the center."

There had been few and far between moments when Farlan left the decision making process up to Levi. While Farlan was a good leader, he never went against Levi's wishes. Instead, choosing to change to convince him instead of an idea than outright ignore him. There was nothing I could add nor was I strong enough to volunteer to go by myself. I would have to trust whatever choice that Levi made was the right one.

"I'll go alone," Levi finally declared. "You three catch up to Flagon. I'm going to kill that bastard before any Titan does."

Isabel shook her head, "I'm going to go with you, Big Bro!"

"You guys have will have a much higher chance of survival if you go with Flagon's squad," he stubbornly reprimanded her.

Farlan was having none of it. "It's too dangerous for you to go by yourself! Titans could come at any moment!"

"Just trust me," Levi's voice boomed, louder than the horses hooves thudding on the ground, louder than the thunder echoing in the sky, louder than the pounding of my own heartbeat.

Farlan began to laugh hysterically after a moment and Isabel soon joined in. "Okay. Fine. I'll trust you. Don't get yourself killed."

"Yep. You better come back to us, Big Bro."

"Don't mess up," I muttered after catching Levi's eye. Giving a small nod in his direction, I joined Isabel and Farlan heading to where the distant sound of a gun shot had been heard.

It didn't take us long to find Flagon, thankfully. The look on his face was one of being relieved. Weird since I had only ever seen him grimace at us before.

"Magnolia! Church! Monstrum! Are you guys alright? What happened to Levi?"

"We lost him in the fog," I replied shielding my face with my arm to look at him.

A girl with short black hair shook her head. "I wonder if he is dead since he didn't hear the noise round."

"Big Bro isn't dead, Sayram!" Isabel screamed at her. "He will definetly co-"

"Titans!" Flagon yelled.

It was too late of a warning as a monster reached down with one hand to pick Sayram up. The fog parted as if a curtain to reveal five titans beginning to surround us. I could feel my limbs trembling. This was bad. This was bad. What could we do? We couldn't even fight in that weather.

"We need to split up," Farlan barked when he turned to face Isabel and I. A Titan's face appeared right in front of him, and in his desperation to turn his horse, the both of them slid to the ground. His leg was stuck underneath the beast. A panicked look on his face, Farlan continued to try and wrench free.

Isabel leapt up to the hand descending on her friend to slash at the gigantic fingers. My vision then focused on an approaching Titan that was lumbering its way over. Too preoccupied on getting a good angle to reach it's neck, Isabel didn't see the one advancing behind her.

With its focus elsewhere, I was able to jump off my horse and approach it without the Titan taking notice of me. Teeth clenched so I wouldn't make a noise to draw its attention, my throat vibrated as I hummed softly. Only when I landed a hook in its shoulder did it pause. Flying towards its neck, I was able to get cut deep enough that I knew it was dead. My feet slipped as I landed back onto the ground, sending me sprawling into the mud.

Covered in muck, I froze as I saw a Titan right above me. At least I had saved Isabel, I thought as a huge foot soared over me. Thinking that it was going to step onto me, I curled into a ball and covered my head. Too scared to see my impending death.

Nothing happened.

"Big Bro!" I heard Isabel shriek.

Quickly getting to my feet, I saw how she was dangling helplessly on the back of a Titan. Her limbs waving wildly, not able to get a good enough grip to unhook herself. No. No. Another one was approaching from the side, a smile plastered eerily on its face.

A sound split the sky with light as if the darkness had been cracked open. My head ducked down instantly, and I cowered with my hands covering my ears. Something was sitting on my chest, so heavy that I was just making short bursts of air leave my mouth. The sound of a whip cracking repeated itself, making me cower even more. Fear had freezed my veins, making it impossible to move.

"Isabel!" Farlan shouted, his leg finally free. Peeking, I saw a Titan getting off of the ground with blood splattered all over its face.

Isabel was dead. The girl with black hair was dead. Levi might be dead. I didn't know where Flagon was. Farlan was going die. I'm going to die. Four Titans remained.

Another bolt of light made itself known in the sky. My knees hit the ground, horror was locking me in place.

"Church! Get a horse. Find whoever else is still alive and get out of here!" Flagon said swooping down.

Get out of here. Get up, and get out. Run. I knew how to run. I was good at running, so I ran. If I just knelt there in the dirt, I would die. I would never ever see Suzu again, so I would escape. My sword swiping at any hands that tried to get near me, I sprinted faster than I ever did before. Faster than when I raced the horse. Not knowing where I was going, I just focused my feet slapping the ground and leaving again.

"Squad leader!" Farlan cried out.

Nails had burrowed themselves into the soft skin of my palms as I swung my arms, pumping my aching legs harder. Just then I realized that their was a figure fast dashing towards us. Feet barely touching the ground.

"Don't go back there, Levi! Not even you can kill all of them," I shouted as I grabbed onto his cloak.

The force of me going one way and him going the other made us fall to the ground. "Let go of me," he bellowed, trying to shake me loose. "Everyone is going to end up dead!"

"You can't." I tackled him to the ground in desperation.

We both stood up at the same time, but before I could protest, he sent a fist right into my jaw. My head snapped backwards making my vision go black as I was sent tumbling backwards. Woozy, it took me a bit before I could sit up to watch Levi sprint towards Farlan. Exhausted, I couldn't muster a single word to snap Levi out of his rage. He was fast approaching the Titan that was holding Farlan it its grip.

I had to keep moving. To survive I needed to get away. Levi fighting could give me enough time to limp away. Somewhere along the way, I had lost one of my shoes. Wet dirt squished between my toes as I stood up. I wondered if my feet would be cold if I wasn't so numb. Had the rain been cold in the first place? What was it even like to be warm?

A howl brought my attention to what was happening with the Titans. Eyelashes fluttering, I peered into the fog to try and make out if Farlan and Levi were still alive. I could make out a person carrying something. No. It was someone. My hands reflexively grabbed my stuttering legs as I realized that Farlan had been bitten in half. Before I could comprehend just how dire of a situation Levi was in, I was already moving towards him. Not sure how fast my pace actually was, I couldn't keep my eyes off of the wings waving on Levi's back as he flew directly toward the ones who had murdered his friends.

Body stilling, my breath was forcibly taken away. I couldn't help wonder if it was because tiredness or how fast Levi was moving that I found it hard to inhale. Each swipe was done with a such precision, you wouldn't have thought that the man was screaming while he delivered it.

Trying to focus on what Levi was saying to the last remaining monster, I hadn't realized that I had taken the few final steps to reach the decaying, steaming bodies. With one cut, the Titan that had killed so many people, fell because of a single man.

"Levi," I started, but before I could continue he lurched towards me.

Everything hurt as I was pushed, sprawling once again to to the hard ground. My eyes widened as I watched Levi's face twist in fury. "I could have saved him! If you hadn't stopped me, I could have at least saved Farlan!"

Trying to scramble away from him, I paused as I saw what lied just a little to the left of me. Levi stopped raging as he noticed what had caught my attention. Both of our chest rose and fell rapidly as wee took in the sight of Isabel's head. A keening whine left my mouth as my body trembled. Gently, Levi bent down so he could close Isabel's eyes.

"Levi! Saph! Are you two the only survivors?" Erwin's voice rang clear. The storm had stopped, and with it, all of the sounds of battle.

Grabbing the blonde, Levi threw the squad leader off of his horse. "I'm going to fucking kill you, Erwin, That's the only reason I'm still here."

The edge of a blade toyed near Erwin's exposed neck. He didn't seem to be afraid though as he just stared evenly at Levi. Erwin took in his surroundings after a second, trying to discern what had made Levi is enraged."Isabel and Farlan... must have died… I see." One hand moved into his coat to pull out a sealed envelope. "These are the documents that you guys came for."

"You knew?" I growled out, finally getting off of the soaked ground. This had all been a ruse then? Why did he want us on the Survey Corps? Were Levi and I just going to have to go back to the Underground empty handed? No. We might even be sent to jail for trying to do Lovoff's bidding. That's if Levi did't murder me first.

"It was a bluff," Erwin stated.

We were used. Every single one of us. Erwin obtained proof because of Lovoff making the deal with us. That was what Erwin had wanted all along.

"If you knew all that… why did you make us join the Survey Corps," Levi asked, the sword still being held steady even as his voice quivered.

"Your fighting skills were truly outstanding for one, and I needed the deal to be made to throw him off. Now all of the evidence is in the hands of Supreme Commander Zackalay, it doesn't matter."

Baring his teeth, Levi leaned forward. "Then my friends threw their lives away for nothing. You just dragged us into your worthless schemes to be used as pawns, but now I'm going to drag you down too."

"Who was it that killed my subordinates and your friends? Was it me? Was it you?"

Was Erwin blaming the death of Isabel and Farlan on Levi? My mind drifted back to the sight that had greeted me when Levi had begun to fight. Its not like he had been aware of the Titans coming for us at the time, but if he had been there, Isabel and Farlan would probably still be alive. The whole squad might have made it with Levi's tremendous strength.

"It's the Titans!" Erwin cried as he grabbed the blade. Blood beginning to drip down his fingers as it sliced his hand open. His eyes didn't waver though as he continued. "Where did the Titans come from? Why do the exist? Why do they devour humans? I don't have the answers, but none of us do. If we continue to remain ignorant then we will continue to be eaten."

But the walls kept us safe. Without the walls, humanity wouldn't survive. The only reason people died because of Titans was that they were in the Survey Corps. A peaceful life would have awaited them if they only hadn't went outside. Not that a life without trouble would be up for grabs for me. Even if I wasn't arrested and thrown into jail, I had spent all of my money on the information. If I was sent back to the Underground, I would have to start all over. I grimaced at the mere concept of doing so. There was a higher chance of me finding my brother while I was in the Survey Corps, I just couldn't die. What should be an easy task looks near impossible out here. Then again, they didn't have Levi before. Sticking with him does lead to a higher chance of survival.

"Will you let your eyes remain clouded? Will you kill me and return to the darkness of the Underground?" Erwin turned to look at me. "Fight for the Survey Corps! Humanity needs your strength!"

I was blown away by the sheer force behind his demand. No love for humanity was in my heart, but I couldn't return to the Underground. Couldn't I fight for the freedom outside of these walls while also looking for my little brother? Not only had I now tasted what it was like to walk in the sunlight, I had also experienced a world without a cage. That tantalizing goal of all the world belonging to us was one worth fighting for. I was in.

"I'm not making a deal with you this time," Levi simply stated before getting on a horse.

Mine hadn't been killed by the Titans and was returning to me just at that moment. I couldn't help but scratch his cheek as he nickered, teeth grazing my shoulder. "I guess you and I are both survivors then. Now we just have to make it back alive."

"We will make it back alive," Erwin declared after stirring his horse forward.

The group began to gallop in the general direction of where the commander was at. Heat began to warm our wet wing covered cloaks as we raced away from the carnage behind us.

 **Yeah. I know. I usually have my author notes at the beginning, but I had some stuff to add after you read the chapter. This storyline has been closely following the original prologue of A Choice With No Regrets, but that's going to change for a bit. After a few chapters of my own plot, I'll pick up when the Attack on Titan manga starts and continue onwards! That doesn't mean it's going to be completely canon, there will be a ton of changes since I don't want to write the fic until the manga itself actually ends. If you haven't read the manga, there will be spoilers. Then again, the next season for the anime might be out before I mention anything slightly spoiler-ish. Guess it all depends. Sorry about this long author's note.**

 **Anyways, I hope you guys don't regret the chapter though it be filled with angst. Comments and criticism are very much appreciated. You can even go on a rant if you so desire. Thanks for reading guys and I will hopefully post the next chapter soon!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here is the next chapter! Not much to say, but I should be saying on my profile again when the next update is. Please leave a comment or criticism! They are always much appreciated!**

It took me a few days to realize how that even though Levi and I hated each other, everyone associated each us together. Throughout the day people asked me where the 'strong midget' was or 'was Levi willing to tell everyone his secret to strength yet?'. What was weird was that I almost always had the answer, usually a 'he's cleaning and no he isn't talking'. After we had come back from the expedition, our spots for sleeping were combined. I took the top bunk, him, the bottom. We even ate our meals together usually. Eating with Isabel and Farlan had been full of laughter with small antics. Meal time had become one where silence descended upon us, neither one speaking or making a sound. I had thought of moving somewhere else, but the idea of going to a different spot made the deaths of Isabel and Farlan so much more permanent. I would never find myself grabbing an extra tray for the piggy tailed girl ever again if I wasn't headed for the same exact destination every time. So I stayed. Levi and I ate together for no other reason than we were too stubborn to move.

Another thing that had changed was that we finally seemed like we had some respect from the other cadets. We survived our first outing, that meant something here. That didn't mean we were liked or anything. Levi's attitude kept everyone else at a distance besides the crazy lady with glasses and me. Erwin seemed to make a point of talking to each of us every once in awhile but never for long. He was too busy being groomed for the Commander's position to have any time to do something else. With Flagon's death, both Levi and I had been put into Mike's squad. Mike seemed to be a pretty decent guy that didn't talk a lot and sniffed everything. He might have just been made a squad leader but his Titan killing skills were top notch. Though it seemed like his position as the best might be overtaken by Levi. That was probably the reason we were put in the spot in the first place, Levi's potential made it so that only the best could try and lead him. I was just a tag-along.

It was one of the few days we had off. I had chosen to take the time to go into town and check up on some of the leads Agni had given me. Sometimes I would sneak off in the middle of the night to check the more shady areas, but my destination was a bakery. It was written down that the husband who worked there had said that a young boy close to my description of Suzu had been coming by to buy bread. Running my thumb over the coin in my pocket, I was oddly distracted by the thick scent of goods wafting in the air. The food at the military base was good compared to what I had to scrounge up in the Underground but this smelled heavenly.

"Can I help you?" A plump lady with a gigantic smile on her face greeted me as I walked into the building. I could only guess that this was his wife.

It was weird not to be hit with instant hostility when they first see me. While I wasn't dressed in my uniform, my simple black shorts and tanktop was clean without any holes or tears. I looked like I wasn't a thief. That I could actually buy something. What a new experience.

Taking on an excited demeanor, I peered at the baked goods. "Can I have a chocolate cookie?"

Her grin widened as she turned around to grab the goody. Placing my money on the counter, I watched her put the cookie in a small sack. "Is chocolate your favorite flavor?"

Now was my chance to bring up my brother. Sniffling a little, I grabbed the bag to look into it with a sad expression plastered on my face. "No, but I eat it because it was my brothers favorite. I miss him so much."

Eyes wide, the lady stared at me for a second before giving me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. What a great way to use my innocence persona. I had even once been told that my face looked too sweet to be the one of a murderer. That was before I stabbed a man before he could take Suzu and I's food. Though I still don't know if I killed him since we ran away afterwards. Guess the man could have been correct.

"I really love my brother, but he disappeared one day. Do you think I'll ever see him again?"

The woman began to frown as she patted my shoulder. "I'm not sure sweetie, but if you definetly keep looking for him, you might."

"Maybe you have seen him?" Tears steadily began to drip down my cheeks as I take a small nibble on my cookie after posing the question. It had to sound natural, not like her answering that question had been my objective in the first place. I could tell that she wasn't convinced, but with the crying young girl in front of her, she decided to play along.

"Well, sweetheart, what does he look like?"

The words began to rush out of my mouth before I could consider them. "He has brown curly hair like me that's cut short. He also has brown eyes and would look around 11 right now. My brother tans really easily and he always has a smile. I think he is about this tall now and would be pretty skinny."

"Nope. The only regular that sounds similar to that is a boy with black hair. I've also never seen him smile, so I don't think I have seen your brother come to my bakery, sweetie. I'm sorry."

I huffed with a little more irritation than necessary. This lead had been one of the last few I had, and the next Survey Corps expedition was coming up soon. Using my last day off here was a waste of time. Now if I wanted to check up on any of the other places, I was going to have to sneak out at night.

"Thanks for your help," I mumbled before turning around to head out. At least the cookie I was munching on was good. It had been forever since I had chocolate and I barely had time to enjoy it. I wonder if Isabel would have liked chocolate. We had talked about all the different foods we were going to try once we got the chance, but a moment to go to town had never came. That was Erwin's fault. A part of me hated him for how he used us to obtain his goals, but another side said that was what I would've done in his situation. Did I not just use Farlan, Isabel and Levi to get a chance to find my brother? Am I not using the Survey Corps for that same reason as well? They are all people who would sacrifice themselves for humanity, but it was all in vain. Not one of there name's will be remembered and to what end? A miserable horrific death in the jaws of the monsters they so desperately fight? No thanks. The Survey Corps will never get any gratitude for their hard work, so I see no reason to waste my life there.

While it was getting dark outside, I decided to take the longer route. Tomorrow would be another day of training which was something I was not looking forward to at all. If I thought I had been in top physical strength down in the Underground, I was wrong. Meals and sleep did wonders to improve my health and Levi's. While the guy still had sharp edges, he was beginning to fill out. If we ever fought hand to hand again, I was going to have to make sure to stay out of his grasp. Levi was going to probably be able to break me in two with his bare hands soon.

"Saph, I presume?" a gravely voice whispered in a corner.

Stiffening, I turned my head slowly to face the man who had spoke. The fast approaching night and the shadows of the building he was standing beside did enough to hide his threatening figure from most passersbys. I might not have noticed him if he hadn't said anything. I kept quiet and watched him curiously. The man had a stocky build and seemed to be strong, but he wasn't in a fighting stance.

"Agni sent me," he finally uttered.

That got my attention. After sending a quick glance around me, I approached the alley. "Do you have something for me?"

His eyes flicked to my outstretched hand before finding the ground. "Just some information."

Retracting my hand, I leaned against the wall with a sigh. It couldn't be the area where my brother is then, Agni would have had to write the address down for me. What information could be valuable enough for her to send me a messenger?

"She said that due to unforeseen circumstances, there will be no more inquiring on her part for the location of your brother.

Apparently, the man who has your brother is dangerous. Dangerous enough that she doesn't want to risk her business being involved. This man had already killed a few of Agni's informants."

I frowned. "This is what I paid for? I thought Agni did better business than this. If that's so then maybe I should slit your throat to see how she takes my warning."

A grin twisted the man's features into a malicious one. His laugh contained a few short barks before he turned to spit on the ground. "Now I see what Agni was talking about when she said I had be careful about getting killed. I didn't know if you had any of the instinct in you when I saw you in that bakery, but I guess you are from the Underground."

Scowling at the knowledge of being watched, I glared at him. My fingers crept downwards towards the knife in my boot.

"Watch it little girl. I'm well aware of your fighting abilities and that weapon. While Agni did say that she is stopping the investigation, your money isn't going to waste. Your brother was taken by a man named Kenny Ackerman."

"Kenny the Ripper? I've heard of him."

The man nodded. "Yes the Underground is ripe of legends about the man. Turns out that the Military Corps still hasn't killed the bastard, and he has actually joined them. Became a bodyguard for a Uri Reiss or something. Nobody knows what he had done with your brother or why he has him."

My mind turned over this new information. The Reiss family, a nobility family. Why would Kenny protect them? He seemed like a man who would hate the privileged. Something was up and I had no way of knowing what had happened. I dipped my chin and then took off, running back to the headquarters. All that searching had led up to the truth of the matter. Agni was a resource I no longer had, so I was going to have to gather the information. Charging headfirst would only lead to my death. No matter how large the rumors had grown about Kenny the Ripper, one thing was for sure, that man had the power to easily kill me. Maybe there was a way for me to utilize my position as a Survey Corps member?

This was going to take me a moment to figure out. To bad there wasn't much I could do before the next expedition. It hadn't even felt like a month and a half since Farlan and Isabel were killed. All expeditions couldn't be that bad, right? Second time to be trying the new formation, and everyone just prayed that it was going to go well. There wasn't a way for me to not go, so I would just have to follow orders like everyone else.

Even though the sleeping quarters weren't too far away, I could already feel my body beginning to drag. Four days until the next time I left the safety of these walls. Now it was just going to be light training filled with preparations. Since I was just a low ranked soldier, there wasn't much I had to do besides move stuff. Erwin and the commander were the ones who had people breathing down their necks about the success of this thing. Not only did they have to make sure not to die, they also had to make sure not to many other people died. Wouldn't want to have to give their families any money for the loss now.

"Clean up the mess you made," Levi growled as soon as I stepped into the building.

I glanced behind me. Dirty footprints could be seen against the outline of the wood. "I'll do it tomorrow," I yawned out as I removed my boots. Might as well make sure not any more mud gets on the floor.

"I didn't say 'tomorrow.'"

"You also didn't say tonight." I swung a leg over to rest on the mattress. Just as I was beginning to move the other one, Levi grabbed my ankle. I tried to shake his grip off. "If it bothers you so much, why don't you do it? I just want to get some sleep!" I hissed out, careful not to wake up any of the other members slumbering inside.

Apparently, Levi didn't care about that. He gave a sharp tug and I was sent to the floor. My butt hit the hardwood with a thump. "Don't be so mean," I whined out, childishly. I'm too tired to deal with this!

A hand began to rustle the hair on the top of my head. "Just shut up and clean it," Levi mumbled.

With wide eyes, I stared at him. What in the world was he doing? His fingers were deftly untangling the few clumps with ease. Too stunned to get away, I stared at him with an open mouth.

Noticing that something was amiss. Levi lazily opened his eyes. Slowly blinking at me, it took a moment for him to focus. When he did, Levi retracted his hand so fast that he pulled a few strands of my brown hair with him. Looking at his hand with disgust, he seemed to contemplate wiping it on the blanket.

Wide awake now, I awkwardly got up. "I'll go clean it up right now."

After getting the supplies, it didn't take me long to wash off the dirt. I took my time doing it, making it so that it would probably even fulfill Levi's standards. That had been weird. Seeing Levi doing something with emotions behind it was unheard of. Not since Isabel and Farlan had died had I seen him do or say anything that wasn't anger, disgust, hate, or complete indifference. I knew he blamed me, at least partially, for Farlan's death so to see a kind gesture directed towards me was even stranger.

Slipping a blanket over me after I got into bed, my fingertips drifted to the crown of my head. A gentle, physical comfort such as that hasn't been given to me for years. Not even Isabel's roughness could equate to what I had just felt. Confused by the pain radiating out of my chest, I struggled to get to sleep that night.


	13. Chapter 13

**Still looking for a beta if anyone is interested. Anyways, I hope everybody enjoys the latest chapter! Comments and criticism are always welcomed.**

Saph's PoV

Fate was either trying to kill me or I was just bad at staying out of dangerous situations. The last expedition had killed everyone in our group except Levi and I, now it was just the two of us stuck in a field. Levi's horse was dead, and mine had run off somewhere.

"Why did I chase after you!" I snarled throwing my hands in the air as we walked through the meadow. "If only I had decided to stick with everyone else, I wouldn't be stuck here with you."

Levi continued to ignore me.

It was a terrible tragedy that out of every single person in the Survey Corps, I had to end up stuck with him. We had been doing another supply run since the last one had gone _so_ well. It wasn't even an overnight trip. The Survey Corps had started off early in the morning so we could return near the evening in time for dinner. All had been going fine until Levi had taken off to fight a small abnormal that had been off some distance aways. Without even considering my actions, I took off after him. Weaving through the trees at a sprint, Mike and the rest must have lost us as we made our way deeper into the underbrush. Levi had, of course, brilliantly executed his kill before another stepped into the small clearing we were in. The thing stepped on his horse and I had to jump off of my own to avoid getting snatched up to be eaten. Though it may have only taken Levi a minute to kill the Titan, my horse had ran off. No matter how much I whistled, she wasn't coming back to me. Our hope was that by walking back towards the walls, we would be seen by our fellow military members.

I was going to die out here if I wasn't careful, and it was all because of Levi's little stunt. That pent up murderous rage he felt whenever he saw one of those monsters was certainly different than the fear almost every other member felt. Guess it was hard to be scared of something that seemed so easy to kill. Not only was he not afraid of them, Levi intentionally went after that Titan.

"Did you know that no matter how many Titans you kill, Farlan and Isabel aren't going to come back?"

That made him stop. Edging away, I prepared for if he decided to try and strike me.

"I wonder whose fault that is?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I tried to remain nonchalant. "I informed you in the beginning that I wasn't going to risk my life for any of you guys. Don't just blame me because you weren't there."

"That's a shitty excuse if I ever heard one."

Clicking my tongue, I shook my head. "It's not an excuse, it's a reason."

A dry laugh escaped Levi's lips, "We live in a messed up world if you get to live and they don't."

"Can't die yet, there's stuff I have to do."

"You mean all those nights you were sneaking out?"

Beginning to walk once again, I gave a small grin. "Maybe I'm just enjoying my newfound freedom?"

"You're not stupid enough to risk it getting taken away because of wanting to take a stroll in the moonlight."

I let out a long high pitched whistle for my horse as I thought about my response. There was nothing I could threaten him with. Levi had already lost everything, but he was still living with the goal of eradicating Titans in mind. Nothing useful was up my sleeve for how to deal with this. I hadn't prepared for a situation where Levi might discover my late night escapes.

"Are you going to tell?"

"Does it seem like I give a damn what you do with your life?"

Tilting my head to the side, I considered the question. "No, but you do blame me for Farlan and Isabel's death. It could be for your own personal feelings that you reveal my outings to Erwin. Then again, you could be using it for leverage."

"Not everyone is like you."

The warning sign of a snarl made my lip curl and nose wrinkle. "I may not be a good person, but you aren't any better than me!" I snapped.

Too caught up in my rising anger, I forgot to be on my guard. All it took was a blow to my chin before I was sent to the ground. My head swam as I scrambled up, but Levi had a hold of the collar of my shirt before I could escape.

"They were better than you. They shouldn't have died because of my mistake and your selfishness."

"Don't act like they were perfect! We all came from the Underground. Farlan was a coward and Isabel was a naive fool and you know it!"

Spittle flew, hitting my swollen cheek. "They would have died for you!"

"And I tried to save them. You can say whatever you want, but I killed a Titan trying to protect Isabel. I even tried to stop you from going into battle where if it was anyone else, they would have been eaten too. Not my fault that I didn't know you were _humanity's strongest soldier,_ who doesn't have to fear death while killing Titans. Regret the choice you made back then. I'm not going to regret surviving though."

"I could have saved Farlan if you hadn't intervened."

"I intervened because I need to go on and I thought they would have wanted that for you too."

Levi pulled his hand back to punch me again, but he hesitated. "What's the point of surviving when you have nothing to live for?"

"I wouldn't know."

Levi eyes were cold as he let go to only watch me collapse. "Then I'll live to destroy whatever keeps you going."

I was going to respond but a something caught my attention. Vibrations began to tremble against my fingertips. "Levi, a Titan is coming."

His head instantly perked up. "Where?"

The blades of grass tickled my ear as I rested my side of the head against the dirt. "There are three, I think. They are coming out of the forest we just exited."

After dusting myself off, I readied my blades. Without a horse, are two options was to either try and run or wait for them to approach us. Two gigantic Titans came stomping out of the woods with their arms flailing wildly. A splitting grin that revealed gums and white teeth were on both.

They were approaching us rapidly, and all I wanted to do was run. Levi could leave me all alone to get murdered. His anger towards me could burn brighter than his hatred for the Titans. My nerves began to tighten into little bundles that started to make my limbs ache. I didn't know how much gas I had left. Sweat drops began to trickle down between my shoulder blades, descending down my spine. This could be the moment I died. I couldn't take it anymore, my feet began to throw me forward as I sprinted towards the monsters who wanted to eat me.

"Don't be stupid!" Levi shouted behind me.

I began to hum as I sent out a hook to the the one on the lefts shoulder. The top of my mouth might have tickled, but the consistent sound soothed me. It was better than screaming at least. I was sent into a wide arc where I landed on the opposite side shoulder blade. A blast of steam hit the side of my face which sent curls of my hair into my mouth. Leiv must have killed the other one, at least I didn't have to now worry about being grabbed from behind. Momentarily distracted by the thought, I took a wrong step. My teeth clanked against each other as I slid down its skin. Scrambling for purchase, I dug my nails hard into its back.

This was how Isabel's life ended. Dangling helplessly from the wires as she screamed for her Big Brother to come and help her. My head began to pound with the explicit image forever seared into it. Slipping a finger into my boot, I dug out my old knife with one hand with the other still hanging on.

Quickly, I dug the blade into it's flesh and began to climb upwards. Using only the strength of my arms, I scaled towards the nape of the Titan's neck. If riding on top of one of these monsters hadn't been scary enough, it began to reach it hands backwards. All it would take for another stumble of mine for me to fall into the grip of death.

Standing back up on its shoulder, I sent a long swipe through it's spinal cord with my sword. As the Titan was brought to its knees, I tried to shoot away from the descending body, but my gear wasn't working. Apparently, I didn't have any more gas after fighting off all the Titans and escaping. Falling straight to the ground at such a high distance was going to injure me. Arms waving wildly, I was trying to curl up into a ball to lessen the impact.

Something hit me in the air, making all air whoosh out of my lungs. Clutching desperately, I closed my eyes as tight as I could. I held my breathe as we descended.

Almost as soon as we landed, I was tossed to the ground. Shaking heavily with fright, I was to concentrated on breathing that I didn't try to see who was standing impatiently in front of me.

"Are you going to just lie there like an idiot or are we going to get moving again?" Levi gruffly asked, his voice deep with no signs of panic at all.

My legs trembled as I stood up weakly. "Why did you save me?" I panted out.

"If you die then what would be the point of destroying what keeps you going?"

"You want to see me suffer?"

Levi turned away from me. I could hear the sound of hooves in the distance. The Survey Corps must have seen the steam from the two fallen Titans.

Chasing after him, I tried to take a hold of his jacket but he kept shaking me off. "Thank you."

"You realized that the only reason I saved you was because I wanted to see you suffer and you thank me?"

Glancing to the oncoming herd of horses, I shook my head. "You're a better person than I originally thought."

"What have I ever said that makes you think that?"

I snorted as I began to wave my arms in the air to get their attention. "You barely speak and when you do, it's usually to threaten me."

Nothing was said as we watched the members approach us. Maybe Levi didn't even care what had changed my mind? I certainly wasn't going to say anything. While he was the only member I remained true to myself with, it didn't mean I enjoyed conversation with him.

Erwin's blonde head could be seen a swiveling in our direction. I could see him pointing and shouting commands. The rest of our squad, with Mike in the lead, began to come our way. My horse in tow.

"Then what?" Levi asked in his usual monotone voice.

"I would have let you drop. No reason to risk my life for someone who hates me."

Whatever Levi was going to respond with was lost in the sounds of us getting yelled at. No. Not by our squad leader, but by his second in command. A woman named Ruby who seemed to have been named after her straight red hair. Her scowling matched with the cold, hard, glare made me shift uneasily. The only person I feared more was Erwin.

"I know you have this little revenge mission you're on, Levi, but orders are more important."

While the guy didn't say anything, his scowl didn't lessen at her lecturing.

"And you, Saph. I don't care if your little friend," she was referring to Levi right? The little part was at least correct, "you have to stay in formation."

"We are out here to kill Titans or are just supposed to shit ourselves and run away every single time we encounter one?" Levi asked with as much snark as the bastard could muster.

The older woman seemed aghast at the way he was speaking to her. Mike only sat on his horse, but I could tell that he just wanted to head back to eat already.

Erwin came up to the four of us. "Listen to authority or leave. The Survey Corps wouldn't be able to function if everyone just did what they wanted to out here."

"Yes, sir," I mumbled, avoiding eye contact at all cost. These people did have a point. It would be smarter to follow their lead than try to head off on our own. I couldn't trust them, but they were the veterans for a reason. Something was keeping them alive that wasn't just pure luck. Nobody in our world could survive just on that.

Just because I decided that it was the wise choice, didn't mean Levi was going to start following authority all of a sudden. If he wasn't so damn strong, it might have been a better idea to throw him out of the military altogether.

"Get on your horses. We're going back," Ruby sighed as she handed Levi a new one and me, my own.

With the wall in sight, it wouldn't take to long to return. Patting my horse on the neck, I kept an eye out for anything that could be of danger to us.

"I don't hate you."

"Hmmm?" I whipped my head to look at Levi. Nobody else was around us, but I was surprised that he was the one who had spoken.

"You're willing to sacrifice anything to reach your goal. That was a part of why Isabel and Farlan got killed."

"Sorry I wasn't willing to die for your friends."

"You considered them friends too. Anyone who is willing to sacrifice those they care about to achieve their end isn't someone I want to be around."

I swallowed hard. "You're not the only one who will have to live with the regrets that came with that day."

Levi kept his mouth shut. His brow was furrowed creating deep sets of lines all across his forehead.

"I'm sorry." Gnashing my teeth, I kept my eyes trained on the moving ground beneath the horse. "It doesn't make up for what happened, but you seem to think that I don't care that they died. I may not have known either of them as long as you had. That doesn't mean I wasn't hurt when I saw them get eaten right in front of my eyes. You might not have been able to fight, but I was the one who fought and still failed."

I was finally deemed worthy of a glance. The hard line of his mouth curled slightly at the corner. "You are at least not as shitty as you were when you first started training."

I huffed at him while frowning, but I couldn't help but let out a snort barely contained laughter.

 **Do not worry, this is a romance. I didn't put it in the wrong genre. It's just a very slow romance. I also wanted to give a shout out to every person who has reviewed thus far. You may not think it means a lot, but I save them because they can get me out of a writer's block in a snap. Everyone is great, and I really love all yall. Sorry for the mushiness. Check out my profile to get updates on when the next chapter will probably be out**


	14. Chapter 14

**I'm excited to say that I got a great new beta. This chapter would be riddled with grammatical errors if it wasn't for Forschia! I hope everyone enjoys the latest chapter, and comments/criticisms are always very much appreciated.**

 **Warnings: Mentions of rape and a spoiler from the manga.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Attack on Titan, just my OCs.**

Saph's PoV

"Most people are surprised you have survived here for so long. The most anyone thought you could last was for two months," a woman with glasses said as she plopped down at our breakfast table. Her brown hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail and she smiled at us with ease. Slightly startled at the interruption of my breakfast, I scrambled for a response.

Levi, who was sitting across me, took the initiative. "What do you want shitty glasses?"

"It's Hanji. Can't I be curious about my new, elusive comrades? Is it because you had lived in the Underground? Is that what make you two so capable at surviving?"

Couldn't I just eat my meal in peace? We finally had a day off and the last thing I wanted to deal with was pestering from other people. I had thought eating with Levi would be enough of a deterrent to talking but I guess not.

"Maybe," I said, smiling brightly like I was hiding some kind of secret. "It stopped feeling like I was an outsider here awhile ago."

"You've survived enough expeditions to get the respect. I've been here for years, so I might become a squad leader soon. There has been talk of Levi becoming one too."

So that was why she came over to begin with. Her curiosity in Levi was what drove her over here. She must really be interested if his attitude didn't put her off. I found something akin to respect for her, at least Hanji was dedicated even if she was a little weird.

Instead of answering, Levi continued to drink his tea. Unperturbed by his silence, Hanji swung an arm around his shoulders, accidentally upsetting his cup in the process. Right as I saw the drop begin to fall directly towards his pants, I ducked. I could almost hear Levi's vein throbbing as he gently set the teacup down on the wood table.

"You're going to clean that up, shitty glasses!" Levi roared as he grabbed Hanji by the arm and threw her over me.

Hesitant to sit back up, I tried to gauge whether or not Levi was going to leap over the table and after her. Instead, calmly strode away from the dining hall, most likely to get a change of pants. Straightening my back, I gathered my own dishes. I almost dropped them as I heard cackling behind me. Turning around, I saw Hanji sitting on the ground, laughing on the verge of hysterically.

"I hadn't expected that!"

Gazing at her quizzically, I cocked my head. "That's what happens when you touch him, waste his tea, and then stain his pants. I'm surprised you got off as easy as you did. Anyways, are you okay? He threw you pretty hard." Holding a hand out, I waited for her to grab it.

Hanji gripped my hand tightly and hoisted herself up. "Thanks."

Before she could began to pester me with any questions about Levi, I gave the strange woman a wave goodbye. "No problem. I'll see you later."

Rushing out of there, I headed to my barracks to collect a few items near my bunk). If I was going to search Underground, I was going to need my knife and some money. It was a relatively nice day outside, which made me want to find a spot to nap instead of going down to where the sunshine couldn't reach. As I approached the sleeping quarters, I bumped into Levi.

"Sneaking off?"

Even though I had known of Levi's knowledge of my little getaways for months, I still didn't know how to handle it. Did he want to be bribed with money? Licking my chapped lips, my eyes bored into his. "Does it matter? We have a day off. We get to do with it as we please."

"Hmph. You're probably doing something stupid and going to get yourself killed, the idiot that you are."

Was he worried about me screwing up his new lifestyle? Or was Levi concerned about me getting myself killed so then he couldn't destroy whatever I lived for? "You have no idea what I'm doing."

"Maybe not, but you always come back smelling like the Underground."

A soft growl quickly began to claw its way up my throat. "Sometimes I like to visit the place I lived."

"In the middle of the night when all the criminals are lurking out from their hideout?"

"That place is only filled with thieves and murderers," I snarled out. "Nothing else. We aren't that much different than them. No matter how many times you wipe your hands with that handkerchief of yours, it's not going to remove your past of living in dirt and blood." There was no need for all these questions, and the fact that Levi was asking them with such an indifferent face made it so much worse.

Biting back any other sharp retorts, I slid past him and rushed inside. After slipping my knife into my boot, I walked back outside, refusing to look down at Levi.

When the Survey Corps headquarter was out of sight, I began to jog. Letting my feet slap against the stone road, I inhaled breath after breath of fresh air. My legs stretched out to their full length, eating up the ground. A laugh bubbled in my veins as I pumped my arms at a steady beat. Picking up speed, I ignored the curious looks of the people around me as I openly smiled. Letting go all the anger that had been building up inside my chest,I felt nothing but an overwhelming elation. Only too soon did I reach the entrance to the Underground. The guard jerked his head and I was led directly to the descending staircase. My steps were steady even if my eyes hadn't adjusted to the darkness yet.

It was one of Agni's rivals that had eventually informed me that Kenny once had a sister who was a prostitute in the Underground. The facts weren't much, but that was all I had. Hoping that the owner of the brothel would be open for a bribe, I had brought enough money to do so.

The place was easy enough to find. Wary of what was inside, I approached with stealth. Door giving an eerie creak, I peaked inside the tall, shabby building.

"How can I help you today, miss?" An old man sat behind a makeshift counter. His teeth were yellow and his hair was a greasy black. If he hadn't asked me that question, I might have mistaken him as a patron. Nobody would sleep with a guy who smelled and looked like that without being desperate.

Nose wrinkling slightly, I stood in front of him. "I was told by a friend of mine that Kenny the Ripper's sister used to work here once. I'm looking for Kenny and was wondering if you could help me." I placed a few coins on the surface to show him I meant business.

His eyes glinted at the money before looking up to scan my body. Giving me the once over, his tongue darted out to lick his blubbering lips. "How much are you willing to pay?"

Feeling gross, I emptied more money out of my bag. "A good amount, but it also depends how reliable and worthwhile the info is."

A hand reached out to tug on a strand of my hair that was in my face. I could have jerked away, but that would only make the man pissed. This was my only lead. I needed to find Suzu. My little brother was still out there without me.

"It's very dangerous to hand out intelligence on Kenny the Ripper," he said in a hushed voice, sounding a bit wary. "He could always come back here out of revenge. I'm already rich." His hand slid down to cup my chin with two clammy fingers. It was a curious thing that the counter didn't break underneath his weight as he leaned over to touch me.

"I could always torture you for the information. Here I am trying to be fair about this whole deal."

I could smell rotten meat as he spoke. "You won't know if it's credible or not. Should probably get on my good side, Sweetheart, if you want good intel."

"I'm not pretty," I whispered, feeling queasy.

The man paused and squinted at me before the leering look came back. "No. You're not, but you're young, full of fighting spirit, and I would like to see what Survey Corps training does to a young girl's body."

"No money?"

"No money."

"One time?"

"One time."

The facade of calm was beginning to crack as panic set in. I was backed into a corner. If I refused, I would reach a dead end. If I consented, there was hope for finding my brother. Little Suzu.

"I have a room right here that we could use," the man said softly, as if to comfort me.

Swallowing down something large and heavy in my throat, I nodded. I was led to a small room that had a bed in the middle. A dresser and desk were on one side of the wall. He grabbed the bottom of my tank top, but I shoved his hand away.

"I can't have you ripping my clothes off."

"Sure."

He went on the other side of the bed. Rolls of blubber bounced as he took his own shirt off.

Disgusted, I discarded my own clothing quickly, like it was painless. Folding my clothes neatly, I put them underneath the bed with both of my boots near the head on the splintering wood. His squinty eyes narrowed in delight when they took in my naked body.

"You're face is pretty ugly, but at least you won't be easily broken."

I took a deep breathe,I'm not gonna show him how sickened I was. "One time."

"One time."

* * *

Parts of me, which had no business feeling hurt, ached. Sure, I sometimes had cramps when it was my time,but I had never felt so dirty before. We laid side by side, neither of us had rushed to put our clothes on once the deed was done. Him, because he was satisfied to just lie down in contentment, me, because a part of me was gone and I was having a hard time breathing without it. Whatever dignity that I had scraped up living in the military was now trashed. I had always been called filth, but this was the first time I felt like it.

"Kenny's sister got sick and died a good few years back. She had a kid though." The man whose name I still didn't know glanced at me. "You listening? This is what you paid for."

"Go on," I huffed out, trying to keep myself from groaning in pain.

Pudgy fingers wrapped themselves in my hair to yank my face up from its spot on the pillow. I barely resisted crying out. My head was still tender from the same action before.

"Looks like you broke. All hopeless now and shit."

"Doesn't matter. I want to hear," I growled out.

The man let go. "When Kenny had come to the brothel after his sister had died, he decided to raise the child. Abandoned it after a few years, but that one knows the most about Kenny as far as I'm aware of." He began to rub his pot sized belly. "His name is Levi. Heard he joined the Survey Corps just like you."

That was a shock. The person best for leading me to my goal was right beside me this whole time? There were other matters I had to take care of before interrogating Levi.

"Is there any other information you're keeping from me just so you could try and get a second time?"

"I told you Sweetheart, you're worthless now. No reason to keep details from you if you have nothing I want."

Snatching my knife out, I pressed it to the guy's neck as I straddled him before he could let out a peep. Bruises in the form of hands ranged from my arms to my bony hips. "I've been meaning to ask you about something. Who told you I joined the Survey Corps?"

"Come on, girlie. It was the man who sent you here. Told me ahead of time what you would be asking for and who you were."

"Jolls told?"

"Said you would probably be willing to pay with your body too."

My teeth grinded together as a fearsome growl made itself known in the room. "What's your name?"

"Theo. Why?"

I angled forward, so each word would send spittle straight into his face. "Just want to know whose grave I'm going to have to spit on now."

Before a word could come out of his nasty mouth, I slit his throat open. Blood sprayed onto my uncovered skin, dotting brown with red. Slowly, I got off of Theo's convulsing body. Sticky, I found a blanket to clean myself with. I was definitely going to have to take a shower when I returned.

It took a bit of time to put my clothes back on. My muscles were sore and my stomach was twisting with nausea. There were still things I had to do though. Figuring that I shouldn't abandon all these valuable items, I pocketed all the money I could find. I was right when I told Levi that we were no different than thieves and murderers, at least I wasn't. Leaving the dead body on the bed, I exited the room and the quiet brothel.

With my mind still churning over what I had been told, I was thankful that my feet at least knew the place to go. The house was a good jog away from Theo's workplace. At least, I still had a bit time before dinner, I wouldn't want to miss my meal.

"Hello, Jolls," I said as I opened the door. The barrel of a gun was what greeted me as I entered his humble little home. Should have known a black market dealer in weapons would have some illegal ones lying around near him.

A grin stretched his mouth until it revealed a set of perfect white teeth. "How did your visit with Theo go?"

"Now I wasn't expecting to walk in here with the threat of a bullet in my brain."

"You didn't get here soon enough, Saph. One of Theo's girls heard the commotion and went downstairs to check after you left. The news, that a client of mine had died, naked in his bed, spread faster than you can run. At least I hoped the old boy enjoyed himself one last time before you slaughtered him like a pig."

"It's bad business to tell on your clients. No wonder you're second to Agni."

Blonde eyebrows raised at my nonchalant attitude. Guess he was expecting me to rage at the reminder that I had sex with Theo.

"Paid more money than you, that and I thought he would owe me a favor if I sent you over. Guy has always had a weird taste in girls. That plan went right out the window. You here to kill me?"

"I meant to just do it and get out. Didn't think that his body would be found so quickly." My knife was already in my hand, but I wouldn't be able to throw it before he could pull the trigger.

"Sorry, Saph, I can't just let you go."

Throat dry, I scrambled to come up with a distraction. A way to gain the upper hand in this situation.

"Jolls!" A lady screeched, slamming open the door, "somebody murdered Theo!"

I jumped to the side just as the gun went off.

"Shit!" Jolls cursed as I lurched to my feet.

Before Jolls could reload, I already had my knife in the flesh of his chest. "You lied. That was the messenger that should've gotten here before me. You knew I was going to kill Theo. No. You wanted me to murder him, so you would have an excuse to execute me. Who put you up to this?"

"Like hell I'm going to tell you," he coughed out as blood steadily fell from his mouth.

Just as he began to sag, I ripped my blade out. Quickly, I side stepped so the body wouldn't touch me as it fell forward. The death hadn't been as satisfying as the last one, but I couldn't complain too much.

"Sorry that you had to die for me to live," I murmured to the messenger who had a bullet wound in her head. Tip toeing around the puddle of red liquid, I left.

My trek to the surface was short. I wasted to time on pleasantries or the scenic route. It seemed as if I was radiating an evil energy because crowds of people would part for me. A fight might have sprung up if somebody had accidentally bumped into me. I was on the edge, so close to falling off of it.

I flat out sprinted as I saw night was beginning to fall all around me. The run here had felt so enlightening, but this time I could only feel my lungs begging for a break. My head was pounding, matching each stride.

Lights were on at the mess hall, eating wasn't on my mind as I made a sharp turn towards the showers. Thankfully, I was alone as I dumped bucket after bucket over my head. Breathing heavily, I scrubbed my body with soap. It wasn't getting off. His touch. His smell. His words weren't going away no matter how many times I dragged my nails over my wet body. A flashback hit me out of nowhere, making me bend down and puke my lunch up. With all dangers fading into the back ground, I was free to have the full retribution of what I had condemned myself too. It hurt. I hurt. There was just pain and misery. My shivering body leaned against the side as if I too had a knife plunged into my heart.

This wasn't what was supposed to happen. The thought of having Suzu by my side once again should have pushed away all of the bad things. If I didn't have Suzu then I was alone. I couldn't be alone. I refused to be alone. Agony like this was nothing compared to emptiness. You were numb when you're empty, you're empty when you're alone. Suzu would make sure I would never be alone.

Filling another bucket of water, I splashed it over the vomit below me. The contents spread far and wide as I continued to wash it away. No longer sticky with sweat and blood, I put on my sleepwear. It wasn't usually regarded as appropriate to wear your pyjamas to dinner, but since it was our day off, I wouldn't be the only one. The only problem was that I didn't usually wear my boots with them. Where was I going to hide my knife when I confront Levi tonight?


	15. Chapter 15

Saph's PoV

Cold drips of water rolled down my back as I searched through the shelves. Frantically, I turned each glass container over to read the label. I couldn't find it. My intakes of breath were short and sharp, each piercing my ribs.

It had been hard to pretend everything was fine at dinner. Levi had scolded me for not drying my hair and leaving it dripping into his bowl of soup. The wet stands hadn't been near it, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to complain. I had almost grabbed his wrinkle free collar right then and there to demand where Kenny was. Each mouthful of food was excruciating as I waited for the moment I could be alone with him. That was until I overheard a conversation that had set me into a panic.

"Has anyone ever been pregnant and gone on a expedition?" A girl asked, eyeing the round belly of her superior.

While my own parents had been in the Survey Corps, it was incredibly rare for one to be in this military position and to raise a family. The fingers that were reaching for my drink stilled. I hadn't thought of what would happen if I had a kid. Horror spread quickly, fueling my body with adrenaline.

"No. That is as long as the woman knows she is pregnant, they won't send her out. While some say we are throwing our lives away for nothing, the Survey Corps regards life as a very precious thing. However, if you do choose to engage in those activities, there is a medicine we have to prevent girls from getting pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yes. All military bases have it. My husband is so excited for the child. Even in this terrible world, we can still create something as beautiful as a baby. I'm so happy that I have this chance to have a family if with my dangerous job." The woman smiled serenely as she rubbed her protruding stomach.

Standing up, I quickly grabbed my dishes. "I need to go," I told Levi who was staring at me with slightly wide eyes. Guess I startled him. Regaining his composure, Levi grunted and began to leisurely sip his tea.

That was the reason I ran to the infirmary wing to search for this miraculous medicine. My reading skills were what kept me from finding the correct bottle. I could usually get by since I had to do some reading in the Underground, but it hadn't prepared me for the long, complex words labeling each container.

"Are you looking for something?"

A voice scared me, making me whip around with my hands behind my back though I held nothing in them. It was Hanji, standing right at the door frame behind me How long had she been there?

Frantic, I tried to gauge if I could sprint away without repercussions or not. The wary look Hanji was giving me was a clear signal that I couldn't leave without explaining myself. "Not really."

"You just decided to come to the dispensary for fun?"

My gaze dropped to my feet. There was no way I could tell the truth, but I could create a story. If I played the guilty child well enough she wouldn't go looking for incidents in the Underground recently. Probably wouldn't expect me to be the killer of two men. "I-I heard of a medicine that pr-revents pregnancy if you t-take it."

Hanji's eyes darted towards my stomach, but before she could say anything, I waved my hands. "It's not for me but for a friend."

"A friend?"

Nodding dutifully, I gave a weak smile that was supposed to reassure her that I was telling the truth.

I wasn't expecting her to grab my wrist and pull me forward. The fairly maniacal smile that always seemed to be plastered on her face had delved into one of a thin hard line. "What happened, Saph? Did someone attack you? Is it Levi? I know you two were in the same gang in the Under-"

"Levi?" I asked, almost forgetting about my role as a sniveling girl. The thought was so preposterous that I wanted to double over in laughter. "He wouldn't ever do something like that," I exhaled slowly, trying to keep my lips from curving into a smile.

Hanji seemed to consider the possibility about Levi not being involved. Though the skeptical gleam never left her brown eyes, her face was beginning to soften. Maybe she didn't believe that I was telling the whole truth, but after giving her one last pleading look, Hanji relented.

"This is the medicine," Hanji sighed, taking a small container from a shelf. "It's usually used as a preventative, but it will work either way. Have your friend take these two doses with some water."

"Thank you so much!" I wrapped my arms around her. Her hands patted my back softly, comfortingly.

The last time I had hugged a person, it was Isabel. How many months had passed since the last time I saw her alive and well in reality, instead of a bloody screaming mess in my nightmares? Six months?

"I guess I'll go give it to her now." Extracting myself from the embrace, I ran towards the kitchen, intent on getting a glass of water.

The dining hall was practically empty when I arrived. It was a pitch black, starless sky outside, with clouds obscuring moon, an eerie reminder of what life had been like in the Underground.

Limbs steady, I tilted the glass down and gulped the contents. Using my hand as a napkin, I wiped away the remaining residue on my lips. Patting my boot, I checked that my knife was still secure within its depths. Now I was ready to face Levi.

Inhaling, I tied my hair into a ponytail. Mentally prepared for the battle ahead, I turned around to leave, only to jump back.

"What are you doing in here?" I shrieked at Levi. He was just calmly sitting at a table with a tea cup in his hand. I could barely catch his silhouette, but I knew it was him.

"Drinking tea so I can take a good shit later. Problem with that?"

I slammed my foot on the bench and rested my elbows on my knee. Leaning forward, I narrowed my eyes at Levi. My hand was slowly inching down my leg as I let my fingers crawl towards the handle of my knife. "I just have a question for you."

If I hadn't been around Levi as much I had, I might not have noticed the way his muscles tensed underneath his white cotton shirt. Slowly, he set his cup down. "And what would that be?"

"Where is Kenny?"

Whatever he had been expecting, it hadn't been that. A frigid silence fell between us as I waited with a bated breath for his answer. Cautiously, I gripped my knife, prepared for an attack, prepared for anything.

"I don't know."

My body lurched to the side as I whipped out my weapon. Pointing it at Levi, I growled out, "don't lie!"

Inclining backwards, Levi crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't."

Sweat began to pool in the creases of my skin. He was lying. Levi had to be lying. "No. Tell me what you know! I know he raised you! You must know something!"

"You've been snooping, haven't you?" I could detect a hint of anger in his tone.

That did nothing to dissuade the rising hysteria in my own. "I'm looking for Kenny."

"You're looking in the wrong place."

I snarled, lip curled to reveal two sets of teeth. "There must be something that you know."

"I haven't seen him in years."

The blade flew out of my hand as I screamed in frustration. I was drained, and I hurt everywhere. Digging my nails into the wood surface, I flipped the table. Levi had dodged the knife, but he didn't miss the moving piece of furniture on top of him. "Tell me the truth!"

Taking a moment to dust himself off, Levi craned his head to see the knife sticking out of wall. "Why do you want Kenny?"

I threw my body at him. Fist raised high, I swung at his face. "Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!"

He effortlessly dodged my attack. Sweeping his leg out, Levi made my knees buckle. Collapsing to the floor, I bent forward until my head rested on the dirty ground. Each digit dug into the bark until slivers inched themselves deep into my tips. I wondered if the cracks made by the man were showing through my thin nightgown. Each one revealing a new flavor of vulnerability.

"There is nothing for me to tell you."

"If you're lying I'll kill you."

"I know you will try."

My veins weighed heavy with stone. Bone with steel. This wasn't going to break me. My eyes were dry along with my heart. It was hard to stand up underneath all the weight, but I somehow managed. "When I find Kenny, I'm going to do worse than kill him."

Levi didn't say anything, just nudged the mess I had made with his toe. "Are you going to clean this up?

"No. You are."

Reaching to grab me, Levi scowled as I scrambled out of the way. Frantic to not be touched, I winced as if his touch would burn me. The remainder of today's events still scarred into my skin and body. It wasn't my usual reaction, but I wasn't acting like my usual self either. Levi's face slowly morphed into one of puzzlement as I stared at him in fear. Wrapping my arms around myself, I hunched my shoulders inward. My body curled into itself as if that would protect me from my own memories.

"What happened?"

"Like you care. I just tried to kill you."

A smirk appeared on his face. It seemed so out of place after what just happened. "You and I both know you didn't try that hard. All I saw was a brat throwing a tantrum because she didn't get what she wanted."

"Fuck off."

Ignoring my insult, Levi gave me the once over. Unlike the other man who had disgusted me with his peering eyes, Levi's gaze held one of concern, but that couldn't be right. He would have to care first before he worried about my well being.

"It's just the backlash for getting the information about you and Kenny."

The way his eyes darkened dangerously reminded me of the way he would get protective over Isabel at times. "Where is he?"

"I'm not sure. Last I saw, he was bleeding out like a pig in his own bed. Might be buried behind the brothel he owned by now."

"You murdered him?"

"Of course."

His eyebrows raised slightly, but I could tell it was all for show. I had never put the act in front of him, and that meant Levi knew what I was capable of. While it was risky sometimes it was nice to not have to pretend.

Levi grabbed a mop and bucket from the corner. "Lets clean this up."

"Both of us?"

"Unless you prefer to do it alone," he gruffly stated.

I hadn't meant for the knowledge of me sleeping around for the information to inspire sympathy, but I wasn't going to argue. Drained, my eyelashes kept fluttering against my cheeks in desperation to stay awake. It was easy to blame my tiredness for what came out of my mouth next.

"I'm looking for my brother, and I heard Kenny has him."

Levi gave a noncommittal grunt, but I continued.

"One night, I tried to pickpocket Kenny. He beat me up, left me for dead. When I finally crawled back home, Suzu was nowhere in sight."

"Put the bench back in its original spot."

"He is three years younger than me," I stated as I did what I'm told. "I was told by an informant that Kenny has my younger brother. That's why I'm looking for him."

"You trust this information?"

I nodded as I swept up the splinters and dust into a pan. "I paid enough for it to be true."

When Levi said nothing, I whirled into his direction.

"I'm going to get him back no matter what it takes."

"Hmmmm."

Back straight, I snarl, "you don't sound as if you believe me."

"I know you'll do whatever it takes, but I wonder with all these things you're sacrificing if it's going to be really worth it in the end." Strands of black hair hovered near his eyes. It made me nervous to not see the usual bored or angry expression imprinted on his features. There was something else he wanted to say, that was for sure.

Avoiding those steel eyes, I scurried away, not wanting to hear any harsh words at the moment. Swallowing hard, I went outside to empty the pan. "That's good enough," I declare as I set the cleaning equipment down.

I could feel Levi trailing behind me as I headed inside the sleeping quarters. It surprised me when he didn't mention anything about how dirty my nightgown was as I lifted myself up onto the mattress. Springs squeaked as I settled down for the night. The calming, light snores below me had become an odd comfort.

 **I would like to thank everyone who has been reading thus far. All of you guys are incredibly awesome. It's a wonderful feeling getting reviews from my readers. I adore all of you.**


	16. Chapter 16

**The latest chapter everyone! Like I promised, I will be doing some quick updates during this month to make up for the long absence. I hope all you readers enjoy the latest chapter. Please leave a comment or a criticism!**

Saph's PoV

I was going to kick the damn horse in the face if it tried to bite me one more time. This was my first time on the mottled gray stallion and it wasn't being a helpful companion to humanity at the moment. The thing kept throwing its head about, trying to unseat me from my spot on its back with various bucks.

Members usually had the same horse, but mine kept dying in tragic ways that were due to my constant, close interaction with Titans. The stable guy had finally given me the fastest horse in the hopes that it would stay alive longer than two expeditions. It also just happened to be the meanest most spiteful creature I had ever had the displeasure of sitting on. I had offered the beast to Levi, saying that since it was shorter, he would have an easier time getting on and off of it. For all my kindness I only got a sharp kick in the side.

Now I was running away from two Titans that were right on my tail, and the horse kept turning around to try and take a chunk out of my leg. It's ears were pinned back against the black mass of mane. The only indication that it cared that two 10 meter Titans were closing in behind us was the occasional kick it sent out in their direction. A halting movement that made me have to shift in the saddle to recover, but I kept the terrible beast sprinting towards safety. My only goal was to get underneath the cover of the trees, so the rest of my squad could capture at least one of the monsters. Apparently, being on the fastest horse meant that I was bait for such a crazy experiment. Only one person would have such an insane idea to actually keep one of those things alive, Hanji.

Her arms were waving wildly as she jumped up and down on the limb of a tree. The woman was shouting instructions, but I couldn't hear anything over the pounding of the naked feet on the soft earth behind me. My knuckles were white as I gripped the reins between my finger tips. The leather dug into my calluses , and I knew my muscles in my hands were going to ache quite a bit tomorrow. Relying on my team wasn't a concept I was entirely comfortable with, but at least I had humanity's strongest soldier on my side. The sound of metal cables cutting in the air reverberated in my ears as I pushed forward. Clots of dirt flying as hooves kicked them up.

"Be careful!" Hanji's yell could be heard clearly now with the Titans immobile. Each one struggling with the wires attached to their limbs. Mike was slowly approaching the smallest one as it opened its mouth, tongue lolling out. The other one was to big to bring back with us, so Ruby cut into the back of its neck. It swung slightly between the wires. All the weight supported now by the wires stringing it up. Steam rolled up into the sky as the Titan decayed.

I was helping with getting the wires when the other Titan suddenly snapped loose. Headed straight for Mike, it's fat little hands reaching out towards the man who was soaring up into the air. Realizing that the prey had escaped, the monster turned around. Its eyes settled on a small girl that couldn't have been more than a year older than me. Her expression morphed into fright as her body froze.

 _Get away,_ I mentally screamed as I clambered up a trunk. Turning around, I prepared my swords for combat. My nerves settled calmed down just a bit like they always do when I start to hum. The vibrations in my throat ceasing the noise in my mind.

"Just incapacitate him!" Hanji was throwing stones at the creature as she desperately tried to distract it.

Her efforts to save the creature were futile as Ruby was but a blur as she sliced the vital point of the back of the neck. "I'm not risking a subordinate's life because you want to do some experiments with it," she stated after she had landed. Her short red hair blowing gently in the breeze.

"Sorry Hanji," I stated as I walked up to the distressed woman. What a state to be in after the death of a Titan.

Her fist were pounding the ground, as tears streamed down her face. "I was going to name him, Jerry! His name was going to be Jerry!"

Uncomfortable, I began to step backwards. At least I wasn't being blamed for it's death. Hanji could be quite vicious when it came to her experimenting. Without a way to comfort the hysterical woman without risking my own safety, I walked back to my irritated horse. His ears flicked back at the sight of me and he snorted while pawing the ground.

"Good boy. You're a good boy," I said as I cautiously approached the annoyed beast. His sides were slick with sweat, and each breath he took shook his whole body. "Don't worry, now. We are going to head back. You'll be able to rest up soon."

"You talk to your horse more than you do so with people," Ruby said.

I patted his nose, happy that I could at least grab the reins without being attacked. "Animals are nicer than people," I sweetly replied while nuzzling the soft neck of the horse with my nose. As if trying to prove my statement wrong, the horse began to act up, his head smacking my own with a force that made me stumble away and let go of the reins. The horse walked off with his head held high.

Rubbing my pounding head, I sniffed as if indignant. That thing had one hard head. Sniffing as if indignant by the action, I gave a small smile to amend my answer. "I guess I should say most."

Ruby's expression didn't lighten. "If you hang out with people like him," she pointed at thumb to Levi, "then I can see how you believe that."

Ducking my head, I giggled a little. Guess she didn't like Levi. Few people did in the corps, but that was understandable. Levi only listened to Erwin and just seemed to take Mike's orders into consideration. Not even the commander tried to get him to do what Levi clearly didn't want to. Ruby was a someone who took orders seriously, and she found it intolerable when people couldn't get along. Levi had the exceptional ability to piss most people off with his poop jokes in under five minutes. Ruby was never amused.

"He seems to get along with Hanji at least."

We both turned to see Hanji trying to grab Levi's hand. Probably to see how his different handling of the blades affected his hands. Levi was having none of it though. He kept shoving her away, hard. The woman was persistent. Sometimes I thought Levi just wanted to capture a Titan to get Hanji off of his back. If she wasn't focused on the monsters, she was enamored with humanity's strongest soldier.

"If that's what being friendly with him is like, then I'm good."

"We are headed back to the walls. Everyone saddle up!" Erwin shouted as he mounted his horse.

After saying goodbye to Ruby, I jogged up to my horse who was peacefully gnawing on some grass. That is until I tried to grab the reins. Then he threw up his head and reared. His hooves began to lash out in my direction. Flicking his black tail from side to side, he bared his teeth.

"Easy there. Hey, you need to calm down." I was trying to sound reasonable, but my irritation was beginning to become evident in my voice.

Everyone was looking at me expectantly, but I didn't know what to do to get him to simmer down. They didn't teach us how to handle idiotic, panicked horses when we first arrived. To make matters worse, I didn't have Isabel's natural ability with horses or animals in general.

Jumping back, I narrowly avoided getting kicked. On the edge of my vision, I saw Levi jump down from his own horse. He hadn't spoken to me since my tease about him having a hard time getting on such a gigantic beast. Without a hint of hesitation, Levi wrapped the reins around one of his small hands and yanked the horse's head down.

"Here, or do you need help riding too?" his tone was stiff but amusement gleamed in the grey orbs. A twitch of the lips revealed he was holding back a smirk. Glad my humiliation and incompetence was entertaining to him.

If we had been alone, I would have snarled, but there were people watching. I could feel Erwin's icy gaze staring daggers into my back, not even the cloak could protect me from his stare. Those eyes made my insides tighten in fear. Even with the unveiling of our plans all thos months ago, hadn't made the shivers stop every time I caught Erwin's eye. There was no way for me to show my true nature without consequences, so instead, I gave a bright smile and thanked Levi profusely.

The horse bucked a little as I swung my leg over, but nothing I couldn't handle on my own. It would be just my luck to go splattering onto the ground to further show how I couldn't control my own damn horse.

Secure in the saddle, I took off with the rest of the corps. The pace was steady as we were in no rush to return. Our failure to capture a singular Titan was weighing heavy on almost everyone's shoulders.

"What do you do with the Titans once you capture them?" I asked Hanji who was riding her horse nearby. I regretted my show of inquisitiveness as soon as a maniacal grin appeared on her lips. Brown eyes showing a crazy light that somewhat frightened me, Hanji kicks her horse in a furious attempt to get closer to my own.

I could see Moblit shaking his head in sympathy before I turned my attentions to the barrage of speech thrown in my direction. Words came spluttering out from the overexcited Survey Corps member.

"So what I do is a variety of experiments to see how this Titan is different than the other ones. It's usually better to have two, so I could do a comparison right then and there. We always try to see if they have some way of communicating with us though since that would be a vital discovery. That would forever shape how the Survey Corps interacted with them! That is as long as we are given information if they did speak. Like why are they eating us? Where did they come from? Just those standard questions. I, of course, write all this down and put in the records. It's vital that we continue to collect data since there are still so many questions unanswered. It was actually due to research that we discovered how to kill a Titan by slicing the back of its neck. With that information in hand, we were able to develop the 3 dimensional maneuvering gear. Only with that discovery were the Survey Corps able to fight back that didn't rely on explosions. While it may be hard to believe, the death toll was actually higher before the use of 3DMG."

The answer to my question became lost as Hanji began to ramble on about the gear we all used almost everyday. While I kept my eyes on the babbling, smiling, woman, I turned my focus onto my surroundings. Everything was peaceful as birds flew overhead, and a variety of animals grazed on the green grass beneath us. Snatches of conversation could be heard over the rythm of the hooves, but nothing that interested me. Even my own horse seemed content to just run beside his brethren. My muscles stiffened and they begin to twitch with anticipation. It was the kind of instinct you begin to get when you've lived most of your life looking behind your back. The feeling in your soul, that you should get out of there, turn around, and leave. Hanji paused as she took in my panicked expression, her mouth hanging open as her jaw bounced with the horse.

"Do you think it's odd?" I questioned Levi, who was riding beside me. His own eyes were wide, and I could tell he was a bit tense.

Head whipping to face me, all sharp edges and ruthlessness, as his lip curled up into a grimace that eerily reminded me of a nervous animal. "It's probably nothing."

"What are you talking about?" Hanji asked as she looked around.

Ignoring her, I scanned the area around us, looking for any sign of what might be making my nerves coil and twist uncomfortably. I was ready to flee, but I didn't know from what. "We didn't survive that long Underground because we didn't listen to our instincts."

"Stop freaking out."

Hanji gave me a comforting smile. "Yeah, Saph, we are almost to the walls anyways."

"But we haven't seen any Titans since we started to head back!" I was beginning to feel frantic as adrenaline began to make my senses heighten. I was beginning to see fearful creatures in every shadow. My horse was also getting antsy, either from my own behavior, or because he was sensing something himself.

Levi was gritting his teeth as his eyes darted about. "I don't see how that's a bad thing."

"Something is still off," I said just before the walls came into view.

Even as I saw the concrete structures rise into my vision, my edginess didn't submit to relief, instead horror made me yank sharply on the reins. Levi and Hanji both stopped their horses alongside my own. Whinnies and sharp cries filled the air as everyone stared aghast at the scene in front of u. What had kept humans safe from Titans for centuries, now had a gigantic hole in it. Numerous Titans were crawling through to feast on the flesh that had been denied to them for so long.


	17. Chapter 17

Saph's PoV

Never had the thought of Titans breaking through the wall had crossed my mind. Not just one wall but two. Not just Shiganshina was lost, but every town inside Wall Maria was now gone to the Titan's hunger. The Survey Corps could only stare in horror as monster pillaged our home as we gazed downwards. What had seemed so secure hours ago, now seemed as if it would collapse any second. The weight of our horror seemed large enough to crumble the wall we were standing on top of.

"What the hell happened," Ruby whispered, her words carried by the wind to all surrounding ears.

Even Erwin seemed shaken at the sight in front of us. Over and over the beasts seemed to find more people to gorge on. Ones that had stayed in their homes out of fear, or ones who had been too injured to escape where now all easy prey. The man who always seemed unfazed was now looking on with despair, which was nothing compared to our proud commander. In front of his small army, the man fell to his knees, letting out a wail. This just made the troops more frightened.

"What should we do?"

"Should we try to fight?"

"Is humanity lost?"

"What were we fighting for all this time?"

Bending down, I rummaged through my bag. I had enough supplies to spend the night here, and then make a run for Wall Rose in the morning. It would take a good hard day of riding for me to get to the other side. Some might give up, but I had things to do. At least is seemed that most were holding onto the hope that they could reach Wall Rose safely, that is if it too hasn't been breached and destroyed from within. Taking out a piece of bread, I began to munch on it as I sat down. Eating with death in the air wasn't appealing in the slightest, but I would need food to get strength.

"You seem calm, all things considered," Hanji said as she approached me. All usual sanguine expression from her face was gone as she scratched the back of her head, wearily.

Shrugging my shoulders, I sighed, "I learned to live with the idea that my last moments could come at any time. Not accept, but deal with that fear." My eyes flicked to Levi at the thought of my past in the Underground. His gaze was hard as he stared at the massacre happening before him. "Are you going to jump in there and try to be a hero?"

His short stature suddenly turned intimidating as he towered over me. "It's not like they can rely on you to do any saving. You're too worried about your own skin."

"Maybe that's because I'm having bowel movement troubles?" I snorted at my own joke causing a lodge of bread to go down the wrong pipe. Hacking and coughing, my back was thumped on until I could breathe better. "Thanks," I grudgingly said to Levi.

After giving me a smack on the forehead, Levi left to get his own things. My fingers clenched into my pants as I watched his head disappear. A few members were going back to the ground where the horses were at, but that didn't mean they wouldn't get attacked on the way. The elevator wasn't the safest place to be since Titans were beginning to see the group of people to crowd around.

"You should probably leave the poop jokes to Levi," Hanji commented, a hind of laughter in her tone. Guess my inquiry about what she did to the Titans once they were captured now meant we were friends. That was just what I needed in this dire time. Friends.

I didn't respond as I strained my ears to listen to what was happening on the ground. At least the sound of battle hadn't happened yet. No Titans must have popped out of nowhere. "Had to try at least one. I hear them enough."

"You must really care about him."

The words didn't quite register in my brain as I was occupied with my surroundings instead of an individual. I was still concerned about what was happening on the ground, so it took a minute for me to realize what exactly she had said, the words casually tossed my way. When I did, however, my whole body jolted with the shock. Me? Care about Levi? Mangled excuses caught in my throat as I struggled with the truth and the persona I created. Admittedly, the answer for either source wasn't a clear as it had been once. Being indifferent to Levi's company was different than wanting to be around him.

Hanji just seemed to take that as confirmation to her odd question since she nodded her head. "I need to go back to my own squad. See you later, Saph."

I could only wave one hand as my mind raced. Struggling with my thought process, I jumped a bit when Levi dropped his belongings unceremoniously next to me. Using his foot, Levi rolled out his bedspread in a near proximity to me. Without a sentence directed towards me, Levi had chosen this spot. I had never thought over it before, but wasn't it unnatural? When did this become the usual? Us being together? Finding my own sleeping stuff, I considered getting up to move. To leave. What would be his reaction?

Before I could execute my experiment, a head of blonde hair made my movement stop. What did Erwin Smith want?

"Tomorrow, you're going to go with your squad and try to make it to Wall Rose. We can't do the new formation because of the cities and buildings in the way. Get with your squad leader in the morning." His demeanor left no room for objections. Each timbre of his low voice was to reinforce the idea that with enough strength, we could pull through this. What a liar.

My closed fist relaxed as he walked away, the salute dying with every step he took away from me. Anticipation and fear died out within the ranks as the plane made its way to everyone. A makeshift plan, but one none the less that seemed to soothe away enough worries for everyone to settle down for the night. With the tension gone, all that remained was exhaustion.

Limbs seemed to collapse on themselves as I tucked myself into my bed. Turning onto my side, I found Levi's resting form not even an arm stretch away. His arms were neatly crossed underneath his head while not a single exhale shifted the strands of black hair on his forehead. Not a hint of fear weighed on his smooth brow. He seemed impervious to death, and I suddenly seemed so breakable.

"Why do you have such a stupid look on your face?" Levi's deep voice rumbled.

I realized that I had been staring for too long, and my fingers had been aching to wrap themselves in the fabric of his sleeve the whole time. How childish of me. That had been something I had done with my brother when I got scared. Touching him had reassured me, but that had been long ago. Stupid to think that Levi could replace my brother to give me comfort. "Are you not afraid of what is going to happen tomorrow?"

His eyelids fluttered as he peered at me, the sleepiness of the night crawling upon us making the world seem so much softer than usual. "I'm going to fight to not die, but if it happens…" Levi shrugged his shoulders. "You seem to be quaking in your bed. Are you going to shit yourself?"

Vulgar language didn't phase me in the slightest. "I can't die, so I won't."

"What confidence."

A laugh slipped from my parted lips at the usual sarcasm. "Besides, if our squad gets into a sticky situation, I'll just shove you in front of the Titan."

"You're an idiot if you think that would work."

"That's true," I confirmed, "the Titan would still be hungry since you wouldn't nearly be a big enough portion."

My muffled laughter turned into a whine when he punched me in the shoulder. "You're such a brat."

Tucking the covers under my chin, I felt relaxed after the usual banter. Something so familiar during this time of uncertainty. "Good night Levi."

Light snores were the reply. Closing my eyes, I focused on the rhythm of him breathing instead of the footsteps of monsters right below us.

This was the first time I was thankful that I had gotten this idiotic horse. Not a single other beast would have been able to escape the looming hand towering above us. By some miracle, the Titan had grasped only empty air where we had been moments ago. Mike steered his horse closer to me to check if I was doing alright. While silent for the most part, he had a good heart. After confirming that I hadn't peed myself yet, Mike threw up his fist in a gesture of encouragement for his squad.

"Good to see that you're not dead, Saph," Ruby yelled.

I wondered if I looked as frightened as I felt. "I still got some living to do before I'm some Titan's lunch."

All that was left of our squad was Ruby, Mike, Levi, a girl named Milly, and me. Everyone else had either gotten killed. While some might have just gotten separated from the rest of us, I doubted they would last long by themselves. At least this was the last town we had to go through before we reached the wall. Our horses looked as if they were going to kneel over and become corpses any second. My stallion didn't even have the strength to try and bite me anymore.

"I can see the walls, guys!" Milly joyfully shouted.

Levi cut her off before she could continue, "don't draw attention to us, idiot."

The order came a little too late as a pack of Titans closed in on us. Emerging from behind the buildings, their body seemed to be painted in blood. Pools of it had been a constant, wretched thing to come across this day, but the number of dead people found were low. The carnage they had created, the Titans had also eaten.

"We're almost there boy," I murmured as I leaned farther forward on the horse, urging him on.

Thudding footsteps seemed to surround my senses everywhere. As if houses had no structure to them at all, Titans used them almost as stepping stones to reach their evasive prey. Falling pieces of wood and stone were just another worry.

My focus was so entirely on the sound of approaching demise, that it too me by surprise to realize that Wall Rose was now within distance of using my gear for. Hesitating, I couldn't help but wonder if the atrocities would restart if I escaped. Would the Titans behind us be capable of breaking down the smooth expanse? That was my hope to survive, but what if it condemned everyone else? We still had no idea what had decimated Wall Maria back there, and all the Survey Corps might be doing was leading the charge for humanity to be destroyed.

"Screw humanity. I'm still getting out of here," I muttered as I sent a hook into the side. It felt nice to leave the saddle that I had been sweating in all day to find the wind cooling off my face. Might have been enjoyable if not for the scrutiny of my downfall nipping at my heels.

Clambering to the top of the wall, I turned around to see where the other members were. Oh. It looks as if Milly had gotten thrown off her horse. There was nothing I could do as I watched her flee the Titans. Gas must have been all out because her gear wasn't working properly. Our horses were scattered in various spots of the town, staying close to the gate that led to the district. None of them would be able to help Milly out of danger.

Ruby, Mike, and Levi had all made it on top of the wall safely and intact, however, it seemed as if Levi was considering going back down to save Milly.

"There are too many!" I shouted, breaking him out of his concentration. "You would just be sacrificing your life for nothing."

Levi grimaced, the displeasure emanating from him. "Too many comrades have died today," and with that, the dumbass shot off to be a hero.

His landing was graceful, but something seemed to be wrong. Speed was always on Levi's side, but he couldn't seem to go fast enough as Milly was plucked off of the ground. With the sense of defeat growing, Levi's feet seemed to stutter. It was as if he wasn't watching Milly get eaten, but someone else entirely.

"No!" he cried out as her screams were swallowed up, along with her body, as the Titan bit down. Slowing down, Levi came to a complete stop in front of the horde of annihilation. The height of the wall did nothing to prevent us from seeing his shoulders cave inwards. My mind pictured him gritting his teeth just as he turned back to face us.

"If he doesn't start sprinting…" Ruby trailed off as the image of Levi being ripped apart flashed in all of our minds.

My heart thudded with each step he made back to the wall. Beasts with lolling tongues and quick fingers weren't too far behind. They seemed to gain ground with each beat in my chest. I didn't know why I was fretting since Humanity's Strongest Soldier wasn't likely to die before the rest of us. Soon, his small frame had reached where the ground ended and the wall began.

Ruby sighed as the Levi made his way upwards, her relief palpable. Mike seemed to be happy too, in his odd little way. That was until Levi stopped flying upwards and began to descend down towards the gaping mouths.

"He is out of gas!" Ruby shrieked just as I leapt off of the wall.

Driving towards the ground, I grabbed at his flailing arms desperately. My digits were wrapped around his thins wrist as I shifted to send a line up. It hadn't been calculated with any accuracy, but I somehow had gotten the hook in a spot reachable by Mike and Ruby. Arms screamed in agony as I practically ripped them from their sockets when I stopped us from falling any further. Swinging from side to side, we dangled in front of the Titans as if delicious treats that were just out of reach. We were safe from being devoured for the moment at least.

"You need to bathe. You smell like horseshit," Levi commented as we waited for Ruby and Mike to pull us up. Nobody wanted to run the risk of me running out of steam because of the strain on the equipment. It would be just our luck for a third person to run out of gasoline. The extra person also put a bigger strain on output.

My head jerked down to see him out of its own volition. A near death experience, getting saved by me, and all he could say was that? "I should just drop you," I snarled, low enough only Levi could hear me.

"Why did you catch me in the first place then?"

"So I could watch the fall of Humanity's Strongest Soldier up close?" I loosened my hold as I smirked down on him.

There was just a flash of hesitation on his face before it went away. Didn't mean I didn't catch it.

"Maybe if you say, thank you, I will pull you up?"

His eyes narrowed to tiny little slits as I stuck my tongue out at him. That was before he hoisted himself up and dug his nails into my leg. I almost bit my tongue as his tiny, little, claws sunk through my pants and into my skin.

Hissing in my pain, I resisted the urge to kick him in the face as Levi clambered up. Anything that seemed stable was used as a foothold, which was going to result in some pretty dark bruises for me tomorrow. My protest went unheard as he continued to use me as a ladder.

"Like Hell I'm going to thank you." Levi grouched as he finally seemed to find a spot he that was up to his satisfactory standards. "But now I have to deal with the stench up close."

Before I could retort, the cord began to pull us towards the top. Mike and Ruby were straining their muscles as they relentlessly tugged Levi and I towards safety. Time ticked by as I held my breath to see where my fate would land me. I hadn't meant to risk my life to save Levis, but my brain hadn't stopped to consider it. Instinct, for whatever reason, had taken over. This midget had almost gotten me killed.

"Thank you so much," I panted out as I crawled over the ledge. "You have my sincerest gratitude."

Trembling, my knees couldn't sustain the weight, so, I collapsed. Levi wasn't far behind as he sat down, hard.

"We need to find Erwin," Mike ordered, already searching around for the man who was probably our new commander after the breakdown we had witnessed the other day.

Limbs twitching, I laid down on my back. Using my hands to shield my face, I murmured, "Just let me take a small nap."

"Come on Mike," Ruby sighed, "lets at least give everyone a small break."

"Just for a few minutes."

That was all the confirmation I needed to drape my cape over my body and close my eyes.

My forehead was rudely flicked as I tried to slumber. "Don't take to long. You still need to get clean."

I swatted Levi away, tiredly. "You're no better." Peeking out, I saw that Levi had laid his cape on the ground for him to settle down on. He too seemed to think that sleeping was a good idea. Content to rest, I almost missed the exchange between Ruby and Mike, but my drifting mind faintly registered their words.

"At least they don't seem to freaked out for almost hurtling to their deaths," Ruby mused.

Mike grunted in what sounded like an agreement.

The red-haired woman was silent as she inspected the inside of Wall Maria that had once been safe. "Things are going to change now."

"Hmmmm yeah."

"I just hope this doesn't destroy any of us or humanity as a whole."

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	18. Chapter 18

**Here is the latest chapter. I hope you guys enjoy!**

Saph's PoV

With Wall Maria lost, the human population had to resort to some drastic measures in order to ensure its survival. Thousands of people were forced to leave the safety of the Walls to try and fight the Titans with no prior training nor weapons. The severe massacre was due to the government being unable to feed everyone. It was either sacrifice them or have riots take over due to food shortages, the choice seemed clear and easy to the obese merchants sitting in their oak desks all day.

It seemed as if everyone had lost someone that day. Protests and cries echoed for days through the headquarters. Erwin had let the Survey Corps have a few days off so we could spend time with our loved ones. That left the people with nobody a bunch of free time. Mostly, that meant helping with the influx of new recruits wanting to join from the Garrison.

Months had blurred together as the Survey Corps frantically made new arrangements. The walls breaking had led to an increase of people joining, yet there was upsetting rumors that due to the Survey Corps going outside to kill Titans, they finally retaliated. It was an upsetting thought that was conjured up by the damn wall cult. To make things worse, our once proud commander had broken down with humanity on the brink of complete destruction. Erwin Smith was the new leader of the small section of the military. No squad member has taken over his position, and whispers of who it might be were flooding the barracks constantly.

"Would you ever want to be the squad leader?" Hanji asked me as we ate our meal.

I stared at the spoonful of dark liquid as it sloshed off of the utensil. "Not really. I wouldn't be nearly as good of a squad leader like you Hanji."

"Aren't you sweet! Isn't she sweet, Levi?"

The man raised his eyebrows at me in disbelief as he sipped his tea. Setting the cup down, he continued to munch on the bread without commenting. Hanji inclined her head to look at Mike and Ruby to see if they agreed with her sentiment. Ruby continued nurse her alcoholic drink, and Mike seemed unfazed by the piercing eyes boring on him.

"Do you think you'll be the next squad leader, Ruby?" I asked to break the silence. She did seem to be a likely candidate since her and Hanji were from the same group of trainees. If the psychotic Hanji could become one, why not her?

Ruby set her mug down in a calm manner. "I'm better at receiving orders than being the one to issue them."

"You would become one if Erwin asked you! Wouldn't you?" Hanji shouted louder than necessary.

A faint hint of red blossomed on the usual stern face of the woman as she glared at Hanji.

Not wanting to see a fight break out between them, I stood up. "I'm going to head out to town to grab a few things," I announced.

"Good. I needed someone to run to the store to grab some things for me," a deep voice rumbled out of nowhere.

In a flash, I' had turned around with my fingers itching to grab the knife in my boot. My ears hadn't caught Erwin's approaching footsteps at all. With my posture straightening, I stood steadfast while giving the salute. "Yes, sir!"

"I want you to take someone with you since there are multiple items. Levi?" The man's calculating blue eyes never strayed from me. A tremor ran through my heart while I gave a hard stare. Did he know that I wasn't exactly going to the store? Not a hint of what he could be up to was revealed to me. He was impossible to read, so I could just guess that he had something up his sleeve.

A shove in the back was what sent me stumbling towards the exit. "Come on. I wanna get back in time to clean my sheets before I go to bed."

An excuse not to have Levi come with me didn't come to my mind fast enough. Levi and I were already out of the door before my protest was even allowed to die. All that came out was a long exhale that showed up into the dark night. The chilly air sent me shoving my hands into my deep pockets. It didn't matter, shivers crawled over my body.

"Hell has frozen over, and you want to shop."

I snorted at his sarcasm. Seems like I won't be able to get rid of having someone tagging along when they were extremely unwanted. Especially with where I was going. "Just because you were ordered to come doesn't mean you have to act like a loyal dog."

A foot shot out, hooking around my ankle. Stumbling, I struggled to make sure I wouldn't fall flat on my face. After a few shaky steps, I got stabilized by leaning on a building.

"Don't call me a dog."

"Then don't act like one. Go off and buy all the cleaning supplies to your hearts content."

My attempts to get Levi to away from me seemed to be backfiring. I was beginning to get skeptical glances. While the guy just came up to my shoulder, they were quite intimidating. "What are you planning to do?"

"There is no need to be so suspicious to me!" I protested before beginning to head towards my destination. At least the store was close to the house I needed to reach. Levi wouldn't think I was going the wrong way. "I'm not planning to do anything. There is just someone I need to see before we go get the supplies Erwin requested of us."

"..."

Sighing, I stared at my feet. Levi knew about the situation with my brother, but it wasn't something I felt like talking about with him. If anyone had the power to expose this vulnerability, it was him. Something warm wrapped itself around my wrist. Nothing prepared me for the gentle touch of rough fingers carefully touching my pulse. Tripped and then comforted by the same person, I was caught off guard.

"Is it about your brother?"

Inhaling sharply, I yanked my arm away from him. "I didn't think you were listening when I told you about it."

"After having a knife thrown at me, I had to hear that reason for that idiotic move by you." Levi snorted in derision. "Guess that answers my question.

Huffing, I began to fast walk as I tried to leave Levi and my growing concern behind. Though I had saved his life, I still didn't know if Levi would try to hurt Suzu if he ever found him. Mockery was the most common form of his communication, so I didn't know if Levi wanted to invoke his revenge plan still or not.

Without picking up the pace at all, he stayed right behind me. "You're not sleeping with a guy for information again?"

That statement put images that I had been avoiding to the forefront of my mind. Growing up in an environment where murder and rape was common, I hadn't suspected that the disgusting act would affect me as much as it had. "No. Hopefully, I will never have to do it again either."

"Then I don't see why you're throwing a hissy fit about me tagging along. Just make your business quick."

Revulsion hadn't risen me when Levi had touched me compared to the man. Of course the man was scum of the human race and had no physical appeal. Wait. Did that mean I thought Levi had physical appeal? No. Anyone would be nicer to look at than that overweight, slimy, smelly old man who was just plain ugly. It wouldn't have been much more bearable if he had been attractive, and if he had been more decent, then I doubt he would have needed to blackmail me to sleep with him. Then again, he did say that he was more attracted to me due to other things besides my features and body. Most people weren't attracted to ugliness, so he would have to have a weird taste to be interested otherwise. So caught up in my thoughts, I almost missed the home if it wasn't for Levi catching my attention.

"Moron, you're walking the wrong way."

"Hm?" I paused. On the crossroad, I had turned left while Levi had begun to move right. "Wait. The house is right here," I said, pointing at a very average house a few steps away. "How about you buy the stuff at the store while I do my business."

Instead of doing what I had suggested, Levi walked straight up to the house and knocked on the door. "Let's get this over with."

"It'll be faster if you-"

"Stop being ungrateful and just get over here!" He barked out.

As if responding to his order, the door swung open. "Why are you yelling young man?"

"He's with me, Brutus," I calmly replied as I stepped forward next to my peer.

Brutus gave Levi the evil eye, his squished face betraying not a hint of concern for this uninvited visitor. He seemed to be twice Levi's height, but I knew Levi could easily take him down if necessary.

Unimpressed, Levi tilted his chin up to meet the hard gaze. "Are you going to let us in or are you just going to keep staring?"

"Didn't know I said you could bring friends to this exchange, Saph."

Clicking my tongue, I shouldered my way past him and into the frigid house. "You have already gotten what you wanted. This is your turn to pay up, and I get to do what I want with the information. Even let other people have it for free if I so desire."

A barren living room greeted me once I made my way in. I knew Brutus preferred to move around due to his lifestyle, but it was still weird to have the place seem almost abandoned. Nothing like the messy, overstuffed headquarters I lived in. There might have been a fire going, but that didn't stop a chill from creeping into my skin.

"What new information do you have on my brother?"

"It's not much actually," Brutus says as he sat on the couch, "all I know is that he is still alive."

A huge sigh of relief made my body sag. That was the news I most needed at the moment. Opening my eyes, I caught a surprised glance from Levi. While his eyebrows were raised slightly, there wasn't a hint of malice on his fine features. Guess me seeing genuinely care about someone's well being would be odd.

"There has also certainly been in a shift in his movements. It seems that something has happened that I don't know about yet."

Usually, the urge to chuck something at his head would be coming upon me, but I just wasn't feeling it. My biggest concern had been about Suzu's safety. I might not have been any closer to finding him, but at least I knew he was alive. I straightened my shoulders. "If that is all, I have some other business to attend to."

Brutus walked to the two of us our of the house, ever wary of our movements. His mustache twitched as he seemed to contemplate telling me something.

I was ready to wait patiently, but Levi seemed to be in a hurry. "If you're going to say something, don't make us wait in the cold for you to make up your mind."

"You have quite a callous friend here, Saph. He has none of that feigned politeness you use to manipulate people." Brutus was neither lecturing nor showing animosity with his words. They were just the neutral comments of an outsider. "Okay then boy, I'll say it, though it won't do you any good at the moment. A girl who is the illegitimate daughter of the patriarch of the Reiss family has started military training. She is a tiny blonde thing, that you can't miss. I would usually tell you to consider having her as a hostage to get your brother back, but Kenny wouldn't care who dies."

"Thanks for the info," I replied. The reminder that Suzu could die any day wasn't a welcomed one. Turning around, I reburied my hands into my pockets as I began to walk towards the store.

Levi was silent the entire time, prompting me to be the one to talk to make the purchase for the items. It wasn't rare for him to not say a word, but I felt as if he was contemplating a lot. That in itself was scary. He wasn't the type of person to think really hard about anything in general. Farlan had always been the one to do the mental activities since he was the smartest of the whole group. Or family. The word felt strange swirling in my thoughts, but there wasn't anything else to describe the trio I had stumbled upon oh so long ago. Was that what Levi was thinking about? His own lost family?

It was an idea that saddened me more than I would like to admit. Nothing cut deeper than the thought of never seeing Suzu ever again. Pain seemed to course along each fiber until it left me breathless at the mere use of my imagination towards such a horrific future. To force the agony back, a sentence that I hadn't fully recognized flew out of my mouth.

"You'll like him."

My conviction cut through the stillness of the night to pierce right into Levi's ears. He seemed to jerk at the mere loudness of the declaration. "If he's like you then I won't."

"Suzu isn't similar to me at all. He is better."

"Was."

My chin inclines downwards at I try to catch his expression. "Hmm?"

"He was better. You don't know about now. It has been almost five years right?"

"That doesn't matter!" I shouted. "Once I get him back you'll see!"

Levi's lip curled in a snarl while he faced me. "Why are you even in the Survey Corps? Wouldn't be easier if you just left to go find him?"

My body stiffened as I slowed down to a complete stop. His words weren't the weapons they had once been, forged out of hate to chase me away. It was now a harsh reproval. A scolding from someone who knew you didn't know the answer to their question when you should. Why hadn't I left? Since coming up here, I had made enough money and connections to be able to leave the Survey Corps with little problem. It wouldn't be to difficult to evade their clutches as they tried to throw me back into the Underground. It would be a lie to say I stayed because it was an easier life than living in the shadows. Fighting Titans didn't lead to having a carefree lifestyle.

My vision locked onto Levi's face as he frowned at me. A similar feeling as to what had happened on top of the wall before we made a run for it welled up inside. The need to grab onto something sturdy had taken over like an instinct. Before I knew it, I was reaching out for Levi's sleeve.

He flinched back. His whole body jumping away like I was trying to attack him. My arm stayed in the air for a second, frozen as realization crept upon me. Grey eyes had widened considerably as they took me in. Levi wasn't looking at me as if an animal cornered, but like the person who was approaching said animal. With such wariness it made me revert back to the present.

The limb drooped back to my side, and I was glad that Levi wasn't good at reading people. It was hard to choke back the desperation that had risen up to paint itself all over me. Bitterness rang clearly in my tone, "the threat of dying would be the same if I left. Here, I get a warm bed and decent food. It's easier for me than you since I don't care like the rest of you when a comrade dies."

An arm shot out to press itself against my throat, shoving me back against the wall until I was gasping for breath. Fury raged inside Levi as he pressed down harder until my legs had bent enough for me to be below him. "You don't belong in the Survey Corps if you care only about your own life."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a good soldier," I whimpered out, clawing at his unmoving arm.

Pressure that was being applied neither lessened nor increased as he spat out, "I would rather have the shittiest soldier watching my back than someone who wouldn't give a damn if I died."

"Didn't I save you while risking myself?"

Air filled my lungs right when I was released. Gasping, I tentatively held my throat as I glared at the man who had backed away from me. My knees clanked together as I shakily stood up. Levi was beginning to head out again after he had grabbed the objects I had dropped. Brushing off the dirt with a handkerchief, he inspected each one with care.

I was about to ask what had made him stop when I realized that it wasn't just the three of us anymore. Erwin stood there with a lamp in his hand. The light flickered causing shadows to dance across his stern face.

"We're back," I weakly announced. My eyes noted the buildings behind the imposing figure. I hadn't realized we were so close to the headquarters. Had people heard our fight? Did Erwin know what I had said about not caring when a comrade dies? A shiver crawled over my spine at what my imagination conjured up with Erwin's retaliation.

Ignoring my fearful tone, Erwin nodded in our direction. "I want both of you to come to my office at once."


	19. Chapter 19

**Important author's note at the end! Please read!**

Saph's PoV

Clasping his hands together, Erwin viewed us from his side of the desk. The usually neat and tidy office has papers scattered everywhere, books were crowding the floor, and I could see a paper full of numbers sitting across from the commander. It seemed as if Erwin himself had aged a few years since the destruction wrought upon humanity. There was not a sane person alive that would envious of his new position. Being the leader of the cluttered military group when the human race was on the brink of complete extinction, didn't seem to bring much joy to one's life. I might have felt pity for him, but the severity of his demeanor made me think I was going to be ordered to undertake a task that was going to be severely unpleasant.

Levi was standing beside me with an indifferent stare directed towards our commander. He hadn't even glanced at me since we had walked in. Keeping my hands in my pocket, I avoided direct eye contact with Erwin by staring at my boots. There was no need to create the pretense of pitiful since I couldn't hide the trembling in my frame. Each breath seemed shaky and a paranoia hazed over my senses as I conjured up enemies in the empty space between the two men and me.

It was when Erwin leaned back a little did I realize that he wasn't going to attack or yell at me. My fear of this man made me so on edge that I had created a fight or flight situation when there was no need for it, so far. While I was comforted with the fact that I wasn't going to be killed for my lack of empathy, it didn't mean the tenseness in my shoulders had lessened at all. The nerves had coiled so much, that I almost sprang backwards in surprise when Erwin finally spoke.

"As you both know, mankind is in danger of being wiped out completely. If those two Titans came back tomorrow, we wouldn't be able take another hit if Wall Rose fell. In these times, our species should be coming together to find a solution. However, there almost has never been a time where we were more divided."

A sigh echoed around the room as Levi tapped his foot impatiently. "Is there a point to this speech or are you just blabbering away?"

Unfazed by the harsh words, Erwin continued, this time with more vehemence. "Since we are in such as important era that will define us as a whole, I believe the Survey Corps should make a few changes. To cope with the new dangerous threat we never had to face before, it will be in the military's best interest to have a select team of Survey Corps members that will contain the strongest and brightest we have. That's why you've been called here."

"So your putting us in a new group?" Levi asked, nonchalantly.

Struggling to comprehend why I was there exactly then, I opened my mouth, but Erwin began to talk before I could pose my question.

"Bearing the title of Humanity's Strongest Soilder, I want you to not only be in the team, but be the leader of it."

Neither of us had expected that. Levi scowled at Erwin, an objection already forming on his tongue.

"You've shown an aptitude for leadership and you already have the respect of almost everybody here even if you've only been here for little more than a year. This is a direct order from me for you to become the newest squad leader." Erwin paused as he waited to see if Levi was going to say his usual snarky remark. When nothing came, he moved on. "Saph, I want you to be the second in command. Now, I'll send you the rest of your group tomorrow. You will begin training and eating together from now. The six of you will also have your own sleeping quarters in a separate building."

"Why is she second in command?" Levi interrupted. His brow furrowed as he scrutinized between me and Erwin, as if I had something to do with this development.

Fixating his cold stare to me, Erwin seemed reluctant to speak. "You two have worked closely together since the beginning. In the field, you've shown a strong partnership that will set an example for the team as a whole."

I stepped forward. "Sir, besides the fact that I'm an average, actually, below than average soldier in regards to strength, I don't believe I have the leadership abilities to assist Levi with the team." It was hard to maintain eye contact, but I knew if I dropped my gaze even for a second, I would submit under this order. "There are many more experienced, smarter people, that would be more adequate for this position."

There was no way I could ignore the strange way Levi was looking at me. My attention shifted to him as I tried to gauge what he was thinking. Levi had said so himself, he would rather work with a shitty soilder than me. I couldn't tell why he was giving me such odd expression an odd expression for agreeing with his sentiment.

"You may not have a high Titan kill record, but due to your upbringing, you and Levi both have strategic minds that should be utilized to their full potential. This team will need people who are capable of adapting, and thinking on their feet. Not a single person here can match either of you in that regard."

It seemed as if nothing was going to change his mind. Giving a small nod, I sighed. "Then I will do my best to uphold my duty as a soldier of the Survey Corps." And try not to get killed. Damn it. It seemed as if Erwin wanted me to die. Wouldn't our little group be the ones to execute the most dangerous missions? Most dangerous as in most likely I will have a painful death while carrying it out. Great.

"Levi, you may leave. I still have some things that I want to discuss with Saph."

Muttering darkly to himself, Levi left after throwing a suspicious glance my way. The sound of his boots echoed in the empty hallway as he left. Each thump making me cringe internally. Now I was left all alone with Erwin. Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I drooped my head, hoping he wouldn't be to hard on this poor little girl.

"How old are you, Saph?"

That wasn't expected. I didn't know what I was anticipating, but that was definitely not it. "I'm not completely sure. Fourteen? Fifteen?"

"You would barely be out of training camp then. You may not have the highest kill record, but you are the youngest member here. There is something to be said with you still being alive."

Incidents, that taste like bile, are rising up my throat. I wouldn't be alive if Levi, Mike, Ruby, and Mike had not saved me a few times. A reason didn't exist to credit me with that accomplishment when so many people had to help me out along the way. They were all good people, even Levi. Each one believed in the good of humans and tried to protect them. That wasn't me. That was why I shouldn't be in Levi's squad, especially as second in command. If I told Erwin my reasoning, though, he might kick me out of the military entirely.

"However, while I do believe that putting you in that position would be for the best, I did hear you and Levi fighting when I came out to retrieve the both of you. Will that become a problem?"

Fire dancing in Levi's orbs slammed into my memory. So much rage, and something akin to pain had lit them up until they seemed closer to a steel blade than a murky darkness. I had wondered for a brief moment if he had been going to bring up Isabel and Farlan again. Claim they had been more decent beings than I ever could be. Tell me that I should have been the one who died on the rainy night. A whimper escaped my clenched teeth to penetrate the air with it's soft creaking. A snake had sank it's fangs into my chest, releasing a steady poison that made my stomach lurch.

Puzzled, Erwin focused his entire concentration on me as I struggled underneath a strange, heavy, foreign feeling. Even as he showed no signs of impatience, I rushed to find an explanation.

"Fighting never makes me feel well," I said to excuse the revulsion I was showing. "We'll figure it out. We always do," I promised. All it took was a signal of understanding from him before I rushed out of the door.

Not a hint of physical sickness had touched me until I had begin to consider Levi's reaction. This feeling was just a shadow from what I had felt in the past, but I recognized it. Guilt. My legs carried me out into the freezing winds as I tried to escape the burden building on my shoulders. This emotion had only been associated with Suzu before. Never a need to say sorry when you didn't care for anyone else.

With the bitter truth sinking in, I leaned over a rail and vomited on the white snow. A slight attachment to Levi had grown on me. That's why I wanted to apologize to him for the hurt I had caused. Shuddering, I gripped the wood until splinters dug underneath my nails. I would have to find a way to remove that thin thread. Cut it completely. Suzu was out there waiting for me to save him, while I was beginning to form a relation to a man who hated me. That couldn't do.

"Maybe you should take some medicine," a worried voice stated.

Groaning, I turned around to face a concerned Hanji. Sorrowful brown eyes analyzed my condition for sickness. "I just need some sleep."

"Most people would be ecstatic about their new promotion. Not puking outside."

Tilting my head, I considered the woman in front of me. "So you heard?"

"Rose and I were discussing some things when Erwin came in to tell her she would be part of the new squad. If anyone else had told her, she might have thrown a fight. Being told that her subordinates will now be in charge of you could be a blow for anybody."

Sticking my tongue out, I let the white fluff drop onto it. "She could always take my spot if she wants to," I mumbled out around my tongue.

"Nobody else can get along with Levi like you can."

She doesn't know about the fight we had just hours ago. "I'm sure that's not the case."

"Are you two lovers?"

I almost bite my tongue off in surprise at the straightforward question. Surprised, I don't know what to say to that. Deciding that words couldn't be enough, I shake my head no, vigorously.

"It's okay if you are, Saph. Levi is an attractive guy and you two have been by each other's side-"

"Levi is attractive?" I asked, interrupting whatever she was going to say next.

Hanji looks taken back for a second. A smirk forms on her face. "Just because he is shorter than the average person doesn't mean he loses any points when it comes to looks. His title of Humanity's Strongest has only made him more appealing to both men and women here."

"I didn't think you would be the sort of person to pay attention to that sort of stuff."

With teasing smile, Hanji pushed up her glasses. "Just because I'm more interested in Titan's than in men doesn't mean I'm blind to what they look like."

Snorting at her silliness, I faced away. "We aren't like that. Sometimes we can barely stand the other's presence." Pretending to shrug it off, I waved goodbye. "Thanks for the joke, Hanji. It's always good to have a laugh before I go to bed."

"See you later, Saph!"

After getting ready for the night, I climbed into my top bunk. Levi was already asleep on the bottom. His soft snores making my eyes blink blearily. I had forgotten what a comfort it was to have someone sleeping near you. With what Hanji had said about Levi being attractive ringing in my brain, I couldn't help but peek over so I could study his features.

Knowing what I did about mine, I began to compare. His features were sharp but delicate at the same time, while mine were just bony and jagged. Dark, long eyelashes grazed the top of his cheek, adding an elegance that could never be gleamed from mine. Black strands of hair was dipping close to his brows, adding a boyish touch. My curly, brown hair was always a tangled mess that made it seem as if I had been dug out of the Underground just a few minutes ago instead of more than a year. Thin his lips might be, they were tinged with pink and noticeable against his pale, smooth skin.

Uncomfortable, I let my head rest on my pillow. Maybe that's what I had been feeling. Attraction. That was normal, expected. Wasn't I that age when stuff like that began to happen? It would explain why the memory of that time in the Underground had flashed when Levi had touched me. When you're physically attracted to someone, didn't you want to have sex with them? Wrinkling my nose at where my train of thought was going, I decided to discard that notation, absolutely.

One thing was clear, I was beginning to get distracted from my goal. Just because I found Levi a little handsome, didn't mean that I was going to be left behind later on. Suzu needed me, and I needed Suzu. There was no Levi in that equation. At least I found out that it was superficial interest that made me feel guilt. Levi was just alluring, that was all. It had nothing with emotions or feelings or anything of that nature. And it was going to stay that way.

 **What? I updated earlier than planned? That never happens! I've updated today because I have decided to do something special for Christmas! Since it's that time of year for giving (and when I get a big break from school), I've decided that for every two good reviews I get, I'll update every other day starting on December 25th! When I say good, that means one that makes sense, isn't a flame, and is helpful. I will have a cut off for how many chapters I'll do, but I don't no where that number is yet. I also have the ability to not count a review since I'm the author and it takes quite a bit of work to write a chapter. This deal will last until December 25th. Start reviewing and thanks for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Happy Holidays! There will be four more chapters posted every other day. Thank you for all those who reviewed, it was very heartwarming to hear your opinions on the story so far. I hope you guys continue to enjoy the fic!**

Saph's PoV

The outline of his muscles could be seen from the sweat soaked white t-shirt Levi wore. Keeping my focus on the dirt floor in front of me, I rolled my sore shoulders. It was the fourth week of extra training, and Levi was still trying to demonstrate his skill in a way that could teach us. I had given up as soon as Ruby, Eld, and Leon had tried to copy him. They were all more advanced at using the 3DMG than I was. A few whispers had been shared at the dining hall about how I wasn't suited to be on the new squad because of the lack of skill I possessed compared to the other members. It didn't help that I was also second in command. Thankfully, it seemed as if neither Leon, Eld, or Ruby shared in those concerns. With them not complaining themselves the whispers died. It also helped that I had pointed out that I could almost outrun a horse.

Well, almost all the horses except that damn grey stallion that I had decided to name Lucifer. Levi had to stop me from slaughtering that beast after it had intentionally rammed me into a tree while I was riding it. There was so much pain in my leg afterwards that I thought it had been broken for a few minutes. Instead of getting me a new horse, Levi just said that it was my 'shitty steering skills' that made Lucifer act that way. Sometimes it felt as if those two had teamed up to make my life difficult. Me trying to stay away from Levi ever since the conversation with Hanji turned out to be harder than I had originally imagined.

Something had shifted since my realization. Now instead of throwing every rude remark he made to me back at his face, I just tried to escape from the conflict. This usually backfired and resulted in me being ordered to clean a room for ignoring my 'superior'. The headquarters for the Special Operations Squad wasn't that big, so I sometimes felt as I was cleaning the whole house at least twice a week.

It was a wooden, two-story house. A small kitchen, bathroom, and three bedrooms were what consisted of the first floor. There were also three bedrooms on the 2nd floor. One was a large, fully furnished master bedroom that was all Levis. The one in the middle was only used to hold strategy meetings and to store information. Mine was on the other side of the house, with a bed but no desk, unlike Levi's. Having my own private space was an experience that I had missed, somewhat, from the Underground, but there was a drawback I hadn't foreseen with the new sleeping quarters.

Snoring from my companions had become a soothing sound to me. Now, I was all by myself, only hearing the wooden floor squeak at times. This kept me awake for the longest time. At first, I had spent night after night, unable to sleep. The comfort I had become accustomed too would have been even more appreciated ever since Hanji had revealed that I might hold a level of attraction towards Levi. Instead of letting dream world take me away, I spent my time staring at the ceiling going over in my head what had gone wrong to make me feel this way for my new commander.

Even now, I felt uncomfortable as he landed in front of us. I made no move to acknowledge his presence as he stared at us with an expectant face. He clearly wanted us to try and match his speed and movement.

"Sir, I don't think any of us are fast enough for your technique," Leon said, respectfully. The guy usually had an amicable smile on his face and a light in his green eyes, but he looked as if Levi might order him to clean up horseshit for stating his opinion. No. Levi only did that to me.

"I wonder what made you so strong and fast?" Hanji shouted trying to grab Levi's arm. "Did you have a unique diet? Do something to train your body everyday? Maybe it's due to you living in the Underground?" Her constant peppering of questions was considered to be annoying by the actual members of Levi's team, but her ability to wear Erwin down enough for him to let Hanji watch the demonstrations meant there was a certain level of respect.

Levi finally shoved her so that she landed on her butt on the grass floor. "If that was true, Saph would have the same capabilities," he snorted.

"But, I was only there for some years. I wasn't born in that environment," I tried to provide helpful information. It would be interesting to know the reason for Levi's abilities and if there was a way I could gain them myself. When the words enter the air, however, I'm brought back to the slaughter of Isabel and Farlan. As far as I knew, they had both been born in the Underground.

Ruby stepped forward. "I believe that it would be best if we stopped with the demonstrations and started trying to fight like an actual group. Our teamwork on the field is severely lacking." Her voice was strong without a hint of hesitation. It was easy to forget that she wasn't the commander nor the second in command.

"I agree," Eld stated.

Levi stared at his subordinates with distaste. Leon shifted uncomfortably under the hard stare that was being directed at him. "We're not trying to disagree with you, sir, or give up."

"What do you think, Saph?" Hanji piped up.

Hearing my name caused me to tilt my head up. I could see that Levi's brow was furrowed like he was wondering where I had come from all of a sudden. Shrugging my shoulders, I sighed. "It's probably better to try something else since this doesn't seem as if it's ever going to work."

"See, Levi? Even your second in command agrees with the sentiment. Since I won't get to study Levi anymore, I'm going to head back!" Hanji declared as she got up off of the ground. "See you at dinner!"

Nobody made a move to wave back, but Levi gave an audible indication of relief where her excited form finally disappeared from our sight. "Good riddance." Levi stormed off not to soon afterwards. Tired from dealing with us.

Ruby and Eld both glanced at me when Levi has left the vicinity and was out of earshot from the rest of us. Leon ruffled my hair without asking for my permission to do so.

"I'm so glad that he listens to you! We would have probably had to clean the stables with our tongues if you weren't here!"

Ruby clicked her tongue. "He hasn't shown any attributes that would suggest he would make a good leader. I don't know what Erwin was thinking."

"Hey!" I shouted louder than I intended too, "he just started. Give him a break." What the hell am I doing defending Levi?

Leon seemed surprised by my words as well. "Aren't you loyal? Defending your commander even though you're the one he punishes the most often. What are you? A masochist or something?" Leon teased poking at my cheek.

It's hard not to break character during moments like these. Trying to withhold some strength, I try to make it look like I'm playfully smacking away his hand instead of slapping it the way I want to. "No!" What an idiot. If only Levi wouldn't suspect me to be the murderer if Leon ended up dead with a knife buried in his stomach in the middle of the night. I mean of course it would most likely be me, but that didn't mean he would even listen if I was innocent.

"Leave her be, Leon," Ruby commanded. Leon instantly stopped touching me.

"Sorry, Saph. I was just messing with you."

A weak grin made it way to my lips. "It's fine." Why oh why wasn't Ruby the Captain or at least in my position? Not a single person on the team respected me much less took orders, and the only reason they obeyed Levi was because of fear instead of respect. After giving each of them a polite nod, I quickly walked back to the headquarters. Levi was in the kitchen making tea when I entered.

"Are you not going to the dining hall for dinner?" I asked before I could stop myself. Starting a conversation wasn't a good idea if you were trying to avoid someone.

For a bit, I didn't think Levi was going to answer my question. He just kept casually sipping his drink. Then, he set it down on the counter in front of him. "No."

"Why not?"

"Why are you sticking your nose in business that isn't yours?"

What did I find remotely likable about a guy as irritating as him? "Curiosity." His size was that of a child, though his body wasn't. That's why it was just a physical thing. It had to just be a physical thing. Most people were supposed to be attracted in muscles and crap like that.

"All that damn noise that woman makes, gives me the bad shits later on."

My hormones must be raging if I found someone who made poop jokes constantly even a little nice to look at. Maybe if I just got it out of my system, this wouldn't be a problem anymore. "I could bring your serving here."

The befuddled expression on Levi's face about my offer almost made up for how much regret I was feeling for starting this little talk. His nose wrinkled up as he shook his head. "No."

"No?"

"You might poison it or something."

I bursted out laughing. When the first giggle escaped me, I saw Levi start for a second. His fingers gripping the cup just a little tighter than before. It was the way he said it, with so much conviction. Like that was the singular reason I would ever offer to bring him food. That's just how ridiculous I was acting. This person wasn't me, and I don't know where she came from or how to make her go away.

Nodding, I snorted out, "of course," before I went upstairs to leave a confused Levi behind. My sides were still shaking when I began to take off my gear in my room. I wouldn't want to be wearing this comfortable harness when I went down to eat.

Getting the contraption off was always time consuming, but I made sure to give Levi plenty of space to go somewhere else, so I wouldn't have to interact with him. When I heard a heavy set of footsteps going up the stairs, I paused. My breath resounding with every thunk on the wooden floor. It disappeared father down the hallway. I don't know what I had been expecting from him. A confirmation that I could bring back his food? Levi didn't trust me that much. His suspicions weren't entirely unfounded. If I was in his position, I wouldn't have trusted me either.

The sacrifices I had already made showed just how much I was willing to give to get my brother back. Levi would never put me in the position of having to choose my squad or my family because he knew what I would choose without a moment of hesitation. Not even the budding attraction held enough sway over my heart for me to abandon my brother. Give everything I had to the Survey Corps.

My head was full of these thoughts as I strolled to the dining hall. Laughter and light spilled from the large structure. Death may surrounded the soldiers, so they tried to find merriment in everything. Sometimes that led to excessive drinking, gambling, or sleeping around. Anything to take one's mind off of what was going to come in the future.

None of my fellow seatmates partook in the abundant alcohol. I didn't know enough about them to make a guess on the other extracurricular activities the members of the military regularly visited.

Not a drop of the addictive liquid was needed for Hanji. She was always acting bizarre , so her weird behavior held no indication whether the mug in her hand contained water or a stronger substance.

"There she is!" she shouted, raising the container that was sloshing with her movements. "I thought you and Levi were going to stay holed up in that little house of yours to drink tea and nibble on biscuits!"

Ruby, ever the responsible one, was trying to make her energetic friend set the mug down so as to not make a bigger mess. "If Levi heard you saying things like that, he would order you to wash every cape of every member of the Survey Corps."

Leon was choking on his dinner. The image of Levi and I having a tea party must have been hysterical in his mind. "Where is he anyways?"

"Said he wasn't going to come since Hanji gave him the bad shits."

Shaking her head, Ruby said in a low tone, "I wish he wouldn't say such crass things like that."

"A man more refined has always been your type, Ruby," Haji started, while snickering, "I'm guessing that while Levi isn't too hard on the eyes, you still prefer your guys to have 'sunshine for hair' and 'baby blue eyes like the sky."

Clearly embarrassed, Ruby's face was turning as red as her namesake. "Please don't quote me on things I said while I was intoxicated!"

The two began to bicker as I slid onto the empty spot between Eld and Leon. Munching on my bread, I warily kept an eye on Leon who was staring at me. He leaned over to speak. His breath tickling my ear which made me lean farther away.

"So Saph? What's your story? I knew that you came from the Underground, but I didn't know you hadn't grown up there." His words were amicable, but I still felt a shiver run down my spine. I hadn't expected anyone to be curious about my words earlier.

Narrowing my gaze at him, I tried to figure out what my next words should be. It was important to make it seem like I was making an attempt to get closer with the fellow members, but I didn't want to give too many details about myself. "My parents died when I was around eight, so I was forced to go live in the Underground."

"What happened to them?"

"They were both eaten by a Titan during an expedition."

"So they were in the Survey Corps? You must feel proud about following in their footsteps!"

Could Leon really regard risking my life for something so intangible as something to be proud of? Shaking my head, I murmured, "But look what ended up happening to them. Their abandoned children were forced to live in the slums."

"Children?"

Noticing my mistake, I tried to wave it off. "My brother. He would be here now if it wasn't for the living arrangement forced upon us when they died." It's true that he might have joined the Survey Corps if we had been allowed to live on the surface. Though I was implying that he had been killed, I felt as if the white lie was small enough to grace his ears with ease. I hoped my white lie would be taken at face value. Ducking my head down, I bit my bottom lip. That wasn't something I wanted to discuss. Appearing as if I was in pain, I hoped the conversation would move forward with a new topic.

Hanji came to my rescue. "I heard that you used to be in the Military Police, Leon. Why did you switch?"

A dry laugh filled the room as Leon's green eyes darkened considerably. "Once I saw the destruction and pain the Titan's had brought with them, I knew I couldn't stay in the sidelines."

"You're very brave to experience that firsthand and still want to deal with Titans," Ruby commented.

Nodding, Leon stared at the empty plate in front of him. "I had been considering entering the Survey Corps after my training was done. I was first in my training group. However, I thought I could be more of help with keeping the inner walls safe, but there is no point in keeping peace within if Titan's could easily take that away at any moment."

Solemn faces mirrored his own. Their own reasons for choosing the Survey Corps was reflecting back to them. Why they had fought for so long, and why they continued to face their own chance of destruction constantly. A hush silence had fallen at our table.

Studying my jagged nails, I thought over what Leon had said. He must have shown exceptional skill for Erwin to choose him to be in Levi's squad without having as much experience as the rest of us. No one else had regarded it as strange though. There must be more to Leon than I had first thought.


	21. Chapter 21

**Here is the second chapter with the Christmas Special! I'm a little worried that I made Levi OOC because he talks so much in this one, but I think all of you guys will like it. I've been getting a lot of feedback that you guys like Levi/Saph interactions and having Hanji in there, so I hope I didn't disappoint with this one. Enjoy and please leave a review!**

Saph's PoV

Leon's laugh rang out loud and clear as yet another Titan was brought down to its knees. Eld and Ruby both threw him an irritated glance before they moved onto the next one. With a sharp turn, Ruby had cut deep into its ankle, making the monster began to fall forward. While Leon was cutting off its outstretched arm, Eld was giving the death blow. His own mark just a little below where mine had been made and missed.

I was trailing behind Levi, attacking all the small Titans as he aimed for the 15 meter classes in the vicinity. It had become our usual regiment. Me, killing all the small ones that could easily sneak up on our teammates to devour them, and Levi, slaughtering the large ones that were sometimes difficult to take down. It wasn't exactly what Erwin had planned, two smaller teams instead of one large one, but as the number of kills grows, he had no reason to complain.

After the last one had been taken to the ground, Leon jogged over to us. "I'm famished! We are heading back now right?"

"The gates are just up ahead," I responded, pointing at the entrance to Wall Rose.

Levi was busy wiping his blades down with his handkerchief, nobody was willing to disturb him and his cleaning time. Ruby instead approached me.

"I'm thankful that we haven't lost anyone on this expedition."

A smile quirked the edges of my lips up a little bit. "It's nice not to see your comrades dying. Makes being outside the walls a whole lot more enjoyable."

"Someday, we will reclaim back this land."

"You mean Wall Maria?"

"No," Ruby paused as she tilted her head up to look at the bright blue sky. "I mean everything. Whatever is out there will be ours."

My smile vanished as I tried to imagine a world without Titans. Without danger shadowing me at every step. It was to difficult. Not knowing what to say, I walked off to find Lucifer. There was no reason to dash her hope no matter how fanciful it was.

The dumb horse was flirting with a pretty little chestnut mare. Her rider was a girl that seemed a little older than me whose hair matched her horse's coat. Instead of getting annoyed at Lucifer, she was giggling as he pranced around her and her steed.

"Sorry about that," I said as I tried to capture the dangling reins. Swishing his tail, I got a mouthful of it with a single swish.

Thankfully, Lucifer had gotten close enough to the irritated mare for the girl to grab his reins. "It's no problem. I got a good laugh watching him show off."

"Saph! We are going to head out soon! Levi wants you to head over," Leon called out as he rode past. "I"m going to go get Ruby."

With wide brown eyes, the girl turned to me with an excited look on her face. "You're Saph?"

"Yep. You've heard of me?"

"Who hasn't? Second in command for Levi in the Special Operations Squad. One of the youngest soldiers in the legion and the youngest in Levi's squad. What is it like to work so closely with Humanity's Strongest?"

A complete pain in my ass? That answer wouldn't do it for her, so I decided to change the topic. "So I"m guessing you admire Levi?"

The girl nodded, her childish joy now washing away to reveal eyes of pure determination. "Of course. He is an outstanding soldier who has saved multiple of my peer's lives."

"Maybe you'll join our squad someday then," I casually remarked as I swung my leg over Lucifer's back. This girl had so much hope and so filled with dreams that it amazed me. While she didn't contain a hint of naivety, there wasn't the usual hardness that was common for a soldier in the Survey Corps.

"Yes! That would be so exciting! Oh. I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Petra Ral."

"It's nice to meet you, Petra. Well, I should return to my own squad now. Goodbye."

"Bye."

Kicking Lucifer into a trot, I put him near Levi. After settling down into the saddle, I awaited my orders. However, I noticed that Levi was giving me a level gaze. HIs eyebrows were slightly raised in contemplation as he stared at me. Uncomfortable, I straightened my back as I addressed him.

"What is it?"

"That girl's name is…"

"Petra."

"Petra?" Levi paused as he glanced over to her figure. "I pictured her differently."

"Why do you say that? How do you know her?"

Levi grumbled, "Erwin wants another person to join the Special Operations Squad, and he wants me to pick them out."

"Do you think she would fit in? She was a pretty big fan of yours so she would definitely be delighted to work with you," I teased.

He rolled his eyes at me. "I would never let her become part of the team for just that reason. She also has a pretty high kill record for someone who finished training not even a year ago."

"Not just for that reason? So you want to have a groupie around?" I snickered as he glared at me. Levi couldn't reach me, and nobody else heard our conversation so I was safe from being punished for insubordination. "Never thought you were one to seek praise and compliments. Oh Levi how strong you are! How brave you are to face those Titans even though you're so tiny!" I said in a high pitch. Cackling at my own joke, my body shook with laughter. Suddenly, I was unseated from my spot as Lucifer swung his neck and nipped at my leg.

It was surprising to find myself on the dirt ground, watching my monster trot away, neighing all the while. Levi, ever so amused by the situation, walked his horse over to me. "I must admit, I like that horse of yours."

"Don't get attached because it's going to become horse meat soon."

"Are you okay, Saph?" Leon cried out as he jumped out of his saddle to run to me. Offering his hand, Leon inspected my body for wounds. "You really need to get a new one. That evil horse is going to get you killed someday."

"He takes after his owner," Levi said in a deadpan voice.

Wrinkling my nose, I let out a dry chuckle. Leon had to think Levi was just being funny. Not serious at all. I would have usually thrown in a snarky comeback, but I wasn't feeling it. Leon was there and I felt a bit of sorrow at that moment. Sometimes I wondered if Levi didn't get me a new horse because he was hoping that Lucifer would somehow get me killed. It wasn't a pleasant thought.

"That's a rude thing to say," Ruby said as she approached us. A stern frown on her face as she glared at her superior. While most people feared Levi, Ruby wasn't intimidated by him at all. "What if she gets put into a dangerous situation because of him?"

"Stop nagging. I'll just save her ass like I've done before."

The three of us stared, bewildered, at him. The sentiment seemed sincere, but I wasn't so sure he was being serious. Irritated, I threw my hands up. "If you just let me trade out my horse then I wouldn't need to be saved at all!"

"You so sure about that? You're a moron that I"ve had to keep from getting killed even before you had that horse."

Gritting my teeth, I snarled, "I wouldn't be acting so high and mighty Humanity's Strongest Soldier. I've saved you too."

"That was once. It doesn't make us even since for over the twenty times I've saved you. Now stop whining like a brat, get on your dam horse, and follow my orders." With a swish of the wings on his back, Levi turned away and begin to calmly walk his horse in position.

Angry, I wasn't thinking about the consequences as I picked up a clod of dirt. and threw it at Levi's back. Four gasps of pure horror sucked the air out of my lungs as Leon, Eld, and Ruby all watched it hit Levi. When the dirt made impact, it broke apart, crumbling into little pieces. He just stopped. We all stopped. Slowly, Levi twisted his body to face me. The look in his eyes made facing a horde of Titans more appealing than dealing with him.

"Eep!" I shrieked before sprinting off to find Lucifer. A pounding sound of hooves could be heard behind me, and I knew that if I was caught, I would wish that I was dead. Just the thought of being captured sent another wave of adrenaline pumping into my legs.

My grey stallion could be seen grazing just a little bit away. His tail swishing as he enjoyed himself, not knowing that I was hurtling towards him.

"Move out!" The familiar command made Lucifer jerk his head up as Erwin's voice rang out. Ears pricked, he turned to face me with his teeth bared.

Avoiding his snaps, I harshly yanked on the reins to pull him towards the direction of the Walls as I clambered up onto the saddle. Without glancing behind me, I gave a few sharp kicks to get Lucifer going. It was one of the few times I was thankful that I had the fastest horse in the legion. Nothing nor nobody was going to catch me as I got into position and sprinted off.

With the coast clear, the gate rose up to greet us as we galloped down the hill. Ducking, I went underneath the structure, Lucifer slowed down considerably as his hooves met with the stone streets. Breathing hard, I resisted the urge to escape as the sound of clopping resounded behind me. Keeping Lucifer at a trot, I led the way back to the headquarters. Afraid for my life the entire time.

* * *

"I'm sorry," I whimpered out, my body trembling as I stood in front of Levi's desk. Palms moist with trepidation. While his sharp eyes weren't trained on me, I held no hope that the rage he had shown earlier this day had dimmed at all.

Leon had told me at dinner that Levi hadn't said anything as the rest of the squad made their way to the gates. Ruby had mentioned that she was impressed that I had held my position even when I had been completely terrified. She was never one for disrespecting a superior, but I had shown considerable courage to "risk my life in such a stupid way." It was easy to tell that for all her scolding, she was just concerned. Eld had comfortingly patted me on the back when I finally went out of hiding to go to dinner. They were all treating me as if I was going to die soon.

Right after dinner, I had approached Levi's bedroom. Each knock on the door was soft while his 'come in' had been forceful. He made no move to stand up as I approached the desk. With his focus on the paper in front of him, I had made my apology.

"And what are you sorry for?"

I mumbled out, "For hitting you with dirt."

"I can't hear you."

"For hitting you with dirt," I said, this time louder. My vision was consumed with the black bangs hiding steel grey eyes. It was the hard riding we had done earlier today that had made his neatly done hair become messy enough to cast a dark shadow on his cheekbones.

Setting the pencil down, Levi folded his arms as he leaned back into his chair. "What do you think your punishment should be for getting me dirty?"

He didn't even care about the whole part of me being disrespectful. It was all about the filth. Well, I was usually disrespectful so I guess that part wasn't odd. I had never taken it so far as to throw mud at him though. "I'll wash your cloak for you," I offered.

"That pitiful look of yours isn't going to make me lessen the punishment, so stop pouting."

I hated it when he talked down to me. Levi wasn't that much older. He always treated the other members as if they were equals. Never acting as if he was better though his status was higher and he carried the title of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. All the fear seeped away as I stuck out my bottom lip further to irritate him further.

Rolling his eyes at my antics, Levi put his face in his hands. "You're so fucking aggravating."

"Then how do you want me to act? Worship the ground that you walk on? Kiss your feet? Act as if you're the savior of the human race just because of your abilities like almost everyone not just in the Survey Corps but everywhere else too? Just because they see you as god-like doesn't mean you're anything else but human."

His puzzlement was understandable. I didn't know where that had come from either. The haughty attitude he was having towards me must have been getting deeper under my skin than I had thought.

"If you're trying to lessen your punishment, it's backfiring."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I was just informing you that I'm probably not going to change. I'll be aggravating to you until one of us croaks."

Levi quirked an eyebrow at me. "Or until your brother gets back and you finally leave."

"I don't know. If you took away the chances of getting devoured by a Titan, this life wouldn't be too bad," I jocked. The annoyed look on his face made me want to squish his cheeks into a smile like I would sometimes do for Suzu when he was upset. That would most likely get my hands cut off though. "You're being surprisingly talkative considering how mad I thought you were going to be. I think Eld, Ruby, and Leon are placing bets right now to see how long it'll take for you to slit my throat."

Ignoring the first comment, he replied, "It would take less than a second."

"But you haven't done it yet." There was an unasked question in that statement. Why? Levi claimed to hate me, blamed me for his friend's death, and knew that I wasn't willing to risk myself for the duty he regarded so highly.

If he had noticed the pregnant sentence, he made no indication of it. "Killing is messy work. I wouldn't want your blood staining my clothes. Though it seems keeping you alive isn't preventing you from dirtying my things either."

"I'll wash all your clothes! That'll be my punishment."

"It doesn't make up for it. You ruined my favorite cloak."

"They all look the same!"

HIs eyes glinted with something akin to amusement. Did Levi just make a joke that didn't revolve around pooping? What a day to be alive. "Fine. What do you want me to do then?"

"You'll wash everyone's clothes. Not just for the people who are in the Special Operation Squad but everyone who is in the Survey Corps. You'll spend you day doing that tomorrow instead of training."

I groaned. My fingers were going to be dead by the time I was finished washing every article. Training days were one of my favorite days too. Stretching my muscles as I flew around was always enjoyable. I'm sure Levi knew how much I looked forward to those days too.

"You're excused now," Levi dismissed me as he turned back to the papers to his desk.

Cussing him out in my head, I left.

* * *

For the Survey Corps being the smallest military unit, it sure did have a shit ton of clothes to wash. Lunch time had gone and passed, with me still washing while everyone else ate. That was a part of my punishment too, apparently. Levi had rudely waken me up well before our usual time, so I could get ahead start in hopes of eating dinner. That wasn't looking likely with the way things were going.

Leon had offered to sneak me some food when he returned, but when I mentioned that if he got caught the punishment would be worse, he didn't seem as willing as before. Ruby had also tried to convince Levi to let me take a break. Her argument was that I would be able to work faster if I had food in my stomach. Of course Levi hadn't relented. At least Hanji had heard their conversation and offered to keep me company. That seemed to appease Ruby some. Levi had threatened that if he saw her helping me, he was going to cut off all her fingers. The crazy woman had just laughed.

Right as they left, Hanji turned to me. "Sorry, Saph. I would help but if I didn't have these fingers, it would be harder to do experiments!"

"That's fine," I said, beginning to scrub once again. "I know how much you love science."

"What do you love?"

My movements stopped as I considered her question. "I love to run."

"Well you're good at it."

I laughed. "And you are good at science."

"What do you love about it?"

Licking my lips, memories of the dark Underground were brought back. Fleeing from men who I had pickpocketed from. Women who had daggers in their short dresses as they chased me away from their stores. "I never feel as free as when I'm running in the grass underneath an open sky. Not even using the 3DMG gives me the same sensation as when my own leg muscles are moving."

Getting back to the task at hand, I could feel my skin beginning to get rubbed raw. If I wasn't careful, I was going to begin to bleed into the dirty water of the basin. Squeezing the water out of the shirt, I tilted my head in contemplation.

"Whatcha thinking about?"

"Lots."

"Care to share?"

Hanging the article of clothing up, I asked the question on my mind. "What made you join the Survey Corps?"

"Mostly curiosity."

Snickering, I faced her. "Not some deep desire to free humanity from the chains imposed on us by the Titans? Not a want to experience the outside world that is rightfully ours?"

I had apparently picked her interest. "I've never heard you speak in such a mocking tone before. I knew that you were just pretending before!"

Sputtering, I tried to justify myself, "I'm just worn out. Anybody would be after doing for hours upon end."

"Can't fool me! I knew that whole pure, shy, sweet, little girl was an act."

Seeing the fierce glare I was giving her, Hanji raised her hands. "It's not my business. You couldn't have survived in the Underground for so long if that's how you really behaved. Anyways, why are you so bitter about that?"

"Most humans are too entitled already. I want to see the outside world as much as anyone else, but I'm sure we were the ones who caused this destruction in the first place."

"You believe humans created the Titans?"

I bark of laughter escaped. "There isn't any other monster out in the world who could create such an evil thing such as a Titan."

"God?"

"I wouldn't think a science nerd like you would believe in God."

Hanji became silent. No outrageous displays of actions or words at the moment which was abnormal for her. The wide brown eyes had darkened as she considered my words.

What broke the calm was a loud scream of horror. The two of us immediately began running towards the training area where the sound had come from. Leon met us halfway, his eyes were wide in terror. "Ruby fell!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry about updating late. I left my charger, so I couldn't use my laptop to update. That, and this chapter took a different turn than I was expecting. Hope the length makes up for it though! I hope everyone enjoys, and please leave a comment or criticism!**

Saph's PoV

While Hanji ran back to get her medical supplies, I followed Leon to the clearing. Ruby's crumpled form lied in front of us with Eld leaning over her. His hand resting on her neck. A slow shake of his head was all that was needed to drive despair into our hearts.

"How could this have happened?" Leon cried out.

Her red hair was fanned around her head like the crimson blood seeping onto the ground. The neck at an awkward angle did nothing to take away from her beauty. She was a good person who didn't deserve to be brought down like this.

Levi kneeled to the ground, his fingers closing her eyes so gently, so softly, that the crude words and gestures Levi always portrayed were nowhere in sight.

"Ruby!" Hanji screamed as she ran up with multiple nurses by her side.

Leon ran up to her. He squeezed both of her arms as he tried to calm the frantic woman. "There is nothing you can do Hanji! She's gone."

"What happened?" Erwin's angry, booming voice stilled everyone. "Was the equipment tampered with or did it malfunction?"

Tears were streaming down her face as Hanji removed Ruby's gear. "This isn't her gear. I don't know whose gear it is, but it isn't hers."

"Whose is it?"

It was Levi who answered Erwin's question, "Saphs."

Perking my head up, I went over to take a look. "Why was she wearing my stuff?" Did this mean Ruby wasn't the intended target? Was someone trying to kill me? Cautiously, I took a few steps back, that was until I hit Levi. Swinging my fist around in a panic, he easily caught my arm.

"You need to calm down."

My breathing was becoming erratic as I imagined enemies on all sides of me. Hanji approached me with her hands raised. "I can't find any sign of someone messing with it, Saph. It must have been an accident." Her voice was soft, but a deep sorrow was embedded in it. "She must have gotten the equipment mixed up. That meant it was more likely to break since it wasn't adjusted for her. There is no need for you to be so scared."

Vulnerable. All of my senses were heightened with the adrenaline making my skin tingle. Gasp were catching in my throat as I tried to calm down. Shivers were crawling into my pores, danger, I was in danger. I needed to get out of there. A soft breeze was tickling the hairs on the back of my sweaty neck. "I'm going…" Glancing at Levi, I hopped from foot to foot. Impatient, but obedient.

"You can go."

I sprinted out of the woods. Branches slicing like daggers. Dark shapes looming as if to threaten me. My feet carried me back to the headquarters, A close comrade of mine had died. Unexpectedly. Not on the field of the battle, but home. Where we were supposed to be safe. Suddenly, I was back in the Underground. Not a single ally in sight. Nowhere was safe. A volatile panic had consumed my nerves. Making my actions jerky and stiff.

With its bare walls and sparse items, my room wasn't the coziest. My hands were shaking slightly, and my vision was fuzzy as belongings began to blur together. Sitting down on the bed, I fiddled with the edge of my shirt. Anything to occupy the time as I awaited for a verdict. A few soft knocks startled me out of my blankness

"Saph?" It was Hanji.

The wood floor creaked as I walked to the door. Dirt marks trailed behind, all left there because of my boots that were still left on.

There was a ring of redness around her eyes, the skin slightly puffed up. My voice was hoarse as I answered her. "I'm sorry for panicking, Hanji."

"It's understandable."

Perspiration was making her messy brown hair stick out in odd angles. A haggardness had lessened the light in her eyes until they were dark pools that didn't reflect anything. "That's the thing. It's not understandable. You lost your best friend."

"I've lost a lot of people, Saph."

"We all have. Doesn't mean there isn't pain with their deaths." My voice cracked on the last word. An image of Levi's broken face as he stared at Isabel's and Farlan's bloody bodies drenched themselves into my head. Families screaming, knowing their child or sibling or lover or parent had been gobbled down by a Titan as if they were apples. Now, Ruby, lying shattered, forever still. Everything was a reminder that my little brother, Suzu, could be dead in the depths of trash. The nightmares surrounding my younger brother all began to blend together. A deep of fear of seeing him dead was making my knees crack together. Yes, we have experienced death, but there are people who we would forever mourn.

"You don't have to worry. I can't find signs that this was intentional." Hanji reached a hand to my shoulder, but a quick jerk away sent away her hesitant fingers downwards to her side. "I'll see you later, Saph." The floor moaned underneath her weight. When the door clicked shut, I fell onto my bed.

No matter what Hanji had said, that keen understanding that something was wrong hadn't stopped digging into my gut. It stretched ahead of me, the ceiling. A different sight but the same sense of peril. Reaching my tips to the ground underneath the mattress, I felt the sharp blade. Slipping the knife into my pillow, I waited. There was a moment where I thought someone was going to knock on my door. A deep low voice that paused when he passed the entrance to my sanctuary. Levi.

Like he would openly show concern. For a second, I wondered what I would say if he came in. Would I avoid his touch like I did Hanji's? Would I tell him about my nightmares involving my brother? Or would we sit in silence? Suzu and I never talked when we nursed our wounds, thought about our fears, but I didn't want Suzu with me, I wanted Levi. That was probably because one had the capability to help me and the other I had to protect.

My stomach growled indicating that it was dinnertime. Instead of getting up, I stayed in bed. Moving slightly over in the sheets, I stared at the my dresser. Memorizing the curves and patterns as the hours passed by. Never had I kept my senses so heightened without shifting. This was the life I had wanted to run away from, and now, I was being stalked like prey. Back in the Underground, I knew that enemies surrounded me, but here, I didn't know who was out hunting for my life. And I didn't know how to handle this revelation.

Night had fallen by the time I had made my resolve. Wrapping my palm around the handle, I wrenched the daggar from the white cotton sheet. My breathing was slow as I made my way of the room, locking the door behind me. Thoughts were struggling against each other, crashing against each other until my own balance was affected. Steps wobbly, the battle raged until I reached Levi's door. A sound of papers rustling, the noise, scrambled my already messed up feelings.

"Levi?" I called out, faintly, weakly.

Not a response, but I heard the sounds of him working at his desk stop.

A low light lamp was turned on, casting shadows on his sunken cheeks. Sorrow. Grief. Unlike Hanji, there wasn't tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes but blank stares and haggard features.

"You certainly have gotten smarter. I was getting tired of you pointing knives at me," Levi gruffly noted the weapon I held lightly in my grip.

Scoffing, I bit my lip. "Can you… come see Brutus with me? I want to ask if their is any word of someone having it out for me."

"I thought you liked being an idiot and sneaking off by yourself?"

"Guess it's different when I'm being targeted." I sat down in the chair across from him. My legs finally accepted the fact that I couldn't handle this on my own.

For my trouble, I got was a skeptical stare. All of his attention was focused on me, with those damn raised eyebrows.

I snorted. "I know everyone thinks it was just an accident, but I believe otherwise. Surviving in the Underground for as long as I did, I didn't do that by not trusting my intuition."

"Who's after you then?"

"Kenny." A tired sigh left him as his gaze darted to the right. The man who raised him, who was his uncle, I was accusing of trying to kill me. Moistening my lips, I tried to assure him. "I know you're not apart of of it, and that's not why I'm asking you."

"Do it on your own."

Admissions weren't my thing. Especially, ones that showed weakness. Nails digging into my pants, I struggled with what I should say. Not knowing what Levi felt about me was becoming a heavy burden. There was no hate between us anymore, but I wasn't sure if he trusted me. It was hard to tell with me. I could never read Levi.

"Go to bed, Saph. If you still want to go see Brutus tomorrow, then maybe."

"Could I-" sleep in here? No. I couldn't ask that. Levi would never allow it.

As if he heard the unasked part of the question, Levi folded his arms on the desk and gave me a frigid regard. "You're acting paranoid because you're exhausted," he said as he leaned over the desk to flick my forehead. "Get some sleep."

After I grumbled, "And who do you think is to blame for that?" I left. Rubbing the skin that had been flicked, I went back to my own space. At least I felt a little better before I had came in. Levi said that he would go if I still wanted to in the morning, so that was something.

Sleep was fitful, but the exhaustion from doing laundry all day helped me drift off into a world filled with soap bubbles and cutting eyes.

* * *

With Ruby's death being such an unusual case, whispers of mourning were strong. Nobody was supposed to die so unexpectedly, so accidentally while they were in the Survey Corps. Our murderers slept beyond the walls with appetites for our souls. Hanji struggled with her best friend's death for a few days, but like everyone else, she soon buried it. Put her heart back in a coffin where it nestled in dreams of vengeance.

Because of Ruby's death, a spot had opened up in the Special Operations Squad. The past week was spent with rumors about on who would be chosen next. That meant Levi was kept busy with Erwin as they tried to find a suitable replacement. Every time I thought we could go to town, Erwin interrupted. Finally, I had made my way to Levi while he was on the training grounds to demand that he come with me to town.

"Why? Because you're scared shitless to go alone?" He scoffed at me.

"You promised that you would go!"

Turning his back on me, Levi continued to wipe the dirt off of him with a handkerchief. "Leave. I'm busy."

Before I could argue, the girl I had talked to over a week ago came jogging up to us. Petra wasn't it? A boy that looked to be around the same age of her, wasn't to far behind her excited figure.

"Hello, Sir. I'm Petra Ral, and I'm reporting for duty!"

"The name is Auruo Bossard, Sir." The guy offered his hand to Levi as he smiled. "Reporting for duty too."

Levi only stared at the outstretched limb with disgust. Not even acknowledging the apparently two new additions to our small team, he faced me. "Show them the ropes." Without a glance their way, Levi stalked off.

Heaving a deep, heavy, sigh that revealed just how burdened I was with this command, I let all my anger from before dissipate into the chilly air. I couldn't help feel sorry for the two, stunned, people in front of me. Giving them a weak smile, I offered my condolences for having their dreams of Humanity's Strongest Soilder dashed in the mere seconds they got to meet him. "He's not like you expected, I bet."

"Is he having a bad day?" Petra asked, a troubled look on her face.

I shook my head. "Nope. He's always like that. A bit of advice, keep your surroundings and yourselves clean."

That didn't seem to make Auruo very happy. "Why?"

"Lev's a clean freak. You'll scrub the entire headquarters floors if you make a mess."

"Is that because he came from the Underground?" The question wasn't posed in a scornful way, but the nasty whispers of two years ago were a reminder of how people looked down on us before for where we grew up.

Auruo stared in shock as I whirled on him. "We both came from the Underground. I'd be careful with mentioning that because I won't allow you to badmouth either Levi or me."

Petra elbowed him in the ribs, hard. "Don't be rude."

"It was just a question."

Satisfied, I gestured towards the trees. "This is where the Special Operations Squad trains. We'll most likely be focusing on teamwork exercises for the next month since with new additions, adjustments will have to be made."

"I'm more of a solo guy. Having over a 20 kill record kind of speaks for itself."

Would I get punished for slapping the new recruit upside the head? At least Petra was kindly listening to explanations instead of bragging. Mere seconds and I already despised this guy. However, if I lost my patience, I would most likely lose the respect of my newest subordinates. "That might have to change."

"Why are you acting so high and mighty? You're younger than us."

"Auruo!"

Stiffening, my fist began to tremble with rage. My mood was sour already, I didn't need anybody, much less a guy like him talking me down today. "Age doesn't matter in the Survey Corps. It is experience and skill that counts on the battlefield. I may be a few years your junior, but you are still my subordinate."

"I still don't see how the greatest soldier in the history of mankind has a baby for a second in command. It's shameful if you ask me."

I snapped. Two years I had maintained a disposition that betrayed none of my true character to anyone but Levi and some to Hanji. Not the pressure of Titans had made me falter, not constantly being surrounded by comrades that sometimes had truly odd personalities, not even when the Wall was taken over did I break my likable facade. But Ruby had recently died. I believed someone was trying to murder me. Levi hadn't gone to town with me. My shoulders still ached from all the washing I had done. Nightmares had kept me awake until the sun peeked over the hills. I was tired and irritated. Then this arrogant asshole thought he could stride in here like he fucking belonged, and suggest that I shouldn't be second in command? I had reached my breaking point, and decided that I should break this little shits neck.

He never saw my leg coming. It took nothing to sweep his feet from underneath him and make him fall to his knees. There was no need to rush as I swooped down to my boot to grab my knife. Grabbing a fistful of his curly hair, I yanked his head back. My dagger glinting as I rested it against his exposed throat.

"Move and I start slashing," I whispered into his ear. The sound of him gulping made me grin. Pulling back a little, I made sure to give him a full view of my smile, all teeth. "Listen here, I stopped being a baby the day I was thrown into that pit of hell you people call an Underground," I started, not quite yelling, but not quite talking in a normal tone of voice either. "You want to know how a ten year old kid survived down there?" I didn't give him time to answer the rhetorical question. "I would stab people with this knife here while they slept in their cozy little bed. Over and over until their blood was in my hair and mouth. Red all on the walls. Most of the time, after I killed them, I would just steal whatever I wanted to from their house. But you see, sometimes I was real hungry."

I felt him shiver. Before he could interrupt, I continued.

"Once, after I cut open a guy's jugular, he started spraying that stuff everywhere until copper covered my tongue. It got me thinking, what would he taste like? So, I used my handy blade to make him into little pieces. He was a big fella, all fat with little muscle."

Auruo was shaking real hard, tears were in his eyes. I didn't glance to see if Petra was still there and listening or if she had run off. Yeah, I was taking it out on someone who probably didn't deserve it, but toying with someone was diminishing my frustration that had built up over the past days.

"That's the best you know? It's not tough, and it cooks good. Hisses and bubbles when it gets real hot. Smells good too." I made a show of licking my lips. "That one guy was enough food for a week! Probably my favorite dish too. But you see, even in that hell, they don't like dealing with cannibals. Your average rapist, thieves, and murders are fine, but cannibals? No one likes the idea of someone gnawing on their bones." I ground my teeth together to drive home the point. "You gotta be real careful. Can't do it too often, but that makes it all the more exciting! There was a vast variety down there. Nobody tastes the same. You know what I realized made the best dish, though? When it's someone you hate. Gives it a special flavor, a seasoning if you will." Sometimes, I miss it. I mean, they do have great food here, but nothing is better than swallowing your enemy's flesh."

He began to cry, snot dribbling out of his nose. My eyes darted to the side to see if Petra was still around. She was. Knowing that I had an audience made me act all the more wilder. They would fear me. Oh they would. I was the one in control of this situation, not anyone else.

"Do you know what's interesting? Your kill record and my fine dining plan almost match! So, I would remember something if you ever think it's a good idea to call me a baby again. You may be older… but I'm hungrier," I snarled. I released his head and removed my knife from his neck. The guy couldn't get up fast enough. Both him and Petra fled to the headquarters, the smell of piss hanging in the air.

A loud cackling interrupted my satisfaction. Craning my head, I found Hanji howling with maniacal laughter. Levi was next to her. This wasn't going to be good.

"Holy shit, Saph! I came here to see how the new additions were doing. That, that was something I wasn't expecting!" She was holding her sides, bent over as her body shook. It was the first time I had seen her enjoy herself since Ruby had died.

"How do you know that it wasn't all true?" I asked.

The woman was a little out of breath, but she could still answer me. "I know the rumors that revolve around the Underground, but I know you would never do something like that."

"It's disgusting," Levi agreed, grimacing at the thought.

He didn't seem as mad as I thought he was going to be. The relief made my body a bit lighter. "You can't even touch a person without being grossed out and crying icky."

"I told you to show them the ropes, not scare them so hard that they piss their pants."

"Well Auruo was acting like a brat! I just used all the exaggerated gossip to my advantage."

"You act like a brat all the time."

My mouth hung wide open. "I can't believe you're lecturing me when you intimidate me and physically punish me all the time!"

Hanji nudged my shoulder with her own. "Come on, Saph. I think Levi just believed he was making you a better person by doing all that."

In a deadpan voice, Levi explained his reasoning. "Negative reinforcement using pain is one of the surest ways to teach obedience."

While Levi was just below my chin, it really felt like I had to dip my head low to make my gaze level with his. Smirking, I responded, "Thanks. I'll remember that. Next time one of my subordinates act out, I'll get in a fist fight with them."

Scowling at me, Levi didn't get a chance to chastise me before Hanji slapped both of us on the back. "You two are hilarious. I'll see you both at dinner."

Neither of us dropped eye contact to watch her recede. What came next out of Levi's mouth surprised me. "You still haven't finished your laundry duties."

"Can't. I'm showing the newbies how things are run around here. I'm too busy to do both," I teased. Feeling better than I had for days.

Levi just stared coldly at me. His usual deadpan expression on as always.

"Fine. Let me just go to town after dinner, and I'll clean all the laundry tomorrow and teach Petra and Auruo what to do."

All it took was for him to raise his eyebrows before I began to explain.

"Having a person gunning for me is the least dangerous thing compared to living in the Underground and battling Titans. I got this. I can handle this. Don't know why I came crawling to you for protection when I'm certainly capable of handling myself. I was never escorted down there, and I certainly don't need to be on the surface."

"Don't forget to apologize to them tonight."

I whined, "Do I have to?"

A good smack on the back of my head was my answer. He had whapped me hard.

"Fine. I'll do it."

Levi sternly said, "See? Negative reinforcement." It was hard to tell if he was bantering or just proving his point.

"...I hate you."

 **To answer the guest, Cindy, questions: At the beginning of the story, Saph was thirteen. It's been 3 years, so she is 16 now. In the beginning, Levi was twenty. He's 23 right now. There is a roughly 7 year age difference between them. Attack on Titan timeline wise, they are three years before the Battle of Trost. The next chapters are going to focus a lot on Saph's relationships and on the disappearance of her brother before we go back to canon. Hope this clears things up for you!**


	23. Chapter 23

**One last chapter before the Christmas Special is over! I hope you guys enjoy the latest chapter. Please leave a comment when you're done! I would love to know what you're thoughts are on the story.**

Saph's PoV

"So where is your tiny bodyguard?" Brutus asked as he sat down on the couch in the living room.

Folding my hands together, I regarded my short nails with interest before answering. "He's moved up the ranks in the Survey Corps. Keeps him busy."

Brutus nodded as he brushed his moustache with his thumb, thoughtfully. "I didn't send for you, so I'm wondering why you're here."

"I believe someone attempted to kill me little over a week ago."

"And you want me to look into it?"

"Yes."

A slow smile tugged his lips to a vicious grin. Eyes glinting with greed, Brutus shoved his hand near my nose with the palm up. "It'll cost you."

Giving a level stare, I leaned away. "Since you have yet to show me your worth in regards to finding information on my brother, I'll let you prove yourself by telling me who wants me dead. If not, maybe I'll take my business back to Agni."

The mention of the most widely known information dealer's name was enough to put a scowl on his face. His most hated competition. There had been rumors of a backstory before their rivalry started. It was easy to use her name to profit from their dispute. "You wouldn't be here if you thought she could get more info than me."

Not mentioning the fact that it was because she was scared of Kenny that I was forced to find someone else to help, I huffed. "Well I guess I overestimated you." Brushing off the nonexistent dirt from my jeans, I slowly got up off of the couch. With deliberate, slow movements, I headed towards the door.

"Wait!"

I stopped, but I didn't turn around. "Yes?"

"I'll do it. Not for free, but for a reduced price. Call it my special deal for such a loyal customer."

Casually, I titled my neck back so I could get a glimpse of his hardened face. "This time, I'm going to pay you after you get me what I want. I'll look forward to hearing back from you on either of the subjects."

"Fine."

Smiling to myself, I left the old house and began to jog the empty streets back to the headquarters. There, I would have to apologize to Petra and Auruo for what I said. That I was something I wasn't looking forward to, at all. It seemed as if I wouldn't have to wait for long in trepidation, I could see Petra standing at the entrance of the building.

"It's cold out here! Why are you standing outside?" I said as I rushed towards her. Might as well be polite, though I doubted that facade would work after I talked in great detail about I ate people when I lived in the Underground. Acting like a psycho to scare Auruo off meant that playing nice was going to be suspicious.

Petra looked surprised, and she didn't take the coat I had offered her. "I was waiting for you."

"Well I did want to apologize for what happened earlier, but what did you want to talk about?"

"I think I made Levi mad and I don't know how to fix it."

"So why are you out here?"

Petra leaned closer to me to whisper, "Because he's in there, and I'm scared."

I snorted at her. "He's a tiny, grumpy man who has the title of Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Nothing to fear."

"So you're not scared of me?"

Petra shrieked. I stiffened. It took me a few breaths but I was able to relax after a bit. Flippantly, I twisted to face the person I had been talking about. "I've never been. Don't know why I would start now."

Levi's grey eyes were analyzing Petra. Glancing from the bangs blocking her face to her shifting feet. "You should be since your disrespectful to your superior and you make a mess of things constantly." It sounded more like he was trying to reassure Petra than to threaten me. Don't act like Saph and we'll be fine.

There was no way I wasn't going to take that as a warning, though. I've had enough washing clothes to last for the rest of my life. Wrapping my arm around Petra's shoulders like I've seen Leon do to… well everyone, I grinned down at him. "I was just apologizing to Petra here about the whole cannibalism thing." See Levi? I was being all friendly and nice with the new recruits. Please don't punish me. An uncomfortable beating in my chest made me grimace. It was due to his presence and a mixture of fear concocted with something else.

Levi wasn't buying it, but before he could speak, Petra added her own, unwanted, thought.

"You're ignoring the question, Saph," Petra added, rather unhelpfully.

I couldn't help but glare at her. The lift in the corner of the lip revealed that she wasn't dense, but that she liked seeing me on the spot. Revenge for earlier I suppose? "Well, Petra, I'm not as scared as him as you are." Snickering in glee at the way her face paled, I removed my arm.

"Saph!"

"I still gotta apologize to Auruo!" I shouted as I entered into the kitchen. Both Eld and Leon were there, one with a knowing expression, and the other one filled with glee.

"What have you been up to?" Leon asked, as he leaned his elbows on the counter.

"Oh," I spoke quietly, clasping my hands in front of me, "I just took a walk around town to clear my head."

"Of me?" he winked.

I wanted to dump the tea in his face. Yeah like his face was the one that constantly seemed on my mind these days. If only he was shorter, with dark hair, grey eyes, and a constant scowl then we might have gotten somewhere. Leon was attractive, and most people in the Survey Corps did at least have a small crush on him, but his flirting and touching always made me uncomfortable. Ruby was always the one to make him back off, but she wasn't here anymore.

It was easy to ignore him. "Where is Auruo?"

Eld answered, "He's unpacking his stuff in the sleeping room."

Having a shadow following me as I approached, Leon was riling me up without intending too. "You know everyone could hear you talking outside. Standing right by the door doesn't give you any privacy."

After I nodded, a hand shot out, blocking me from the entryway.

"It's cute how the new girl is acting like a scared rabbit around the Captain. Heard you weren't frightened though. I've always like my girls brave."

"I'm not interested," I snapped.

Leon looked taken aback for a second as he gave me some room in the small corridor. "You're not?"

Exasperated, I looked at him in confusion. "Did I ever seem like I was?"

"Thought you were playing hard to get."

"I don't think I could even if I wanted to," I answered, honestly. Seduction was not one something I'd attempt to try. Knowing my looks, it would only work on people with a very unique and strange taste. Made me wonder why the guy who could almost get anyone was chasing after me.

His laugh was light with no trill of hurt in it. "We've worked together for over a year, I know that brain of yours can come up with some tricks, I couldn't imagine."

I dodged the finger that was trying to poke my forehead. "Why don't you go after Petra? She's cute."

"She is cute," he agreed. His blonde hair sticking out as he ran his digits through the long strands. "I'm tired of cute though. You're… interesting, more challenging. Besides, she has been fawning nonstop over the Captain. Apparently, he saved her life or something." Guess that answered my question about why I was the one in the spotlight.

He wasn't too bad to talk to when he wasn't getting in my space. Made me wish that I had drawn a clear line sooner. "You sound surprised about that. A lot of people follow him because he has saved a lot of lives." It's not the reason I respected him, but it seems to be the biggest reason people gave him the headline of Humanity's Strongest. His skills were unmatched, but there were a lot of things that made him a great soldier.

"That usually stops once they get to know him, however. Anyways, I'll stop bugging you. Just keep an open mind about my offer to go out sometime."

Pivoting back towards my original destination, I came face to face to my target. "I was just coming to you."

"I'm surprised to see that someone would be interested in such an ugly girl like yourself," Auruo commented, his eyes on Leon's receding back.

"I was going to apologize for making you piss yourself, but if you're going to talk to me that way, maybe I should make you clean the headquarters instead."

Auruo snorted in derision. "You're not a superior to me."

His challenging tone was making me bristle. "Then I'll just tell Levi about your attitude."

"He wouldn't listen to you."

"I'm his second in command, of course he would. Do you really think that I would be in the position that I'm in if Levi didn't trust me to a certain degree?" That might not be exactly true, what with Erwin making the decision for him and all. I believed that Levi had to hold me in some regard. Putting the past trying to kill each other incidents behind us, we've had each others back since the Special Operations Squad started. Even the blame he once placed on me for Farlan's and Isabel's death had disappeared.

Auruo seemed to bite his tongue at that. There really wasn't anything he could say. Instead, he tried to put me on the defensive. "You tried to throw that guy onto Petra!"

"You mean Leon? He's harmless. Just likes to joke and play around."

"Still."

I tilted my head as I considered the guy in front of me. His small eyes betrayed nothing, but the frown lines had deepened to something akin to worry. "You're very protective of her."

"Of course," he turned his nose up at me, "we're friends."

"Okay."

"Just friends!"

Narrowing my eyes at him, I wondered why their was a sheen of sweat beginning to form near his hairline. "That's what I heard." Feeling awkward, I went upstairs. While I hadn't actually apologized, I'd mentioned it to both of them. That counted, and I could sleep easy tonight.

* * *

Lucifer liked Petra. He liked Petra and Levi, yet neither of them would switch with me. Levi wouldn't because he said that it was my own fault and that no more horses would be killed because of my terrible riding skills. Petra wouldn't because she was too attached to her own horse, and after hearing about my record, she had promised her filly that I would never sit in its saddle. Pissed, I had told both of them that they were just scared shitless of him.

Turned out, Petra didn't care if I ranked above her, she would scold me for my language. Which was terrible for me since Levi had rubbed off on me in that way, and I tended to cuss a lot when I rode Lucifer.

"It's your own damn fault that the horse won't listen to you," Levi snarled at me. Tired of hearing me whine and complain about wasting energy on trying to control my crazy horse.

"Levi!" Petra yelled. After the conversation in the front of the house (where everybody heard us) she had seemingly dropped her fear of him. Now it was all respect and admiration. That didn't mean his potty mouth was allowed in her proximity. I believed Levi put up with it because it reminded him of Ruby and her mothering.

His grumbles were lost in the wind as we rode on. It was our first time as a team out in the field. We had all practiced as a group in training, but reality was different. Situations were unexpected and wooden cut outs of the Titans could never replace the actual beasts.

Erwin seemed pleased with the changes implemented by the new additions at least. Petra and Auruo seemed to be the missing link that made everybody work together instead of in two separate troops. I was still the only one who could keep up with Levi's speed (which consisted me of sprinting along the treetops most of the time), but Auruo's skill paired with Petra's ability to flexibly coordinate with just about anybody, meant that when we slaughtered, we were a single mind instead of just six separate ones.

That didn't mean there wasn't a little dysfunction when we were off the field. "Stop acting like the Captain and just help me unpack the gear!" Petra shouted at Auruo as we settled in an old castle for the night.

Unrolling my sleeping bag next to Levi's, I was surprised to see Petra's on the other side of mine. She had left a big enough space between Levi's and her's for me to fit mine in comfortably.

"Hanji told me that you always sleep on the right side of him," she said, cheerfully.

Unsure with what she was trying to do, I sat down on the top of the blanket. "That was nice of you." It was easy to see that she wanted to discuss something with me. While I didn't dislike her, Petra's constant attempts to become besties was beginning to shorten my patience in my dealings with her. The person I was closest to was Levi, and that was mostly due to us being around each other for so long. Neither of us were the type to seek out connections, each with our own reason for doing so paired with our personalities. Petra seemed to be the opposite in that regard with how she had boundless energy in trying to create an environment of something closer to camaraderie.

Apparently, she didn't know about my reservations about… people. "I've been hoping we could talk more."

Might as well stop this now. "You don't want to be friends with me," I gruffly said, focusing on pulling off my boots.

Her warmth didn't dim as she leaned over, worried. "Why not?"

Without hesitation, I peered at her. "I slept with a man for information then I killed him and the guy who sent me to him."

She gawked at me but didn't look disgusted. Rolling my eyes, I slipped underneath the covers, thinking that I had gotten rid of her pestering forever. Content, I rolled my body away from her. Levi was sleeping not to far away. His arms and legs straight and pressed close to his body. He was the first person I had told about what I had done to get the information about Kenny. It was also one of the few times he had ever shown concern by wanting to know where that bastard was. His comforting stopped at that, but I hadn't wanted pity. The whole event was just another nightmare to add to the growing trauma.

Her hands grabbed my shoulders so suddenly, that I almost threw her off in a panic. "Are you okay?"

An odd question to ask after someone admitted something of that caliber. My thoughts were more headed towards the direction of 'what happened?' and 'did you really do that?' "People do that all the time in the Underground. It wasn't that big of a deal. Just wanted to warn you about what you're getting into."

Petra considered my admission. "It doesn't matter."

"Killing people and having sex to get what I want doesn't matter to you?" What the hell was I even saying? I guessed that her persistence had made me resort to more extreme measures. That, and I was tired. "I'm going to sleep." This time, Petra didn't shake me awake as I drifted off.


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry that the last Christmas special took forever. That was my bad, but I hope you guys enjoy it. The next chapter update will be in a bit because of finals week and the rest of my fics need attending too. The date for when that will happen will be posted on my profile for all those who are curious. I love you guys! Please leave a comment or criticism!**

Saph's PoV

Petra was openly staring at Levi as he scrubbed down the counters. Flicking water at her, not even Auruo could get her attention away from our Captain. It was our designated cleaning day, one we had almost once a week, and we all had our separate chores to do.

"I never imagined that Captain Levi was like this when I first heard about him," she said in absolute wonderment. Her cheeks red while her eyes sparkled.

Stretching my aching arm, I considered the girl in front of me. Not even knowing his quirks had dimmed her complete admiration for him. I guess it would take more than knowing your hero is a clean freak to erase the reverence brought upon by having your life saved. "He doesn't care what people think of him, but it would ruin some of the Survey Corps image if the Strongest Solider wasn't as cool as everyone thought he was."

"He's still cooler than you," Auruo snorted.

Shoving my mop in his face, I watched as he sputtered out the dirty water with a disgusted look on his face. "You have no room to talk. The first day here, you pissed yourself."

"That's because I looked at you."

"Don't worry, Saph. It must have been because he had never seen such an amazing creature before," Leon said as he tried to take my hand in his. I swatted his hand away and resumed mopping.

"Or it was because I was horrified and disgusted."

"Auruo!" Petra reprimanded. "You're just jealous because Saph is Levi's second in command."

Leon nodded with her. "Even Levi likes to have pretty women by his side. Sorry, Auruo."

"She's second in command because of standing around yapping, she's cleaning." I glanced to see if I could catch Levi's eye, but his attention went to Petra. "I would like another cup of that tea, Petra"

"Of course, Sir!" Petra handed her supplies over to Auruo and went to the kitchen. A slow burn began to lick at my ribs, the heat turning the stark, white bone to ash. I had no knowledge of how to prepare tea, and suddenly, I wish I did.

Levi turned back to his task at hand, leaving Auruo, Leon and I to exchange suspicious looks with each other.

"Someone's playing favorites," Leon said, tilting his head in the direction of the kitchen. "I never thought Levi could ask politely instead of just demanding obedience."

Auruo seemed to disagree. "We all know that he loves his tea almost as much as cleaning. Of course he would choose the best person to make it."

"Is someone jealous?"

"I bet you wish you were making Levi his tea," I snarked at Auruo.

Draping an arm over my shoulders, Leon pulled me close. "Saph, Saph, Saph. That's not what I was talking about."

"But?" I tried to start while squirming away from his touch. Finally, I just stomped on his toes to make him let me go.

"Ouch! Leon stumbled away from me, knocking over the bucket of dirty water in the process. "Shit!"

"Language!" Petra shouted

"What the hell happened?" Levi asked stopping what he was doing and fixing us with a glare.

Auruo stood up from his stooped position. Straightening his jacket as he did so. "These brats were screwing around, and they accidentally made a mess."

"Stop acting like the Captain!"

A head ache was threatening to take over my senses. All this noise, all these people who didn't know a single thing about personal space. I couldn't deal with it! Without drawing attention to myself, I slipped past an arguing Leon and Auruo. "I'm going to take a break," I whispered in Levi's ear. A small inclination of the head was the signal I needed to leave.

Walking out the door, I let the fresh air hit me. That was all I need to feel much better. Since it was pretty warm outside, I shed my outfit until I was only in a tank top and shorts. Easing my tired feet from the boots, it felt wonderful to have the soft grass embracing them.

Stretching my limbs, I was prepared to go for a run in the woods. The simple happiness of jogging with nature surrounding me was so close to my reach. Birds chirping. Small animals diving into the underbrush. Almost the complete opposite of the Underground.

"Where are you going?"

Twisting around, I found a curious Petra watching me. "Out." The reason I got out of there was to be alone, not to bring company along with me.

"I've been wanting to talk to you," she hesitated, stepping forward as if I was going to bolt any second. "What you said to me those few weeks ago-"

"When we were on the expedition?"

"Yeah."

Figuring that she wasn't going to leave me alone about it, I sat on a nearby stump. "What do you want to know?" It had been in the dark recesses of my mind, the idea that she was going to bring it up on her own terms. Her reaction belied a caring nature that made her want to help others. Nothing like me. However, I had hoped the suddenness and bluntness of the statement made would have put her off for a bit longer. This wasn't a conversation I was looking forward too in any way.

"Does anybody else know?"

Those open, trusting eyes were gazing at me with such concern, that I couldn't lie to her. Not when she had showed me such kindness since the beginning of us meeting. There weren't many people like her in the cruel, distasteful world we lived in. I could see why Levi softened around her. It wasn't pleasant truth to face, but I couldn't ignore the fact that our attachment to each other was more due to time, than a general liking. "I told Levi the day it had happened." Revulsion was boiling in my stomach, making my hands tremble with the contained feeling of shame and sickness. Oh how carelessly I had informed him of what happened when I had made my way to the Underground.

"What happened?"

It was vulgar to think that she was inquiring about the details of that hellish experience. Instead, I assumed that she was asking about how her dear Captain responded to my admission. "He asked me where the man was. I said that he was dead, maybe buried. Levi just said good." An unsettling amount of satisfaction shrouded my features as I watched her's morph into a mixture of puzzlement and horror. "You must value human life a lot if you're saddened by the idea of that scum losing his life."

"Of course. That's why I joined the Survey Corps. To save humanity. Every loss is a blow."

"You sound like Levi. While he didn't grieve the death of a pig like that, he too doesn't like to see life wasted. Mankind can die off for all I care," I mumbled. A bit louder, I said, "Now you see why I believe that we couldn't get along. You probably think I'm a monster."

"Why did you do it? You must have had a reason?"

It as false. The hope offered to me with those two lines. A rope entwined with her wishes to believe that I'm not condemned, offered to me as I hang over the abyss of being a villain. "Does it matter? Sometimes bad people do good things for the wrong reasons, and sometimes good people do bad things for the right reasons. Do you base one on their actions or motives?"

Silence fell on us. Neither one relenting in the staring match I had unintentionally started. Sweat was beginning to dampen my shirt as I was faced with an enemy who would not bend. Scrutinizing her facial features, I was the first one to dip my chin to avoid the courage and purity that made her without fear. "And what was your 'right reason'?"

"For my brother."

"Then I believe-"

"I've done a lot for my brother. To find him. To be with him again. Killing a filthy man to find an innocent child is black and white to you. To most it would seem that way probably. But, I've done more. I've allowed the bad things to outnumber my one right reason. The scales aren't in my favor anymore, and that is why I'm a monster."

Petra paused, seemingly to think hard about what her next words were going to be. "I've done something for the wrong reason."

Snorting at her, I sarcastically said, "And what is that?"

"I joined the Military to get away from my family. They wanted me to marry-"

"So you think we are the same? That's laughable."

It was odd to see such a human emotion such as irritation beginning to get to her. "I'm not trying to say that…" Her trailing off confirmed my suspicion that she wasn't sure of what she was trying to do.

Deciding to save the two of us from the awkward, drawn quiet that was about to happen, I asked a question that had been bothering me of late. "Why do you want to be friends with me so badly?"

"Because I like you!"

"For one, that's selfish. Just because you like me doesn't mean I wanna hang around you. I also believe that answer is void since I just explained why people shouldn't and don't like me."

Petra tilted her head to the side, considering me while speculating on various things I would guess. "Doesn't Levi know all this?"

"Yes?"

"Then why do you not try to push him away? From what I've seen and the squad thinks, you two are pretty close."

There wasn't a ready answer I could give to her. Confessing my growing attraction and affection to him would be worse than just running off right now. What she would do with that info, I don't know, but I couldn't imagine a pleasant scenario. Even if she did keep it secret, saying those words out loud meant that they were real and I couldn't take them back. Never mind having that nagging at my heart, if I said it, it would be in the air, suffocating me every time he was near.

Despite my grumbling, Petra approached me. Her smile bright and wide as if I wasn't glowering at her. "Why don't you just try it? Come on, let's go eat dinner together."

* * *

Lying on bed with my hands on my stomach, I stared at the ceiling. Dinner hadn't been bad, even though Petra was way chattier than the person I usually sat across from. It was also nice when she gave me her roll to eat. Maybe having a friend wouldn't be too bad as long as they gave me food. That I could live with.

What if she betrayed me though? Sitting up on my covers, I placed my chin in my hand. I had never had a friend before, so I didn't really know what to do. Maybe I did before Suzu and I were forced to live in the Underground, but memories of that time when everything was peaceful was foggy. Kept me from being all sentimental on the past. Not that I couldn't remember what happened all those years ago when I had first snuck into the house Levi, Farlan, and Isabel shared. What was odd was that deciding to sneak into the Survey Corps to fight Titans had been an easier decision to make than whether I should trust that Petra wasn't lying about her intentions. There had to be some part of me that wanted a relationship with her, or else I would have dismissed the idea entirely. Fidgeting, I got up from my position. Slinking into the hallway, I began to pace. My footsteps were light, but the aged wood would sometimes whimper underneath my weight.

The pale, blank walls were what listened to my troubles. A hint of cleaner was in the air with the smell of flowers not to far behind. Petra's own doing I was sure. There wasn't many pretty plants that grew near by, but she always seemed to find the oddest looking ones. They were used to 'brighten the place' up in her words. Make it feel more homey than a stark barracks, used to host Titan killers.

Her presence had certainly evoked more than a few changes in our little squad. Most of them pleasant and positive. She was a relaxing effect on all of us. Would it hurt to try not avoiding Petra? Maybe. As long as she tried to not to murder me while I slept. Wait. Was Petra the one that had messed with the gear to kill me and make it seem like an accident? Gasping, I was about to run downstairs to confront her, when Levi walked out of the his room.

"Is there a reason you're pacing around in the middle of the night?"

"Do you think Petra was the one who tried to kill me?"

Scowling at me, I could tell Levi was close to slapping me upside the head. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"It makes sense doesn't it? I mean she has been trying to get closer to me recently, and-"

"Are you going to ignore the fact that she wasn't near the training grounds? Petra wouldn't do something like that."

Something red and hot pulsed in the pit of my stomach. "Like you have known her for so long."

A single arched eyebrow made me reconsider the biting words I had let loose..

Standing there, in front of a very confused Levi, I felt alone and mixed up. My emotions were clashing together, a wave of terror, want, and helplessness. A deep ache of loneliness combined with the intense fear of being betrayed made my body still as my heart picked up the pace. Suzu wasn't here to keep me from being alone, so I turned to a new a source. Someone who I relied on. "Can I stay in your room tonight?"

"No."

"Please? I'll just sleep on the floor. It won't be a problem. It'd be no different than when we are on expeditions!"

Levi grimaced. "Stop shouting. How do I know you won't stab me in my sleep?"

Pleading, I gripped his sleeve even as he tried to avoid my oncoming hand. "Do you really think I would do something like that?"

Halting his escape, Levi peered at me. Without removing his frown, he peered at me, making my breath hitch in agitation. Flickers of vulnerable emotion were revealed to him, I wasn't in control, I wasn't contained. Something there made his gaze drop. An action which he had never done towards me before. "Go," Levi thunked me on the head with the palm of his hand, "get your damn blankets."

"Really?" Giving a genuine smile, I couldn't help but reach up to grab his other sleeve. The soft cotton bunch up in my fist.

"You want to sleep on the floor without any covers?"

Letting go, I playfully smacked his arm. Smiling, I said, "Of course not," before I turned away to open my door.

I began to gather my things. Grabbing a few blankets and a pillow, I was a weirdly feeling giddy and soothed. Also a little exhausted mentally and emotionally. Knowing that I would have the comfort of someone sleeping in the same vicinity as me was a sweet, tantalizing, luxury for tonight.

Stepping into the room, I saw Levi sitting up in his bed with a few papers in hand. Lying the blankets down a foot away from the mattress. I couldn't stop grinning at the joy I was feeling at that moment.

"Can't believe you're beaming like an idiot while looking so pleased to be on the floor when you could be in your own room."

Spreading the fabric out, a soft warmth came over me. "I'd rather sleep next to someone I trust on the floor, than in an empty room on a mattress. Makes me feel safe." Tucking myself in, I stuck my feet out as I laid my head down.

"Why are you sticking your feet out, stupid?" His voice was deep rumbles that made my mouth go dry.

Peeking up at him, I saw him lounging underneath the covers, papers discarded. His head resting on his hand, elbow sticking up so he could observe me. He was always so much more talkative before going to sleep.

"I don't like my feet to get hot, so I make sure nothing's on them."

It was his usual snort of derision, but this time it sounded more like a snore.

"Don't act as if you don't have your own little things. Like how your tea is prepared and the whole obsessively cleaning-"

"Which you didn't finish today."

"It's good enough!"

"If you're gonna be loud, I'm going to kick you out of my room."

I squeaked out a, "No." Realizing that he was probably too tired to fight with me, I decided to talk about what had been bothering me. "Everyone was so noisy that I had to take a break. Leon is always flirting with me. Auruo is always picking fights, and Petra is trying really hard to be my friend. Eld is nice even though he almost never speaks"

"Hmmmm."

"They're good people, and I get that, but I'm not used to people who aren't trying to use me for their own benefit. This place is so different than the Underground, and sometimes I can't relax because of that."

"Hm."

"Or it's probably because I don't' deserve to be around such kind people. You said it yourself, I'm a terrible human being."

I heard him give an annoyed huff. This hadn't been a good idea. Levi wasn't the only one who got more talkative during the night time. Here I was spouting off dumb shit because I didn't want to be by myself.

"Do you regret your choices?"

"Some of them." Which ones, I wasn't quite sure on, but I knew that I would do stuff differently if I was to start all over.

"Everybody lives their lives judging what route they will regret the least. You're no different. None of our squad members are any different than that. Instead of giving up because you believe that you're terrible, change it." Flopping onto the bed, Levi was done with our conversation. So many words strung together must have exhausted him.

Mulling over what had been exchanged, I wondered how our relationship would have changed if I had been more like Petra. Would Levi look at me the way he looked at her sometimes? Did she remind him of Isabel or was it attraction? Like what I had towards him? Everyone adored Petra because of her optimistic outlook and generosity. How could I have thought that someone like her had attempted to kill me? A slight sting of guilt wedged itself like a splinter. There wouldn't be any harm in making nice with her. Well, at least I will try changing my attitude towards her. We'll see what happens.


	25. Chapter 25

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Saph's PoV

The days where we got a break from not only training, but also from having to do chores was exceedingly rare. I had been originally planning to go into town to see if I could catch Brutus who had sent me a letter, but I didn't have such luck. Just as I was heading out, Petra stopped me.

"Would you like to go on a ride with me? The horses haven't been out in awhile, so I think it would be good for them to stretch their legs. I could get us some food to bring along."

My no was cut short when Levi came up. A white long sleeve shirt, paired with black pants was all he was wearing today. Not seeing him in his uniform was always a strange experience. That wasn't what made me stop though, it was the bag in his hands that had a pink ribbon tied to the top. "Here is the food you asked for, Petra," he gruffly said as he ignored me completely.

"Thank you so much, Sir!" Petra took the bag from him, fingers lingering on his wrist. Her whole face seemed to glow as she smiled at him. All teeth and sparkling eyes. "I'll go saddle up our horses, Saph!" Petra said turning to me, the remains of a blush still clearly on her face. With a lightness rarely seen in soilders, Petra happily jogged off to the stables.

"She didn't even get to hear my answer yet," I muttered.

Levi's gaze was still on Petra when he spoke. "I thought you had made up your mind to try to be less of an ass."

"I wasn't aware that meant I had to spend my days off with her. Brutus had contacted me that he had some info."

"Hm."

"It's not like he can just put the details in the letter. If it was ever intercepted that could be disastrous for me and my brother. Kenny could just as easily kill Suzu or murder me if he thought I was a danger." Turning around, I began to head into the house to get ready for the picnic. Brutus could wait a few more hours. Now that food I had been mentioned, I was a little hungry.

"You're not going to get her hurt, right?"

Tilting my neck, I focused on Levi's back. His figure was still in the doorway, eyes never straying from where Petra had disappeared moments ago. Ignoring the way my muscles tensed with pain as my lungs suddenly found it hard to breathe, I answered him without a hint of emotion.

"We are going on a picnic, not hunting Titans. I don't know why you are so worried now."

"You know that's not what I mean."

I didn't know what he meant. Just because people claimed that I could read him, didn't mean I knew what was happening to Levi at the moment. That scared me. Even if I never acted upon any of my growing attachments didn't mean I wanted him past my reach. It wasn't in Levi's nature to consider the emotional well being of other people. If he was giving me a warning to be careful about Petra's, then well something was happening inside of him that I couldn't see. That was untouchable to me. It's not like I could convey these warring thoughts to anyone though. Especially him.

Levi took my extended silence as a confirmation, without another word, he left the house. Black strands swayed in the breeze as he walked with his head held high. Not in arrogance, but a sturdiness the belied the idea that he would never waver. It hadn't been something I had seen so clearly since the deaths of Isabel and Farlan. Maybe caring for Petra had made this new growth happen. It was such a saddening thought that the feet that had been aching to follow him stilled with the cold realization that I wouldn't be the one he wanted by his side. Uneasy, I went upstairs to change into clothes I could ride in. Riding Lucifer was never a pleasant experience, but I hoped it would at least be a good distraction.

* * *

"So what was your brother like, Saph?" Petra asked as we set out the food.

It irritated me that she broached the topic so easily, like she was trying to discuss the weather. Few people knew of his existence in the Survey Corps, I would prefer to keep it that way. Years had passed, though, where I could openly share my memories of him without it centering around his disappearance. Sometimes, I worried that I had forgotten the small things about him because I never talked about him. Petra only seemed interested in talking, not trying to dig up what I know. Trust wasn't easy for me, but I decided it wouldn't harm anything to talk about Suzu with her.

"He is very headstrong and smart. Suzu might be the younger one of the two of us, but he is the real leader. When we would go on adventures, he was always the Captain while I was the second in command. It would get annoying if he ordered me around too much, but I always had fun with him."

Petra handed me a piece of fruit. "Did you still go on adventures in the Underground?"

"I don't know what you imagine the Underground to be like, but it's certainly not a place where a child can enjoy themselves. It's where I learned to pickpocket to survive. Suzu's sense of justice wouldn't allow him to steal. You don't have any siblings, do you?"

"No. But I can imagine that if I did, I would do anything to protect them like you did with Suzu."

"Even murder?"

Petra became quiet at that. Deliberating, I could tell that she was thinking of what situations would lead her to committing acts of violence against others in the name of survival.

"I think it was harder for Suzu to live in the Underground since his world is black and white while mine is eternally gray. His sense of justice meant he would have let himself wither away if the only way to live was to compromise his beliefs. You remind me of him because of that." Leaning backwards, I let the soft grass cushion my fall as I laid down on my back. There wasn't a cloud in sight, and all I saw was endless blue with the warmth of the sun bathing my skin. It was my hope that Suzu at least was on the surface, and not still stuck within the depths of the Underground. If not, I would want to show him the outside as soon as possible. "You who has always had the sky above you doesn't know how lucky you are."

"We will just have to be able to travel beyond the walls before we are truly free," Petra sighed as she lied down beside me, a fist resting on her stomach.

The two of us ate that way, eyes watching for birds as we dropped snatches of food into our mouths. Sometimes snatches of my past moments shared with loved ones was shared between the us. Petra's mother died because of a sickness, so they all surrounded her father. Growing up without parents for the most part meant that I could only return in kind with what I remembered about Suzu. It was a moment of realization where I saw that we each had a singular family member left in this world. When I mentioned this, Petra stretched her arm wide with fingers splayed, as if to grab hold of the glowing orb hanging in the sea of blue.

"That's not entirely true since I consider Auruo like family."

"Why is that?"

"We have been childhood friends since we were born. Our mothers were friends and neighbors. He's always been with me, protecting me. Would it be weird to say that I think he joined the Survey Corps to make sure he could still watch over me?"

Strands of grass was sticking to my thick, curly hair as I sat up. Taking my time to answer her question, I drank deeply from the canteen. "No. We all have our different reasons for joining."

"Except you and Captain Levi."

"Levi and I have our different reasons for staying. We weren't the most welcomed here when we were forced to join, but it has become a home for the both of us."

Petra began to pluck the petals off of a nearby flower. The yellow petals landed softly on her lap. "Saph, I think I really like the Captain."

A chill made my hair stand. My nails dug into the soft red peel of the apple in my palm. It takes more effort than it should for me to speak in a carefree tone. "Well he did save your life!" I wonder if Petra could hear the false note ringing in my voice, making me wince. I'm thankful that she was still staring at the torn up plant in her hands.

"I don't mean… I'm in love with him, Saph," she says forcefully, with conviction, so loud that even the tall trees on the edge of the clearing can hear it.

"What!" A shout makes both of us startle. Grabbing my knife, I'm about to sprint into the underbrush where the sound had come from, but the girl next to me stood up, huffing with anger which made me pause in my motions to murder the intruder.

"Why are you here Auruo? Did you follow us?" Her pointed questions are followed by her stomping up to the two figures coming towards, one sheepishly walking out with a shy smile, with the other striding up to a furious Petra in full blown confusion.

"You like Captain Levi? Since when?"

Leo stood still on the outskirts, observing the confrontation happening in front of him. Sliding my knife back into my boot, I sat back down on the ground. I watched with disinterest as Petra and Auruo began to argue. Their fights were commonplace, but my friend's confession wasn't. To discover that my best friend was in love with Levi, wasn't something that was sitting well with me. This distraction was only going to give me a brief respite before I'd have to respond to what she had said.

"You can't tell him!"

Auruo shouted back, "Why didn't you tell me?"

She hadn't known Levi as long as me. She didn't know that his kindness towards her was something special. I'm not even sure Levi had recognized his growing feelings for Petra himself. The end result of this knowledge made my breath catch, they were going to end up together. Grimacing, I dug my nails into my knees. There wasn't anyone I could talk to about this. It was the girl who I had begun to regard as my only close friend that was beginning to develop an attraction to the guy I deeply cared for.

"I just thought you admired him for saving your life that one time."

"Well I thought so too, but… I… it's different now."

There was so much pain and confusion, that I was left flustered and unsure of what I should do. Irritated that I was not in control of myself, I decided to push down the panic. Trying to calm the clamor in my heart that was making my whole body tense up, I closed my eyes, taking a few long breaths. One ability you learn being in the Survey Corps was how to let everything fade away until you can see clearly. Freaking out every time a Titan approached would just lead to a certain death.

With a serene quality I considered my options. I could tell Petra what I felt for Levi. That option wasn't appealing in the slightest since I didn't know where I wanted to go with it nor what she might do with that information. Slyly getting rid of Petra through demoting her so she wouldn't be close with Levi even seemed like a better idea. If I did find a way to get her off of the Special Operations Squad, that wouldn't just hurt her though.

"Just explain to me why you like him!"

"No."

Staring at Petra as she blushed and argued with Auruo over her crush on our Captain, I couldn't make up my mind on what to do. If it was anyone other than Levi, I wouldn't care. If it was anyone other than her, I would have them 'disappear' without a second thought. This is why I didn't want to be close with people.

"How are you going to respond?" Leon asked, picking up one of the sandwiches in the basket to take a bit out of it.

All innocence, I regarded the man standing over me. "Well I'm a little worried that it'll throw off the dynamic of our team."

After carelessly tossing the rest of the snack into his mouth, Leon stretched his arms above his head. "Is that all?" There was a forced ease in Leon's movement that reminded me of a predator pretending not to stalk its prey so it would lower its guard. I knew that Leon had the ability to hunt due to his prowess in slaying Titans, but I had never seen the aura of danger surrounding him other than the battlefield.

"What do you mean?" I questioned with a smile, never letting down the childish charade.

Anger and irritation flitted across Leon's handsome features before they were replaced by his usual jovial smile. "I just wouldn't want you to lose your best friend. Hey, you better be heading out. Didn't you have a meeting with someone?"

Brutus' ugly mug flashed in my mind, and I stood up with a start. "You're right. If I don't head out now, I'll be late for dinner."

Slinging my bag over my shoulder, I began to hurry off. "I'll see you later, Petra!" I called out as I sprinted through the forest.

"Bye!"

Not letting up on my speed, I found relief in the way my body felt lighter the longer I ran. The ache in my heart was replaced by a pounding that matched my feet hitting the ground. That was what I needed. This freedom. Not sitting in a meadow picking flowers and discussing romance. If only Levi was by my side, then I would be complete.

A flash of a terrifying thought made me almost trip over my feet. Pebbles skipped across the pavement as my legs locked. Panting, I felt a well of horror encapsulate my entire body. Had I been neglecting my younger brother in favor of the Captain? When did I begin to value Levi's presence over the memory of Suzu? Was I so twisted as to leave my remaining family member alone as I chased after another person?

I knew that what I could remember about Suzu had faded over the past years, but I would never believe my resolve to rescue him had. Was it Petra's confession that had brought up the strength of my feelings for Levi, or had it always been that way? When did me sacrificing everything for Suzu become a thing of the past?

Any leftover urges of resentment towards Petra evolved into a sense of thankfulness. She had given me the way out of this mess. A push towards my path and end goal. Would it really work though was the question. Even still, a dull ache remained somewhere in the pit of my chest as I envisioned Levi. I would have let the addictive agony of imagining Levi swell over my mind if I hadn't heard a door slam close.

"Are you going to just stand there?"

With a sharp intake of breath, I whirled around to find Brutus standing outside of his house. "I was just considering-"

"I don't want to hear about your problems. It's been hours."

I glared at him. "It's not like we had a specific time set! Lets just go in, so you can tell me what I paid you to find out."

"I could just tell you out here."

"No. Not really. Someone could easily be listening," I huffed before I began to walk up the stone steps to the front door. However, Brutus didn't move from his spot, his arms were crossed in a defensive position. Even when I tried to sidestep him, I couldn't get past his bulky figure. Realizing that the only way to get into the house would be to physically move him, I took a few steps back.

Brutus frowned as he realized what I was considering. "Throwing your informant around means they are less likely to want to give you the intel."

"This isn't a discussion we should be having out in the open," I hissed, gesturing towards the people who were walking to and fro. Everyone was leaving work to head home for dinner, so the streets were crowded. Anyone could easily spy on us. It was dangerous to have the two of us standing here so long talking.

"Then I'll be quick. There isn't anyone in the Survey Corps who has the motive to kill you."

Swiping my tongue over my lips, I shoved my hands into my short's pockets. What an odd piece of info. "How do you know that? You checked every single person's background?"

Snorting at my perplexity, Brutus gave a sharp tooth grin. "And why would I tell you how I got that? No one has any connection to Kenny or the Underground besides you and the little friend you brought last time. Unless your personality has brought forth some murderous rage in somebody, you're just being paranoid. Can't blame you, but my discounted service is done." Without a final wave, Brutus quickly ended our short meeting by returning back to his humble hideout.

There was nothing left for me but to take the stroll home. Confronted with new information, I let it roll around in my head. Trying to make sense of it. Was I really just letting my common sense go in favor of accusing imaginary people of trying to harm me? All my instincts were screaming that I wasn't wrong. Something wasn't right, but I just couldn't find the right words to what. If so, it would be best to take Brutus' indirect comment about my personality. Maybe I was just trying to connect it to Kenny because of my desperation to find my brother. Have a new lead develop.

The dining hall came in sight right as I heard an annoying voice complaining. "Why are we waiting for Saph even when we don't know how long she is going to be gone."

"Because it's the polite thing to do Auruo," Petra sighed.

Clicking my tongue, I gathered that the two of them were waiting for my arrival before they went to dinner. It was very Petra-like, but I had no idea why Aurora was compiling. His proximity to the pretty girl was closer than usual too. It was as if he was trying to protect her.

"I didn't mean for you guys to wait for me to eat," I cheerfully remarked as I approached both of them. "The food might all be gone since it's so late."

"I was worried! You didn't even tell me where you were going before you snuck out."

'Sorry."

"Well… don't worry about it. I made sure to tell Captain Levi to save us some food, so we won't go to bed hungry."

That just made me aware that I haven't yet said anything to her about what she told me in the meadow. Guess she was saving it for after dinner. Lucky me.

"Doesn't mean our meal won't be cold. Damn it, Saph, I hate chilly soup."

"No one required you to wait for me, so don't blame it on me," I snarled back at Auruo.

His shoulder clashed with mine as he stalked to the table where Levi sat. It would have hurt more if I hadn't been expecting his rudeness in some form or another. If Auruo wasn't being a piece of shit, then I was having a weird dream that wasn't reflecting reality at all.

Petra slid onto the bench right next to Levi. As usual, I took my rightful place in front of him. It wouldn't have been any different if there wasn't a soft glow in the usual steely grey eyes. Giggles filled the air as Petra and Levi chatted as if they were only two at the table, well, as much as Levi ever chats when he isn't drunk or dead tired.

Deciding to ignore the painful display in front of me, I observed Auruo. If anyone showed a large amount of hatred towards me based just on my personality, it was him. Trying to muster up a convincing grin, I let my food sit, untouched, as I sat by the guy who might be trying to kill me, and my best friend who was flirting with Levi.

 **I've had a lot of people asking about why I made Saph not physically attractive, so I decided to answer on here instead of individual reviews and pms. There were two big reasons I did this. The first one revolved around her lifestyle in the Underground. Due to the lack of nutrition, sleep, and sun exposure, it made her less appealing because she had lived a hard life. Which is to be expected. Second, I had binged on a bunch of OCxLevi stories and had gotten tired with the female protagonist that was pretty but didn't think she was pretty. This led to me wanting to write a character that couldn't rely on her looks to get out of situations, which Saph would have done to help survive in the Underground if she had that option. Also, Levi would never choose a lover based upon physical** **attractiveness, so it wouldn't make the romance part more difficult to write. Saph isn't repulsive (even if Auruo makes it seem that way), but she wouldn't be regarded as beautiful or cute in any sense. Sorry about the long author's note.** **I hope that cleared up all confusion regarding the matter! If anyone has other questions regarding any elements of the story, don't be afraid to send a pm.**

 **I hope everyone enjoyed the latest chapter! There were a lot that needed to be included which is why it took me forever. I'll forever be interested to hear your guy's thoughts on the events that are happening (especially with this new development with Petra). Please leave any comments or criticisms you might have!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Sup everybody! There is a slight spoiler in this chapter since it follows one of the OVAs and a special chapter in the manga which is 18.5. Just wanted to warn you. I hope that all my readers enjoy the latest chapter. Please leave a comment or critique when you are done! Love ya guys.**

Saph's PoV

Sleep evaded me as I laid in the covers of my bed. Petra had wanted to talk with me after dinner, but I had been quick on my feet with returning to my private quarters. That hadn't lessened the irritation digging into my skin and laying eggs of insomnia. The only reprieve might have been finding sweet relief in spending the night on Levi's floor once again. Not that I could do it now, knowing the growing attraction between Levi and Petra. What if I walked in there and she was already sleeping in my spot? Or worse, tucked into his bed?

That image stained on my closed eyelids, even if I drifted off, horrifying nightmares would consume the dreams. Shadows with sharp teeth and invading hands had evolved into a bleak loneliness with sorrow invading every empty gap. Reality had the tendency to appear in disturbing and distorted forms when the imagination was supposed to be an escape.

In this fit of annoyance and hurt, I went outside to find Petra silently looking up at the stars. Half-expecting Levi to be found somewhere, I was about to head back inside.

"Oh Saph! I had been wanting to talk with you. We didn't get a chance to since you left right after dinner."

Not wanting to give hint to what might be the reason I left, I leaned against the wall. A short nod all all it took to indicate that I'd listen to her and not go anywhere. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I wanted to ask you about your thoughts on the Levi matter."

And that was where all my fears had seemed to contort until they were a mass of everything that was making me uncomfortable with the situation at hand. All I wanted to do was leave. "Why? It's not like you need my permission."

Strands of silky hair slipped through Petra's fingers as she scratched her head. "When I was growing up, my friends and I would talk about the cute boys in our neighborhood. I'm more comfortable when I discuss that part of life to someone else. Makes you feel not so alone when you're vulnerable."

"I'm not the right person to be talking too about this. My life didn't allow for cute boys, pretty flowers, and romance. It was rough, terrifying, and you never knew what might happen next."

"You know Levi. What to expect from him, how he thinks."

"Not as well as everyone seems to believe."

"Just answer the goddamn question, Saph." An anger filled voice made both Petra and I start.

My lips curled into a grimace of their own volition before I turned around to face the person walking into the heavy outside atmosphere. "What are you doing out here, Auruo?"

His gaze never wavered from Petra as he answered my question. "You weren't in bed, Petra, so I got worried. Decided to come looking for you."

"Do you think it's selfish Auruo? To want to be with him even when we are fighting for humanity?"

Her quiet words brought up to the image of Isabel and Farlan to my mind. Levi's quick smiles and blunt but not sharp words as he spoke to them. Did he regret befriending them? Or was those moments of happiness well worth the pain their deaths brought?

Auruo was in the middle of responding to Petra when I focused back on the present. "No. It's not selfish because you deserve to be happy."

"In the end, isn't it up to Levi?" I snapped in irritation.

"You guys are so loud," Leon complained as he stepped into the open air. "Why are you even having this discussion in the middle of the night?"

"I just came out here because I was having trouble sleeping."

A smirk appeared on Leon's face as he threw an arm over my shoulders. "You know, I'm readily available to help you with that. I always have a great night's rest after a workout."

Disgusted, I pinched his sleeve between two fingers, dropping the unwelcome limb back to his side. "Thanks, but I'm good." It was hard to restrain myself from punching him in the face.

"Fine. Fine. The offer isn't going anywhere anytime soon." Leon glanced at Auruo, "Let's leave these lovely ladies back to their discussion. My man, I shall give you some tips on how to smoothly interrupt the building sweet romance of their the girl you are pining for and your boss."

"That seems to be oddly specific advice," Petra commented.

Auruo's ears were red as he grabbed Leon's collar and dragged him back to their den.

"Petra, you should do what you want. Why you're trying to include me?"

"Because you're important to Levi, and I even if you don't like to show it, he is important to you."

A great sigh left my lips. Petra was making me weary. "What does it matter? We've known each other for multiple years, yes. That doesn't change the fact that you're in love with him. You are so stubborn about hearing about my opinion on a matter that doesn't relate to me, but I am busy trying to find my baby brother. It would help me very much if you stopped pestering me about your love life."

"Do you not care?"

I did. I cared too much and that compromised my whole reason for existing. What was the point of caring for Levi if I lost what I lived for in the process? No. There was no singular thing stopping me from explaining what was going on in my mind and heart. There was also a rippling sense of inadequacy that had begun to build up ever since the first time I saw the two of them laughing together. Petra making him tea. Levi protecting her. It was the notation that I couldn't make him as happy as she could that left me silent on the matter. I had no right to try to stop her. For everyone's sake, Suzus, Levis, Petras, and my own, I will let matters progress without trying to alter the course in any way, shape, or form.

"I do care, Petra. That's why I'm trying to stay out of the way. This is something you have to do, not me." My copper eyes stared into her amber ones. For a moment, I considered wishing her all the luck in the world, but all I did was give a tired smile. "Good night."

Without hearing her acknowledgment, I turned around to go back to my bed. The sheets were cold as I slipped underneath them. Squeezing myself into a ball, I tried to generate some heat as I rolled onto my side. The last thing I saw before sleep overtook me was the wall dividing Levi and I.

* * *

In the following months, a sense of change accompanied by unease began to take ahold of the Special Operations Squad. Petra and I had grown closer due to her seeking me out whenever we had some free time (my ability to disappear whenever Petra and Levi were together had grown exceptional). Auruo had begun to pester and pick fights with me daily. Whenever he could show a hint of insubordination, he took it. Sometimes it would get so bad that Levi would have to order him to back off. My theory that Auruo was out to get me began to solidify, this put some cracks into the trust of the team as a whole.

Since I avoided Petra and Levi when they were together (which began to feel like always) and Auruo, I had begun to spend more time with Leon. He had become the one I complained to about Auruo's behavior. Flirting aside, Leon seemed easy to talk with, and I had begun to see why so many members of the Survey Corps had a thing for him. Chatting with the handsome male didn't mean my mind stop wandering constantly to Levi.

I had forgotten how to act normal around him. Every interaction left my knees weak and lungs heaving for breath. The playful pushes and taps of the past had to be avoided in case I slipped up. Leon was observant, and it wouldn't be long before he caught on. At least Levi and Petra were dense. The two of them were so occupied in their own little space that no spare thoughts for my flustered state were made.

Conflicted, I maintained a distance from the both of them. That didn't change how my place was right by Levi's side as his second in command, and that meant riding near him when we went out for expeditions. It was a minute comfort to know that nothing could change that fact.

Settled in comfortably as we waited for the gate to open, I sensed that Hanji could be in an even odder mood today. She was the solitary person who was ecstatic about going out to where the Titans wandered around. But having her jumping up and down in the saddle seemed a little bit much. "Levi!" She shouted with glee spotting my Captain.

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to ask? Maybe I was going to inquire about borrowing some of your cleaning supplies so I could give the whole Headquaters a rub down!"

Narrowing his eyes in contemplation, Levi finally glanced at the woman. "You'd do a shitty job, so it doesn't matter."

"It's not like you were going to ask that anyway," I added, "you hate cleaning."

"I would clean every day if Levi wanted me to if he would help me capture a Titan!" Hanji shouted. Her ponytail bouncing along with the rest of her body.

"No. That's a waste of effort. I'll have no part of it."

Realizing that Levi couldn't be persuaded further, Hanji turned to Mike.

"What about you Mike? Want to give it a go? Help me capture a Titan? With your super smell it should be easy enough for you!"

"That doesn't make it any less dangerous for him Hanji," I sighed. I didn't know how the woman could become so occupied with studying those monsters when most of us were just trying to make it through the expedition alive. "You'll have to get Levi, Mike, and Erwin on board if you want the chance to be able to study one that's alive."

"That's where you are wrong, Saph! If I get Erwin's permission, he can order these two boring men to help me out. Right?"

I leaned backwards as she moved closer to me. "Then why are you talking to me? I have no part in this matter. You should go and try to convince Erwin since you seem to believe it'll be so easy."

Hanji's reply became lost as Erwin made the command to go forward. Horses whinnying and hooves pounding on the dirt trail reverberated in my ears as we began to move. The sound wasn't unusual nor the formation. However, as we entered Wall Maria, the unusual cry of glee could be heard. Startled, I watched as Hanji shouted with joy while she raced ahead of Erwin. Not heeding his commands to fall back to her group.

"Tch that idiot is going to get herself killed."

After steadying Lucifer as he threw his head about, I swiveled to face Levi. "I'm surprised she hasn't yet, but she is one of the smartest people in the military."

"If only that applied to common sense and not just science."

I couldn't agree more with his sentiment. Since Levi's Squad didn't have a designated position, we were the ones who were usually sent after anyone who broke line. This had included Hanji more times than I would've thought possible.

Auruo curled his lip in derision. "Tch. Maybe we should just let her get herself killed next time she does it."

"That's too cruel! Just because Hanji can be a little… enthusiastic doesn't mean she deserves to die," Petra reprimanded him.

"Besides", Leon added, "our brave Captain would never let somebody die an unnecessary death." He was all smug tone and feral grin as he said that while staring directly at Auruo. Something had been going with those two recently and yet I hadn't been able to figure out what yet. They weren't acting like buddies, but more like Leon just mocked the young man constantly.

With not another word spoken, we were all left with our own thoughts as we made the ride to where we would set up camp. While my head remained a messy pile of contemplations, the world stayed peaceful. Only twice did we have to move because of Titans. No attacks nor deaths made us reach our destination sooner than any of us had originally expected.

The village that had been decided to spend the night in was surrounded by forest. Sleeping near a place where Titans could easily be hiding nearby always made me edgy, but I knew that if night fell before we got to the next town, we would be easy snacks. While Titans are lethargic at night, not being able to see what is in front of you leads to accidents and getting lost.

Petra, Auruo, and I were standing outside Erwin's tent, keen on listening in to hear if Hanji might get what she wanted, a captured Titan.

"I don't care if we decide to bring a Titan home with us as long as I'm not bait again," I muttered out thinking of the last time Erwin had given into the scientist's pleas.

Petra leaned close to me, her ginger hair tickling my ear. "Why were you bait again?"

"Lucifer is the fastest horse even though he is a vicious dumbass who does nothing but cause me trouble whenever I ride him." I glanced back at my horse who was tied up by himself. All the other horses were closer together, but since he nipped and kicked constantly, he had to be separated. "He has stayed alive longer than any other horse I rode. I have to give that much to him."

"You aren't planning on killing him, are you?" Petra asked with wide eyes.

My head tilted, I mulled over her words. "Lets just say that if he throws me when we are running away from rampaging group of Titans again, I won't be so inclined to make sure he doesn't get stepped on."

"Erwin said that we don't have enough men," Auruo interrupted. "When was the last time a Titan was caught alive?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I turned to look at him. "Not since I've been here."

"Fifteen years. It has been fifteen years since anyone has studied a live specimen. Do you know how much we could have learned about them in that time?" Overhearing our conversation as she followed Erwin out of his tent, Hanji approached us instead. The rejection of her idea hadn't dampened her spirits at all.

Auruo crossed his arms over his chest. "It's no use Hanji. We put our lives on the line just trying to kill those damn things. Capturing one alive would almost be imposs-"

Before he could finish, Hanji grabbed Auruo's shirt collar and lifted him closer to her.

"Answer me this Auruo. Say you and Levi fought to the death tomorrow. Would you win?"

Auruo struggled in her grip, "Of course not. I can't breathe!"

"I know how you could win that fight. Do you know why? He might be faster, stronger, and smarter than you. Levi exceeds you in every way!"

"Let me go, Hanji!"

"The only way to beat him would to be to have the advantage of doing your homework. Learn where he works. The food he hates. His taste in woman. How many times he takes a piss. Just find out everything you can about him. Use your knowledge and exploit his weakness. If you don't do that before you fight, you'll die for sure!"

Hanji wasn't physically stronger in Auruo, her excitement towards Titans gave her a strength that seemed comparable to Levis. Once she got a hold of you to talk about her experiments or the subjects in them, you were a goner.

"Hanji!" Petra cried as she grabbed one of the woman's arms in an attempt to have her drop Auruo.

Still smiling, Hanji let go of Auruo who looked to be on the verge of being unconscious. "My bad, but you get what I'm saying right?" Waving as if she hadn't nearly killed a comrade, Hanji walked off.

Petra bent down to inspect the dazed guy. "Are you okay?"

Auruo rubbed at his throat. "She damn near murdered me right then and there."

"What a shame she didn't," I mumbled out, watching the retreating back of the scientist.

"You and Hanji are both crazy bitches that should be in the nuthouse," Auruo yelled at me, still on the ground.

Huffing, Petra put her hands on her hips as she frowned at him. "You shouldn't speak so barbarically."

"Why am I getting a lecture? Saph and Levi both speak way worse than me!"

Suddenly, Mike leapt off of the roof of the house he stood on seconds before, a smoke cloud of red trailing behind him. "There is movement in the forest! All personnel prepare for combat!"

Lucifer shifted all around as I raced towards him. A front hoof pawing at the ground, I could tell he was ready for a run. Swinging my leg over his back, I was able to sit up in time just to see Hanji began to race out of the camp.

"I'm going on ahead, Erwin!" She shouted triumphantly. "Here I come Titans!"

"Go after her Saph and Levi," Erwin commanded us.

"That moron."

"Come on Lucifer."

The two of us left behind the rest of our squad as we tried to reach her. Seeing her break out of the tree line with a Titan closing in, Levi got in between the two and distracted the beast with a smoke signal.

"Stay out of my way Levi!"

Without warning, the Titan veered off path and sprinted back into the forest. Screeching to a halt, Lucifer bucked at my harsh tug of the reins. "That's strange. Even if it's abnormal, I've never seen one run away from people."

Auruo, Leon, Eld, and Petra had finally caught up with us. "It doesn't seem to be after Hanji anymore so what should we do, Captain?"

I growled in frustration as I saw Hanji began to chase after the Titan. "We still need to go after her. There might be more that we haven't spotted yet, or that one could change its mind and attack again."

Nodding to one another, we set off once more.

"This must be an abnormal."

"Not even an abnormal has done this before."

"Isn't that why the have the name? They don't do your average Titan man eating things?"

"It doesn't matter," Levi said, "We will slaughter it where it stands."

The ground shaking slightly with the weight of the 6 meter class Titan running about, I had to keep an eye out for trunks overhanging branches. Guiding Lucifer, we steadily fell behind Auruo's horse. Lucifer might be the fastest, but he didn't maneuver as well in places that required turns unlike Auruos.

Levi, Petra, Eld, Leon, and I let him take the lead as we spread our horses out to make sure the Titan wouldn't slip away. Maintaining this position, we hunted down our prey as it entered an open space surrounded by white flowers with a singular tree in the middle.

"I got this," I heard Auruo shout up ahead.

"Stop!" Hanji screamed.

Momentarily stunned by what she had said, Auruo paused in mid-air. Recognizing the danger, I quickly lept off of Lucifer and scaled the nearest tree. Auruo began to scream as the Titan plucked him up out of the sky. Thankfully, Levi was able to sever the arm that held his subordinate hostage, and with a quick leap off of a branch paired with a backflip, I safely landed a cut on the Titan's vulnerable neck.

Landing lightly on the ground with the help of my 3DMG, I gazed, unconcerned, at the whimpering Auruo who still lay in the things hand. If Levi hadn't been there, he would have been injured severely, or at worst, devoured.

Already taking his trusty white handkerchief out of his pocket, Levi began to wipe the blood off. "Are you okay?"

Sniffling, Auruo had a hard time responding. "Captain, I'll follow your orders forever!"

"Hey! What about me? I killed the damn thing."

"I would have died if Captain Levi hadn't been here. You might have gotten rid of it, but he was the one who saved me."

"You wouldn't have needed saving if you hadn't put yourself in danger in the first place. For someone who wants to be Levi's second, you sure have a long way to go," I sneered.

Pissed, he stood up and approached me, "Don't act so tough. You would have gotten caught if you had been in the same position!"

"Why did you kill him?" Hanji cried out as she fell to her knees. "He was going to be an important specimen. If we could have brought him back to headquarters, humanity might have taken a step forward."

Shocked hearing how easily his life would have been thrown away by Hanji for the pursuit of her research, Auruo didn't move.

Worried, I ran up to Levi who was stalking towards the woman with anger plastered all over his features. Staying out of the way, I prepared to take action if Hanji or him drew out their weapons with the emotions running so high.

"You stupid four-eyed bitch," he snarled in her face, "end up as Titan shit if you want to, but don't ever endanger the lives of my men."

Silence befell on everyone. Part from Levi's rage and part from his statement. Unusual to hear such a passionate declaration from the man, I smiled despite myself. Feeling warm, I looked around to see how everyone else reacted to his words. Eld and Auruo seemed pleased, Leon looked bemused, and Petra seemed as if she might start crying at any moment. For a second, Isabel and Farlan popped into my mind. It wasn't that no one thought he didn't care, it was just that he never actually showed it. Maybe it had something to do with him losing everything before.

Everything shattered right when Hanji opened her giant mouth. "Titans don't defecate." Her statement so mind-blowing that even Levi seemed surprised. "They don't have a digestive system."

Jaws hanging wide open, I hurriedly approached the two of them. "Just let her go, Levi."

Shoving her away from him, Levi stomped off. I could hear Petra in the distance thanking him for saving Auruo accompanied by wondering if he had gotten himself hurt in the process. Her soft trill words not bringing any of the usual pain as I stared down at Hanji. Bending down, I offered her a hand.

"Do you think I was in the wrong, Saph?" She asked as she took ahold of my palm.

"Completely," I responded as I helped her up. Tightening my hold, I yanked her until my mouth stopped right next to her ear. "I don't care how far you go to get the info you want on Titans, but don't you dare endanger Levi because of it."

Not at all perturbed by my threatening tone, Hanji gave me a curious look. "I don't know why you feel the need to protect Humanity's Strongest."

With the image of a smiling blonde hair boy and a red-haired girl with pigtails still in my head, I answered her in all seriousness, "Because he is still human."

"Fine. Fine. I'll be more careful next ti-" Hanji stopped mid-way. Craning my neck, I saw that Petra had caught her attention. didn't ask anything else. We both inspected Petra who seemed to be trying to say something.

"Did a Titan do that?" She asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she raised a shaking index finger.

The whole squad focused on what she was pointing at. The eerie sight sent shivers down my spine. A headless body in a gap in the tree. It adorned a Survery Corps outfit. Clenching my fist, I took a few steps forward. It was a creepy yet interesting sight that I couldn't seem to pull away from.

Only Hanji was willing to approach it. Her demeanor somber as she went up to scrutinize what could exclusively be a dead member of the Survey Corps. "This soldier died a year ago. Their name… let's see… Ilse Langnar. I can't believe it. Why would a Titan do such a thing?" Stepping down from the roots, Hanji faced all of us. Her eyes widened, "Levi? What's that?"

Not paying attention to what my Captain had been doing, I spun around. Holding our breaths in collective anticipation, we watched as he flipped through the pages of what looked like to be a journal. "It's the fruit of Ilse Langnar's labor. It says that the Titan we had just killed... spoke."


	27. Chapter 27

Saph's PoV

After the discovery that a past Survey Corps member had found a Titan that spoke, Hanji convinced Erwin that it would be vital to have an expedition solely to capture some Titans. The whole thing went well, without a single death. With two captured Titans safely locked up, Hanji had the greatest time of her life with her experiments. As a precaution, the Special Operations Squad would usually oversee everything to make sure nothing would happen. However, I felt like shit during one of those mornings.

Curling up into a ball, I wrapped my arms around my stomach as I whimpered softly. The rest of the team had left hours ago, and it was far into the afternoon now. Most of the military there due to curiosity, so I'd been left by myself in my agony for hours.

"What the hell are you still doing here?"

Head rushing, the only reason I knew who stood in front of me because of the voice. Rolling onto my side, I gripped the sheets as I faced Levi. "Go away," I said weakly.

Floorboards creaked as he approached me, I winced as I saw a hand in the air, ready for a smack on the head. What I felt was a gentle touch on my forehead. His fingers cool on my heated skin. "You have a fever."

Slightly delirious, I wrapped my fingers around his wrist to keep his hand there. "That's nice. Keep it there." The pulse humming against my thumb added an extra comfort. I despised being seen as powerless, but I desperately didn't wish to be by myself.

My flimsy constraint broke easily. Yanking his arm away, Levi left the room without a word. Figuring that he had left to go where the rest of the team had left to, I struggled to get comfortable. Stuffy and hot, the room was difficult to breath in and my whole body felt sticky.

It was rare for me to fall ill, but I had dealt before when I was by myself in the Underground. The first time was the worst. I hadn't stockpiled any food or water for emergencies. All alone in my small hole, I suffered for days, using my willpower to make sure I got out alive. Defenseless, weak, I was an easy prey if anyone stumbled upon me. Awake due to fear and discomfort, I yearned for when I could rely on my parents to coddle me. To take care of me. That had been one of the few moments that I had gotten truly angry at them for dying. Leaving me to care for myself.

Memories dissipated as I heard the door creak open. Before I could say anything, a wet cloth was placed on my head. "Here," Levi muttered as he set a cup of steaming tea on my table side, 'this will make sure you won't vomit all over the place." Believing his job to be over, Levi got up, ready to leave.

"Wait!" I yelled or whispered, there was so much noise in my head that I didn't understand how loud I shouted. "Don't go. Please don't go. I don't want be alone. Please stay," I begged as I grabbed a fistfull of Levi's cotton t-shirt. All the movement caused an alluvion of dizziness to sweep over me, but that just made me hold on tighter.

"Let go," Levi growled as he tried to shake me off. "Damn it, Saph. There is no reason for you to be so frantic. You're not in the Underground."

Lacking strength in my body, I swayed over the edge of my bed. Grip loosening as I began to careen down. Coughs racked my bones making me bite my tongue while I tried to regain coordination. I was ready to hit the wood, hard, when I was stopped by a pair of strong arms lifting me back onto my mattress. It wasn't gentle, but Levi had enough considerable control to make sure that I didn't get hurt as I was placed back inside the blankets.

"Fine. I'll just do the shitty paperwork in here."

"Yay!" Delighted, I held no awareness for how strange I was acting.

I could just imagine him rolling his eyes as he went back to his room to grab the papers. Snuggling my face into my pillow, I awaited his return eagerly. Finding the tea cup without steam anymore, I sat up enough to drink some of the warm liquid from the container. There was a bitter tang of herbs in the contents. Tea was supposed to be enjoyed, but I couldn't help downing it to make sure I wouldn't have to taste the sharp medicine inside. A calming warmth spread from my stomach to the tip of my toes. It was very unlike the stuffy hotness that was causing a sheen of sweat to make my clothes plaster themselves on me. Feeling a bit better, a soft smile tilted the corners of my lips upwards.

"Thank you for the tea, Levi," I expressed my gratitude the moment he walked in. All I'm replied with, a huff and a sharp nod. That's what I needed, however, as I settled back down to watch the man sit in the single chair. Pen in one hand and papers in the other, Levi began to read the documents silently.

Sliding my arm underneath my head, I observed him as he read through whatever it is he had with him. Since we had the day off for those of us that weren't on guard for the experiments, Levi wore a simple white tee paired with some black pants. Strands of hair shielded his glinting eyes. I wondered what his hair felt like. Was it soft? Was it fluffy? It hadn't changed much since the years we left the Underground. However, any youth he had retained while there disappeared with every expedition. I guess seeing comrades die everyday can do that to you.

There were callouses on his hands that revealed just how long he had been wielding the blades. Such rough skin, but it had been so gentle when he set the cloth on me. Brusque but never hurtful. Did Petra know all these different sides to him? A whimper escaped my lips as an ache squeezed my heart.

Noting the sound, Levi looked up. Eyes locked on me, he didn't falter as I stared back at him. Such a watchful gaze, it made me feel safe. A comfort I craved that I couldn't find anywhere else. Would it all disappear if Petra became the only one for him? Did this rare peace I obtain never to be mine again if I lost him? Thoughts clashing together, my panting stopped completely when he spoke.

"Do you need something?"

The grouchiness in his voice made me instantly settle. A minute hint of worry could be heard in that sentence if you listened well enough, and I was captivated at the moment by his every movement. Wanting to devour more, I posed a question. "Could you tell me a story?"

"No."

"Sing me a lullaby!"

Levi scoffed at me. Blinking, I almost missed the amusement reflecting in those pools of gray. "Just go to sleep."

"I can't. Everything is too hot and fuzzy." Sitting up, I tried to take my slip on off. "Help me get this off." Focused on the moment, I didn't understand why it could be considered odd to get out of the outfit that seemed to be the source of my discomfort. Getting the gown over my head was a challenge, my arms were sticking up as I struggled.

"You're an idiot," I heard a grumble as my gown was pulled back down. "Undressing won't help."

I giggled at Levi as he fought, trying to keep me still. Suddenly, I patted his hair. "It's softer than Lucifer's coat."

"It smells better too."

Happy that he made a joke, I began to laugh way harder than necessary as I was scooped up. "Is it hard to carry someone who is taller than you?"

"Only when they are wiggling around like a moron. You're acting ridiculous."

Before I could answer, I began to hack. Coughs shaking my entire body as I tried to cover my mouth with my arm. "You want to take a bath with me?" I teased, voice hoarse with sickness. .

We had arrived at the washing area. A container full of cold, clean water beneath me before I could comprehend what was going on. Unceremoniously plopped in, shivers wracked my body. "This is freezing! Get me out!"

"You were whining about being hot not to long ago," Levi said as he dumped some of the water on my head. Still wearing my clothes, Levi then grabbed a bar of soap. "Wash yourself. You smell like shit."

"That's because I'm sick!" With a chill setting in, I wasn't as delirious nor foggy as before. The memory of tangling his hair within my fingertips would have made me wince if my anger towards him wasn't at the forefront of my mind. "Isn't this going to make it worse? Where is a doctor?"

"All of them are either in town or at the experiments in case of a medical emergency. For someone who was being so clingy just awhile ago, you are are acting like a brat now." After I tried to throw the soap at him, he gave up and decided to just do it himself. Suds trickled down my face as I was scrubbed.

Deciding that escape was impossible, I sat there with my teeth clacking together. Methodical but not invasive at all,it didn't take long before I was humming in enjoyment despite of myself. Muscles relaxing, I basked in the attention I oh so rarely received. Twisting my limbs, I made sure to give him easy access even if the clothing became an obstacle. "It's been years since I was taken care of like this."

Memories of my parents wrapping bandages over flesh wounds, making oatmeal when I had an upset tummy, and telling stories vividly bloomed into my mind. A warm smile of contentment graced my features when I concentrated on the touch of his hands. We had never been physically closer. Pleasant tingles spread from the skin contact. "Thank you, Levi," I said, tilting my chin up. Droplets of water graced my cheeks when I continued to memorize his facial structure. Fixated on his thin lips, I hadn't closed my eyes when he dumped a bucket of cold water on me.

"Stop staring."

"You have a booger in your nose," I sputtered out a lie as I gasped for air. Before I had fully caught my bearings, another one was poured on me. Getting rinsed off had become the worst part.

"You're done."

Hopping out, I grabbed the closest towel to me. It was difficult to sprint with how badly I tremors invaded my nerves, but I made it to my room in good time. Haphazardly drying myself off, I peeled the wet night clothes off and get into some clean, fresh, and better yet warm ones before Levi walked back in. Jumping into the bed, I burrowed within the covers. "I never want to do that again!"

The pads of his fingertips pressed lightly against my furrowed brow. 'It broke your fever. Stop complaining."

Wanting to go back to sleep, I didn't mind the mess of my wet hair, but apparently somebody did. A sound of disgust echoed in the room before I felt the towel being rubbed into my scalp. Squeezing and mussing, Levi was all business as he dried my hair for me.

"I used to do this for my little brother," I said when the silence became too deafening.

"Is he just as incompetent as you?"

Tilting my head, I considered the man in front of me. Too focused on the task at hand, he didn't notice me trying to figure the events that were happening. How was I supposed to stick with my goal when Levi did things like this? Was it so bad to want more?

"Will you help me get my brother back?"

Quiet, Levi didn't say a word. I decide to continue on telling him my plan.

"Brutus did mention that the Reiss illegitimate family daughter was forced to join the Survey Corps for some reason. If they didn't kill her on the spot, they must have some reason for keeping her alive. They are a powerful family that have the ability to pay large sums of money. If I kidnapped her…"

"What are you two doing?" The question is posed without a hint of threat, but that didn't mean my cringe lessened. Pulling away from Levi, I gave a meek smile to the intruders entering my room, specifically Petra.

"I had a nasty fever, so Levi made sure that I didn't end up dead."

"Why didn't you get her a doctor?" Petra exclaimed as she felt my cheeks. All concern and no anger.

Puzzled by what I had been expecting yet clearly wasn't there, I glanced at Leon for answers. What I saw made my throat go dry. Eyes narrowed, tongue peeking out, it seemed as if he had become a predator considering how much to toy with his prey before he ate it. Not a hint of his usual cheerfulness lingered. Lively eyes morphed into distant and bleak. I couldn't discern if it was due to the remnants of the fever or element entirely.

The bizarreness ended, however, when he saw me looking at him. Leon gave a sly smile and casually tilted his head towards Levi. Not knowing what he was trying to say, I shrugged my shoulders in confusion.

"There weren't any doctors at the headquarters. It would take to long to go to town to fetch one."

"How are you feeling now Saph? Do you need something to eat? Something to drink? I could see if we have any medicine for you." Petra was pulling the sheets up as she bombarded me with the questions.

Wincing at the high pitched worry, I tried to wave her off. "I just want some sleep at the moment.

Leon stepped in, guiding Petra away from me. "That sounds like the best medicine to me."

The two of them left, leaving Levi and I were alone once again. Trying to gauge his intention, I became clueless. Not sure that my inability to read him was due to my own weariness after all the excitement or his own undecipherable emotions.

He broke my concentration with a scolding. "Don't do something stupid."

"I'm getting desperate. It's been almost six years since I last saw Suzu alive. Wouldn't you have done anything if the same was applied to Isabel or Farlan?"

Creacking, the mattress bent underneath his weight when he sat on it. "...neither would have wanted me to act carelessly however."

"Is that concern I hear?" Not exactly wanting to know the answer, I hurried on. "Fine. I won't kidnap the girl, and I'll keep you informed if I decide to do anything dangerous. I don't want you or anyone on the Survey Corps for that matter to get injured."

When no words were spoken in confirmation, I considered what else he could be waiting for. My mind stumbled upon a painful notation. The sentence tumbled out sooner than I could note how much the implication could hurt. "Especially Petra. I won't get her involved in the search for Suzu."

The way he jerked his head towards me made a bitter taste consume my tongue. I took no pride in knowing what bothered him at that moment. It wasn't easy watching him struggle with what to say to my pointed words. Flames scorched my lungs and smoke curled in my consciousness. A feeling of wanting to sink my teeth into where his neck and shoulder connected until a mark remained feasted on my sanity. Dragging my nails across the expanse of his pale skin until welts of red trailed across his body made my fist clench. It would be a possessive but simple claim of mine. That no one could see or touch him without knowing that Levi belonged to me. Bowing my head, breaths ragged, I seized the bestial anger filling me. Yanking it back to submissiveness, I was glad that he was too occupied with his own contemplations to see what must have been feral passion displayed. Fear blended with rage boiled over into a feverish tangibility.

Peeking up underneath my lashes, I contemplated the man silently staring off in the distance. Unaffected about how my actions could be taken, I rested my forehead on his shoulder, tenderly. Unlike the sinful cravings that had possessed me a bit earlier. "I'll be fine. Besides, I have Humanity's Strongest Soldier on my side. You'll be there to patch the problems up if they arise."

Surprised, Levi shook off my touch. A heavy sigh left his slightly parted lips. "Dumbass."

Satisfied, I leaned back, letting myself fall into the mess of pillows and blankets. "Thank you for today, Levi. While taking care of people isn't usually your thing, I'm glad you made sure I didn't die today."

"Isn't that just like any other day?" He said in a deadpan tone.

Rolling my eyes, I nudged him off the furniture with my foot. "See you tomorrow."

Him leaving sucked any warmth out of the room. In the dark and dusty room, I considered what I would do next. After today, I couldn't ignore my desires without the risk of losing a part of who I had become. Maybe the problem had formed because of my own greed and selfishness. I wanted every piece of happiness. While I didn't know how to go about it, no way in hell was I going to give up on Levi.

"Saph?"

It was the girl I least wanted to see strolling into my room. How did I go about telling her about my new resolution? Did I have to tell her? "What is it Petra?"

She shut the door behind her. "I was just wondering if you wanted me to bring you something for dinner later."

"No. I'd rather not be woken up."

"Okay." She turned around, seemingly satisfied to have gotten what she wanted. Palm pressed against the doorknob, she paused. "Saph?"

"Yes?"

"I know you have told me before. Many times actually, but I just wanted to make sure. You and Levi are only friends, right?"

"Yes." That wasn't a lie. At the moment.

"And you don't have any regard for him outside of that?"

Raising my eyebrows, I weighed the pros and cons of speaking about the subject matter. "Would it change anything? My answer?"

"I guess not."

At least she didn't seem to half-hearted in her pursuit. That would have been incredibly irritating. "Then that solves that."

A lull fell, squeezed itself between the two us. For a second, I wondered what she saw when she looked at me. Did she still perceive some goodness in the cracked facade or had it dissipated with me not answering the posed question?

"I'm going to tell Levi that I'm in love with him, soon."

Not knowing what she wanted from me, my eyelids fluttered closed. "Do what you will. I'm tired, Petra. Leave me to my rest."

The idea that I had perceived the room to be dark and dusty before made me snicker. It didn't hold up to what I felt the moment Petra left. Now it reminded me of the small hole in the Underground I used to live in all alone. Scared and resentful, I dreaded tomorrow. I went to sleep that night enveloped in my own bareness and vulnerability.

 **Here is the fluffiest chapter I've written so far (ignoring the ending of course). Don't worry, the train of pain will continue right on chugging along with the next chapter. I hope everyone enjoyed the update, and it would be fabulous if you could leave a review!**


	28. Chapter 28

Saph's PoV

"Why are there leaves and shit floating around in my tea?" Levi asked, as he peered into the cup I had brought him.

Two days passed since I my sick day, and I believed that to wiggle my way into his heart, tea would be one way to go. In the guise of saying that it was to thank him for helping me out, I served tea to him during our lunch break. "I boiled the water and then put the stuff in the tea bag into it. Isn't that how you make tea?"

"You opened the tea bag?" Petra asked, giggling as I stared at her in confusion.

"You told me to put it in?"

Levi dumped the contents into the sink, his nose wrinkled in disgust. "You put the bag in, stupid. That would have tasted like shit. You also wasted perfectly good tea."

"I'll fix you a cup, Levi. Do you wanna watch while I do it Saph? I can show you how for next time."

"I'd rather not."

Petra got up and went into the kitchen. Daintily, she began to prepare everything necessary with quick movements. Standing out of the way, I observed her and Levi. Both of them seemed to be in their element. Completely relaxed and worry free as the two quietly chatted about various topics. Perceiving just how out of place I happened to be in the cozy atmosphere, I stalked outside in red hot anger. No. I wasn't giving up, but I needed to restrategize my plan.

Birds chirped around me while I stolled farther away from the busy headquarters and deeper into the training area. I found Leon and Oluo sitting at a table devouring their lunches in the open air surrounded by nature. Must be nice to be so content. Not stressing about a damn thing.

"I'm guessing the whole making tea thing didn't go too well?" Leon inquired as I sat down next to him.

Watching me shake my head in defeat, Oluo snorted in derision. "You can't even do that? You are totally useless aren't you?"

"Don't worry Saph, he's just pissy that Petra is making Levi tea and not him."

Frustrated, I wasn't up in the mood to argue with him. "Why don't you just ask her to make you one? I'm sure she would say yes since she's so good at it," I said, bitterly.

Leon patted my head. "That's not the point my dear Saph. This man here wants the woman he loves to automatically bring him drinks instead of him having to ask."

"Leon!" Oluo shouted, red in the face.

"You're in love with Petra?"

"How could you not know?" Leon gasped. "This poor fool follows her around like a dejected puppy all day unless she's with Levi."

Is that what being in love looked like? Trying to please the person with no regard to your own wants? "Petra nor Levi act that way though," I mumbled.

"Love appears differently on every person. I can only imagine how you would act, Saph. Dreamy eyed with knots in the stomach. Sputtering words all the while blushing. I only say that from my point of view," Leon said sounding wiser than ever before.

Both Oluo and I stared at him, rapt in attention as he explained a subject neither of us had much knowledge about. "Have you ever been in love?" I asked, breathless in anticipation.

"Hmm? No. I don't believe so. I was just describing the way people have acted around me when they were infatuated."

Oluo sat back, all the magic of the moment lost. "Then you can't be any help." Oluo went back to munching on his sandwich.

"Why are you in love with her?" I inquired, locked on every movement of Oluo's. If maybe he could tell me what attracted him to Petra than I'd be able to figure out the same thing for Levi.

Glancing up from his meal, Oluo glared at me. "What?"

"Why do you like her? I mean, there has to be some stuff."

"That's idiotic! Why do I have to answer that?"

Tilting my head, I wondered why this seemed to be such a difficult topic for him. His entire face flushed and his eyes widened, filled with panic.

"It's because she is a good person, unlike you."

Ignoring the last comment, I pressed on. "But we have lots of good people in the Survey Corps. Hanji is a good person, isn't she?"

"Like hell I would ever be slightly attracted to a glasses wearing freak like her."

"You're ignoring the question," I accused, finger pointed out.

Leon seemed to be enjoying himself. Wrapping an arm around Oluo's shoulders, he pulled him in close and began to rub his head with a fist. "Yeah Oluo! You're always talking about the girl, so why are you clamming up now? I bet it's because you think she's pretty."

"Petra is beautiful," Oluo responded, stubbornly.

Leon and I erupted into laughter at that. Smiling, I leaned across the table to get a better look at Oluo. "You're in love with Petra because she is beautiful and a good person. That isn't very specific."

"Why are you so dead set on asking me about this?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I couldn't help looking down at the surface of the table when I answered, "Curiosity."

Oluo's back straightened, he considered me seriously. "I'm in love with her for many reasons. She's kind and generous, willing to help out the people around her even when it's an inconvenience. She's always smiling, always being optimistic no matter what is happening at the moment. Petra is also stubborn and smart. She will do the right thing no matter the consequences to herself. The question is more like how can I not fall in love with her? She makes the people around her laugh, she cares about everyone, and she is the one bright spot in this whole damn dreary place."

His words made me sick. It felt as if acid slowly ate away at my stomach the further he went on. Nothing, nothing he said could be used to describe me. If Levi was attracted to her due to these attributes, I didn't know if there was a single action for me to take to pull his attention away from her. Drained of energy, my hands shook slightly as I excused myself from the table.

"I regret asking," I said honestly. "Hearing all that… makes me wanna puke."

"You're the one who kept bothering me about it!"

Staggering, I headed back inside. Not even the dread of the scene between Petra and Levi stopped me from making my way back to my room. Foot hovering over the porch step to the entrance, a voice stopped me.

"Saph?"

Head swiveling, I awaited for Leon to continue. There must have been a reason for him to chase me to the house instead of staying with Auruo.

"How are you doing?"

Considering no one had any idea about my attraction towards Levi, I guessed he referred to the fever. "A lot better. I'm still pretty weak, so the doctor told me not to do any hard exercise for awhile. Makes me fidgety, not being able to train like usual."

"Do you want to go for a walk into town later on then? Get rid of some of that energy?"

"Let me finish some work first. Hanji wants me to create the schedule for who will be overlooking the next set of experiments over the captured Titans. Do you have a preference for a certain time?"

There is no light in his blue orbs as I stared at him. Waiting for an answer. Such an indifferent expression on him made me wonder if I had lost Leon to his own thoughts. Not a second before I was going to repeat my question, he sighed. The long exhale as if my question was completely trivial puzzled me. Me asking him was normal, and most certainly polite. Why it deserved that sort of reaction, I didn't know.

Leon smiled, necking popping as he stretched. "I guess there are some benefits to knowing the second in command. No, I don't have one. Set me up for whatever time."

"Really? You always complain that you're on guard duty when you were supposed to have a date with a pretty girl," I said, incredulous.

"Nope. Not this time. I'm good with anything." Leon patted me on the head, roughing up my hair a little. "Do you wanna have the walk after dinner? You should be done with all of your work by then"

The quick switch in topics left me muddled. "Uh... yeah, sure?"

"Cool. Great. I'll see you later than."

Shifting uneasily, I stepped into the house. Levi sat, by himself, on the couch. A newspaper in hand, and a steaming cup of tea on the table next to him. The sweet aroma drifted to my nose, such a different smell than my disaster earlier that morning.

"You drink a lot of tea, don't you?" I asked, peering into the brown liquid.

Levi set the newspaper into his lap. "It helps me shit."

"Can't argue with that logic." Reaching for the porcelain dish, I commented, "

tea has to taste good if you chug it down like that."

He swatted my hand away. "Don't. Go make your own."

"Did Petra make this one for you?" I questioned with a sour edge that I didn't mean to disclose.

It was a good thing that no one else was around to hear the distinct implication of my tone. Levi was dense enough not to notice anything different. Sometimes that made me feel better, other times it made this whole affair worse.

Of course, Levi never indicated a sensitivity to dealing with social sensitivities. "I'm sure she will make one for you if you just ask."

"I'm good," I withheld the snarl in my voice better than this time. My pent up energy coupled with my tangled emotions led to me tapping my foot incessantly. Shifting uneasily, I considered leaving to go up when he spoke.

"Something wrong?"

A sharp inhale, I stared in amazement. An inquiry about my well-being never happened. For a second, I figured that I stumbled into a dream-like state where obscure fantasies were achieved. Almost as if I had somehow became sick again. My own tightly coiled hunger told otherwise. Control never seemed close to being lost when I slept. This remained reality. Licking my lips, I scavenged for an explanation. "I'm...I'm wondering when you'll let me train again."

"Not my call."

"Imagine being in my position! You get all cranky if you don't train at least once a day, I haven't done anything in three."

"You couldn't bathe yourself three days ago."

That didn't help my embaressing state. "I realize that." Cheeks red, I felt uncomfortable knowing how vulnerable I'd been.

"Are you going to stop complaining then?"

Huffing, I stomped out of the room and up the stairs. Childish, maybe, but there seemed to be no relief from the physical and emotional stress I happened to be under. Tempted to slam the door shut, I refrained from that action with the knowledge that Levi would call me a brat because of it.

* * *

"I have to say, taking a stroll after dinner is always a very pleasant experience."

I glanced up at Leon, "I prefer to go on runs."

"You know, I've been told that I make an excellent running buddy."

Hesitating in my steps, I snorted at his statement. There were few people on the streets, the roads slightly lit up by the lights from the surrounding houses casting shadows into our pathway. With it being so quiet, I experienced the need to whisper. "It's more of something I like to do alone."

"You tend to do everything alone. Well," Leon added, amending his statement, "it's either alone or with Levi."

Alert, my chin jerked up. "I've known him for years. He's a good friend of mine, so it's not unusual for us to be together."

"Do you trust him?"

"Don't you?" I asked, a puff of whiteness going out into the black night. The days had been getting warmer, but when the sun set, so did a penetrating chill. All I had on was a pair of pants and a t-shirt that was covered by a light jacket. Not the kind of clothes good for frosty weather. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I continued on at a faster pace. My boots hitting the stones with a thud, shifting the knife tucked away against the skin of my calf.

"I've heard that people from the Underground are always looking out for enemies even when none exist, so I'm surprised to hear that you know he'd watch your back." Leon turned down off of the main road.

His words made me think of the time that I blamed Petra for trying to kill me, or my unfounded suspicions about Auruo. That sentence may have applied to me, but I had never seen Levi panic and lose sight of what stood in front of him. Paranoia served me well in the Underground, but maybe letting it go up here would be for the best.

"How long have you known Levi? Somebody told me that you two met up before you were offered to come to the surface to join the Survey Corps."

Scrunching my face up, I considered the time that passed since I tried to steal Isabel, Farlan, and Levi's gear to now. "It's hard to tell. Roughly five years? Why?"

"Just trying to figure some stuff out," Leon responded, distracted.

Wanting to turn back to headquarters, I slowed my movements. "Like what? Let's head back, I'm getting a little woozy."

"Well I wanted to know who else you might have told." Leon took a few more steps forward.

Stumbling slightly, I followed him until I stood by his side. "What are you talking about?"

Leon grabbed my arm so suddenly, I didn't react for a moment.

Startled by the action, I tried to jump away from him. "Let-"

A sweaty palm covered my mouth and my hands were pinned behind my back. "Keep her still, Brutus," Leon whispered near my ear.

Throwing my body about, I realized too late that we had stopped in front of the informant's house. What were they doing? Adrenaline flooding my system, I wrenched my neck, trying to get my mouth loose to scream.

"You think anybody is going to come if you start hollering?" Leon chuckled, I could hear the pounding of his heart in my back. "They know to stay inside, might as well come quietly."

I couldn't tell if he told the truth or not, but I figured that if they had decided to kidnap me here, they're weren't afraid of being interrupted. Using all my strength, I hoisted my two legs up in the air until my knees hit my chest. Leon's grip held strong, I didn't fall to the ground like I'd somewhat expected, instead I kicked Brutus's chest as hard as I could. The momentum sent him crashing to the ground while Leon and I toppled over backwards.

Crashing into the ground, I lurched away from his grasp, and slipped my hand into my boot. Finding the handle of my knife, I yanked it out quickly. Clothes got ripped up and torn while I crawled towards Brutus as he scrambled to get up. Before I was able to swing my blade down, my hair was yanked up. Shockwaves of pain from the action made me gasp out loud.

A fistfull of it in Leon's hand, he used it to make sure that I could kick him or step onto his toes. "Help me. Damn it," he hissed out, tugging harshly on my curls. Without wasting a moment, I elbowed him, hard, in the stomach. With my body free, I swung the blade in a horizontal arc with my full power. Sweat might have coated my palms, but my hold, strong and combined with the fear gushing in my veins, I went for the kill. A move that I had learned years ago, ingrained into my memory, imprinted on to my body it didn't matter that this was Leon. A human that I had considered an ally, and sort of friend a few minutes before. Cemented in my soul, the necessity to survive, and to murder whatever got in my way of my goal.

The knife sunk into his throat, the tip peeking just out of his soft tufts of blonde hair. Ripping it free, a flood of blood followed it. Spraying the air with warmth and wetness, Leon's body dropped to the ground. Soaked in red, I made sure not to slip in the widening pool at my feet. Brutus stood a few feet in front of me, his burly size shaking at the sight of me covered in a comrade's blood. Bloodlust didn't hold my brain, survival occupied the mind meaning no urge to kill ran the show. Time for that would be later since I needed to get out of there.

Turning around, I readied myself to sprint to the headquarters when an unnerving sight awaited me. Wrinkles had formed, eyes hardened, but his savage smirk still the same. "I heard you've been looking for me."

Dashing, I gripped the blade in my hand as I prepared to stab him in the chest. Instead, his callous fingers wrapped around my wrist, twisting uncomfortably until I was forced to let go of my only weapon.

"And here I am," Kenny jeered, face so close to mine that I could see his yellow teeth in the darkness. My last sight before my vision became completely black and I lost conscience.

 **Yeah, this is around a week earlier than when I was going to post, but I just happened to be super excited about this chapter. Figured you guys wouldn't complain. I hope everyone enjoyed this update and the cliffhanger ending with it. I'll try not to leave you guys waiting for too long. Please leave a review before you go!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Warning: Slight spoilers ahead in the manga and torture.**

Saph's PoV

When I woke up, I thought I was back in the Underground. Cheek pressed against the stone, the straw covering the floor poked my skin uncomfortably. My first instinct screamed for me to find my knife in my boot. To secure my weapon in my hand before I attempted to try anything else. However, the snug blade that usually rubbed comfortably against my calf didn't appear to be there. Neither were my boots. Propping myself up slightly on my elbows, I looked around, prepared to fake sleeping if someone came in.

Panicking slightly, I surveyed my surroundings in order to get a better feel with where I was at. I had never been to jail before, but the area made me believe that I'd been taken to a holding for criminals underneath a fortress. The only furniture with me was a rusty metal bucket. With a nauseous scent wafting from it, even an imbecile could discern what its use was. Someone had put me on a makeshift bed of straw. Cradling my throbbing head, I shakily stood up from my position. Wobbling slightly, I leaned against the wall for support, only to find bloodstains and gashes on the mortar. Streaks of red indicating someone had clawed there until they bled.

Not wanting to think about what happened to drive someone towards that, I turned around and walked towards the metal bars. The biggest opening was wide but short. A squashed rectangle that I suspected where my food would come through. The length roughly made up my forearm. Other than that, all of the other gaps allowed only my hand to fit through if I turned it over sideways. Even if I somehow molded the bucket into a weapon, there wouldn't be much room to utilize it. Peeking out of the enclosement, all I saw were more cells like mine lined up against the wall. Every single one of them was empty. Escape, at the moment, didn't seem possible. Deciding to conserve my waning strength, I lied back down on the straw. I maneuvered my limbs so that they pointed in the same directions as when I first woke up. Closing my eyes, I focused on every sound that thrummed inside my ears.

My efforts were soon rewarded as the thump of footsteps reverberated into the chilly air. Trying to keep my body relaxed, I remained completely still when the door opened. Hinges groaned in disuse while wood scraped against the rock. The person approached closer and closer to my jail before stopping near enough that I could smell a hint of gunpowder.

A second set of footsteps fast approached us. These were hurried and light, unlike the steady, hard steps of the first person. This time the door was pushed open so fast that it banged against the wall. Flinching slightly from the sound, I hoped that it had gone by unnoticed.

"It doesn't seem as if she's awake yet," a man's voice panted out.

"No. She's up. Hear me, bitch? I know you're awake," a gruff voice barked out orders. Kenny.

Irritated that my ploy failed, I wearily got in a sitting position. Leaning against the smooth stone, I glared at Kenny and the sweaty, mostly bald man beside him.

"She's just a child," he gasped while wiping his brow with a handkerchief.

Kenny spit on the ground near a shovel. "Don't let that fool you. See all that blood covering her? She stabbed a comrade she lived with for years in the throat without a second thought. Might look innocent, but she didn't survive in the Underground for nothing."

I hadn't noticed the dried blood splattered all over my clothes until Kenny had mentioned it. How it made the cloth dry and rough on my skin reminded me of the filth that I used to live in. With how much I was dyed in the red liquid, Leon must have not been able to survive the attack. Murder amongst the Survey Corps was rare, but Leon also had never been a true member if he'd been working under Kenny. Not feeling guilty in the slightest, I found my bloodied clothes just irksome.

"Leon told us that you were sick and weak, must have surprised him when you put up such a fight," Kenny grinned, "I'm glad you have that in you though. Makes you more fun to break."

His companion shivered, paling slightly. "Just tell us what we want to know and I'll make sure your death is painless," he offered.

"You want information?"

"What do you know about me and who else have you told?"

Kenny laughed as I looked at them confused. "I don't think she has any idea who you are!"

Glancing back and forth, I sized the man up. The clothing he wore seemed expensive and Kenny was with him. Agni's subordinate's words filtered into my mind. "Are you Uri Reiss?"

"Wrong, but you're close. I'm his brother, Rod Reiss. Uri Reiss died years ago."

"I don't keep track of what fat pigs dressed as nobles are dead," I snarled out something I had heard Levi say multiple times.

"Well you should since the intel is dangerous enough it might lead to the downfall of humanity."

"Just because I wouldn't mind humanity wasting away doesn't mean I'd try to bring its destruction."

Kenny stepped closer until he was within an arm's length from the cell. "Nobody cares what your intentions are, what matters is that scum like you learns things you shouldn't."

"Then why didn't you kill me?" I asked, gesturing towards my towards. "What's with this whole setup?

"Because we need to know who else you've told."

Licking my bottom lip, my mind raced for a plan. I hadn't really told anyone anything except some scarce details to Levi. "How about I tell how I discovered your little secrets and you let me go?"

Kenny barked out a laugh. "We're already aware that Brutus was the one spilling everything. He has made up for that fact by lying about Leon not trying to kill you and for helping out to get you here. Figured he could become useful in the future, so I'm going to keep him for awhile."

Recollections of Jolls trying to shoot me and Ruby's fatal fall made my mind whirl. "Guess I'm just going to have to keep my mouth shut then. I still have some business I have to take care of in regards to you, Kenny. And neither of you can kill me because I got people who are ready to share those little secrets you want kept hidden if I don't show back up for awhile. Who wouldn't set up a little insurance with so many attempts on my life?"

"Now I told you she wasn't going to tell us nicely," Kenny spoke up, removing a set of keys from his pocket. Rod left the room, distase clearly on his face.

Not going to get taken down without a fight, I wildly threw my limbs about. If I had thought my body was weak while taking a walk, it completely failed me now. Swatting away my empty punches, Kenny twisted my arm behind my back hard enough to draw a scream from my lips.

"If you start wailing at this much pain, it's going to be exciting to see how much you can take before you start begging for me to just end your miserable life."

"I'm not going to die until you tell me where my brother is!"

That made him pause in his actions. "Probably decaying somewhere."

"You're lying! You're lying! You are lying!" My mind too caught up in sheer panic to pay attention to how my struggles resulted in jolts of hurt to my body. "Where is Suzu? Where is he? Tell me where he is!"

Kenny had eventually dragged me into a connected room. All that sat in there was a lonely, simple, wooden chair and table. Torture tools and rope lined the surface, clearly been used before by viewing the rust stains. Strapping me to the chair, he shoved a wad of cloth into my mouth.

"Can't having you biting off your tongue. Much harder to talk when that happens. Trust me."

Both my hands and feet were free since the rope just went around my waist. I didn't have time to wonder why this was before he pulled the table in front of me. Forcefully, he threw my hands on the top of the table before putting them each in a metal clasp The table shook as I tried to yank away. Without hesitation, Kenny grabbed a hammer and two nails.

"I like to take the fight out of people slowly," a singular nail went straight through the middle of my left hand, close to my knuckles, "since it's such a beautiful sight to drain someone of hope," the second nail went through my right hand," but in your case we are going to have to work fast." Kenny snatched the cloth from my mouth while I gasped for air. "Ready to speak yet?"

Resisting the urge to try and free my hands, which would only further damage them, I spit on his unshaven cheek. "Give me back Su-" gagged before I could finish my demand, I glared in fury.

He used the sleeve of his coat to wipe off my saliva. "I'm going to sure have a fun time wrenching out all those teeth of yours once you're done coughing up what you know."

Trembling, I fixated on the metal embedded into my skin. Flexing my fingers revealed that their was no structural damage, but the area throbbed with such vicious agony I concentrated on nothing else. That was until a small slit was made near my wrist. Head lolling back, piercing shrieks left me without my permission. Making his way up my arm, Kenny kept cutting and slicing at my revealed skin. Over and over and over and over and over again. Wounds that weren't made to kill, but to injure. With a meticulous steadiness, Kenny drew straight welts that ran parallel of one another. Never once again taking out my gag, it did little to muffle my cries of hurt.

Feet uselessly skidded around on the floor as I tried to brace for each piercing of my flesh. The ball of cloth doing little to muffle the desperate sounds coming out of my throat, Kenny reveled in the symphony he made. A barbaric grin split his face, the scruff of his beard doing nothing to hide his eerie delight.

Shaking and whimpering uncontrollably, my resolve to not tell him the information didn't waver once. This was nothing compared to the years I spent alone in the hellish Underground. This couldn't break me because I fought fucking Titans for a living. Physical trauma meant little to me as long as I got to see my brother. Be with him. Have him by my side. And that would never happen if I spilled what my mind contained.

Any wondering I had as to why Kenny kept my legs free ceased when I kicked the underside of the table in utter distress after the cuts had reached my elbow. The piece of furniture shook with the force, rocking the nails inside my tissue. Back arching inward, I trembled as tears came to my eyes.

"That wasn't such a good idea now, was it?" Kenny tangled his long fingers into my hair, using it as leverage to pull my head up until he peered into my eyes. "You're not the brightest soldier in the military are you?"

Exhausted, my body held no strength as it repeatedly tensed as metal sliced skin. Letting the darkness encapsulate my vision, I focused on taking steady breaths. My chin touched my chest in defeat, not surrender.

After what must have been hours, Rod came in. "If you keep going you're going to kill her soon."

"I bet that's what she wants." Kenny chuckled, pulling out my homemade gag.

Jaw sore, I cautiously opened and closed my mouth. My lips were dry and cracked, resembling the skin at the corners of them. The stench of blood and sweat made it so I tasted copper. Wearily, I stared at the two men who would decide my fate.

Rod walked up to me, careful not to step in any of the small pools of blood that had formed puddles near my feet. "Are you ready to talk?"

"I don't believe you've given me a good reason too," I snarled out.

Rod straightened up, hearing my hoarse words. "If that's your choice. Kenny, give her a wash before throwing her back into the cell. You can continue the interrogation tomorrow, but I don't want her to die of disease in the meantime." With his orders given, I was left once again alone with Kenny.

"This is going to burn like a bitch," Kenny promised, retrieving a large bucket right outside the door. Setting it down next to him, he grabbed the hammer to set my palms free.

Gritting my teeth while watching the wounds weep red, I gently brought them to my face to inspect the damage. Without warning, a wave of chilly, soapy water got dumped over me. My cuts began to ignite, wrapping strands of heat around my dissected left arm. Cradling it to my body, I blew on my wounds. Trying to get the soap out without having to touch any of the 40 something cuts.

Yanking me to my feet, Kenny dragged me back to my where I'd been originally. Hitting the floor, all I could muster was curling up into a ball in the corner. Shivering, I burrowed under the straw in an attempt to seek a little warmth. Mushy food on a tray carelessly flew into the dirt not to far from my nose. Hurting everywhere, I struggled to put the leftovers on my dry tongue. Apathetic to my messy state, I licked the try without reservation. Gulping down the small glass of water when I'd finished. Too tired to think of a plan, I slept right then and there.

This happened for another three consecutive days. However, Kenny differed in the way he would drain of energy in the beginning. The second day he tied me to the wall and beat me with a horsewhip across the back until I couldn't cry out anymore. Then Kenny used the same slicing method to carve his way up my right wrist all the way to my shoulder. The third day he put a collar on me and made me run around until I crumbled in exhaustion. He took particular delight in my quaking legs since he decided to have his blade kiss the skin along my right ankle all the way to my hip. More area to work with meant longer time in the chair. With no strength left on the fourth day, he started cutting up my left thigh as silent tears poured down my cheeks.

Always at the end of our sessions he would ask if I was ready to talk. Ready to betray my younger brother. The answer never changed and it never would. Doused with the same cold, bubbly water, I knew that Kenny had to stop or risk killing me before I ran out of use.

"Take her to her cell," Rod grumbled. His eyes never wavered from my practically naked form. No new clothes had been given, and the torture severely lessened the amount of skin my black tank top and shorts covered.

Mumbling curse words underneath his breath, Kenny tightened his hold on my neck and pulled me back. Freely letting me hit whatever I was too tired to avoid. Stubbing my toe on the shovel in front of my cell, I let out a low hiss.

"Enjoy your fine dinner of slop and shit! Maybe I'll take a piss in that cup of water before they give it to you, hmmm?" Kenny patted my head in almost an affectionate manner. "I'll be seeing you tomorrow. Hope I show up in your nightmares!"

Not caring if he really did urinate in my only access to water, I swallowed it all once the tiny tin came. Picking the tray up, I scarfed down the chow, some of it getting in my nose. Once done with my meal, I crawled to the bucket in the corner to relieve myself. Not all defecations had made it to the small toilet, and the smell of me seemed to be close to unbearable for Rod most of the time. The stank didn't bother me when I collapsed in the moldy straw to sleep.

Something had gone wrong. Kenny always came at his usual to pick me up by the time I awoke. Not that it was an activity that I looked forward to in anyway, but it had become the one way I discerned what time it was. Stretching my sore limbs, I considered if they had decided to just leave me in here to rot away. Now that would be a terrible fate.

Would anyone ever find my body? The Survey Corps must be searching at least half-heartedly for Leon and I. If they found Leon's body, speculation might be that I killed him and went back to the Underground. I didn't know enough about the building to guess where it might be. A fortress in the walls or shabby house made to look like just another hut in the Underground. Nobles like Rod probably had the money and power to do anything they wanted.

What about Levi? A faint hope softly warmed my chest when he popped into my mind. Oh how I wished I could see him. Just hear his gruff voice admonishing me would be a better sound than the empty quiet around me. He would be disappointed to know that he saved my life multiple times from Titans only for me to waste away because of humans. A little shake of the head coupled with a sigh then a derogatory remark as he complained about having to get me out of a dangerous situation. Not that he treated me much differently than the other members of the Special Operations Squad. Our history tied the two of us together but not much else. Unlike Petra and him. I wondered if Petra ever confessed her undying love?

"I brought a present for you!" Kenny shouted while opening the whining door. He had a boy with shaggy brown hair over his shoulder. The kid seemed to be at least breathing but unconscious. It appeared as if he was taller, but with childish features I figured he was younger than me. Bruises lined his arms and legs, there were probably more by the looks of his state but I couldn't see with t-shirt and pants covering most of him up.

Shrinking into myself until my back hit the hard stone, I prepared myself to be attacked. Instead, Kenny tossed the boy in like a sack before sliding his key into the lock. "Why did you bring this boy in?" I asked, completely bewildered.

"Why Saph, I thought you would recognize your little brother!"

 **Sorry about the super long wait guys. I got pretty sick then I had finals. I have to sincerely thank everyone who left a review because they were a singluar bright spot during all the tests. I also have some exciting news! I'm going to do the next chapter in Levi's PoV to celebrate a combination ofgetting over 150 followers, the 30th chapter, and over 90,000 words. It'll be the first time I write in his PoV, so I hope it doesn't go too badly. Anyways, it's my utmost desire that everybody enjoyed the latest chapter, and please leave a review on your way out!**


	30. Chapter 30

LEVI'S POV

The neatly made covers of my bed pooled around my hips when I sat up with a start. Breathing roughly, I rested my forehead into my warm palm. Beads of sweat dripped onto my fingertips and down to my knuckles. A nightmarish concoction mixed with memories of Isabel's and Farlan's death plagued me for months, but I hadn't expected them to return with such ferocity now. Shifting the blankets away from me, I swung around to drop my feet to the well worn wooden floor. Standing up, I padded towards Saph's room. Outside the door, I stopped to listen for any signs of life. Silence. Always silence. No matter how many times I checked, no sound ever entered my strained ears. The second night without Saph nor Leon returning from their walk meant something had to be terribly wrong. Saph had gone on previous trips that had lasted for days, but never without informing me prior to disappearing.

A nagging worry tugged at the edge of my conscious no matter what activity I'd been engaged in. And now, without any distractions present, my mind was far too occupied with where she and Leon might have gone to fall back asleep.

"I'm guessing she's not back yet?" The soft voice would've startled me if I hadn't heard the soft approach of Petra's quiet footfalls.

No answer seemed to be needed when I dropped my hand from it's place on the knob to return it to my side. The effort necessary to turn and confront the mixed emotions swirling in Petra's riveting orbs made my stomach twist uncomfortably. A warmth usually resonated in within me when she was around; but all I felt was a streak of protectiveness, seeing the worry gleam from within.

Petra gripped my shoulder in her usual soothing manner. "I'm sure she's fine. You don't have to worry so much. Leon is probably shacking up with some attractive girl, and Saph is off somewhere searching for her brother."

"Most likely doing something stupid you mean," I muttered darkly. Composing myself into my usual blank demeanor, I grew irritated with my noticeable concern for Saph's wellbeing. While Petra might have considered her a friend, I knew the truth of the matter. Saph didn't care about anyone other than her brother and herself. There lied the reason why my growing affection for Saph caused me so much distress. Her playful banter, innocent amber eyes, and friendly manner hid the calculated killer well enough from others, even me at times. Of course it didn't help that she had risked herself to save my life before. I held a bit of hope that she would change and commit fully to the Survey Corps and the work we partook in, but there was little chance of that happening. Truthfully, it might be best for humanity if she wasn't in the military, I sort of liked having her around. Saph held no fear towards challenging me even with my rank higher than hers. After many long treacherous months, we've come to something of a partnership after I forgave her for the deaths of Isabel and Farlan. My head spun every time I tried to analyze how we ended up from there to now.

Petra had fallen quiet alongside me while I mulled over my thoughts. Suddenly, she giggled. Moving closer to me, Petra didn't remove her grip on my shoulder. "She'll definitely return home."

Fixated on the small smile offered to me, I remembered Saph's disgusted scowl when she watched Petra and I laughing together. Happiness had never come easy to me, especially after seeing the few people I cared about be eaten. The world appeared to be brightening since I'd accepted my attachment to Petra. No one could blame me since the woman had a way of drawing out the joy in life where none seemed to exist. I never believed myself to be greedy, but I wanted Petra by my side no matter the circumstances. Relationships weren't exactly forbidden in the Survey Corps, but the general consensus believed that it is foolish to engage in a serious relationship due to the rate of death associated with our job. This small piece of light is worth the risk. If I stuck by Petra, I could protect her.

It seemed as though what I felt wasn't one-sided, it came to my attention that Petra had her own growing feelings for me. I've overheard many ask Saph if she and I were anything more, she usually just laughed and teased the questioner. Petra might have assumed that her two superiors were together once before. Deciding that I could figure out where the two idiots went tomorrow, I tucked some tufts of stray hair behind Petra's ear. "Now why are you so worried about your superior? Hmm?"

A smooth palm cupped my cheek. Eyes widening, I stared in wonderment as Petra gently kissed me on the other cheek. The sweet smell of honey soothed my tensed muscles, making me relax instantly. "Captain," Petra blushed underneath my scrutiny. "Ummm… I mean Levi. It's because I care about you. Not in the usual way towards a superior. Not that I don't respect you! You are Humanity's Strongest Soldier, and you're very brave, and you do your best no matter the circumstances. I understand that it's hard to be such a good leader while also caring for the people below you, and you do that! So I do respect you as my leader because of those traits, but I also believe that's why I... well... developed feelings for you. This might not be the best time, but I think we live in a world where there isn't a best time for something like this. I don't want to bother you with my emotions, but I believe I need to get this off of my chest. So I just wanted to tell you that I'm in love with you," Petra tried to compose herself as she warily met my gaze. "That's why I wanted to comfort you. I want to be there for you like you've been there in my times of need. You must think this is super inappropriate since two of our members are missing, and you may think of Saph as something other than a subordinate because I know you've been together for yea-"

I shut her up the only way I knew how. Touching might not have been my forte, but kissing Petra deeply made me feel as happy as cleaning my room, maybe even more. Separating a little bit, I rested my brow against hers. Her breath caught and shook slightly in exhilaration which sent a small thrill down my spine. "This doesn't mean I'm going to let you shirk your duties," I warned, my face hurting from the tiny grin stretching it.

Her face flushed, "Of course not."

Coughing, I took a few steps back to give myself distance from her. My brain seemed to muddle a bit when her presence overlapped mine. No sentences strung themselves together. Embarrassed, I could barely maintain a deadpan expression let alone say something comprehensible.

"I'll head back. What sort of tea would you like tomorrow morning?"

"Just give me whatever we have the most of."

Petra gave me a chaste goodnight kiss. "Sure thing. See you tomorrow."

Unsure of what to do, I watched her walk down the hall. Seeing her turn the corner, I left the door leading to Saph's room and instead went to my own.

* * *

Pausing, I didn't have to resume my knocking to understand the fact that no one was going to answer the door. Shielding my eyes from the bright sun high in the sky, I glanced over the empty house. This wouldn't be considered a coincidence. Brutus not living in the house meant something regarding the Underground happened. Whenever the Underground and criminals were involved, it could never be a good thing. I had a feeling somebody was playing some part in this and my bet was on Kenny.

The question now revolved around Leon. How was he involved? Out of everyone in my squad, I knew about him the least. Coming from the Military Police to the Survey Corps after the fall of Wall Maria, Leon kept to himself. His skills as a soldier were commendable, he wouldn't be in the Special Operations Squad if they weren't, other than that nothing about him stuck out.

Something glinting in the sunlight drew my attention. Picking up my pace with a new sense of urgency driving my actions, I bent down to look at a blood crusted blade sitting on the ground. Recognizing the knife, I picked it up. Saphs. The one object from the Underground that she had brought up with her on that fateful day. It in itself held no value, but she never went anywhere without it. Wrapping a handkerchief around the dirty steel, I carefully placed it in my bag.

Scouring the ground underneath my feet for more clues, I inhaled sharply when I realized that a hastily wiped blood stain still revealed itself in the cracks of the road. Someone had bleed out right where I stood. And with Saph's knife not to far away, it must've been her doing. Tilting my head, I considered inquiring the houses nearby if they had heard anything, but that would've been useless. Since Wall Maria fell, the activities once done in the Underground spread to the surface. Everyone knew not to talk too much.

My walk back to the Headquarters was brisk. Panic would take over if I ran past the gates. A pounding in my chest, I may not have exerted myself much but it sure felt that way. Leon had to be involved in some sort of plot against Saph. Why didn't I listen when she said that someone had attempted to kill her? Saph once told me about how Kenny now worked under the Reiss family. A prestigious, rich, family that could easily make the Military police do their bidding. That's why Leon had appeared on our doorstep.

Saph's situation just became bleaker with this newfound revelation. Leon must have been sent in as a spy or assassin. In her weakened state, it would be the perfect opportunity to kidnap her. Damn it. I should have checked Brutus' house after the first night she'd disappeared.

Letting my feet lead me to Erwin's office, I ignored the chuckles and whispers rising at my wake. People were already starting to spread rumors about me and Petra. Not caring at the moment who started it, I almost shoved past a teary Petra.

"I'm so sorry, Levi. I didn't... I didn't mean for this to happen. I swear," her voice halted. "What's wrong?"

"Saph is in terrible danger. I'm going to Erwin," I tugged her along with me. "You should listen as well."

Not bothering with trivial acts of politeness, I busted through the oak doors. "I know the reason why Saph disappeared."

"Oh! Hi Levi!" Hanji seemed to have been discussing something with Erwin. Her face brightened, eyes flicking to Petra's captured wrist in my hand. "I heard you got your first girlfriend! Congratulations! When's the wedding?"

Letting go of Petra, I figured she could handle the over eager scientist while I discussed critical details with Erwin. If she became too much trouble, I could always yank her out of the room by her swishing ponytail. "I believe the shity pigs by the name of the Military police are involved. Kenny the Ripper too."

"I've heard that name before. Never been sure if he actually existed or was a myth," Erwin admitted, thoughtfully. Betraying no surprise, his facade remained calm.

Slamming my hands on his desk, I leaned in. "Is that all you have to say? My second in command might be going through hell at the moment, and you're going to focus on the fact that Kenny the Ripper is a real person?" I wanted him to take action and not mull over the trivial points. "Saph could be dead."

"She could be," Erwin agreed, "but I can't do anything with what you've just told me. Please take a seat and tell me everything you know."

Huffing, I plopped down on a chair across from him. Petra sat down next to me, concern spilling over onto her features. Hanji finally silenced her damn mouth as I explained all the details I knew. Saph. Suzu. Brutus. Kenny. The Reiss family. And finally, Leon.

Eyebrows raising further and further into his hairline, Erwin couldn't mask his astonishment. "If any of what you've told me is true, it's no wonder Saph's been endangered. I'm not sure I even know how dangerous this information could become if put in capable hands."

"You mean like your own?" I snarled. No consideration had gone to if Erwin would want the scarce details Saph gave me every once in awhile regarding her brother. That had apparently been a mistake since he was clearly soaking it all up with energy. Must have to do with politics.

Hanji got up from her spot in the corner of the room. "There might be more spies, Erwin."

Erwin sighed, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. "We've always had spies. The Military Police are always nosing into our affairs. This is the first time I've heard of them specifically targeting a member of the Corps though. In her desperate search to find her brother, she must have made some pretty high officials antsy. We must be very cautious. That includes you, Levi. I know you're worried, but any rash actions might lead to her death. If it hasn't happened already."

Petra gasped," Oh I hope Saph is okay."

"She's survived in the Underground, Petra. I'm sure she's giving them quite a fight if her arguments with Levi are anything to go off of," Hanji reassured her.

Standing up, I faced Erwin with my head held high. "I'll leave the planning to you. Tell me straight away once it's finished, but if you don't create one soon, I'm going to go off and find her on my own." Threat hanging heavy in the air, I marched off towards the dining room.

Petra scampered to catch up with me. "Do you feel guilty?"

Hmmm? Unsure of what she referred to, I raised an eyebrow.

"For what we were doing last night." Her cheeks reddened drastically like we had done more than just kiss. "Because it's my fault for getting caught up in my own heart when a friend is in trouble."

"Don't blame yourself," I tried to reassure her. The guilt resting within myself didn't have anything to do with last night, but with how I regarded Saph as just being paranoid instead of listening to her concerns. Just because Saph acted like a terrible person most of the time, didn't mean I could ignore the wellbeing of one of my subordinates. "Nothing would have changed if last night didn't happen." I awkwardly patted her head to comfort her.

Not seeming convinced, Petra bit her bottom lip. "Are you going to the dining area?"

"In a bit."

Petra squeezed my fingers, aware of all the people around us and my discomfort towards public displays of affection. "Then I'll see you in a little bit."

Her footsteps mixed in with the crowd as hungry stomachs led everyone to where the food was being served. The wave of people parted around me, nobody brushed my shoulder as I stood still. When the hallways emptied, I turned to the figure standing in the shadows.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop," I growled out.

"You're going to get her hurt," Auruo stepped forward. "For someone who is our Captain you sure aren't acting like one."

"If there is something you want to say, just spit it out." I snapped brusquely, not in any sort of mood for his pining bullshit.

"You know better than anyone else how dangerous our lives are! I promised her father that I'd protect her, and now I won't ever be able to convince her to settle down and have a family! All because you can't be professional. What are you going to do when she wants to get married? Have kids? You're a soldier before a man," Auruo hysterically jabbed his finger at me. "You're selfishness is going to prevent her from finding happiness."

Grabbing his collar, I yanked him until our noses almost touched. "I should bash your face in for talking to your superior like that, but I won't since I know you're only worried for Petra." Gritting my teeth, my nose wrinkled. "But you don't make decisions for her."

Not backing down, Auruo tipped his chin up. "Just because you're Humanity's Strongest Soldier doesn't mean you'll always be able to protect her."

"I'll do a better job than you," I said with a low snarl. "And don't you dare presume to know a damn thing about my feelings for her. Especially when your own feelings are at question here."

Before Auruo could throw a punch in retort; Hanji swooped down on the two of us, throwing an arm around each of us. "Are you guys having a staring contest? You'll probably lose Auruo since I almost never see him blink."

Throwing the boy away from me, I glared at Hanji.

"Hey Auruo can you leave Levi and I alone for a moment?"

Dusting himself off, Auruo raised an eyebrow before shrugging. "I was headed to dinner anyways." He barely got around the corner before I got admonished.

"You couldn't have been surprised about Auruo confronting you. Everyone is a little startled that you even decided to date someone."

"It's not anyone else's business except ours, Shity Glasses."

Hanji scrutinized my face. "You do deserve to be happy, Levi, no one is contesting that, but I do hope you never regret this choice."

Scowling, I avoided speaking since I didn't know how to respond.

"I didn't come here to interrogate you about your relationships. Erwin actually wanted me to come and get you because he thinks he has something regarding Saph. You stomped out before he could inform you that we were investigating her whereabouts right before you stormed in. That is, if you still care. You seem awfully occupied with your own problems."

Ignoring the biting provocation, I turned around. Walking to where Erwin waited for me, I tried to temper my anger.

 **Darn. This might have been the most difficult chapter to write yet. I struggled pretty hard and redid a lot of parts over again. I'd like to give a big thanks to TheeWiccaChick for helping me edit this mess. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed this first chapter in Levi's PoV! I'm not sure everyone will by happy about the new development though. This is still LevixSaph romance! Do not worry! Also, it has been a year since I started this story. Wohoo! I'm so happy that you guys have stuck around with me this long. None of this would be possible without your support and encouragement. I hope you guys enjoyed the latest chapter. It would be incredibly helpful to hear how I did with writing in Levi's perspective and if you want more in the future. I really need your guy's opinion regarding this. Thank you so much for reading, and please leave a review on your way out!**


	31. Chapter 31

Saph's PoV

With Suzu's head in my lap, I carded my fingers through his brown curls. My arms hurt from the motion, but the dull ache didn't distract me from removing the dried blood and dirt stuck to each strand. Tracing the now mature features appearing on his once childlike face, the realization that he wasn't the same helpless boy who disappeared, twisted at my heart. A bit of fuzz hinted at the ability to grow a beard like our father. Something I wouldn't have believed possible until my own eyes took it in. For the first time in six years, little Suzu tucked against my side. Contentment would have filled my weary body if our situation wasn't so dire.

"Where have you been?" I asked, tears dripping down and landing on his sullen face.

Suzu's eyelashes fluttered feeling the foreign wetness. "Hmmm?"

Quivering with excitement, I carefully maneuvered him so he could sit up. "Hey, Suzu," I greeted him warmly, not knowing exactly what to say. How do I convey this happiness?

"Saph?" Suzu tried to turn and face me. "Ouch!"

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm right here," I gently rubbed his back. "I missed you so much, Suz." Sobbing, my body shook as I tried to contain the churning emotions that made my mouth dry. Wrapping my arms around his injured body, I hugged him close. "Where have you been? What happened? I have so many questions to ask you!" Nuzzling his neck, I took in the comforting scent of my brother that still hadn't changed even with the passing of years. My nose comfortingly pressed against his pulse, I took in the fact that my brother was alive and well. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," I murmured.

Suzu's head lolled, finally finding a resting place on my shoulder. Hands, legs, and feet all tanned since I last saw him. At least we weren't Underground anymore. Once we escaped, everything would be fine. We would be happy.

"I followed you that day," Suzu whispered, he reached down to grasp my fingers with his own like he used to when he got scared. "Kenny beating you up, I saw that. It made me so mad, watching you get hurt like that, so I attacked him. Of course Kenny kicked the shit out of me without much effort, but last minute he told me he had some use for me." Suzu didn't continue, snuggling closer, I could tell that something about the last statement meant a bad memory for him. "What about you? How did you get out of that hell hole?"

Croaking out some laughs, I winced at the sharp pain. "You wouldn't believe what happened that led me to this moment."

"I really doubt it's that crazy, Sis," Suzu remarked. "Come on, I wanna hear it. As long as it won't hurt you to tell me of course."

Warmth surged hearing those comforting words coming from his bloodied lips. My brother, always the one who worried over me, even though I'm the older one. "Let's see here. After searching everywhere in the Underground for you without finding any clues, I decided that I'd work hard to come to the surface."

"Kenny only stayed there for a day after capturing me, with those wounds, you wouldn't have been able to do anything, Saph."

Swallowing hard, my nails slightly dug into his palm. "A good amount of time passed before I stumbled upon an unusual sight, three people who weren't a part of the military but each had 3DM gear, so of course I thought to myself that I should steal it."

"Did you?"

"Hahaha... no. Would've been killed if my ears hadn't picked up a secret meeting going on. Someone with power wanted Erwin Smith dead and some documents he had, and the messenger told these three people that Erwin Smith wanted them to join his Survey Corps because of their skills. Using this info, and lying some, I blackmailed them into letting me join them on their mission."

"You joined the Survey Corps? Did you meet any of the people Mom and Dad used to talk about? Wait! You fought Titans?"

"One question at a time please! Yes, I did join the Survey Corps. Now let me finish my story real quick and then I'll answer whatever you want." I mused Suzu's hair with my free hand, not wanting to let go of the one he held. "Anyways, we joined the Survey Corps. Turned out, Erwin knew about the plan all along. Two of the people got eaten by Titans on the expedition, we decided to end it for once and all. He used our little scheme to incriminate the nobel even more."

"What a sneaky bastard!"

"Isn't he?" I exclaimed without meaning too. "I don't like being around that guy."

"So did you stay?" Suzu mumbled.

Gingerly guiding the two of us to the bed of straw, I lied the both of us down. "If you want to sleep just say so."

Yawning, it took a minute before Suzu responded. "Keep telling your story. If I fall asleep we can always finish it when I wake up."

"If you say so. I did stay in the Survey Corps with that other person from the Underground. Guess who he is? Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Corporal Levi. Don't know if I turned out to be lucky or unlucky in that aspect. I'm the vice captain for the Special Operations Squad, only underneath a few people in the Survey Corps. That's right, Suzu. Your sister has definitely made her way in this world, besides the fact that I can die any moment fighting Titans."

Suzu glanced at me after hearing me mention Levi. Watching my movements, I finished, uncomfortable with the scrutiny. "I've heard of him."

"Well I'm sure you have since Kenny is his uncle and everything."

"You know about that?"

Nodding, the face of the man I slept with to gain that information popped into my head. Repressing a shudder, I curled into a ball. "Sure do. I once threatened him with a knife because I heard the two of them were related and that the Ripper had raised him."

"Does Levi know?" Suzu murmured into my skin, his warm presence comforting after all these years of searching for it.

"What do you mean?" I questioned softly, not daring to break his pondering mood.

"Kenny told me that he never told Levi that they were related."

Surprised, I bit my lip as I wondered what exactly I said when I confronted him. "I'm actually not sure if I mentioned that part?"

Suzu seemed to be much more awake now. "What is he like? I've only heard Kenny mention him once or twice. But I have heard many rumors."

"He isn't what you would expect with that title of his. Like he's super short. Almost a foot shorter than me. He also obsessively cleans everything, and I mean everything. Levi almost never jokes around, he's super blunt and gruff, but when he does? It's all poop jokes! Everyone built him up to be this superhuman that fights Titans better than anyone else when he's really not. He acts like a grumpy old man most of the time."

Suzu gave out a great belt of laughter that quickly turned into a groan when the movement pulled at his injuries. "You must really like him, Saph. You going to end up like Mom and Dad? Two kids safely living in the town while the two of you fight Titans?"

"Me and Levi aren't like that, Suzu. He's my superior and I respect him, but I'm done with the military when we get out of here. Having searched for you for so many years, and finally finding you, I don't think I can imagine another second without you. So, I'll quit the Survey Corps because you are too important for me to lose again," whimpering the last part out, I kept my tears at bay as I kissed his forehead. "I love you so much, Suzu."

Snuggling himself closer, Suzu gave me a bright smile. "I love you too, Saph."

"I spent a lot of money digging up information to find you, but I have enough tucked away that we can start a life in the city. We could get a small home, find a couple jobs, and make an honest living. We could live. We could be happy." I muttered softly into his sweaty hair. Suzu gave a soft exhale from his nostrils that worried me slightly, I peered over to see him slightly drifting off with a slight smile on his more mature face. I felt a small bit of delight at putting that easy smile on. After all these years, me being his big sis would never change.

"Go to sleep. I'll watch out for Kenny."

His eyes fluttered slightly in a dreary attempt to stay awake. "He probably won't come today."

"How do you know?"

He pulled me in closert, 'till our noses lightly touched. "Just trust me." He warm breath wafted across my cheek.

With the weight of having to find my brother finally off my shoulders, curling up next to him to take a nap sounded perfect. The dried blood made my scarce clothing uncomfortable, straw poked at my exposed skin, and the threat of Kenny torturing either me or my brother hung in the air, but the sleep I got that night could never be rivaled.

* * *

The distinct 'clank' of a metal door slamming shut woke me and Suzu from our blissful sleep. I shot to my feet defensively, years of living on the street and fighting honing my instincts. Suzu followed me up, not far behind. "Who are you?" I spat venomously, baring my teeth at the strange girl putting a tray containing two plates of food inside the cell. I didn't bother trying to hide the growl that rasped it's way out of my parched throat. My arms stretched in front of Suzu protectively. I'll be damned if they take Suzu, they'd have to kill me first.

"Kenny's too busy to bother with either of you today," she nonchalantly said to the room. "Tomorrow will be a different story." She acted like we weren't even a real threat to her. That really pissed me off, the dismissal.

"Neither of us are in any shape to deal with your sick, twisted torture techniques." I slightly moved closer to Suzu, ready to push him out of the way if needed. I didn't want it to come to that, but I would gladly offer myself up before I let this bitch or Kenny get their hands on him.

"It won't have to come to that if you just tell us what we want to know..."

My nose wrinkled in disgust, I contemplate throwing the piss bucket at her. Kenny could easily retaliate, but this bitch? I could take her down easily, especially with Suzu on my side. But if I did that, she might bring Kenny down here. "So you can dispose of us once we tell you? Not a fucking chance."

Shrugging her shoulders, the teen girl left the vicinity in silence. The door closed with a resounding 'clank', sealing us inside. If she told the truth, Suzu and I will be left undisturbed for another day.

Kneeling down, I prodded at the food and smelled it before deeming it relatively safe. Truthfully, the food didn't differ that much from what we got at the military base, but the lack of laughter and camaraderie made the tasteless meal harder to swallow.

I scraped most of my food onto the other plate and handed it over to Suzu. "Here you go, you need to keep up your strength." Seeing that him about to object to getting a bigger meal, I interrupted him with a raised hand. "Don't, Suzu. You're a growing boy."

We ate without talking, hands sticky with whatever we shoved down our gullets. I licked the remains off my grimy fingers, nothing would go to waste. The desperation reminded me of when I lived back in the Underground. Uncertain as to when the next meal would come around led to hoarding and violence. At least back at the military base, our water wasn't controlled by other people. Constant thirst itself leads to incessant suffering with little escape. Dehydration kept a person weak. So in order to keep up my strength, I drank the contents of the dirty container provided in the room (keeping in mind that Suzu would need water regularly). However, I almost accidentally spat it out when I saw that Suzu had taken off his shirt. "What are you doing?"

"You should wear it," he said, holding the worn fabric out to me. "I ate half of your food, now let me do this for you." Frayed and covered in holes, some of the parts threadbare, but the piece still had more coverage than my own outfit.

My black shorts were still holding up pretty well since all the access Kenny wanted with my legs already laid bare. Straw and dirt stuck to the cuts striping my tan flesh. My top, however, was in worse shape. Tatters held together by a few strings made up my once whole black tank top. The swells of my breast were almost completely uncovered, and if the stinging sensation on my back belied anything, most of the wounds from the whip weren't covered up."

"Are you uncomfortable with the small lumps of fat on my chest? Modesty isn't a priority, and we've seen each other naked before." I tried to casually play off his concern.

Suzu sighed, almost rolling his brown eyes at me (he might have grown in some ways but he was still a obstinate child). "It's not that. I'm just afraid someone might get some... ideas... with you looking so... vulnerable. Most guys here aren't ones you'd feel safe leaving a breathing girl around." Suzu looked distinctly uncomfortable talking to me about being a woman around skeevy men, like I haven't lived in the Underground my entire life or been in the military. It would have been endearing to see the flush of embarrassment on his much older face if I was in a better mood, but it just reminded me of our shitty situation.

"Doubt anything will happen…" I mumbled, Suzu looked at me in desperation. "But if it means that you'll worry less, I'll take it." Throwing the shirt over my head, I took a moment to breathe in the scent of Suzu.

"Are you sniffing it?" Suzu sounded slightly amused.

My head popped out of the opening. "I'm trying not to since all I can smell is sweat. Ewww."

I giggled as Suzu reached over and began to tug on the garment. "If you're going to be a rude, I'm taking it back." We began to playfully wrestle, the movements hurt but I felt a sense of nostalgia so warm flowing in my bones that I didn't stop. Tickling his side, I snorted as he thrashed around helplessly. No matter how many years pass, I'll always get the upperhand on him. "We should probably be conserving our energy," he panted out, struggling to remove my wiggling fingers.

Collapsing beside him, I heaved for breath. "Yeah, torture can take a lot out of you."

"Have you told them anything?" He sounded curious but no less concerned for my wellbeing, how cute.

Facing Suzu, I smiled gently at him. "Not a thing. I did yell at them to give you back to me."

Suzu's eyebrows rose, "most people cower when an angry Kenny is in front of them, not make demands."

"I've been looking for you for almost seven years. Kenny wanting to get intel the difficult way wasn't going to stop me." Pain couldn't be a for foreign concept for me since I've already walked through hell and back to find Suzu. What was a little more torture?

"And now you've found me." Suzu sounded proud.

"That I did, my little brother. All that's left is to get out of here." I gave a furtive glance around the dank cell.

Resting his head on his arms, Suzu glanced around the desolate cell. "That might be a little difficult. Kenny's killed hundreds of people. He might be the most powerful human being within the three Walls. There might not be a way for us to get past him. What if you just tell him what he wants to know? Try to strike a deal or something? There isn't a point in keeping the information if the two of us are dead."

Drawing closer to Suzu, I cradled him, warmth spread within my chest. "I'm not going to lose you ever again, Suzu. The information I possess is the only thing keeping us alive."

"What do they want to know?" Suzu probed me, his voice soft. "They spent all these resources and time to get you. I mean, Saph, you must have some idea how dangerous the knowledge could be."

Contemplating whether I should tell him or not, I scanned outside the jail for any intruders that could overhear the conversation. "Just some stuff. Brutus and Agni were both of my informants, but one left me and the other betrayed me."

"Why did Agni leave?" Suzu leaned closer to me, eyes bright and eager.

"Said the information became too dangerous to get for her. I guess when you're the best in the business you can be a bit pickier with who your customers are." I shrugged in a con-committal motion.

"Did you tell anyone any of it? Maybe someone will come save us?" Suzu brightened at that prospect. "Then we won't have to attack Kenny ourselves!"

The chances of Levi putting in the effort to track me down and find me were close to none. I doubted he considered us anything more than acquaintances at best, so the notion that he's frantically scouring the land for me almost made me laugh out loud. "I've told Levi. I brought him with me to visit Brutus a few times, and I told him what Agni gave me."

"Like what? Do you think he'll come?" Suzu looked happy, like a little bruised puppy-dog.

Sighing, I figured that crushing Suzu's hopes wouldn't do either of us much good at the moment. "He could. I mean he does have a lot of power in the Survey Corps with his position, but he'd have to put all the details together and figure out where we are. Unless he told Erwin or someone else what might have happened to me." Mulling over the idea, I let it sit as I addressed Suzu's other question. "Agni mostly just told me about Kenny and how he's working under the Reiss family now. I guess the reason I got involved in this mess in the first place is because Kenny kidnapped you. I thought of kidnapping the illegitimate daughter of Rod Reiss to see if I could use her as a bargaining chip. Since she got sent away, I doubted they valued her that much to begin with."

"Why is Kenny working under Reiss?"

Licking my lips, I puzzled over the missing pieces to the overall picture. "I believe you would have a better idea of that than me. He seemed to be murdering most of the noble and royal family before suddenly switching over to being on their side. Is he protecting Rod Reiss' daughter now? If they wanted her to live they wouldn't have put her in the Survey Corps."

"Do you know what she looks like? What training group she is in?" Suzu asked, a desperate tone taking over.

"No?" I trailed off, confused by his sudden burst of energy.

Sitting up suddenly, Suzu scratched the back of his neck. "That's all?"

"All that I can recall. Let's take a nap. We can come up with a plan when we wake up since I'm tuckered out." So much thinking and discussing with various wounds marred on me led to a quick depletion of energy. "You need to take a break too. Those bruises must mean you're pretty sore at the moment."

"Actually, they are pretty superficial." Suzu glanced down at himself, poking at a rather large and painful looking bruise without so much as a flinch. I did it for him, my whole body jerking away from his.

Suzu's nonchalant tone made me perk up. "What do you mean?"

"Just as I said. They weren't made to do any damage to me, but to make you think I'm trustworthy. Of course if I came in seemingly perfectly fed and taken care of, you would've been a little suspicious." He took on a matter-of-fact tone. Much like the tone somebody would use when discussing the weather.

Easing down to sit on the bed, I considered my now teen brother sitting in front of me. Him being shirtless meant that I could clearly see the marks dotting his body. What he implied… what he said was impossible. Leaning over, I gripped his pants in my closed fist as I desperately tried to keep my rising fear under control. "Why do you need to seem trustworthy, Suzu? You're my brother, of course I trust you. You're the only person in the world that I can trust. We're going to be together, Suzu. Right? Right?" I felt the sick chruning in my gut as the fear rose like bitter acid in the back of my throat. Dangerously close to throwing up on myself, I gritted my teeth.

Shaking off my grasp, he stood up. A cold demeanor had over taken the playful one that he'd portrayed moments ago.

I gasped slightly, "No Suzu… how could you do this… to your own sister?" I felt the tears prick at my eyes, threatening to fall. I forced them away, I'd rather be eaten by a fucking titan before I gave them the satisfaction of seeing me cry like a child.

"You're not the only one who can create a convincing facade. You sure were quick to spill everything, big sis. Kenny imagined that it'd take a few days at least, but nope. You held no reservation towards believing me the second I got thrown in here. Did you? I'm almost a little disappointed..." Suzu sneered. The facial expression morphed him into a Suzu that I didn't know.

Stunned at the events that were happening too fast for my mind to make out, I choked out a sob. Mind racing all that came up blurred as I scrambled towards reality. My body trembled as I curled up. I forced back a sob that threatened to retch itself from my unwilling throat. This wasn't my Suzu.

"Ethell! Get me out of here!" I flinched when Suzu yelled outside the cell.

The girl from before came hurrying in. Her stern expression had now morphed into a more frantic one. "Did she tell you?"

"Of course. I wouldn't be yelling at you otherwise," Suzu said, quite irritated.

Huffing at his annoyance, the aforementioned Ethell put the key in and opened the door wide enough for him to squeeze past like she thought I might try to escape. Pulling out a small gun, she aimed it at my head. "Guess she's not needed now."

Despair weighed me down, I almost wanted her to pull the trigger. To end everything. But I couldn't. Suzu couldn't be doing this to me. He just couldn't. My baby brother had to be at my side. He was supposed to be at my side, never leaving me by myself. Convinced that this was some sort of fever dream that my mind cruelly created, I pleaded for anyone listening that when I awoke, Suzu would be safely tucked against my side. But the heavy pain in my heart let me know that this harsh real existed and wouldn't go away any time soon. Surrendering, I waited for the sound that would end my pitiful existence.

"Wait," Suzu interrupted, lowering her gun away from me. "Let's see what Kenny says when he gets back."

Trying to catch his eye, I just needed an indicator that this happened to be some sort of game, a trick. All I got was Suzu turning his back to me and walking away with the girl out the door.

Once the door clicked shut, I began to wail. I banged my fist against the stone walls. "Suzu. Suzu! Suzu! Please don't do this! I love you!"

 **Sorry about the super duper late update guys. I've been traveling, and this chapter turned out to be way longer than I first expected it to be. I have already sent the 32nd chapter to my wonderful beta, TheeWiccaChick (who was awesome in helping out with this one), so the wait shouldn't be as long for the next chapter. Anyways, thanks for all the support you guys, even with me being absent for most of the month, you readers were just wonderful. Hopefully, I won't go anywhere that doesn't have a good connection with wifi anytime soon. I hope everyone has enjoyed this chapter, and please leave a review on your way out!**


	32. Chapter 32

Saph's PoV

"Why isn't she dead yet?" Kenny asked Suzu and Ethell, a sneer on his ugly face.

All three stood outside my jail cell, peering in as if I were a caged animal. As if I weren't a human being whose hopes were shattered against the filthy floor of the cell I shared with my brother… who I thought was my brother. Shoulders hunched inwards, I sighed dejectedly. Maybe my time to die had arrived. I survived the Underground and fought Titans for years. But this would be the end of me. Without the energy to muster up a glare, I stared glassy eyed at the intruders of my 'fruitless misery' session.

Ethell pointed towards my brother. "He said that we could use her."

"For what? She's just a waste of space now. Practically dead too. The state she's in now means she wouldn't be any fun to play around with anymore," Kenny drawled, making it sound like they had forgotten to take the trash out instead of dispose a human being.

Suzu stepped forward. "Well remember that body you found two days ago? I figured we could use her to test out if it's the real thing or not."

Kenny's unexpected bark of laughter startled the two teens. "For being her blood relative, that's a pretty fucked-up thing to say. If that boy isn't from the village then she'll turn into a mindless monster. If he is, then she'll be eaten. Doesn't matter since she'd be dead either way." Kenny spoke casually.

"It's better than one of us trying it out," Suzu shrugged his shoulders. "Did you have someone else in mind for that task?"

Staring at my brother suspiciously, Kenny wrinkled his nose in thought. "Quite a despairing, depressing way to die I'd say. I like it! We will start right away. I want to get this over with, and that dead body is starting to stink up the hallway."

"What if she controls it though?" Ethell asked, a worried edge to her voice.

"The chances of that happening are slim. She doesn't know what's happening to her much less be capable of escaping with the ability with all of us in the area," Suzu sharply silenced her fears.

Not comprehending what they referred too, I paid only sort of attention to the conversation going on. My very own little brother calmly discussing my death didn't interest me because I had nothing else to live for. For what reason did I endure hardships if it only led to this miserable ending? Never again would I hear Hanji drone on about Titans. Never have Auruo call me ugly. Never have Petra give me a comforting smile. Never have Eld sneak me an extra roll to take on my morning run. Never see Levi again. Never ever see Levi again. Touch. Smell. Hear. Talk to. Never again. Maybe he'd be happier that way. Live a fulfilling and joyful life with Petra. They'd retire from the Survey Corps in a few years. Buy a house in town where they would raise two kids and a cat. Maybe I'll get the cat named after me. That'll be nice. Has a nice ring to it. Saph the cat. Named after their comrade who never came home after her walk. My lips twisted into a smile.

The cell door swinging open broke me out of my half-baked delusions. Ethell approached me with a rope in hand. Just because I knew death awaited me no matter what didn't mean I would make it easy for the bitch. Striking my leg out, I hit her the kneecap full force. The blow made her crumble to the ground where I took hold of her black hair and slammed her face onto the stone to try and knock her unconscious or dead, either would work for me. Blood spurted everywhere indicating that I had broken her nose in my brutal endeavor. Swiftly getting up, I dodged Suzu's outstretched hand to grab the pail full of shit in the corner. Intending to hit Suzu or Kenny with it, I stopped short when a grip on my ankle made me stumble. Ethell didn't let go even when the contents of my bucket began to slosh, spilling over the sides and splattering on her back.

Finally getting ahold of my wrist, Suzu attempted to twist my arm behind me, the struggle led to me dropping my makeshift weapon. A pained grunt below us could be heard as the item hit Ethell, tipping over and sloshing the disgusting contents everywhere. My cuts stretched open, weeping red, when Suzu forced me up against the wall. Gritting my teeth, my sore muscles screamed in agony while I struggled against the hold my brother had on me. The strength I had felt during our playful wrestling, now made itself known full force as he subdued me with almost relative ease. Part of the problem rested in my instinct to not injure my brother, precious seconds wasted away with me trying to get loose without putting my little brother through any pain. Of course even when driven into a corner because of him, I couldn't shake loose the years of familial bond and love.

My adrenaline boost seemed to be waning as my feet couldn't find enough purchase to advance forward. Straw poked at my skin when I dug my heels into the ground, dirt piling up underneath as I scrambled for an advantage. Panicking when my nails scraped against the marks made by the others before me, I accidentally kneed him in the crotch.

"Shit," Suzu muttered underneath his breath while wincing.

Unprepared, the blow caused him to loosen his constraint enough to let me easily shake him off. My freedom was cut short, however, when an arm pressed against my neck, cutting my air supply off. Dragging his limb upwards, Kenny lifted me until my feet dangled uselessly above the grimy floor.

"Now, now. Can't help but try to prevent the inevitable, eh?" Kenny smirked, inches away from my face.

Clinging to the unforgiving arm blocking me from breathing, I snarled. My lungs begged for air, but the encroaching death didn't feel real. Only in the back of my mind did I know this could kill me, but I didn't care. Hell awaited for me and my one goal was to make it the hardest possible task to send me there. Breaking eye contact with the serial killer, I glanced towards my brother who cautiously approached the man.

"Don't kill her yet."

"And here I thought you two would be able to handle the simple task of restraining her. God dammit, Ethell, you smell worse than a horse's asshole. Go upstairs and clean yourself up." Kenny set me down. "Suzu, you tie her." Keeping me in place, Kenny scrutinized me for any signs of rebellion.

Complacent, I felt the scratchiness of the rope they were using to bind me encircle my wrists. Finally, Kenny turned away from me. The way he left his back defenseless enraged me. His casual way of showing that he didn't find me a threat made me want to spit on his retreating form. Before I could attempt to do anything, Suzu pushed me forward.

In a straight line we trekked through the winding hallways, heading deeper and deeper from where the dungeon had been. The smell of wet earth invaded my nose as we began to go down a long flight stairs. Nobody passed the three of us while we walked to our destination. Careful not to slip on any of the cracked, crumbling steps, I bumped into Kenny in front of me.

Startled, I reeled backwards to smack into Suzu's chest, his chin knocking into the back of my head. "Ow," he complained, trying to steady me.

"Whoops! Sorry, Suzu," I laughed. The silent tension now bursting into a fanatical hysteria. "How are you feeling where I kneed you? Must still be a little sore."

Suzu remained quiet in the face of my inquiries. Not letting me turn around to face him, he tugged on my wrist to steer me. Only the light offered from the lamps helped guide us on our way.

"It's not unusual for me to be concerned for your health, obviously, because I am your big sister. When you have the time, put ice on it or something. You don't want an ugly bruise forming. That could make it difficult to piss I'm guessing."

Kenny whirled around, his face twisted in anger. Though I saw the attack coming; I could do nothing to protect my face when his knuckles crashed against my jaw, my neck snapping back painfully due to the force. Teeth clacking together, a sharp brutal pain shooting through my entire skull. Stumbling, I crash into the chilled ground.

"You only have to be half-alive for this to work, so if I were you, I'd shut the hell up," Kenny seethed.

Disoriented, I couldn't focus enough to try and stand up. Fed up with me sitting there, Suzu wrenched me up, somewhat carrying, somewhat dragging me onwards. Thankfully, we didn't have to go far before we reached wherever the two of them wanted to go.

What had been a small passageway before suddenly opened up into a huge cavern. The ceiling must have been at least 20 meters high with no hint of sunlight shining above. Pure rock kept me away from my freedom. Occupied with my surroundings, I'd been lead up to the single chair in the center before realizing it. Leather straps dangled from the arms and legs of the sturdy wood, bloodstains could be seen splattered across the material, soaked in until nothing could scrub them away.

"Here we go!" Kenny jeered, untying the rope before shoving me down until I sat on the only piece of furniture in the entire area. The freedom didn't last long; without pausing in his movements, Kenny wrapped the straps snug against my skin. So tight that it pinched, it hurt! The sudden realization that pain hadn't registered in my mind since Suzu left flitted inside my brain like a fluttering bird trapped in a cage. Bashing my hands against the wall in desperation for him to come back, the fight inside the cell, the punishment while walking towards my death, pain happened but by my own choice I chose to not avoid it even when my body screamed for it to stop. This experience differed in the torture since I fought against that agony, but now, I seemed to be numb to it until the clenching dug in. That sensation awoke me to a new feeling all together: fear. I didn't want to die. I knew it had been coming, but now I didn't want it to happen.

Suzu stood in front of me, alive and well. Didn't I endure to make sure his life could be a pleasant one? Just because the situation didn't turn out the way I expected, meant that all hope disintegrated into the abyss? But now, my chances of altering my fate had slimmed down since I allowed myself to be tied up to this chair. However, I could bide my time, be patient. I searched for my brother for almost seven years with no sure sign he still lived, I could wait to escape with him in tow.

"It was your idea, so you inject her with it," Kenny ordered, handing Suzu a syringe with a strange yellow liquid inside it. "Make sure there aren't any air bubbles while I go get the body."

Once Kenny disappeared in the only apparent exit/entrance, I concentrated on Suzu. "It's going to be alright," I assured him. Since he left me behind with Ethell, I hadn't properly viewed him. Dark circles encased his brown eyes, giving him a haggard, aged disposition that didn't exist before. Unruly tufts of hair stuck out in various directions, untamed in their desperation to stay in place.

"For me, yes. For you, I'm not so sure," he monotonously remarked, never giving me a bit of emotion.

"No matter what happens, I love you."

My statement didn't get answered since Kenny came in while pushing a wheelbarrow. A corpse that seemed to be of a woman in her thirties could be seen from my position. The limbs stuck out in an awkward, stiff manner, betraying the fact that she didn't die recently, but not long enough to start decomposing into a revolting mess.

Dumping the body a few feet away from me, Kenny gave a satisfied grin. "You ready for our little experiment?"

"Let's get on with this," Suzu sighed, approaching me.

What I didn't expect was Kenny cautiously backing away into the small doorway. Now a bit more terrified of the strange liquid, I couldn't contain my trembling when Suzu lifted the needle up. Shots were few and far between in the world, but I had experienced enough to know what to expect. Unsure of how I might be affected when I get injected, caused previously unknown terror at the sight of the thin metal tube piercing my skin.

"Remember, Suzu, I'll always love you," I reminded him, right before he pushed the plunger down. The reaction took place instantly. It felt like molten iron replaced the blood in my body. Arching my spine, the cuffs barely held as I let out a wail. Too consumed with what was happening inside me, I didn't see Suzu sprint out of the cavern. The chair, eventually, toppled over while I was consumed by my anguish, making me bash my skull and send me into sweet, unconsciousness. My last introspection revolved around a pair of cloudless grey eyes consumed in grief.

* * *

"Saph! Wake up!" My little seven year old brother urged.

I didn't want to wake up, a man named Kenny had hurt me until I could only crawl back to our safe place in the Underground. I'd get going when I healed and rested for some time. Just a little bit longer of a rest before I head back out again to try and get some food. At least enough to feed Suzu for a night. My belly always seemed to be empty since our parents died. Mom and Dad tried so hard to make sure we lived a happy childhood before having to either become a farmer or join the military like them.

"Saph! Saph!" Oh how incessant he could be. No one would think he was the same meek four year old who would cower in corners when we first came down here. He's so brave. I bet if I died, Suzu could survive on his own and find a way out of this hole.

A splash of cold water awakened me from my self-absorbed apparition. Sitting up, I found myself back in a cell. Not ten, but almost seventeen. Suzu crouched in front of me, his eyes creased in worry. Not seven, but fourteen. The stench that reminded me too much of the Underground brought back everything that had transpired. Being captured by Kenny and tortured for information, Suzu getting thrown in with me, then telling him all the details I knew, then Suzu betraying me for that fucker Kenny, then the two of them taking me down to a large cavern and Suzu injecting me with some strange yellow liquid, then… then nothing? I couldn't remember? There had been a dead female body, but I don't know how I got back here.

"What happened?" I asked. The two of us were all alone, no Ethell or Kenny in sight.

Suzu dropped his head low until it rested in my lap as if we had gone back to the way we were seven years ago. "I'm so sorry!" he cried out, slightly muffled by my thighs. "There didn't seem to be another way! Kenny didn't trust me around you, even when I gave him all the information you told me. I couldn't think of anything else but this to make him believe I didn't care for you! You have to understand, Saph, I didn't want to do this to you."

"It's okay," I murmured numbly, rubbing gentle circles on his back, "I forgive you."

He sat up so fast that my nose grazed his hair. "You don't know what I've done to you."

Confused, I inspected myself for any signs of changes, each cut, each pore seemed exactly the same. No more wounds had appeared since I fainted, so no clues to what he despaired about. "I'm not sure what you're going on about, Suzu, but it's okay." I embraced him in an attempt to remove his misery and to cement the fact in that my fantasies ran their course and now reality awaited me. Suzu still loved and cared for me, he didn't betray me, but did what appeared to be necessary for us to escape.

"I'll explain it to you later," Suzu whispered, removing himself from my arms by standing up. "First, we have to get out of here before Kenny finds us." Panic bloomed in his eyes while his features tightened in terror at the mere idea his insubordination would be found out by that man. "If he finds us, I'm going to have to pretend to be on his side if we have any hope of getting out alive."

"I'm sure we would be able to take him if the two of us were together."

Suzu opened my cell door, my words stilling him completely when they reached his ears. "He's more dangerous than Titans, Saph. Levi might be the strongest soilder, but Kenny is the strongest human being. I've seen him take down fifty highly trained soldiers armed with guns like they were babies. I… I'm so terrified of him that I never once tried to run away. It's like he controls people with his bloodlust."

Miffed that he thought Kenny could beat Levi in a fight, I attempted to not appear skeptical. "Okay. We'll just have to be careful." Right when I placed my foot outside into the corridor, a large crash sounded from upstairs. Shouts and screams could be heard paired with the smell of gunpowder invading the area. I froze up.

"Get back in there! I'll see what's going on," Suzu ordered me as he locked the jail door, hastily.

Incapable of relaxing with the sounds of war happening all around us, I braced myself for the worst when Suzu sprinted towards the noise. Antsy without him in my sight and no clue what was happening, I shook the iron bars while trying to peer into the distance of where my little brother disappeared to. He came back a few seconds later but they felt like an eternity with my concern growing insurmountably.

"What is it?" I couldn't help but ask as he struggled to take a breath.

Suzu jerked up, his exclamation, raspy, but clear, "It's the Survey Corps!"

 **The story has finally reached over 100,000 words! Wohoo! This is a bit of a shorter chapter, but I do have a fondness for cliffhangers. For those of you who have read the manga, I'm sure you can figure out what has transpired. For those of you who just watched the anime, it'll be a surprise. Anyways, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Please leave a review on your way out!**


	33. Chapter 33

**To prevent any confusion from happening, I'll just tell you right now that it has been about a week since Kenny kidnapped Saph.**

Saph's PoV

Hearing my brother's words echo within the dungeon, my mouth went dry and I felt the urge to cry in pure relief. Things were going to get better; they were gonna improve. Instead of letting my weak tired bones disintegrate into a heap, I quickly motioned for my brother to unlock the cell door. "We should try to escape and find them. It'll be easier to fight back if there are more people."

"They are probably getting slaughtered by Kenny right now," Suzu whispered, seemingly unsure of the change in plans. "I think we should consider this a distraction and just try to go by ourselves."

Images of my comrades bodies butchered by Kenny the Ripper made me grip the bars of my cage as I staggered underneath the weight of loss. Levi, defeated and dead, blood matting his black hair matching the weeping wounds of bullet holes in him. Petra's warm gaze dulled by her murder. Hanji and Eld with bits and pieces of their organs scattered across the room, frames slumped in unforgiving pools of red. Auruo mouth hanging open in a shattered scream. As much as I fought it, I cared for some of them. Not as nearly as much as Suzu, no, but their deaths would haunt me.

Shivering, I grieved the idea of what could happen to them in their attempt to save me. The man I loved and my best friend fought to get me back. I couldn't leave them. Even Eld's and Hanji's death would sadden me (yeah, yeah, maybe Aurou's would too a little bit). Shaking my head, I responded to my brother's questioning gaze at my silence, "We have to check. I'm not going to abandon them."

"It's dangerous, Saph! If you go up there you could get killed!"

"And when has that ever stopped me? You don't have to come with. Actually, I would prefer if you got out now. Meet up with me at the Survey Corps where we would be safe."

Suzu contemplated his options. Weighing the key in his hand as he listened closely to the commotion happening above us. "No. We aren't going to separate after looking for each other all these years. Just promise me you won't get killed."

"I can't-"

"Promise me that you won't die or I'm not going to let you leave. I don't care what happens to them, and I won't let you sacrifice yourself for them even if that means you'll hate me forever."

"I could never hate you, Suzu," I murmured, reaching my fingers between the metal bars separating me from him.

He took the offered comfort, gripping them reflexively. "Just promise me, Saph. I know it's impossible, but I just want to hear you say it."

"I promise, Suzu."

My meek reassurance soothed his worry enough that he began to unlock the door, his movements jerking with every gun shot going off above. Shifting in unadulterated anxiousness, I eagerly awaited my release from the imprisonment. Any weariness still residing in my veins disappeared the second I stepped out of my confines. Instead, bloodlust came to replace it, making me curl my fingers until they resembled something like claws. I'd gouge eyes out and rip limbs off if it became necessary for me to leave this awful place.

Lifting up my head, I strained for the sounds of what seemed to be footsteps coming closer and closer. Suzu noticed my peaked interest and located the reason for my new onset wariness.

"It doesn't sound like Kenny," he murmured as if in an attempt to reassure himself that the bastard couldn't hurt him. Like I'd let Kenny touch him much less injure him.

"Do you have any weapons that I could arm myself with?"

Suzu pulled out a knife before lifting it towards me, handle pointed out. "This is all I have."

"Then you keep it." I waved the weapon away.

"You sure?"

"Torture and weird experiments take a lot out of a girl. I'm sure you have a lot more energy to fight them off if it comes to that."

Stepping ahead of me, Suzu tucked the blade into the waistband of his pants, yet never removed his hand from its spot. "Let's see who it is first before we attempt anything rash."

Without any sort of caution or delicacy, the door crashed open to reveal a frantic Ethell. It was only the gun she had in front of her that made me resist from jumping towards her to break her neck.

"Suzu? What are you doing?" Her finger itched towards the trigger. "Why is she out of the cell?"

Leaning towards the right a little, I kept Suzu's body in line of her sight so she couldn't notice that my hands were free. I hoped that she'd think I was restrained like a prisoner should be. It would have been good to drop my gaze from a blood thirsty glare, but I held no restraint towards placing the weapon within my vision at all times. Instead of looking like a defeated subject of depression, I hungrily took in the gun, smelling the heavy scent of gunpowder in the air.

Gesturing towards the ceiling, Suzu maintained a calm composure. "Before all the ruckus upstairs started, Kenny told me to retrieve her so we could transfer her power to someone else. Did someone start a fight about who's going to get it? Is that why I hear shots ringing off every ten seconds?"

Ethell scrunched her eyebrows in a way that ruined the effects of the dangerous air surrounding her. "Of course not. The Survey Corps came to rescue your sweet big sis."

Tilting my head up, I attempted to act surprised at the news, an unexpected gift that decided to plop in my lap.

"I would think that you'd be able to manage them without having them get so close to the dungeons," Suzu growled out.

"They're in combat more often than any of us. If you want to try your hand at subduing any of them, you're welcome to go up there and fight while I stay here with her." Her smug taunt resulted in Ethell loosening her hold on the revolver.

Figuring this might be the only chance I'd receive, I took it. Shifting to the right side of Suzu, I struck out my leg to kick her in the stomach. Before she could realign her weapon to put a bullet in my body, I gripped her wrist to yank it away from me and Suzu. Using my other hand to crush her windpipe, I backed her into the wall.

With the use on one free arm, she tightened her fingers into a fist and punched me in the face. Since she didn't have much momentum (with solid brick in her way) the hit didn't have enough juice to make me stumble, only daze me a little. Wrenching her gun arm free from my grip, she wrestled it closer to me before letting out a single shot. Pain rippled across the ribs on my left side as the bullet grazed my skin.

Suzu finally jumped into action. Without giving her the time to aim at either of us, he pinned the weapon to the brick, wincing when the blasted thing went off a few times more until it just began to emptily click away.

"Shit," I growled out, backing up a little so Suzu could help me restrain her. Pressing a hand to the wound, I hissed at the sensation. "I thought I could get it away from here before she used up all of the ammunition. Wanted to save some to use it on you fuckers, but of course you couldn't make it easy for me." Clutching her face, I repeatedly slammed her skull back into the dirt encrusted enclosure.

"Are we going to kill her?" Suzu hesitantly asked me, not stopping me when I beat her senseless.

Reaching my palm out, I gestured for the knife. "Of course. Can't have her following us or alerting anyone of our escape."

Wordlessly, Suzu handed me the blade.

"Please Suzu. Please," Ethell begged.

"Now I wish there was some way for me to give you the pure experience of what I've dealt with while down here, but you're lucky since I don't have the time for that. However, that's not going to stop me from making it a painful death though."

Blood squirted everywhere when I stabbed into her abdomen. Then her chest. After that it was just metal sinking into muscle and flesh because the mess made didn't let me discern what exactly my weapon sunk into. Her screams waned in time with my attacks and soon they stopped all together. My arms began to ache as I swung down over and over again letting her inner intestines spill out onto the floor.

Finally, the haze of hatred subsided enough that pure satisfaction took over. Spitting out the chunks of the dead girl lying in front of me, I tipped my head back, breathing heavy from all the exertion and excitement. Running my red soaked fingers through my sweaty hair, I grinned. Before I could speak however, Suzu grabbed the knife from me and moved towards the entrance.

"There are more people coming," he whispered.

We leaned forward, straining to hear how many enemies might be approaching.

"She has to be down here. We've practically looked everywhere else."

"Wait," I tugged on Suzu's shirt to get his attention, "it sounds like Petra." And just like I said, Petra walked right on in. However, she wasn't the only one, not to far behind her was Levi. Seeing the two of them alive and unharmed, I broke into a genuine smile. "I'm glad that you guys aren't injured. It sure does sound like a war is going on above us."

The two of them froze, wearing matched shocked expressions as they took in the sight of me and a teen boy behind me. "Saph? What… what happened to you?"

Not knowing if she referred to the blood bathing my body or the parallel wounds lining my limbs, I pointed at Ethell's lifeless body, "well I killed that girl because she would have prevented us from escaping if given the opportunity." I lifted my arms to give them a clearer view of the raw scars, "physical torture also sort of happened."

"That's not your blood?" Levi asked, approaching me cautiously.

"I kind of got shot, but it's not deep, so no, most of it isn't mine."

"Are you okay?" Petra whispered in a strained tone.

"Definitely not, but it's going to get better because," I grabbed Suzu's arm to pull him forward, "I found my little brother!" Vision suddenly swam up and down in front of my face, I stumbled underneath the dizzying effect.

Noticing my dilema, Levi steadied me by cradling my elbow. "We still need to get you to a doctor as soon as possible."

"Careful! I'm covered in filth, and I know you hate getting dirty."

Giving me the once over, he just sighed in defeat.

Suzu glowered at Levi. "Who are you?"

"That's Levi! And that's Petra!" I gestured towards the two individuals in turn. "I thought you guys might die while trying to save me," I confessed in a somber tone.

Petra wrapped her cloak around my shivering shoulders. "We are fine, Saph, and we are going to get you and your brother out of here."

Weak with blood loss and malnutrition, I leaned heavily on Levi's body. "I thought I got abandoned," I murmured just loud enough for only him to hear.

"You're an idiot," he mumbled right back at me, my delirium meant I believed I could hear a hint of affection in his voice.

"How are we going to get out of here with Saph so weak?"

"I can answer that for you, you're not."

We all jumped in surprise, unaware of the intruder that had entered our surroundings. Suzu pulled out his knife, but his hands could barely keep ahold of it with all the shaking his body was doing. Ignoring him, Kenny gave a sharp smile at Levi.

"It's been awhile Levi! I'd say that you've grown up, but that would require you to actually grow a few inches!" Nobody responded while he barked out some dry laughter at his own joke.

"Old man, you better get the fuck out of our way," Levi growled out, handing me to Petra in the process.

"Now, now. That's no way to speak to the guy who raised you! Is it?"

Petra softly gasped next to me, but I didn't have the time to deal with her astonishment at the new knowledge.

"I really didn't think the Survey Corps had the balls to attack our little fortress here, but I guess I was partially right since it's only the Special Operations Squad that's laying siege. Now following commands like a dog, hmmm, boy?"

Gritting his teeth, Levi glared at the man in front of him. "I don't have to answer to you."

"Guess I'll just have to get it out of you like I got it out of your second in command over there."

Kenny drew his knife while Levi pulled out his swords used for killing Titans. The longer reach might have usually given him the advantage in normal situations, but the tight quarters made them more of a hassle than an asset. It seemed the battle leaned towards Kenny's favor.

"Stab him, Suzu! Help Levi!" I yelled out in a panic hearing Levi grunt with the exertion needed to keep Kenny away from him. Petra stepped out of the way, stunned and not knowing what to do. Hand to hand combat was not her forte.

Taking a tentative step towards the fighting pair, Suzu raised his knife.

"Now, Suzu, you've been such a good boy all these years. You're going to give it up for your worthless big sister over there? What about getting the power to protect yourself? Making it so you can't be abandoned ever again?"

"Suzu, I didn't abandon you! I never left you on purpose," I cried out.

Tears spilled over his dusty cheeks. "You might not have, but mom and dad did. They were supposed to care for us, and you were to weak to protect the both of us."

I didn't know. I didn't know that our parent's death still lingered in Suzu's nightmares and reality. Yes, I caused him to get kidnapped. But our parent's downfall led to it. They tried their best, and so did I, but that didn't mean we didn't fail Suzu. Who knew what Kenny did to him for all these years. All the suffering he endured.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I begged, "please don't make Levi pay for my mistakes. It's not his fault. If you want to hurt someone, hurt me."

Kenny shoved Levi away from him, quickly the man turned to grab Suzu's collar. "This is your chance to redeem yourself. If you think you can leave here and live a happy life with your sister, I'll tell you right now that you're wrong. There's nothing I hate more than someone who thinks they're above listening to me. I always hunt them down to make them pay. Is that what you want?"

"Forgive me, Kenny," Suzu pleaded, snot dribbling out of his nose.

"No," I screeched, finding the energy to grab onto Suzu before he could strike to kill the man I loved.

With my frail state, however, it took no inconvenience at all for Suzu to thrust me off of him. Stumbling backwards, I tripped over the shovel in front of my cell. Without thinking, I heaved it up into the air. Desperate for a solution where none seemed to lay.

"Kill him," Kenny ordered, shiting their positions until it left Levi's back wide open.

Raising the shovel above my head, I smacked Suzu with it, hoping that it'd daze him enough that I could get the knife away from him. Instead, he crumpled to the floor, limbs splaying out awkwardly. Petra screamed and both Levi and Kenny paused in the midst of their battle.

"Suzu?" I kneeled down next to him, tapping his unmoving shoulders lightly. "Suzu? You need to get to up. We need to get out of here." Lowering my ear to his mouth, I searched for the sweet sounds of breathing. None. "I'm sorry, Suzu, I didn't mean…" Blood trickled out of his mouth. Hyperventilating, I looked up to see both Levi's and Petra's horrified expressions. "I just meant to stop you," I moaned, dragging Suzu's body into my lap. The dent in his head rested against my thigh. Nothing could stop the flow of red liquid seeping into the cracks of the floor.

"Kenny!" Rod Reiss shouted down the corridor. "Get me out of here!"

"What about the girl?" Kenny questioned, glancing at me.

"Leave her!"

Following the orders, Kenny left without a care in the world.

Sobbing, I clutched onto my little brother's body. "This isn't what I wanted to happen." Pressing kiss after kiss onto his forehead, I pleaded for him to move, to wake up. "I love you so much, Suzu. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I was supposed to protect you!"

Levi bent down, his grip strong on my shoulder. "Thank you for saving me."

"Kill me."

Taken back by my request, Levi shook his head. "I'm not going to do that, Saph," he gruffly rejected me.

"I murdered my little brother! Why have I endured all these years if I was just going to end up alone, anyways? What have I been searching for so long?"

Neither of them could answer my scattered questions. Petra stepped forward to comfort me, "It was an accident! You were only meaning to stop him from killing Levi."

I didn't say anything in response, only brushing my fingers in Suzu's brown hair, ignoring the clear mark the shovel had made in his head. Nothing justified smashing his skull in. I could only hope he didn't feel any pain.

Wrestling me away from Suzu's body, Levi dragged me along with him. "This isn't the time to grieve or for regrets. We need to get you out of here, Hanji, Eld, and Auruo can only hold them off for so long."

"Go without me! Let them kill me!" I screamed uselessly into the air thick with death as we left my little brother's body behind. "I want to die!"

 **Sorry about the delay. I can't promise it won't happen again since school has started, but I am going to still update frequently. I couldn't get ahold of my beta, so I apologize for any mistakes made. I'd love to hear your guy's thoughts on this chapter since it's a pretty big development. Some of you guys guess the plot twist about Suzu actually being on Saph's side the whole time, but I believe this one was a little bit more unexpected. Hopefully. Anyways, I love you guys and I hope everyone enjoyed the upate!**


	34. Chapter 34

Saph's PoV

My arms laid limply by my side, the new bandages, crisp and white, so unlike the bloodied rags I made out of the ones wrapped when I got out of that hell. Slouching in my upright position in my bed, I could feel the hard wood of the frame pressed into my arched spine. A firm surface digging into my bruised skin. The creaking of it so unlike the sound of my stone cell. I might've been home, but I held no happiness in my heart about my return. My surroundings and people didn't give me the comfort I'd yearned for not too long ago.

"Are you done?" Levi asked, coldly, noticing my posture of defeat and weariness. Forced to stand watch over me since he happened to be the only one who could somewhat restrain me in my fits of suicidal rage and depression, he saw all my grief in its unadulterated form. Fits led to me clawing at my wounds to open them in the hopes of bleeding out and rejoining my brother in the afterlife. All attempts cut short by the man in front of me. They used a lot of resources to find and rescue me, it'd all be a waste if I just killed myself in the end.

The suppression of my murderous rages had come from a simple revelation peeled open within the depths of my thoughts. Not yet ready to share my inkling to the tired Levi, I instead mused over what I'd have to do. The splashes of brown and red seeped onto my sheets caught my interest, pulling at my consciousness to study the colors I'd become intimately familiar with. They'd stopped cleaning and changing the bedding after the third day. Weak but filled with a strong enough desire to fight the clutches of life, I made a fine mess of my room. It surprised me that Levi hadn't started cleaning it on his own yet. Levi. He would want to know why the change of heart. I owed him my life and that meant I'd give up some information, but not enough for him to be able to stop me. I loved him. I knew that, and yet I felt to urge to claim him. I just wanted the comfort of his presence.

A knock on the door startled me from my mind and signalled the presence of an unwanted visitor. Peeking his head over, the doctor grimaced at me. "How is my least favorite patient doing?"

Neither Levi nor I answered him. Instead, Levi approached my side with the doctor in case I tried to attack the health professional like last time.

"I see that you have already bandaged her wounds with some new cloth. Hmmm? Were you trying to kill yourself again little one?"

Refusing to acknowledge his morbid question, I left it to Levi if he wanted to respond or not. My complacent actions didn't match my stubborn silence but they both seemed uneasy about the simplicity of my check-up compared to the others before it.

"Hanji put them on yesterday morning," Levi gruffly responded. "Nothing happened then or today to indicate she'd like to die."

"Well it's nice to hear that you're not trying to murder yourself and everyone around you."

I gave a toothy grin at him. "Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that."

He hurried up and left after that. I began to hysterically laughing when he pretty much lunged for the door, muttering about how he wasn't getting paid enough to deal with shit like this.

Cutting myself off when the room once again contained only two people, I swung my legs to the side of the bed.

"What made you change your mind?"

"Someone sounds quite curious. But then again, everyone else has been shouting about how suicide isn't the answer when you've remained quiet except for calling me an idiot." Stumbling to my dresser, I pulled off my nightgown to put on a pair of pants and a loose fitting t-shirt. If I put anything tight, it'd clearly show the outline of my haggard form. "If I die now, I won't be able to face Suzu. There are a few things I have to do first before I get to off myself."

He may have remained silent, but I knew him well enough that he was curious about what I had to attend to first. Grabbing my bottle of pills, I tucked them into my pocket. I'd definitely be needing those for this long day. Breakfast was an hour ago and I wouldn't have the chance to eat lunch.

"Revenge mostly. Sorry, Levi, I know Kenny raised you and all that stuff, but I'm going to make that fucker die in a very painful way. Not that I think you'll try to stop me since he almost stabbed you just over 2 weeks ago. I already took care of Ethell." I pointed at Levi. "You remember Ethell right? That girl whose guts were all over the ground when you found me? Anyways, bet she's not missed since she seemed quite the bitch. Then you got Brutus and Rod Reiss who have to be taken care of. It's obviously going to be easier to take care of one than the other two, but you gotta start somewhere. You know?"

"Where are you going?"

Rubbing my thumb over the handle of my trusty knife, I smiled. "I know you won't be going around spreading the word. That doesn't mean I trust that you won't try to stop me yourself. That's why I just gave you the rundown, but I'm not giving out the details. You wouldn't want those anyways. Besides, you heard the doctor, I have enough of my strength back that I can do most stuff without help."

"I don't believe that included inducing a bloodbath which you know isn't going to bring your brother back."

"That's not what I'm aiming for. I want to be able to look into his eyes and tell him I delivered justice."

Levi shook his head. "That isn't justice."

"Maybe in a perfect world, but in this one, it's as close as it's ever going to get." I left, only to almost run into Petra in the hallway.

"Where are you headed?"

"Does it matter? Who are you to keep track of my comings and goings?"

Petra glanced up towards Levi who headed out of my bedroom and joined us in the hallway.

"Just let her go," Levi said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I don't want you getting involved in this."

Anger mad Petra's brow furrow. She seemed suspicious of Levi's words as she stared down at me. "Where are you going?"

Huffing as she moved to block my exit, I growled low under my breath, "It doesn't concern you."

"You've just begun to heal! Go back to bed, Saph. Please."

My efforts to push past her were in vain. Stumbling as she resisted, I tripped over my own feet to hit my side against the wall. Slouching down, I struggled to remain composed as Petra infuriating refused to let me go.

Petra leaned down to softly grip my arms. "Come on. Let's get you back to bed."

"Don't! Don't touch me. Don't act like you know what I'm dealing with. Don't get involved," I shrieked while throwing my hands about. One of them accidentally caught Petra under her chin, forcing her head to snap back. She let go, only to tumble backwards, barely avoiding falling to the floor.

Harshly slammed back, Levi pressed a forearm against my neck hard enough to still my breath. Memories of Kenny doing the same flashed instantly to the forefront of my mind. Taken back to those days of never ending agony, I couldn't see or hear anything but my desperation to break free. Dragging my nails across Levi's forearm, I panicked completely. All I could do was resist the barrier blocking my freedom.

"Calm down," the order barked at me settled my nerves instantaneously. Once I stopped flailing, Levi let me go. "Remember, you're here, not there."

Focusing on those solid grey eyes brought me back to the present. Inhaling sharply, I let my fear evaporate. I gave a small nod to my Captain to signal that I my nerves were settled for the moment.

Recognizing my fit was over, Levi rushed to Petra's side. He inspected the bruise forming on her jaw, all deft movement, but something clicked in my head seeing how he maneuvered around the short statured woman. A gentleness I'd never seen since his interactions with Isabel. Those hard lines and bored expression relaxing to an easy kindness.

"Are you two going out?" My words held a bite to them but I couldn't help but sound somewhat amused. Of course they couldn't be. They'd just grown closer over my disappearance. Right?

Petra made a small gasping sound, her lips parted to give me answers with none spilling from them. Just a gaping black pit of silence. Levi looked over his shoulder at me, his demeanor careless like his actions were no big deal. "Yes."

Stunned, I wrinkled my nose in a moment of disorientation. "That's a pretty funny joke right there, Levi."

"It's no joke, Saph," Petra came out of her stupor to deliver me the news in her timely manner as always. "We were going to tell you but-"

"But what?" I asked in hysterics, my brain emptied of ideas leaving a bare room with just the sound of cackling toying with me. "It's not like I care." Bending my knees, I released the cackling that'd built up inside me. Laughing like mad, I banged a closed fist on the wall in time with each ache in the pit of my stomach. Each hit shook the wood causing a rhythmic thump to join in with my howling until it eventually splintered. Staring at the pieces stuck into my bleeding knuckles, I repeated," It's not like I care, and why should I?" Dropping my fist to my side, I turned to the shocked people. "It's just that my Captain and my best friend were busy fucking while I got tortured."

"We didn't know!"

"Do you blame us for your brother's death?" Levi calmly questioned me.

All of my merriment at the situation disappeared in a flash hearing him say that. Licking my lips, I approached him, got right in his face, in his personal space until my body hunched over his. "Should I? Do you want me to?" Sparing a glimpse to see what Petra's expression held, all it conveyed was horror, and I reveled in it. Bringing myself down to Levi's level, I gave him a grin. "But I won't, which will make it so much worse for the both of you." My forehead rested against the wall as I whispered in Levi's ear, "And here I thought you were going all soft. Guess we aren't so different. I stood and did nothing while two comrades got eaten by Titans, while you fucked a girl's best friend when she was being held against her will and tortured daily." Straightening up, I took a few steps back. "I don't have anything else to say to either of you, so I will be headed out now."

"Saph, please."

"Save for acting like you actually care about me for later. I have lives to ruin and people to murder. Bye bye." Not waiting for either of them to get a chance to move, I quickly fled from the house.

The moment I told Suzu that we should stay so my comrades wouldn't get slaughtered played inside my head in excruciating detail. If we left if when Suzu suggested too, he'd still be alive. In exchange for the lives of Levi, Petra, and the rest of the squad. A moment of weakness, letting my growing love for Levi and friendship towards Petra ruled my decision making instead of getting my brother out of the dangerous situation. Now, Suzu was gone forever and Levi and Petra were together. "What's the point in trying to be a good person when you end up losing everything in the end?" I murmured underneath my breath as I approached the entrance to the Underground.

* * *

Holding the gun straight at Brutus, I gave him my most dazzling smile before offhandedly gesturing towards the chair at the opposite end of where I was seated. Food laid spread out on his side where mine remained bare besides the blood spatters covering every surface of the room. Bodies of Brutus's comrades laid strewn about, their throats effectively sliced open or heads cut off with my 3DMG.

"I've been eagerly waiting for you to come back to this dump you call a home," I said without letting my grin slip from my face. "Please, sit, enjoy the buffet before you. I can guarantee you that it'll be your last."

While Brutus couldn't hide his surprise at the carnage awaiting him in the dining room, now he seemed calm, almost jovial. "Did you put poison in the meat or something? Just shoot me now so we can get this over with. I see you have effectively taken out all of my guards so there's no hope of me getting out of this alive."

"Either you sit down and start eating or I put a bullet in some place that won't kill you and start force feeding you the food."

Shrugging his shoulders, Brutus sat his heavy body down on the creaky chair. Picking up some clean utensils, he piled his plate with the meat and fruits offered to him. "Now I'm guessing you're here because of what happened to you and your brother."

"I never figured that you'd sell out one of your clients. It's hard to get business when you do that."

Brutus took a sip of the water in the glass before answering me. "In most circumstances, I'd never consider doing that, but when Kenny the Ripper comes knocking on your door 'asking' you to do him a favor, it's hard to decline. Honestly, Saph, I had no idea what they would do to you in that dungeon. I just knew that they had your brother and wanted you."

"I've paid you for years, Brutus. Did they get to you even before you found out where they kept my brother."

"I only found out recently before they figured out my snooping and decided to give me the option of either turning on you or having everyone I care about, including myself, killed in a horrendous way. Figured that you wouldn't be able to seek revenge since you'd be dead. I'm surprised to see that you're still standing here with what I heard was done to you. Didn't give me the chance to set my things in order now did you?"

"I'm surviving off of the need to kill you guys alone. Never underestimate my bloodlust."

Brutus wiped some sauce off his face with napkin, the gesture pulling some of his wrinkles along with it. "Yes, I've heard of that murderous rage of yours. It's what made you kill your brother, isn't it?"

My eyes narrowed and I bit my lip at his snickering. "That was an accident." I raised the gun with more vigor. "It's your fault that he's dead."

"What do you have to live for now, Saph? All those years searching for your baby brother only to kill him in the end? It's a wonder you don't put a bullet in your own brain to end your misery right here and now."

I turned the pistol, letting it the coldness of the end of the barrel press against my temple. "You're right. Death would be a nice reprieve from all of this living I have to do. You want to know what else is fucked up? I'm in love with my Captain and he started dating, having sex with my best friend while I was being tortured."

Brutus let out a heavy laugh hearing that, allowing me to see the mushed up food still in his mouth. "Isn't that great! That dry boring man you brought to my house that one day? Hahahahaha I almost pity you, you poor ugly, broken, little thing."

"So you did all of this in fear of Kenny's wrath if you didn't obey his orders?" I put back on my amicable smile to continue our pleasant conversation.

"I got a decent amount of money for my cooperation, none of which you'll find here by the way." Brutus took a huge bite off of the tender, juicy meat slab. "This is really good. Thanks for having such a tasty meal prepared for me."

"You're welcome. Now second to last question, do you have any idea where Kenny or Rod Reiss might be?"

"Nope, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. You might be a killer, but no one is nearly as fucked up as Kenny." Brutus shivered after saying his name, probably recalling an incident he, himself experienced.

"You might have been right not so long ago, but now you shouldn't be so sure." Letting my hand drop, I placed the gun on the table. "I've grown up in the Underground, fought Titans for a living, been severely beaten, killed my one reason for existing, and got everything I've ever wanted taken away from me. If that doesn't constitute insanity nothing does."

Brutus raised his eyebrows to implore what I meant but I didn't want to continue. "Now, I have to ask, what is your last question since you mentioned that was your second to last one?"

Letting my pointer finger trace the trigger, I dropped my gaze down for a second. "It doesn't have anything to do with Kenny or what happened to me. I simply want your opinion on something." I raised my eyes, cracking my mouth wide open to show off my yellowish teeth in a smile that I hoped would haunt him until the moment he would die by my hand. "What do you think is worse? Accidentally murdering your little brother, your only relative, the reason you fought to live, or unknowingly eating the flesh of your only child, your one son?"

It took a minute of complete immobility before Brutus spat out everything in his mouth. He dry heaved over and over again.

"Now don't spit out your meal. You called it tasty not too long ago."

"You wouldn't."

Throwing a pocket watch at him. I let him catch the accessory and read the inscription on the back. Letting him confirm that it was the birthday present he gave his son.

Brutus lunged across the table, his body moving incredibly fast for its large size. Instinctively, I curled my fingers around my weapon, lifted it up, and fired a single shot at the blob heading towards my direction. His body slouched across the table, dead instantly with blood flowing from the hole in his head.

Sighing, I got up from my spot and approached the dead body. "Guess you won't get to answer my question now, will you? I bent down and tilted my head until I could peer into the empty irises from just a few inches away. "Sorry about that. I'm not used to shooting a gun and I can't aim that well yet. Just meant to hit your shoulder, but," I held my hands up in a what can you do gesture, "I see now that I need to practise a bit. Anyways, I'll tell you the answer in case you're still listening from somewhere. It's not which act is worse since they are both not on purpose and involving someone you love, what makes one worse more so than the other is how long the person who did the deed will have to live with the knowledge of what they did. Since you now don't have to suffer with that burden, I win. No hard feelings of course."

Rolling my neck to let the crinks pop, I straightened up. Stepping over the multiple bodies, I tried to avoid getting any more pieces of human flesh and liquid onto my clothes. I contemplated setting the whole building on fire, but I wanted Kenny and Rod to hear about the incident that happened. To fear for their lives. "Well, gentlemen, this party was fun, but all this activity has got my tummy rumbling. Now if you excuse me, I'll be heading home for a nice dinner." After wiping off as much gunk as I could, I left the slaughterhouse to head back to the headquarters.

 **I hope everyone enjoyed the latest chapter. It'd be awesome if you could leave a review!**


	35. Chapter 35

Saph's PoV

Fingers pushing away blood and sweat soaked tendrils of curly brown hair on my forehead woke me up from my deep slumber. Shifting my weight to sit up, I heard the rustle of straw with my every movement. The notation that I might be in the stables made me wrinkle my nose in confusion. How did I end up here? So occupied with my hazy surroundings, I didn't realize who interrupted my sleep until I couldn't feel any warmth. Blinking, I scanned upwards to find a frowning Levi staring down at me, his hand returning to his side.

"I thought you were dead," he spoke curtly, glancing down at my attire. "Who did you kill?"

Still not completely coherent, it took me a minute for my mind to register what he asked. I studied my outfit that clearly outlined a murder had happened. I brought death to so many people that I couldn't exactly recall who I'd wreaked vengeance on that night. "I think some associates who did some black market sales for Rod Reiss."

"Seems like they didn't give you what you wanted."

"Doesn't matter if they did, their throats would still be slit." Standing up, I picked off the strands of straw sticking to my clothes before I exited the empty stall. "They had more bodyguards then I originally thought were going to be there, that's why I decided to take quick nap here." My clumsy steps and bumping into objects told the story that it might have been more like passing out than a nap. I knew Levi wouldn't comment on that white lie though. If I could move then I could get myself to bed.

"I'm not surprised. They must have heard that you were cutting everyone who stood in your way between you and Rod and Kenny."

"You're quite chatty," I laughed, "worried about the repercussions of my actions? Might have people coming after you and little Petra?"

I almost regretted my words once I saw him turn away, his stride slowing down so it didn't match mine anymore. His presence and touch had been so gentle, so comforting, something better than this chaotic mess of hatred, grief, and numbness I felt. But that softer side of him wasn't mine and for some reason I loved to bring that up whenever I stayed near enough to the base to see either him or Petra.

"Get yourself cleaned up. We have training this afternoon and a new person joining the Squad."

Resisting the urge to throw a snappy comment in his direction, I stumbled my way back to the house. Fatigue clouded my mind, making my legs quiver and hands shake as I pushed open the door to home sweet home. Thinking that everyone else was in bed, I almost jumped in shock when a voice called out to me.

"Saph? Is that you?" Petra came forward, her palm ghosting over my arm before she retracted it, unsure of what to make of the state I was in. She didn't know about my agenda, but I came back too many times with the scent of death and tattered clothing for anyone to mistaken my intentions. "Are you hurt?"

Even though I ignored her for weeks, I would still find her kindness in the everyday corners of my life. Plates of food left out for me when I skipped dinner. My chores done even though I hadn't picked up a broom or rag since I came back.

"I don't think so," I whispered, dizzy from exertion. Lack of energy meaning I didn't have the capability to be rude like usual. The hint of tea in the air made it's acknowledgment to me now that I stood long enough to take a breath. She'd been waiting for someone who wasn't me.

Seeing how I was about to collapse, Petra led me into a nearby bathroom. "Let me check just to make sure." She sat me down on the toilet and pulled out a small container of medical supplies out from a tiny cabinet. After running some water over a cloth, she began to gently wipe the red smears on my skin. The heat of the water slightly burning my chilled skin. "I don't know what you're doing exactly, but can you try to be a little more careful? I know that you must be hurting but putting yourself through this can't be helping at all."

"You'd think," I rasped, "but it's only when I see the light going out of people's eyes that I don't feel so empty. Like a reminder that I'm still alive, that I have something that they don't anymore." Head lolling back, I didn't want to try and read her expression that originated from my morbid statement.

"Can you not find that while fighting Titans? At least your team would be with you then."

"You mean how Levi used to be?"

"I met him after that time," Petra sighed, "I still see that anger resurface though." She cupped the back of my neck to bring my forehead to rest on her shoulder. Carefully, she traced the outline of my bruise to not hurt me further. Petra seemed hesitant to speak further, but after drawing a long breath, she continued onward. "I know that you guys have been by each other sides for a long time, and I'm happy for that. Neither of you two would say it, but I believe you rely on one another."

Surprised, I jerked up. Squinting, I regarded the gentle features in front of me which held no sadness complimenting her statement. "It doesn't make you jealous?" I asked, hating how weak I sounded. The reminder that I had nothing she wanted when she had everything I yearned for sparked a feeling of longing to claw at the sides of my head and heart. Ripping away the tainted sections that left such unwarranted negative emotions of dislike towards a guiltless girl.

"Why would I? Both of you guys aren't the most friendly people in the world so it's nice to know that you two have each other," she said, the edges of her lips curved upwards while she dabbed at a cut on my shoulder.

"You being nice irritates me," I growled out, flinching at the sting of the medicine.

Petra chuckled at my irritation. "Do you need me to help you change into a different set of clothes?"

"No. I'm not that helpless." Standing up, I made my way into my room without glancing back. Not wanting to see the concern filled look following me all the way down the hall.

* * *

A man with short black hair that came to a point on top of his head and sharp eyes saluted me as I approached him. "Vice-captain!"

"I told you not to address me by that title, Gunther," I reprimanded the newest member of Levi's squad. "Nobody calls me that and I certainly don't want you to."

"Especially since she's younger than you," Auruo sneered. His physical bullying had lessened to an extent since I came back, but me getting kidnapped only proved to him that I wasn't fit for my position. He loved to point this out with more than enough snide comments.

Tilting my head up, I stared at him. "Even if I wasn't second in command that doesn't me you would be."

"My kill record is second to Levi's!"

"Which means nothing if you are going to remain an immature soldier who throws tantrums about not getting what he wants instead of actually doing something about it," I threw a taunting smile at him while also glancing towards Levi and Petra who were whispering among themselves.

Getting the more subtle meaning towards my words made his ears turn red in rage. He would have attacked me if Eld hadn't intervened by gripping his cape. I continued to goad him. "If I wasn't second in command, then Eld would surely be."

"Eld would make a great second in command," Petra said, overhearing my comment as she strolled over, "but I'm glad that we have Saph."

"You always take her side," Auruo complained.

I wrinkled my nose at the exchange taking place. Tired of arguing, I decided to check on what was taking so long. "That's because you're always in the wrong," I sighed like I was disappointed. Leaving the stunned Gunther, unamused Eld, and annoyed Auruo, Petra followed after me as I approached Levi. "Hey! Are we ever going to start actually practicing or are we just going to sit on our asses all day? I thought the point of making me wake up this early was so we can show Gunther how we move as a unit. Not like we apply any of this on the field though."

Levi gave me his general bored expression before pointing a finger at me. "How about instead of whining like a pathetic piece of shit, you help set up?"

I pretended to try and bite his finger. My good mood showing in all my actions. The feel of the sun and the familiarity of the situation brought out an emotion that resembled happiness. "How about we just practice riding our horses together and maneuvering in the woods instead of slashing some fake Titan's nape?"

"You actually want to get on your horse?" Levi asked, disbelief evident in his voice.

Shaking my head, I bent down so he could hear me whisper. "What if we give Gunther, Lucifer, and I get a new horse? Tell him it's a congratulatory present for joining the Special Operations Squad?"

"No."

Puffing my cheeks out into a pout at his rebuttal, I turned to Petra for support. "Don't you think it sounds like a good idea?"

"Well I can't see you on any other horse since Lucifer has been with you since I joined. I also think he's getting better! I haven't seen him try to bite you at all since you've come back."

Lucifer hadn't tried to bite or throw me for the sole reason that I threatened him with a pitchfork when he attempted to squish me against the wall when I brushed him last. We weren't on good terms, but I didn't feel as if my life was in danger every time I interacted with him anymore. Or maybe that's just what we wanted me to feel...

"Hanji's improvements to the system was supposed to be done almost a week ago!"

Glaring at me, Levi just huffed. Petra began to rub his back in solidarity. "It's not his fault, Saph."

I couldn't keep my eyes on the two of them, instead, I glanced around the area. "I realize that, but he's the one who made us come out here." A burn resided in my chest as I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth.

"Would you rather be doing chores?" he growled out while placing a hand over Petra's.

"Yeah, actually. I would. I'll go do that right now. Give me a shout when you have actually figured all this shit out instead of wasting my time," I snapped before stomping off. Throwing open the door to our house, I quickly wiped my shoes on the rug. My attidue done enough to piss Levi off.

Not knowing what areas needed cleaning, I started with the kitchen. Grabbing a cloth, I began to scrub the leftover dishes and cups still in the sink. Roughly rubbing the surface of a plate, I almost yelled when the stain wouldn't come off. Skin hot and cheeks flushed, my vision blurred as I recalled the innocence and caring of the small gesture shared by Levi and Petra. "Why does he make me want to live," I moaned in agony. Plunging my hands into the sink, I peered into the water to see my tainted hands. "I can't make him happy," I stated to the empty room. Grief still consumed me, but maybe not enough to drive me to suicide once I murdered Rod and Kenny. Could I still go to that extent once I completed my goal? "Could I ever by happy?"

An idea popped into my head with my words resounding in the empty space. "I didn't need to make Suzu happy. I just wanted him to be alive to find it, with or without me." Licking my lips, I resumed to clean up the dirty dishes. "I can't make Levi happy, but I can make sure he stays alive. That'll be good enough for me." I peeked out the window to see his small frame petting one of the huge horses of the Corps. I bore torture and being alone for years in an effort to recover my brother. "I can find a way to bear a bit of jealousy."

"What are you mumbling to yourself?" Auruo questioned me his appearance sending a shiver running on top of my nerves.

Jerking up, I realized that I'd been washing the same dish for minutes. "Just talking out loud."

"Sure. Whatever. Always knew you were crazy."

"Do you want this bowl thrown at your head?" I threatened him, raising the object up so he could see it.

"Levi just told me to come and get you. We are going to do some horse riding exercises with the new guy now."

Not surprised that Levi didn't mention the fact he stole my idea, I set the supplies away to head out after Auruo. Seeing that Lucifer was already saddled up and already to go, I shoved my foot into the stirrup and hoisted myself up onto his back. "You going to behave today?"

He snorted in reply and began to toss his head around.

"If I may pose a question, Vice-captain-"

"You mean Saph."

"-if that's the fastest horse in the Legion, why doesn't Levi or Erwin ride him?"

Watching as the beast flattened his ears, I answered the question without once taking my eyes off of my animal. "You're implying it's an honor to ride this horse. It's actually a punishment because he's a psycho who tries to kill his rider."

"Then why are you forced to ride him?"

"That's because she has the bad habit of killing every horse she rides on if it's not him," Auruo joked, patting his chestnut stallion like it was his best friend. "Sadly, the horse hasn't accomplished his goal of killing her yet."

"If I ever die, I'm making sure you're going out with me."

Petra scowled at our words. "Teamwork, guys. That's what we are supposed to be working on," she scolded us in a stern tone.

Sticking my tongue out at Auruo once she turned her back on us, I set Lucifer off at a trot before the man could retaliate.

* * *

My cup of tea warmed my chilly hands as I sat on the covers of my bed. Training had been long and I could feel exhaustion spreading with every breathe I took. However, my chaotic thought and feelings kept me from falling asleep. The tea helped little, and I couldn't resist thinking about Levi as I drank it. Figuring that I couldn't lose anything by going to his room to try and talk to him, I got up.

Hope for relief from these torturous, nagging emotions began to fill me with every step I took towards my destination. I didn't need to go as far as sleeping on the floor beside his bed again. I doubted that he'd let me do that being in a relationship with Petra and all anyways. Just hearing his voice would be enough. Keep the night terrors and abyss of vengeance out of my heart for a moment. Give me a sanctuary I couldn't find anywhere or with anyone else.

Reaching the door, I extended one hand to the knob only to be startled by the sound of Petra's moans coming out of the room. Her soft voice made me almost drop my mug to the ground which would have surely shattered everywhere. Spilling into the crevices and cracks of the floorboards, making a loud mess. Instead, I silently withdrew back into my own room, my lip beginning to bleed from how hard I bit it.

Once I got back into my room, I set my mug down and flopped onto the bed. Gathering the blankets into my fist, I clenched and released as I let my emotions wash and recede over me. I'd decided that I'd let him be happy with Petra, that I wouldn't try to ruin it. But being good wasn't my strong suit and the difficulty level of this task couldn't be farther above my head. Something would have to succumb and I couldn't let it be my own sanity.

"What do people do when they're in my situation?" Blinking, I didn't let myself indulge in the tears that threatened to come. I needed to escape, to forget. I couldn't forget my troubles with alcohol. Fighting didn't help. "What does Auruo do?" When I said his name, a memory from months ago resurfaced.

"The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else!" Leon laughed, hugging Auruo around the shoulders as he nudged him towards a group of girls.

After everything that'd happened, I'd been hard pressed to follow a single bit of his advice, but with his time in the Special Operations Squad, Leon proved to be an expert when it came to dealing with others on that front. Having decided to give it a try, I considered what might next action would be. Most people in the Survey Corps didn't leave the Survey Corps when it came to finding bed mates. However, I knew nobody outside of the Special Operations Squad well. Eld wouldn't even if I asked him too. I'd rather die than have sex with Auruo, and I doubted the best introduction to the squad for the new guy would be for me to sleep with him. There also remained the worry of how Petra or Levi might react if they found out.

"Guess I'm going into town then," I heaved a sigh. Dressing in my most flattering clothes, I set out to find a warm body and some sheets to slip between.

 **I'd apologize for having this chapter take so long, but then it sounds like that's not going to happen again. Well, I don't believe it should for at least awhile. Both Thanksgiving and Christmas break are coming up so I'll hopefully be able to turn out multiple chapters. I also had a few people asking me if Saph really tricked Brutus into eating his own son. Lets just say, I'll leave it up to you guys to decide. I love all of you guys. I hope all of you guys are loving the story so far. I'd also love to get some reviews because those are extremely helpful in giving me motivation, so please leave a review on your way out!**


	36. Chapter 36

Saph's PoV

Stretched naked across the sheets, I knew instantly that it wasn't my bed. Not even the Special Operations Squad got satin sheets, fluffy pillows, and a mattress that reminded me of clouds. . Cradling my forehead in the palm of my hand, I slowly sat up using my heavy limbs. The pounding indicated a hangover on the horizon. Stomach craving anything to reside in it, I considered what I would be able to eat without puking. So occupied with my condition, I didn't realize someone else resided in the room until I heard the crunching of food being eaten.

"I thought you were going to sleep the entire day away. It's almost lunch time."

Twisting around, I found the source of the melodious voice sitting at a dainty table. In the light of day, I could see clearly that my bed mate last night had been different from all the rest. Instead of the haggard and hardiness of all previous ones, she had pale, soft skin. Her belly protruded, not in an ugly way, just indicated that she got to eat a healthy amount of food that made her a bit heavier than the rest of us. Guess I fucked a royal.

"I thought the military was strict about waking up at the crack of dawn."

"Not on our days off," I yawned, gathering my clothes strewn on the floor. After putting on my shirt and pants from last night, I went over to check out what the girl was munching on.

"Do you want some? You certainly don't look like you eat enough." She held up a plate with what I could only guess was meat on pastries.

Not one to refuse free food, espeacially fancy ass food I'd probably never get the chance to try again, I sat down on the chair across from her. "Might as well since it's not everyday that a lowly soldier like myself gets to eat with someone of royalty."

"From what you told me last night of the men and women you've bedded, I'm surprised you haven't slept with a royal until now. I have to say the same though. Never been with someone from the Survey Corps, much less originally raised in the Underground."

"Alcohol certainly makes me more talkative than usual." I winced hearing that she knew that bit of my history. I wanted to leave immediately, but I also didn't want to start on my journey from Wall Sina back to Wall Rose. "These are pretty good," I said, crumbs spluttering everywhere with my words. "Why is someone of your status trying to find hookups? Isn't arranged marriage more of your guy's kind of thing?"

"I do have one. With a man. No matter what I tell my father, he refuses to let me wed a woman and adopt a child. He says that he won't let me taint the bloodline that way, but that I could have as many female lovers as I want as long I have discretion about it. That does remind me, I have a proposition for you."

I tried to seem wary of what she was going to say next, but the delicious food made me want to do whatever she said as long as I got to eat more of it. "What?"

"I really enjoyed last night. You have a ton of energy and a flexibility that most people in this world don't. I'd like to make this more of a common occurrence," she said, handing me a cloth napkin.

"I don't know."

"It's a guy isn't it?" Her short red hair bounced as she leaned closer to me, green eyes sparkling with interest. "You fuck like you want to forget somebody."

Smacking my lips, I cooly considered her. "You certainly have a foul mouth."

"Don't ignore my question."

"Does it matter? As long as I'm good in bed then you'll keep me around. That's your proposition, not hearing why I sleep around."

The woman twirled a strand of hair around her finger, her smile dropping as a sigh escaped into the fancy room. "I just don't want you crying when we're done. I've had that happen before and it's never fun."

I grimaced at the idea of letting my tears fall in front of this peculiar woman. "I can assure you, I won't." Leaning back into the cushion chair, I scanned the room. Tossing the idea of coming here more often about in my head, I took in my surroundings. Only when I saw a drawing of Rod Reiss with a man standing behind a small child that greatly resembled the woman in front of me, did an idea bloom. My chance to get closer to the royals rested with her and so did my opportunity to exact my revenge.

"Even though you're from the Underground, I believe your military discipline will keep you at least somewhat honorable while we maintain our relationship?" She said, her soothing voice taking on a sharper note.

Confused, I craned my neck to find her staring at me with a pointed expression. "I'm not going to steal anything if that's what you're referring too. None of this gold and white stuff would go well with my bland bedroom."

"I shouldn't be surprised that you want to take in my luxurious and grandiose bedroom." She gestured towards the large billowing curtains that slightly covered a door that led to a balcony. "My view of the world has to be a bit rosier than yours."

"At least you acknowledge that."

"I've been a big reader, ever since I was young, I've always favored stories about people living in your conditions."

I raised an eyebrow, skeptical in this statement. The red jewels resting at her throat, the clean fingernails, the large bed that could fit three people easily, none of that portrayed a woman who understood my position in life. "That, however, is completely different than living in them."

"So? Take this chance to explore my world. I bet it's the only one you'll ever have."

Giving a smile that was all teeth, I thought about how I was going to stain her world with blood until it resembled mine. "Fine. I'll accept your offer. The name is Saph."

"Bells."

* * *

"For once in your life, could you come home not smelling like either sex or death?"Auruo sarcastically asked me when I slipped into the headquarters.

The whole team sat at the dining table eating a nice meal together. Feelings of excitement had stayed with me since I left Bell's. All the unique ways of offing Rod kept rolling pleasantly around in my head. Oh what a horrible way I'd make him die! Not even Auruo could pull me out of my happiness. Grabbing the piece of bread from his plate, I began to munch on it. "You're right. I really should start multitasking. I'll start coming home smelling like death and sex."

Gunter and Petra appeared horrified, Auruo disgusted, and Eld and Levi couldn't have appeared more bored. My days of appearing like the innocent child were over. I could just thank my luck that people blamed it on being kidnapped instead of my personality. What could I say? Being tortured changes a person.

"We were just discussing when our next expedition might be, Saph, if you'd like to join us," Petra said, changing the subject. She pulled out the empty chair next to her for me to sit in.

While reluctant to spend more time with my squad than I had too, it'd be nice to know if I'd have to alter my plans because of the Survey Corp's need to explore and die outside of the walls. "So do you have an idea?" I asked Levi, still standing in my spot.

"We need some more money for supplies so not for at least two weeks."

Two weeks. I doubted that I'd be able to find and kill Rod in that time. My anger must have shown on my face because Auruo began to snark, "What? Are you disappointed that I'm not going to be able to take your place sooner?"

Mouth opening without thinking, I let harshly retorted,"Save it. We both know that you don't deserve that spot. The only reason you want it is to impress P-"

I got interrupted by a bowl of soup in the face. The liquid shot up my nose from the force of the throw and I could feel the rim of the dish hit my mouth. Silence followed as I wiped chunks of vegetable off my face and out of my hair. So enraged, I didn't even toy with the idea of getting my knife out of my boot and stabbing him. Instead, I lunged across the table before the bowl had even finished clattering against the floor.

With no weapon in hand, I slashed with my nails and dug in with my teeth to do the maximum amount of damage. I didn't feel anything, as if attempting to kill my comrade was me just going through the motions.

"Get her off of me!" Auruo screamed, a fear laced in his voice that reminded me of the time I told him that I practised cannibalism when I lived Underground. "Stop her!"

My head snapped back as my hair got pulled. Not letting me get a chance to recover, Levi dragged me outside, using my locks to keep me under control. Chucking me away from the house, Levi stood poised and on guard. Still not attached to any sense of sanity or reality, I came up rolling from the ground ready to fight. Instead of budging or preparing himself, Levi seemed ready to take any blow that I decided to rain upon him. Making me stop completely when I realized he wouldn't put up a fight. Energy taken out of me completely, I realized the consequences of my actions. This wouldn't be good.

Slowing down from a sprint to a walk to eventually collapsing on my knees at his feet, I spit out a wad of blood and flesh. "I didn't want this."

"You're becoming worse than a Titan."

A whimper let loose when the words rang in my ears. "Don't say that, Levi. Punish me, but don't say that." Exhaustion began to take its toll on my weary limbs. I still hadn't recovered from my night out yesterday.

"Do you want me to punish you?" Levi inquired, using his boot to tilt my bruised chin up to face him.

"I don't care."

"If you don't care then I'm stripping you of the title of my second in command," his voice sounded so cold and far away.

Blinking, I gave a lazy smirk. "You can't do that. Only Erwin has the ability to do that. If you could, you would have done that a long time ago."

"After what's been happening, I doubt I'll need to convince him too much."

"Are you going to put Auruo in second in command then?" I snarled, grimacing at the idea of what the boy would say if that happened. I would shoot him just to not have to endure his bragging, or maybe I could say that Lucifer came with that gig. Could have that devil of a horse kill him for me.

"No."

Confused, I took in Levi's glower before reaching my conclusion. "Is it because you're worried that might make it easier for him to steal Petra from you? Might become a bit mightier as a rival? Or is it that you want to put your precious girlfriend in that position? Have her by your little side on and off the job?"

His grey eyes sharpened making me flinch reflexively. "What do you want? What will make you stop acting this way?" he almost sounded pained underneath the frustrated tone. I guessed that it was a trick because of the ringing in my ears.

"I can't have it," I whispered, breaking contact and getting up. "Besides that, I don't know."

"Suzu's dead so you might as well find something else."

"I did, but you wouldn't want me to have it anyways," I said through gritted teeth while pushing past him. "Trust me on that."

With Gunther and Eld helping to take Auruo to the infirmary, I didn't expect anybody to be waiting for me in my room when I arrived. Turned out I was wrong.

"Don't give me that look. Sit here and let me help you," Petra scolded.

Too tired to argue, I obediently sat down on the edge of the bed. Letting her undress me and start to clean my wounds.

"Levi will give you back your position once you began to care for the Survey Corp's goals once again."

I scoffed, "I never was invested in them from the beginning."

She paused, the wipe hovering over a cut on my shoulder blade. "Then why are you here, Saph. You could easily go live off on your own. Why risk your life for something you don't believe in?"

I didn't have an answer for that question. Familiarity? Levi? "I'll leave once I've fulfilled my duty of seeking justice for my brother." Bowing my head, I closed my eyes. "You'll have to put up with me until then."

Resuming her cleaning, Petra didn't speak while she washed away the dirt and blood dusting my skin. Her touch conveyed a sense of unease, as if handling an animal that you didn't know if it would snap at your hand at any moment. Her own nervousness instilled a twisted confidence in me. That I had control over her because of her fear. I didn't have much but I had that.

The sound of the door opening made me twist around to find out who entered my room. Hanji walked over to us, a subdued smile gracing her features. "I can take over for you, Petra."

"Thanks. I need to go help clean up the mess in the kitchen." The girl scurried out of the room while Hanji never took her gaze off of me. Odd to see the usually hyper active woman with a much more taunt air about her.

Taking over Petra's spot, Hanji began to methodically patch me up. "It's a wonder that this body even works anymore after all it's been through."

"I'm certainly going to feel this in my later years, if I ever get to see them that is."

"You might not with the way you're acting. It could have been a lot worse than being stripped of your second in command status."

"I'm surprised Erwin hasn't kicked me out of the Corps entirely for all the messes that I've made. But being commander of the most reckless, weirdest, and insane group of military members leaves one with a lot of patience and a high tolerance for a person's eccentricities."

Picking up my shirt lying on the top of the bed, Hanji handed the clothing to me, signalling her medic time was done. "I wouldn't view your grief as being eccentric. It's understandable that the combination of rage and loss has pushed you to the brink."

"Doesn't mean I don't have a time limit for these feelings. Everyone is understanding until you continue to grieve months after their death." Tuckered out and aching, I let my body fall backwards until my head hit my pillow.

"Loss, and with it pain, never completely goes away no matter how many years pass."

Her serious tone made sense now. "Are you thinking about Ruby? I'm sorry for taking your chance to kill Leon away from you. When I learned that the malfunctioning equipment was supposed to lead to my death, I wanted to bring him to you alive so you could have avenged her."

"She wouldn't have wanted to me too take part in that."

"You think? I guess we will never know now, though."

Opening one eye, I watched as a frown of displeasure form on Hanji's lips. A glint of pain meshed with hate glinted in her usually bright brown orbs. I always believed that everyone who could call themselves a veteran were capable of things that would horrify those safe behind the walls.

"Goodnight, Saph."

"Night, Hanji."

 **It's been awhile! I've altered my writing schedule so now this is the only story I'm working on now. I should be updating way more often now. Thank you guys for your patience and understanding! Love you guys. Hope you guys are loving the story. Please leave a review before you leave!**


	37. Chapter 37

Saph's PoV

Frustrated with my messy stitches, I threw my practice pallet to the side as I huffed angrily.

"You'll never learn if you keep quitting every time it gets difficult," Hanji scolded me as she picked the piece of material up. "I'm still unsure why you believe you need to learn this. It's not like if someone needs stitches during an expedition, you'll have the ability to patch them up. A Titan could snatch you up too easily."

Shrugging my shoulders, I scrambled for an excuse that would at least sound reasonable. "I thought that if I showed some capability with this, I'd get my vice-captain position back."

Hanji didn't look like she believed me, and I couldn't blame her. I held no sadness towards the lost of the position, especially since Eld became my replacement. The following few weeks surprising revealed how little had changed the Special Operations Squad in some aspects. I kept my separate room and Lucifer. The only aspect that really changed was the dynamic in the team. Gunter seemed to appreciate having someone older holding the position so the man became more comfortable around us. Eld also held a close watch for any snarky comments that might come flying from Auruo's mouth directed towards me. Animosity still existed between us, but almost all verbal and physical fights had come to an end. The team itself now moved with more easy fluidity and group effort on and off the field. I, on the other hand, started to grow more and more restless. Escaping to Bells to release enough rage that it left bruises on her hips with the sheets around us torn.

"I thought you wanted to learn how to do this before the next time we go out to the walls?" Hanji examined her own handiwork. "Why don't you just ask Petra to help you? Out of everyone here, besides the actual physicians, she's the best when it comes to medical practice? I'm better at dissecting things instead of putting them back together."

"Because that would defeat the purpose," I muttered, distractedly. Too busy trying to poke a hole that didn't equate to stabbing. With the silence following my statement, though, I recognized my mistake.

Of course Hanji didn't know my reasons for why I went about learning medical information from her because my feelings for Levi should never become known by anyone. If Petra helped me become adept at dealing with injuries, and I ever used that information to help or save Levi, all the credit would go to her.

"Which is to spend more time with you!" I gave a bright smile to the scientist.

"Ahhhh! What a sweetie!" Hanji knew I was bullshitting her, but she played along anyways, "I'm still going to have you help me with future Titan experiments though!" She threw an arm around me, haphazardly pulling me to her side while I struggled to not drop my needle and thread to the floor. Laughing at her antics, I only noticed the door opening because of the squeaky hinges.

Petra walked into the room, all smiles until she saw the two of us laughing. Then, her grin dropped before returning so fast I almost missed the moment it disappeared. "I was wondering where you were, Saph. Could I please take a moment of your time and talk to you?"

"Will it be quick?" I sighed with displeasure. Avoiding Petra only worked when she didn't confront or take action. Her passive friendliness made letting our friendship dissipate easy since I thought she wouldn't express any negative emotions towards me. It's not like I wanted to explain my reasoning for wanting to keep distance between us.

Her smile wobbled but her voice stayed steady with her answer. "I don't know, but, it is important."

"I'll see you later, Hanji," I grumbled as I put on my shoes.

"Bye!"

Following Petra outside, I recalled the time we had a picnic in the sunshine. Oh how the world evolved since then. As if reading my mind, Petra led me to the same meadow from the time before. A blanket laid stretched across the grass while the smell of wild flowers wafted into my nose. The moistness in the air, however, indicated rain was coming. "What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked as I sat down, cross legged on the fabric.

Petra sat across from me, an uncharacteristic frown on her face. "Are you mad at me?"

"Why would you ask that?" I smoothed out a corner to avoid eye contact with the soft brown orbs unflinchingly staring at me.

Adjusting her position, she leaned closer. "You've been avoiding me."

"If you mean that I've been spending less time with you, then yes, that's true. I wouldn't completely place the blame on me since you've been spending a ton of time with your boyfriend," I snapped at her. With others, I would have been worried that my pointed hostility towards the subject of Levi would eventually lead them to believing that was the source of my distress. Might guide them to assumptions that were too close to home, but I knew that wouldn't happen with Petra. She might be good at reading people, but the idea that I might be in love with Levi wouldn't even cross her mind. Her innocence made sure of that.

"No. It's not that because I've made sure that I didn't abandon you just because of my relationship. I thought," she drew in a shaky breath, "I thought that you needed space to grieve."

"Maybe I blame you."

"If you truly blamed me for your brother's death, I wouldn't be alive right now. I might not know exactly what you've been up to, but it's not hard to guess with the way you've been acting."

Licking my lips, I leaned back until I toppled onto the blanket. Stretching my limbs wide, I let my a few raindrops kiss my skin. "Must be hard to consider someone a friend when they would feel no guilt at your death."

"You would," Petra stated without hesitation. "You like to pretend you don't feel but that doesn't mean that you don't."

"What's the point of this conversation? What do you want from me? For things to go back to the way they were before I got kidnapped? That's never going to happen and you're smart enough to know that. Don't waste my time." Closing my eyes, I folded my arms underneath my head. A picture of nonchalance as I tried not to get riled up lest I let loose my pent up thoughts and emotions. "People change, Petra."

"I hope you know that doesn't mean I've abandoned you. I'll always have your back, Saph, even if you don't want it."

"So you're just going to ignore my wishes and do whatever you want?" I snarked while swallowing the ball of guilt building in the back of my throat.

"I learned from the best."

Laughter slipped between my lips before I could contain it. Sitting back up, I tilted my head as I considered the woman in front of me. "Maybe I have rubbed off on you a little bit."

She remained silent while she let her vision travise over our surroundings. Taking in the darkening sky and the rustling leaves as the wind increased.

"Is that all you wanted to talk about?" I inquired as I stood up.

"I was actually going to ask if you wanted to have a picnic with me after we resolved our issues, but it looks like neither you or the weather will permit that."

"Looks like it," I said with a tight smile. About to walk away, I stopped. Offering my hand to her, I helped Petra up and folded the blanket with her. "Here."

"Thank you."

"It's nothing," I muttered. I jogged off back towards the medical center to see if Hanji would go back to my lessons.

* * *

Panicked, I considered just how I could make Auruo appear to have an accidental death. Disgust, I always felt towards him, but never to the degree that I wanted him dead (at least when he hadn't pissed me off to the edge). However, I never had a better reason to want to kill him then at that moment.

"You're in love with Levi?" He asked, not quite believing what he heard.

"No. I didn't say that," I grumbled. Of course Auruo was the one to walk in while I talked out loud about my plan to help Levi by learning medical care. Then of course I had to say that if it wasn't for being in love with the little bastard I'd be out looking for my Suzu's killer. "I didn't say that," I repeated again in a whisper. Nothing came up that I could justify those words.

Auruo pressed his hand to his forehead as his eyes widened. "It makes sense."

"No it doesn't."

"How you've been treating Petra lately. Why you completely freaked out when you heard they were dating. Why you always make snotty remarks to him about her."

"I don't do that."

Auruo dropped his arm away from his face. "Why didn't I see it before? How long have you been in love with him?"

"Are you deaf? Because I keep telling you that I'm not!" I snapped in anger.

"Do you really think you should be giving me that kind of tone? I bet you wouldn't want me to go telling the others what I just discovered."

Snarling, I marched forward until my nose almost touched his. "Do you think anyone would believe you?"

Backing away, Auruo let out a bark of laughter. "No. Most of them wouldn't. I doubt Levi even would, but that doesn't matter. Petra would believe me."

"She wouldn't. I'm her bestfriend."

"That's true, but she also knows that you're not the best person in the world when it comes to having values and morals. Even if she denied it and reassured you that she thought I was just lying to get a rise out of you, there would still be a nagging feeling that existed in the back of her head."

Gnawing on my bottom lip, I considered his words and what options were left to me. "I didn't say that," I repeated, I knew the statement wouldn't change his mind but I couldn't do anything else but repeat the mantra. I didn't say that. I wasn't in love with Levi. I didn't say I was in love with Levi because I wasn't in love with him. "Don't consider yourself untouchable" I shouted, brokenly, "because I would have no qualms about disposing you right here and now."

Rolling his eyes, Auruo opened his mouth to speak when the door behind him opened.

"Dinner is ready and Levi said that if you don't come down soon, you can eat cold soup and clean all the dishes when you're finished," Gunter said, annoyed.

"Let's go then, Saph." Auruo placed his hand on my shoulder and we walked to the dining hall today, with a shocked Gunter following behind us by a few steps.

So confused and taken back, I didn't move away from his touch even when it usually repulsed me. Stepping into the dim light of the building together, I could see the matching raised eyebrows of everyone sitting at the table. Only Levi's facial expression gave no hint at the unexpected events taking place in front of him.

"What have you two been up to?" Eld asked with concern.

Finally shrugging off Auruo's touch, I sit down at the table with a thump. "Nothing."

"Oh I wouldn't go so far as to say nothing," Auruo laughed, taking his seat next to Petra. "You have no need to be embarrassed by it either, Saph."

Shoveling the food into my mouth with every intention to get out of there as soon as possible, I pause to glare at him. "Don't you dare say a single fucking thing," I say with soup spit flying everywhere.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. It's disgusting," Levi chastised me while wrinkling his nose in disgust.

Usually I would've just swallowed and stuck my tongue out at him in retaliation, but I couldn't. Staring at my leader, I tried to imagine what would happen if Auruo told him my feelings. How would he react?

His long eyelashes fluttered as he resumed to consume his meal. No matter how much he ate, the sharp angles of his face never softened. Those grey eyes which seemed so full of anger, hate, and yet indifference at the same time when I first met him were unusually content now. I couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with how Petra's arm grazed against his every once and awhile.

His gaze finally snapped to mine after a minute. "What?"

He really didn't seem intrigued about what Auruo might be referencing too. Would his face still seem so passive if the truth came out? "Nothing."

"It's not nothing, Saph. I believe you should just tell everyone here-"

"What might you be referring to Auruo? You're certainly making Saph uncomfortable with whatever it is, so I believe you should just keep it to yourself if she doesn't want to chat about it," Petra defended me.

"Yeah, Auruo. We all have things that we don't want others to know about," I gave him a toothy smile as I gently inclined my head towards Petra's direction.

"I'd say you have more secrets than anyone else, Saph," Gunter spoke up.

Glaring at him, I considered what I should say to his unasked opinion. "I'm out of here. I don't need this." Digging my nails into Auruo's arm, I dragged him back outside with me.

"I thought you two came here to eat dinner!" Petra shouted, about to get out of her seat.

Waving my hand, I motioned for her to sit back down. "Stay here. We will be back in a moment. Continue eating without us."

"I'm speculating if you would be so kind as to not say anything. I don't want to have to threaten you."

Rolling his eyes, Auruo dragged a hand over his face in irritation. "I don't want you to hurt Petra."

"So you thought that the best way for me to not hurt Petra is to reveal the truth at dinner? That sounds like the completely correct decision," I shrieked at him. "You always assume the worst of me!"

"Yeah. Sure. You've shown how a great of a person you are."

Biting my tongue, I looked to the side. "I'm in love with Levi. That doesn't change the fact that he wants to be with Petra, so I wouldn't hurt Petra because that would just lead to Levi being in pain that he doesn't deserve. I respect Petra, I care for Petra. Why would I hurt her when I like her as a person and as my friend?" Facing him, I scowled before letting my tone take a shaper turn. "Besides, how do I know that you won't try to hurt Levi?"

"I couldn't even if I wanted to," Auruo snorted. He then gave a long, drawn out sigh. "I agree with you. I may be in love with Petra but they are happiest together."

"Then we are in agreement."

"It seems like it."

"We are both condemned to silence then on the other's behalf."

"Sounds lovely," Auruo spoke with a bored drawl, contrasting his nervous eyes and twitchy fingers.

Extending our hands, we shook on it. The first time I had ever entered some sort of peace with Auruo. One that only existed because we knew of each other's pain, misery, and inability to change that fact.

 **Wow! It has been awhile! I'd like to thank everyone who is still reading this baby even after the long wait time for this chapter. College has certainly sapped me of free time. But! I do have exciting news! I have reached over 300 followers! Thank you for everyone who has decided to follow this story and who has continued to follow. I'd certainly have no motivation if it wasn't for you guys. Also, the next chapter will be the Battle of Trost! I was thinking of keeping it a secret, but I've had so many people ask me when the story will finally connect to the anime that I couldn't help but just say it here. Now that summer has officially started, I should have much more time to write. Thank you readers for being awesome, and please leave a review!**


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